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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27291397">The Blue Eye of the Storm</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaggieLaFey/pseuds/MaggieLaFey'>MaggieLaFey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluffy/Comedy, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Burn, but spoiler alert, season 7, they do get there, they've got stuff to figure out before they get there, trapped in an alternate dimension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:13:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>89,767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27291397</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaggieLaFey/pseuds/MaggieLaFey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in Season 7.<br/>Instead of the Scythe, what Buffy finds under the vineyard is a portal to another dimension. Spike has followed her there, and it’s the two of them that will cross the portal… and remain trapped on the other side for far longer than they’d expected.<br/>What will happen when the two of them—plus a local guide—are away from the stress of Chez Summers? Will they find some peace in the eye of the storm?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spike/Buffy Summers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Buffyverse Top 5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have to thank the stellar Bookishy for her invaluable help as a beta and teacher of all things editing, not to mention sounding board, she's a star! I also need to thank the brilliant Maimaktês (KikiMorah) for being an amazing cheerleader and sounding board for ideas. Really, if it weren't for both of these ladies, I doubt this story would be here. ♥</p><p>This story is born of my wish to get Spike and Buffy alone in s7... so they can have all the necessary talky talks they need before we get to the lovely sexy sex. So expect that. (Along with a raised rating.) And lots and lots of tender fluff.<br/>(Seriously, my beta needs to hold my horses on that one, or we'd all be needing insulin here.)</p><p>Also, extra thanks go to the talented OffYourBird for the wonderful banner!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>Buffy knew she should hurry, that Caleb wouldn’t stay down for long, but she suddenly couldn’t find the strength to do so. She only had the strength to look at what was glimmering in wait on the other side of the vast underground chamber.</p><p>She hadn’t known what to expect to find in the vineyard, but it certainly wasn’t <em> this</em>. An archway made of gleaming rock shone in front of her, the greyish veins of the black stone blinking in the bright blue light streaming through it. If asked, Buffy couldn’t have explained how, but somehow she <em> knew </em> that the portal was for her; that blue light sang in her head, whispering words like <em> mine</em>, and <em> home</em>.</p><p>She walked towards it, the memory of Caleb’s presence something remote. How could something that was clearly a door to another dimension be calling to <em> her</em>? She knew she belonged here, to her world, and yet this portal was telling her that no—there was something on the other side that belonged to her, that was profoundly hers. Something that would make her stronger, give her the edge she needed.</p><p>She moved her hand up, her fingers barely touching the light, and warmth spread to her skin, making her smile.</p><p>“Buffy!” </p><p>It took her a second to turn her eyes away from the radiance, and her smile didn’t waver when she saw Spike rushing down the stairs. He’d clearly found her note and followed her here, which only fed into her elation.</p><p>“Just managed to kick the bastard down again for a moment, but pet, we gotta go.” </p><p>She almost snorted at the idea—it made sense that he wouldn’t feel the portal calling to him, he was a vampire, the polar opposite of a slayer—but then she just shook her head and turned back to the light. </p><p>“Buffy?” He came to stand next to her, touched her tentatively on the elbow.</p><p>“This is it, Spike.” The sheer joy that the call of the portal filled her with suddenly reminded her of the peace she’d managed to experience in his arms. Her smile widened as she took his hand in hers. “Come on!”</p><p>And then she stepped through the shimmering light, dragging Spike with her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>First chapter (normal-sized) coming soon!<br/>And please feel free to let me know anything you think of my story, I love critique. :) Thanks for giving this a try!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spike and Buffy find out what exactly is waiting for them on the other side of that portal.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have to thank the unparalleled bookishy, who is the most perfectest and patientest beta a fanwriter could ask for. ♥</p><p>Oh, and I forgot the all-important disclaimer: Buffy and Spike aren't mine (unlike that blue portal and what's behind it!), I just like to play with them. And possibly make them smile a bit too much.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every cell of his body seemed to scream bloody murder. The only reason he didn't scream himself was that even his throat was too far gone for any sound to escape. </p><p>Then, finally, he was through. He gasped as the searing pain disappeared completely, as suddenly as it had come. </p><p>Spike kept panting in the darkness, his free hand rubbing his face to make sure everything was still in its place while his other one kept a tight grip on Buffy's fingers. Where the hell were they? </p><p>“Well… this is unexpected,” she said.</p><p>He shot her an incredulous look, but since he could barely make her out in the dark, he guessed she couldn't see him at all. </p><p>“And what exactly… were you expecting would happen… by walking through a hell portal?” he managed between ever-smaller pants. </p><p>“Hell portal? <em>This</em>? Please,” Buffy scoffed, her arm making their linked arms sway in what he assumed was a dismissive gesture. “That felt like coming home.” When he snorted, Buffy hesitated. “You really didn't feel that at all?” </p><p>“If by ‘that’ you mean the urge to run the fuck away, yes, pet, I bloody well did.” </p><p>“Someone’s touchy,” she said in an amused tone, before a moment of silence. Then, “Uhm… so, what's with the pitch darkness, you think?” </p><p>Spike just shook his head and tugged her hand, taking a step towards where he thought he could see something other than black. “Think I can see some light this way, love.” </p><p>Buffy squeezed his hand and didnʼt let go, the contact spreading warmth up Spikeʼs arm and right to his heart. As they started walking, he was mindful of her steps as well as his.</p><p>“You really thought it was a hell portal?” </p><p>“Well, yeah. ’Side from the fact that bastard was guarding it, thereʼs also how it…” He held back a shiver. “Seemed almost like there was a voice telling me to bugger off or thereʼd be hell to pay. Guess it was true.” </p><p>“Come on, a bit of darkness isnʼt hell…” </p><p>Spike stared at her, the light just barely enough now to let him do it properly. “Not what I meant. Gather to you it didn't feel like something was trying to burn you from the inside out?” </p><p>“No,” she said. “Really not. It felt like… like coming home, and being in the right place, and having won already, all together.”</p><p>“Having won already, eh?” He could just vaguely see her smile.</p><p>“Yeah. I just <em>knew</em> it was the right place for me, you know?”</p><p>He looked at her for a long second, her features getting clearer and clearer, and thought about their previous night in a random house, in a stranger’s bed.</p><p>“Yeah. I know,” he whispered.</p><p>There was enough light for Buffy to return his gaze, and they came to a halt and just stood there for a few, interminable seconds. Then he reminded himself that his girl had a mission, a right important one too, and he looked to the side, starting to walk again. Still, even though Buffy didnʼt need his help to see anymore, her hand never left his.</p><p>“So,” he started, taking a proper look around. “Wager this wasn’t a trap then? Seems like a simple enough cave.”</p><p>“No way it was a trap,” she said with quiet certainty. “That portal was for <em>me</em>. The misogynistic jerk couldn’t’ve gone through, guaranteed.”</p><p>He looked at her with a slight frown. Thinking about it… hadn’t his left hand been the only part of his body not burning up while he was stepping through that blue torturing device?</p><p>“Thinking I wouldn’t’ve survived it either if it hadn’t been for you, love,” he murmured, eyes locked on their intertwined fingers. Her thumb stroked his once and he felt warmth course through him again. </p><p>“What do you mean?” she asked. </p><p>“Just realised that I don’t think I could’ve moved if you hadn’t been pulling me through. Might’ve burned up there and then.”</p><p>He chanced a look at her eyes and saw enough worry there to make a vamp’s heart almost beat. Then she smiled, soft and warm.</p><p>“Good thing I was holding your hand, then.”</p><p>He ducked his head, certain that she knew what this meant to him. Sure enough, when he looked back up her cheeks had gotten the slightest bit rosier and she was the one looking down, in what had to be one of the sweetest looks he’d ever known her to sport.</p><p>“Well,” he said, clearing his throat and trying to do the same with his head. “Wager it might be a slayer thing?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He almost smirked at her lost expression.</p><p>“Mean the portal, kitten.”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, still blushing. “Right. Yes, actually that sounds exactly right.”</p><p>Her expression went back to business then as she paid closer attention to their surroundings, but he couldn’t mind, could he? Her hand was still in his.</p><p>“Figure it makes sense then that it’d try to fry me. Nothing worse than a vamp going through a portal meant for one of you ladies, yeah?”</p><p>She looked at him from under her eyelashes, her features soft—clearly, she disagreed, at least when it came to him.</p><p>He didn’t have the time to dwell on how delicious that thought was, though, because her attention shifted to the now perfectly visible cave walls. Inscriptions and drawings covered one side. As she dragged him closer, Spike started to recognise the shapes: it was mostly battle scenes, all depicting what was clearly a slayer killing various monsters—dark blues and greens for the slayers, faded reds and oranges for the demons. </p><p>As they kept walking, the drawings changed: there was a circle of what seemed to be multiple portals, thirteen of them, all of them linked with wobbly purple lines that led to the centre, where there was what looked like a glowing red axe.</p><p>“Well, that’s surprisingly unhelpful.”</p><p>Spike snorted. “Figure it means there’s several portals leading to this axe thing, yeah?”</p><p>“I’m not stupid, you know,” she pouted, making him bite his lip to stop himself from doing something dumb. “I got that. But an axe? That’s what this leads to?” Her pout got even more pronounced; Spike bit down harder. “Makes a girl feel disappointed.”</p><p>He moved further towards the exit of the cave, dragging her with him. “Maybe it’ll turn out to be a very magical, very powerful axe.”</p><p>“Mm. Something that’ll strike fear in the hearts of ubervamps and misogynistic assholes alike?”</p><p>“Gotta be a reason Caleb was tryna cover the portal, pet.”</p><p>“Yeah…” </p><p>She still sounded pouty but Spike did his best to study the drawings, trying to keep his masochistic side down. A long, loopy line linked the glowing red axe to another portal, where several weird-looking bluish creatures seemed to be worshipping the weapon. He tilted his head, wondering what that was about, when his instincts flared and he suddenly jerked to the side. An arrow clattered against the cave wall exactly where he’d been a second before.</p><p>Buffy let out a small yell and pushed him to the ground as another shot right by his shoulder, this time grazing it and making him wince. “Hey!” she said, stepping between him and the direction the arrows were coming from—the mouth of the cave. </p><p>“What the—”</p><p>“Silence!” a heavily accented voice shouted, and then the damn shooter stepped into Spike’s line of sight, another dart pointed straight at his heart. “This is no place for that thing.”</p><p>“No, <em>you</em> shut the hell up and listen to <em>me</em>!” </p><p>The guy, a bluish-looking humanoid with short but willowy limbs, actually took a step back at that, his clear eyes blinking rapidly. </p><p>“He’s with me,” Buffy continued, “and if you know what’s best for you, you’ll stay the hell away from him.”</p><p>The demon stared at her, surprise still clear in his eyes as he shot another look at Spike. “That’s a vampire.”</p><p>“Yes, and I’m the Slayer, so you better hold your damn horses and point that arrow somewhere else if you don’t want it to be stuck in your guts in the next ten seconds.”</p><p>The demon blinked some more, but the bow lowered slightly; Spike remained wary, not keen on trusting Blue quite yet.</p><p>“You… know your calling, right?” the demon asked. </p><p>Spike could almost <em>hear</em> Buffy’s eye-roll.</p><p>“I can’t believe I have to deal with this crap… Yes. Yes, I know he’s a vampire and I’m supposed to slay them, but he’s a good guy and, most importantly, he’s with me.”</p><p>Blue stared at Buffy for a few long seconds before he finally put away his arrow and bow, his movements deft and quick. Still, Spike noticed that his right hand stayed close to his hip and the handle of the knife strapped there. Spike stayed ready for action even as he got up in a fluid motion, his attention fixed on the would-be attacker.</p><p>“You all right, Spike?”</p><p>“As a peach, pet.”</p><p>“You are a very strange slayer,” the demon said. </p><p>“And you’re a very blue <em>demon</em>,” Buffy said with an eye-roll, “so tell me why exactly I shouldn’t kill you in the next fifteen seconds?”</p><p>Spike almost wished for a bowl of popcorn.</p><p>“Because I will bring you to the Weapon.” </p><p>Christ, he could hear the capital letter there; the guy was serious about his business, wasn’t he?</p><p>“And why would I trust a demon?”</p><p>Blue sent Spike another exasperated glance, but then he shook his head, crossing his arms over his dark green shirt. His hair, which was pulled into a thick ponytail of dreadlocks in various shades of purple, swayed slightly as he moved. “This place was built by my ancestors, to lead the Slayer to the Weapon.”</p><p>Buffy looked him up and down, making Spike smirk some more.</p><p>“So demons want to help the Slayer now?”</p><p>The guy looked almost sheepish for a second, then he grinned, his somewhat strange, long features looking suddenly handsome.</p><p>“Fair. It happened a long, long time ago, when the humans who came here mingled with the local population, and now here we are.” He shrugged and raised his dark brow at Spike, tilting his head again. “Although I don’t think anyone expected the Slayer to finally arrive with… one of those as an ally.”</p><p>“Standing right here, mate,” Spike grumbled before Buffy talked again, her tone exasperated.</p><p>“As riveting as this vamp-hate is—and let me tell you, I’m with you on that for the most part—can we go back to the part where a soulless demon wants to help a slayer?”</p><p>Blue frowned at that. “What makes you say I’m soulless? I do have human blood in me, maybe it’s not all so black and white.” He glanced at Spike for a long second. “I always knew it’d be hard for the Slayer to accept, but you look like you should get it easily.”</p><p>Buffy just glared at him some more before letting out a breath. “All right, say I believe you. Does this all mean that there’s a shiny new axe in my future?” Buffy pouted again, just a bit, and Spike couldn’t help but stare at the still ridiculously arousing spectacle. “That portal felt like victory, you know? I thought I could get more out of this.”</p><p>“Believe me, once you’ll get your hands on it, you won’t regret the trip.”</p><p>Buffy pouted some more, making Spike swallow as he forced his eyes away… only to meet Blue’s mildly surprised ones. He scowled, but that didn’t seem to put him off.</p><p>“So where’s my prezzie?” Buffy said, visibly trying to psych herself up. Blue pointed towards the outside and Buffy walked resolutely in that direction, leaving Spike to lag behind at the edge of the sunlight as he peered at the bluish trees beyond. </p><p>“As the map on the wall says, it’s a bit of a walk. But you’re the Slayer, so we can keep a good pace; we should be there in under a month.”</p><p>Buffy stopped abruptly. She turned, looking murderous. “Let’s get something clear: I’m really not in the mood for jokes.”</p><p>Blue just blinked, silent for a moment. “I’m serious, Slayer. The trip will take a little bit under a month—but,” he added quickly as Buffy’s face blanched, “you don’t need to worry about what’s happening on Earth.”</p><p>“What the hell do you mean?”</p><p>Something suddenly occurred to Spike and he eyed the sunbeams on the cave floor, before sending Blue a questioning glance. The demon nodded, and his stomach lurched. “We’re in a different dimension, the rules are different here.”</p><p>“Yes,” Blue said simply. </p><p>“Yeah, I gathered that, but what—”</p><p>Buffy didn’t manage to finish the sentence, because Spike was stepping into the sunlight, and <em>nothing was happening</em>. He kept walking, step after step, until he went past her outstretched arms and was right at the mouth of the cave, the lush forest in front of him shining in brilliant shades of green and blue under a turquoise sky. And what looked like two bright suns were shining their rays on his face, one golden and the other orange, warming his skin.</p><p>“Oh… oh God.”</p><p>“Really not in Kansas anymore,” Spike murmured, his eyes looking at the twin stars until they burned with it. He blinked rapidly and looked down on his hands, sunlit for the first time in over a century except for brief exception, the light an almost auburn gold.</p><p>“No. This is Yltra. A place where… vampires can stand in the sun.” </p><p>Spike kept staring at his not-so-pale hands, ignoring the demon’s stare. </p><p>“He really shouldn’t be here; I hope you do trust him, Slayer.”</p><p>“With my life,” she said, almost distractedly. Spike looked up in time to glimpse wonder and pleasure in her gaze, but a moment later she looked guilty. “Spike…”</p><p>“I know, pet.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, but we don’t have two months to spare.”</p><p>He gave her a sad smile and turned his back on those two warm, warm suns.</p><p>“I know, pet. Of course we—”</p><p>“I'm sorry to interrupt this very dramatic moment, but you do have two months to spare. Even three, I think.” </p><p>Spike and Buffy turned to scowl at Blue, who just looked mildly amused.</p><p>“Not in a mood for jokes. Don’t make me repeat myself.”</p><p>“No need to get angry, Slayer. Itʼs quite simple: time moves differently here than on Earth. Three months here are roughly twenty-four hours there. I’m sure things are tough in your dimension, or you wouldn’t be here, but your world isn’t going to end in the next sixteen hours or so, is it?”</p><p>“Well, <em>now</em> it definitely is…” Buffy grumbled, but she was frowning, clearly thinking things over.</p><p>Blueʼs dark lips twitched. Spike started to think that the guy was a bit too prone to grinning. </p><p>“Take this as a forced vacation, Slayer,” the demon said. “This place has no population outside of us, and most of us are either guarding the portals or guarding the Weapon.” He looked her up and down yet again. “It might have been better to bring some better clothes… but I have a few changes and supplies for you, we all do.”</p><p>“‘We’? Who’s we? Are we gonna get surrounded by trigger-happy half-demons?”</p><p>Blue kept his patient expression and Spike felt almost like punching the annoying git. “We probably won’t meet any other Protector before we get to the Weapon, no. But there’s one portal for each of the Hellmouths on Earth, and there’s one Protector for each portal. We've been expecting you for quite a while.” For the first time, a genuinely warm smile lit the bluish features. “Iʼm honoured to have been here for your arrival.” </p><p>Then the guy gave an honest-to-God little <em>bow</em>. When Buffy's cheeks got the slightest bit rosier at that, Spike had to fight back a snort. <em>Christ, last thing I need is for this asshole to get all charming… </em></p><p>“Oh. Well…” She still looked unconvinced, sending a nervous glance towards the back of the cave. “Still, I donʼt know…” </p><p>“Iʼm afraid you donʼt have a choice, Slayer.” Blue nodded at the back of the cave, his voice calm. “The only thing that would open the portal back up is the Weapon, wielded by you or one of our elders.” At Buffyʼs look of suspicious anger, he raised his arms. “Itʼs another layer of protection weʼve added to the portalʼs magic, so that knowledge of the Weapon won’t reach the wrong ears. As we can see,” he added as he sent Spike an annoyed glance, “you can't plan for <em>everything</em>.” </p><p>Buffy didnʼt look all that mollified. Spike let out a breath, closing the distance between them and touching her shoulder lightly before he could stop himself. </p><p>“Itʼll be fine, Buffy. Weʼll get you your new axe and be back before Caleb can say ‘fucked-up priest’.” </p><p>Buffy huffed out an almost-laugh before staring at Blue again. “And thatʼs also why this weapon of yours is so damn far from the portal?” </p><p>The demon just nodded and Buffy let her head fall back, her hair swishing over Spikeʼs fingers and making him swallow thickly. Blue just raised his brows. <em>If the prick makes </em>one<em> comment…</em></p><p>“Since I can see that you haven’t brought anything for the trip, I have supplies for you in another cave, further down the mountain. The vampire will find something too, considering the way we’ve been prepared.”</p><p>“Bloody hell,” he muttered, squeezing Buffy’s shoulder before letting go. “Let’s just go already, time’s a-wasting and all that rot.”</p><p>“For the record, I really did not sign up for a trekking trip,” she grumbled as they started off, making Spike grin. The grin turned to a smile as soon as the suns’ rays touched his face. When he looked back at Buffy, he only hoped he didn’t look like a shy little boy.</p><p>They entered the colourful woods, the trees and thick bushes only partially familiar in their shades of green, brown and blue. And as they shared a few moments of silence, the reality of what was happening started to sink in.</p><p>Buffy and he were isolated, away from the Scoobies, the First, and the endless stress the monster and its henchmen kept putting on his Slayer. They were in what seemed like an embarrassingly peaceful place, and they were going to be almost alone for almost two months.</p><p>Could that possibly be enough time for Buffy to let him in, even more than the night before?</p><p>His hands tingled at the memory of holding her in his arms, keeping her close to his unbeating heart, her trusting him in a whole new way. The thought that he could have that again, taste that kind of heaven for a second or third or fourth time…</p><p>He let out a shuddering breath as he clenched his fists, forcing himself to concentrate on avoiding the roots and rocks that spurted from the ground. Buffy was still on a mission, and it would be ridiculous if he made this trip into his own personal attempt at getting closer to her. God knew he wanted that to happen, craved the chance to experience just a fraction of that connection again; but that wasn’t the point.</p><p>He looked at her, his golden girl with her fancy clothes and far-away eyes. She was clearly deep in thought, probably worrying about that sorry lot they’d left on Earth, and he didn’t know whether he wanted to hold her close or kiss her. Her ability to forgive the ones she loved was simply awe-inspiring.</p><p>
  <em>No desperate hope to be included in that particular bunch there, eh?</em>
</p><p>He ignored his own damn thoughts and tried to lose his mind in the sounds of the forest. Not that he had much hope of managing that, but something told him that if he didn’t, he’d end up going crazy with mad, pointless hope long before they got her shiny new axe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Feedback is the catnip my inner cat adores. Yes, both positive and negative, it's all a druuuggg. Thank you for reading, anyway!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Buffy, Spike and their new guide get started on their journey, as well as on getting to know each other.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone who reads, likes and reviews this story!! I'm enjoying participating in the Nano for the first time and I'm writing like crazy. But I'm not gonna say that I won't ever make you wait longer than one week per chapter, because I don't like tempting fate that much.</p><p>Ever-lasting special thanks go to the lovely Bookishy for her invaluable support. I'm afraid my story wouldn't be half as decent if she wasn't there ready to cut off all those useless words I like so much haha.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The fact that the blue-looking demon girl had enough clothes and shoes to fit a small army wasn’t the day’s biggest surprise, but as Buffy stared at the rows—one of shoes, one of bundled clothes, and one of backpacks already filled with supplies—she had to admit that she hadn’t expected<em> this </em>level of prepper madness.</p><p>Everything looked very much of the practical: comfortable-looking boots and shirts and pants in colours that ranged from brown to green to blue, all made from leather and soft, cottony materials. Their pattern wasn’t exactly camo, but it wasn’t far off, and, as she could see when she started rifling through them, the style was way closer to hiking comfort than trendy fashion.</p><p>She sighed as she wondered whether she should just take a few of these outfits and leave her clothes here to collect on the return trip. Sure, these seemed way more with the comfy, but… was that really worth looking like a fashion victim for over two months?</p><p>
  <em> Wow, way to channel your inner Cordelia, Buff. </em>
</p><p>She sniffed, thinking that she’d always had better fashion sense than her less-than-pleasant high school friend… and then sighed as she realised this was just wasting time. If this wasn’t an insane thing to be debating while her friends and family faced an apocalypse in their own dimension, she didn’t know what was.</p><p>“Think it might be better if you swapped it all out for this alien stuff, love.” When she shot him a glare, Spike added, “Might be less fancy, but they look mighty comfortable compared to what you’re wearing, far as trekking goes.”</p><p>Buffy made a face, looking back at the brown and dark green clothes. “Definitely less fancy…”</p><p>“’Side from the fact that you’d look dashing in a burlap sack, your pretty shirt won’t stay white long if you do keep it on.”</p><p>Tough to argue with that. Buffy gave up pretending clothes were even remotely relevant and looked around, spotting a bend in the cavern wall that’d let her change without flashing the two demons with her. Spike quickly got the drift, hurriedly turning around as if suddenly taken with the bluish, almost-glittering leaves of the closest tree.</p><p>Once again Buffy’s mind was filled with the memory of his touch. She kept having flashes of it, of the way his arms and chest had felt like home, almost as much as the portal had… </p><p>Buffy shook her head to chase the thoughts away, moving quickly to get her not-so-shiny new clothes on. She didn’t have the time or energy to analyse anything, let alone her feelings for a vampire who, after all, had still tried to… who’d done<em> that</em>, comforting night spent in his arms or not.</p><p>
  <em> Except that it’s not true. I have plenty of time to analyse anything I want, because we’re stuck here. </em>
</p><p>Her chest tightened—not just at the thought of being stuck, but at suddenly having all that time to simply think. </p><p>Besides, what were the chances that this dimension really was as harmless as Demon Girl made it out to be? And how could she fully trust her and her ‘weapon’, anyway? Letting her guard down was probably a bad idea, lovely portal or not. What if the certainty she’d felt had been magically induced? Or worse, what if the portal had initially been for slayers, but this world had since been overrun by creatures of darkness?</p><p>Her instincts kept telling her that this was the right decision, but letting go of her worry was impossible. So she dressed quickly and asked Demon Girl to help her pick out everything she’d need.</p><p>That lasted no more than ten minutes, and then each of them had a bag on their back and were finally starting their journey. And that was when the doubts started to get really loud in her brain. What if she didn’t get back in time to stop the First, and the last conversation she’d ever have with Dawn was the one where her sister kicked her out of her own home?</p><p>“Can’t believe this is real, eh, pet?”</p><p>Buffy took a shuddering breath and looked up, hoping Spike had been too busy navigating the uneven ground to see her moment of weakness.</p><p>“I’m having serious doubts here, yes.” Keeping her voice as low as possible, she shot a look at the demon girl’s back. “I don’t know if we can trust her.”</p><p>“Well, if you were so sure of the portal, why… wait, what do you mean ‘her’?”</p><p>Buffy blinked at him. “Her. Cobalt-skinned demon lady?”</p><p>Spike blinked back at her. “You mean him.”</p><p>“What—”</p><p>“You mean them,” said demon interrupted, a smirk on her thin, indigo lips as she slowed her pace. “You forget that I’m not fully human. Except for some rare cases, the Il’kat are genderless. So in your language, you would refer to me as ‘they’.”</p><p>Buffy just blinked some more in the silence that followed, unable to think of an answer.</p><p>“Well, that’s… something,” Spike finally said. </p><p>“Yeah.” Buffy nodded as she felt herself blush. “Definitely… something.”</p><p>There were a couple more seconds of silence before the demon let out a small, snorting laugh, shaking her—<em>their </em>head. “Would’ve thought another demon would’ve been more used to the concept.”</p><p>“Just got me off guard, didn’t you?” Spike said quickly, a defensive frown on his face.</p><p>“Clearly.”</p><p>The demon kept smirking, and Buffy kept staring. Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t noticed any breasts, but she’d thought that it was because of the thick leather clothes; and yes, maybe<em> their </em>features were sharper than what she’d call feminine… she suddenly wondered whether this species would even have a concept of feminine and masculine. </p><p>“Sorry about that,” she said, fighting the urge to touch her neck nervously. “I really didn’t expect… this.”</p><p>“Of course,” they said with a simple nod.</p><p>Buffy felt herself blush even more as she realised that now she had no idea how to refer to them—she didn’t even know… their… name, did she?</p><p>“So, uhm… what’s your name?”</p><p>“I’m Azac. It’s a great pleasure to meet you, Slayer.”</p><p>Buffy grinned back at her—them!—offering a hand. “Buffy. Buffy Summers.” </p><p>Azac only blinked once at the name. Buffy suddenly liked them a lot more.</p><p>“And I’m Spike. Would say it’s nice to meet you, but you tried to kill me not one hour ago, so…”</p><p>Buffy sent him a glare but he just shrugged.</p><p>Azac snorted. “Would say it’s nice to meet <em>you</em>, but you’re a soulless demon born to destroy the warriors I’ve dedicated part of my life to,” they said dryly.</p><p>Spike just smirked. “Soulless, huh? Maybe the Slayer’s not the one who shouldn’t jump to conclusions…” he said before starting to walk again. </p><p>Buffy followed, shaking her head at his dramatic streak. </p><p>Azac’s ever-present cool seemed to vanish for a few seconds. Then they were running to catch up, going straight to Spike’s other side. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Got me a shiny soul too, don’t I? Shouldn’t take things for granted either.”</p><p>“Of course you’d drop that bomb like that. But now you need to tell me everything.”</p><p>“Don’t <em>need</em> to tell you anything.” Spike was sneering, but Buffy could tell he wasn’t really annoyed; it just figured that he’d love the attention. </p><p>Azac just rolled their eyes; somehow, it didn’t diminish their air of eagerness. “Please? We didn’t even know it was possible!” </p><p>From the way Spike was still smirking, Buffy half expected him to start bragging and making a show of it. It was a spark of the old, soulless Spike, something that reminded her of how his transformation had been so different than the one that had turned Angelus back into Angel… how else could he still be Spike, otherwise?</p><p>Still, he had changed: he just shrugged and put his hands in his coat’s pockets, the gesture making him look smaller. “Went to see a demon. Had to travel a bit, ask around, but finding out how to do it wasn’t as hard as you’d think.”</p><p>Buffy suddenly realised she didn’t really know how he’d gotten his soul back either. What did it say about her that after his vague non-answers she’d never tried to get more out of him? Probably how freakishly busy she’d been, right?</p><p>
  <em> Yeah, no other reason whatsoever. Not because the thought of this sacrifice is awe-inspiring enough to make me reevaluate Spike almost entirely—even before the soul.  </em>
</p><p>“I can’t imagine any vampire even wondering about how to get their soul back, let alone actually asking around for tips. Which begs the question,” Azac continued, icy eyes intent on Spike, “why would you?”</p><p>At that, Spike sent a quick glance her way, shame in his eyes. When he looked down, Buffy couldn’t help but do the same, feelings she couldn’t name making her guts twist.</p><p>“Personal reasons,” Spike said in a tone that clearly stated no intention to continue talking about this.</p><p>Azac either didn’t get it or didn’t care. “But it’s extraordinary. Is it because of your human family? Did you want to keep some form of contact with them? I’ve heard that it can happen, from time to time.”</p><p>Buffy’s brows rose at that, and she looked up in time to see a grimace of real pain on Spike’s face before it shifted to a glare. </p><p>“Don’t exactly want to talk about this, all right?”</p><p>Azac seemed ready to retort, but then they pursed their dark lips and nodded. “All right. But can you at least tell me how long ago you were turned? I imagine it must’ve been quite recent, if you’re still attached to your human self.”</p><p>Buffy snorted as Spike smiled ruefully.</p><p>“Afraid that never went too far away. Don’t know exactly, to be honest… must be around 130 now.”</p><p>Azac blinked at that, their lips slightly parted. </p><p>“Kinda makes you wish for immortality, just for all those birthday prezzies,” Buffy said lightly, never mind just how not fun her own birthdays tended to be.</p><p>Spike barked a laugh. “Don’t think I’ve celebrated my birthday in over a decade, pet. Stuff tends to lose its shine after a century or so.”</p><p>Buffy felt a pang of… <em>something </em>at the thought that she had no idea when his birthday even was.</p><p>“Oh. Well… I’ll take that as a challenge then. Maybe I can make your next one all shiny.”</p><p>Spike’s smile turned soft. “You don’t even know when my birthday is,” he said.</p><p>Buffy pointedly ignored the feeling of her cheeks warming and slowed down so she could nudge his elbow. “I was hoping it wouldn't take anything drastic for you to forgive me and spill.”</p><p>Spike’s smile didn't falter. “You have nothing to forgive, pet.” </p><p>Buffy’s own smile dimmed, remembering just how low she’d sunk the previous year. </p><p>“Can’t say I’m certain of it,” Spike said softly, “but I think it’s the 23rd of October.” He frowned for a second, looking down at the knobbly path. “Or maybe the 25th… yeah, that sounds more like it. Or wait…”</p><p>“You know what? It’s the 24th, end of story.”</p><p>“Bossy bint,” Spike murmured, even though Buffy could tell he didn’t mind in the slightest. </p><p>She didn’t have the energy to analyse how that made her feel—how all of this made her feel, the smiling and the softness and the sheer<em> comfort </em>and rightness of being next to him—so she looked away, right into a pair of paler, icier eyes, sparking with curiosity. “Well, that’s settled,” she said, hopefully sounding less unsure than she felt. “I, uh, wanted to ask you, Azac, how long do you think we’ll have to walk each day?”</p><p>The blue demon sent Spike and her an entirely too-amused glance. “I’d say that, considering we’re all quite resistant, nine hours per day should do just fine.”</p><p>“We’re in a hurry, I told you. Can’t we do more?”</p><p>“Wager they just don’t wanna see our feet fall off before we make it back, love.”</p><p>“Yes,” Azac agreed. “Not to mention that, considering the time difference, this might just be the perfect opportunity for you to relax a little before the final showdown back in your world.”</p><p>Buffy felt the ease and comfort drop off of her like wet clothes.<em> Relax</em>? When her little sister and friends and all those innocent girls and, dammit, the whole freaking <em>world </em>were facing a literally unspeakable evil? When she’d just left them to chase a call that she still couldn’t be sure was the real deal?</p><p><em> Not any worse than them kicking me out of my own house, </em>a voice whispered. </p><p>She closed her eyes, ignoring the tightening in her chest and the way her eyes had begun to sting.</p><p>She didn’t have time for this.</p><p>When she opened her eyes, she stopped in the middle of the path and flashed Azac an angry glare.</p><p>“Strangely enough, knowing that my friends and family might die at any moment is kinda the opposite of what I call relaxing.” Her voice sounded even colder than she’d meant it to, but Azac just looked at her steadily.</p><p>“Of course,” they said in a neutral tone. “As you wish, Slayer.” </p><p>The nod they gave her then made the title sound almost regal, and Buffy crushed down the instinct to feel flattered. When she resumed walking next to Spike she could feel his eyes on her, but she didn’t let their gazes meet. </p><p>Sure, she’d loved their easy banter from before. At the same time, the idea of just letting go was unthinkable. What if something happened back on Earth while she was here laughing at nothing?</p><p>Worse, what if this whole alternate universe thing turned out to be bullshit? What if she’d left almost everyone she cared about to die? Her gut kept telling her that wasn’t true, but hadn’t her gut led Xander to lose an eye?</p><p>She clenched her jaw, forcing the thoughts to go away. There was nothing she could do about it now. She just had to hope that skipping through that portal hadn’t been a terrifying mistake and that she was, at this very moment, walking towards the solution to her problems.</p><p>This trip couldn’t be a holiday, but she also couldn’t let the fear of having made a mistake stop her. She could only keep going and hope for a lucky strike from the universe—or universes.</p><p>
  <em> Fat chance of that. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Was anyone expecting that particular kind of gender reveal?? Because I actually wasn't. It just had to be this way when the lovely Maimaktes suggested the idea. ♥</p><p>Likes and comments are like non-fatal sunshine on a vamp's body. It won't make them glitter, but it WILL make them look delightful!<br/>Ok, this makes no sense, but just saying: I like 'em. :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spike, Buffy and their guide keep going and then settle down for the night, with some more arguing. Will Spike and Buffy use the same tent or not, though?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Can anybody help me with an appropriate gift to the amazing bookishy for all the help she gives me? Because I'm hella floored. ♥</p><p>And of course, all of you who read, like and especially comment deserve gifts too!! Thank you, I adore seeing people interested in this!</p><p>Also, check out the pretty the talented OffYourBird has made for me in the prologue! I love it more every time I look at it!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After ‘only’ six hours of walking, Azac announced that they should stop and rest so as to start early the next day. Spike couldn’t help but agree, looking around the darkening little meadow.</p><p>The place seemed right out of a book of fairy tales, with soft, teal-coloured grass and little yellow-green flowers, all circled by dark trees, their leaves softly whispering in the mild wind. This world was beautiful, he had to admit, with its green and blue vegetation and purple and violet flowers and fruits, some of which were edible and right tasty. He didn’t have a human body and couldn’t tell for sure how it all must feel to Buffy, but he could see that she had no goosebumps: the air probably felt pleasant to her too.</p><p>She sighed softly when she let her bag fall to the ground, then leaned it against the dark bark of a tree. The poor girl looked tired, the kind that went way beyond hurting feet.</p><p>She only gave herself a few seconds of contemplation before the now-usual steel squared her shoulders and she started to set up camp with quick, efficient movements. Or as efficient as a woman who had clearly never set up camp could make them look.</p><p>He wanted to smile at the way she seemed so intent on remaining worried, but he couldn’t. God, the way she’d looked at him before entering the portal… the way she’d let her warrior mask slip during the past few hours, letting him peek at the softness inside as they shared silence or light conversation. He wanted to grasp those memories and print them out, keep them crystal-clear forever. More than that, he wanted to make her feel like that always, not just for stolen moments here and there before she built her walls up again.</p><p>Of course, he also knew he didn’t deserve any of this; didn’t deserve to even think about her softness, let alone pine for more of it. But that’d be the love’s bitch part of him, right? Couldn’t let go of a dream, no matter what.</p><p>He sighed to himself, letting his own backpack fall to the ground and getting out the sleeping bag and tent Azac had given him along with it. He frowned at the tent, bitter at the thought that he and Buffy each had one. What could he possibly have said? ‘Mate, I just spent the night holding the woman of my dreams. I know I tried to assault her just a year ago, but, you know, was hoping I could sleep in her arms every night now. Really don’t need this tent.’</p><p>That would’ve gone swimmingly.</p><p>“Do you need any help with the tents?” Azac asked. “If not, I’ll start looking for firewood.”</p><p>The blue demon was watching Buffy with barely disguised amusement as she kneeled on the ground and tried to make sense of her tent’s various parts. Spike had to push down the urge to snicker, because while that damn demon had no right to laugh at his girl, bloody hell, she looked completely out of her depth.</p><p>She peered up at Azac, her cheeks rosy in flustered embarrassment, before she schooled her expression into an affronted frown.</p><p>“I can take care of a tent, you know.” When Blue just raised their hands in a placating gesture she huffed, straightening up. “It would be great if you could get us some wood, yes. Thank you.”</p><p>Azac nodded at her once, the smallest hint of a smile on their dark lips, then turned and left the glade without sparing Spike a glance. </p><p>After Buffy's outburst about this being a ‘relaxing’ journey, the blue demon had more or less clammed up and become pretty darn remote, answering their questions politely but not starting any conversations. They also hadn’t shown any more interest in his soul, or in him in general. Spike didn’t know whether to find the git’s new withdrawn attitude passive-aggressive, or simply respectful of Buffy’s boundaries. It was right annoying to <em> him</em>, that was for damn sure.</p><p>As soon as Azac disappeared between the trees, Spike grinned: Buffy was just looking hopelessly at the tent parts scattered on the ground, clearly having no idea what to do with any of them. </p><p>“I can’t even take care of a tent,” she pouted, and Spike let out a small laugh. She sent him a frown which, coupled with the pout, only made him laugh some more. “When you’re done laughing, do you think you could give me a hand, smartass?”</p><p>Spike nodded, his grin still firmly in place, and crouched down next to her.</p><p>“Don’t rightly know how to set these things up either, pet.”</p><p>Buffy looked at him like he’d killed her puppy. “Well, you better learn fast. I don’t want Blueface to be all smug about this too.”</p><p>“Don’t think they’re smug exactly,” Spike murmured absently as his hands touched the brown-green fabric that still managed to have a slightly bluish hue. “Wonder if they’re just being detached to avoid making you angry again.” <em> Christ knows I know the feeling. </em></p><p>She sent him a quick glance and he wondered whether she’d had the same thought.</p><p>“Well, as long as they don’t say that I should <em> relax </em> again we’re all good.”</p><p>“Slayer…”</p><p>“Don’t you dare,” she said in a firm tone, eyes still on the tent parts.</p><p>“Buffy, they didn’t—”</p><p>“Azac can’t expect me to treat this like a damn holiday, and you better not agree with them either, or we’re gonna have a real problem here.” </p><p>Spike opened his mouth to argue but she sent him such an angry stare that he just sighed and shook his head. He picked up two shafts that seemed to go together and attempted to connect them, trying to concentrate on that instead of arguing. </p><p>It was only a couple of minutes of moving fabric around and staring and huffing before Buffy talked again. “I don’t even understand how you two could possibly think I would be ok with that. What am I supposed to do, skip around this dumb forest, taking my sweet time, while my family and friends could all be dying?”</p><p>“Buffy.”</p><p>“It’s insane! What if when we come back someone’s died, and here I was, <em> having fun </em> and <em> relaxing </em>while they did?”</p><p>“Buffy.”</p><p>“God, what if this is all a trap? What if, as soon as we fall asleep, Azac kills us both in our sleep?”</p><p>“Buffy…”</p><p>“Forget that—what if this whole damn <em> dimension </em> is a trap? A trap set by Caleb to lure me out of the way so he can finally get his stupid plans of world destroyage to work?”</p><p>Almost in tears, she threw away the tent pole she'd been holding in disgust, turning to the side and breathing heavily.</p><p>He debated how much she’d hate him for touching her right now. Eventually, though, he couldn’t bear it, so he set down the poles he was holding and lightly placed his hand on her shoulder. She didn’t relax under his fingers, but she didn’t move away either; he could live with it.</p><p>“Buffy, please listen to me. You told me that portal felt right to you.” </p><p>After a beat Buffy gave a stiff nod. “It could’ve been fabricated.”</p><p>“Was it like the feeling vampires and demons give you? The kind of feeling you’ve been training for years to recognise and trust and count on?” God, he hoped that her shoulder was <em> actually </em>relaxing slightly under his hand.</p><p>“Yes, but…”</p><p>“And why on earth would Caleb keep it hidden from you if he’d <em> wanted </em> you to find it? Hell, why would he fight you right in front of that portal, if he’d wanted you to cross through it?”</p><p>Buffy finally sent him a quick glance before looking at the ground, her hands picking up an edge of fabric and fidgeting with it. </p><p>“Maybe he was counting on me counting on him to fight back.”</p><p>He snorted and shuffled to the side so he could place both of his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them.</p><p>“Nice way to stretch things into improbability, pet. But then why wouldn’t he send the whole merry gang here? Mighty useful trick to get rid of the only ones who’re going against his plans, don’t you think? But no, instead he let your sorry excuses for friends boot you out of your own house.” Buffy kept looking down and he let his thumbs gently stroke her collarbone through her Azac-provided blue-brown jacket. “And as for Azac, what does your instinct tell you?”</p><p>“Spike…”</p><p>“Pet, you’re the best slayer in history. Be honest with yourself and your abilities.”</p><p>She finally looked up at him, her eyes holding an amount of gratitude he found almost ridiculous. As if she didn’t know she was the best.</p><p>“My gut says they’re here to help.”</p><p>He smiled, squeezing again. “There. Knew it.”</p><p>“And you seriously think we should trust my gut like that?”</p><p>Spike raised his eyebrows. “You being real here, Slayer?”</p><p>“Spike…”</p><p>“Buffy.” He leaned his head closer, keeping his eyes fixed on hers. “You’re the best sodding slayer the world has ever had the blessing of being protected by. You <em> know </em> your gut is trustworthy, because if you hadn’t trusted it this far, not only would <em> you </em>not be here to complain about it, but probably most if not all of humanity wouldn’t, either.” He saw her eyes fill and felt his heart attempt to lurch in his chest. He leaned even closer, touching his forehead to hers but not closing his eyes. “I told you you’re the one,” he said, his voice a whisper by then. “I didn’t mean just for me. I trust every part of you with the world.”</p><p>Buffy blinked rapidly before looking down. Spike closed his eyes, finally letting himself relish their closeness. God, the way she smelled, the way he could hear her heartbeat in the stillness of the forest… </p><p>She took a shuddering breath before reaching up to take his hands in hers. When she moved back, it was to look at him with wet eyes.</p><p>He was hers, hers, hers.</p><p>“I don’t know if I deserve half of your trust, but—”</p><p>“Don’t you dare—”</p><p>“But thank you,” she said with a soft, grateful smile. He wanted to argue and tell her she could take her doubts and shove them somewhere else, but God, it was hard to be contrary when she looked at him like that, when her thumbs were softly stroking his.</p><p>“You deserve more than that, and you know it.”</p><p>She shook her head and looked to the side, letting out a breathless chuckle before nodding to the tent and gently moving her hands away.</p><p>“Apparently, I can save the whole world but can’t build a stupid tent.” She pouted, making him bite back a groan. “No fair. Now I’ll have to ask Azac for help.”</p><p>“They’re not that bad, pet.”</p><p>She raised a brow. “This coming from the guy they tried to kill just a few hours ago. Admit it, you just liked being the one to convince them vamps can be ok after all.”</p><p>“Oi! ’M more than bloody ok, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re also good-looking and athletic.” She blushed as she said it, and Spike couldn’t keep up the pretend outrage, his smile softening at the reminder of the previous night. “Look… about last night…” She looked back down, her cheeks rosy, her fingers fidgeting with one edge of the tent.</p><p>“No need to say anything, pet,” he said quickly, moving away and reaching out for one of the tent poles again. No matter the significance of the moment they’d just shared, the idea of her rejection was so bloody painful he needed to put some distance back between them. “Know it was just one night and—”</p><p>“Spike.”</p><p>He sighed, cursing his inner ponce, who apparently needed to make him act like a child. When he finally gathered the strength to look up, she was watching him with fond exasperation. </p><p>“Just saying, pet, know it didn’t mean… that I shouldn’t expect…” He huffed out a frustrated breath. “Just know it was a one-time thing—that it made sense you’d ditch me there for more important things,” he added, suddenly realising how hard that had stung.</p><p>“Spike, when you’re ready to stop with the self-defence, let me know, so I can tell you how important last night was to me.”</p><p>He was sure that, had he been human, his cheeks would’ve reddened. Small mercies about being a monster. “Yeah?”</p><p>“Duh, yeah,” she said, but her tone and eyes were still velvet-soft. “I was… it was… God, Spike, I know we haven’t gotten to it yet, but if you’re right, if my instincts are right—this place will give us a weapon we couldn’t have imagined. And I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, for the strength that you gave me.” She looked down for a moment before taking a breath and gazing at him again, her eyes fiery and determined. “Look, I don't know how you feel about last night, but I will not—”</p><p>“Terrified,” he let out with a shuddering breath of his own.</p><p>Her eyes were so dark in the low light, and so kind. “Of what?”</p><p>“Look, last night was…” He looked skyward again, exasperated at himself. “Christ, I'm rubbish at this.”</p><p>“Spike…”</p><p>“It was everything, Buffy. It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me,” he added quickly, “you bloody well better use one of these stupid sticks on me, ’cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean as much to you, but—”</p><p>“I just told you it did,” she interrupted, her voice still soft.</p><p>He sighed deeply, trying to sort out his thoughts. “Yeah… I hear you say it, but…” He finally found the guts to look at her again, his body close to trembling. “I've lived for soddin’ ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but… I've never been <em> close </em>to anyone—least of all you. ’Til last night. All I did was…” He couldn’t help a smile as she kept looking at him with wide eyes. “Hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah. I'm terrified.”</p><p>She looked at him silently, her eyes still so very kind. “You don't have to be.”</p><p>Christ, his heart wanted to beat, he could feel it trying. “Were you there with me?”</p><p>She didn’t move her eyes from his. “I was.”</p><p>“What does that mean?” The question was out of his lips before he could stop it, and it apparently broke whatever magic had caught her in its spell. She looked away, clearly ready to fidget her way into a non-answer. “No, you know what, never mind,” he said. </p><p>“Spike, I—”</p><p>“It doesn’t—it doesn’t have to mean something. Not now, not with everything else that’s happening.” He grimaced, fighting to keep his frustration down. After all, they actually did have time to sort out everything, didn’t they? But the last thing he wanted to do was pressure her into answers on the first night of their journey. “Figure you have enough on your mind without uncomfortable questions. Never mind me, Slayer.”</p><p>Her hand slipping into his made him take in a harsh breath, and he noticed her looking at him uncertainly. <em> Christ, have I screwed it all up already?</em></p><p>“Look, Spike, I… I don’t…” </p><p>Spike sighed, ready to tell her to let it go already, but she squeezed his hand and sent him a fierce glance before grinning sheepishly. </p><p>“The truth is, I don’t even know what’s going on”—she made a vague gesture towards herself— “here. I, I just can’t think of…” She let out an exasperated breath and looked up, her eyes getting wet. “I feel like I can’t think of anything right now, really. Only of getting to the weapon, getting back, and saving Dawn and everyone else.”</p><p>He had to wonder whether the little grimace she gave at those last words had anything to do with the way ‘Dawn and everyone else’ had abandoned <em> her</em>, kicking her out of her house. But he bit down his growl and brought her hand to his lips, leaving a soft kiss on her knuckles before he could help himself. “There’s no rush for…” <em> us</em>, he didn’t say. “For this. I’m here with you, Buffy, and I’m not going anywhere you aren’t. We’re gonna get you your shiny new blade, get back home and kick some misogynistic ass. And then your only worry will be how to find slaying boots for your outfits, yeah?” Buffy huffed out a laugh, making him feel like he'd pulled off a bloody coup. “We’re gonna get through this. <em> You</em>’re gonna get us through this, love.”</p><p>Buffy just shook her head slowly, and then her hand moved to cup his cheek. If she hadn’t just told him she didn’t know what it was between them, he would’ve sworn she was about to kiss him; as it was, she leaned their foreheads back together and closed her eyes, and he didn’t know if he could breathe, undead lungs or not.</p><p>They stayed like that for a long minute, Spike focused on nothing but her breaths and the faint thumping of her heart and the warmth of her skin.</p><p>“Stay with me tonight?” Her whispered words were rushed. He moved back just enough to see her flush. “Like… like yesterday. Just stay with me?”</p><p>He had to blink back tears, embarrassing as it was.</p><p>“’Til the end of the world, love. I'll stay with you ’til the end of the world.”</p><p>She smiled at him, looking down in embarrassment, her hand still cupping his face.</p><p>“Are you sure you don’t need help with the tent?”</p><p>Azac’s voice wasn’t loud but it might as well have been a gunshot, Spike and Buffy jerked apart so hard at its sound. They snapped their heads to look at the demon, who was wearing a perfectly non-hostile expression.</p><p>“I, uh—”</p><p>“We didn’t—”</p><p>“No matter,” they said, their voice very calm even though Spike was sure they were trying their best not to grin. “I’ll build the fire and the light will definitely make things clearer.” Then they raised a hand, dangling a furry beast. “I thought it wise to get us some dinner as well. That’s why it took me so long.”</p><p><em> Yeah, because we’d definitely noticed that</em>, Spike thought. He sent Buffy a sideways glance and had to bite back a chuckle at her obvious embarrassment. </p><p>“Uhh—thank you, Azac,” she said, her words only slightly stuttering.</p><p>“Yeah, mate,” Spike added as he stood, then frowned. “Uh, is ‘mate’ ok?”</p><p>The demon’s lips twitched. “I suppose I can stomach it, yes.” When Spike looked at them dubiously, they grinned. “Really. As far as I know, English simply doesn’t have the words for what we call each other here.”</p><p>“Huh. So what about teaching us yours?” Buffy asked as she got up, one of the poles in her hands. Spike had to wonder how much of her practical tone was actual curiosity and how much was sheer desire to make Azac forget how they’d been found.</p><p>Azac looked Spike and Buffy up and down with a pensive expression.</p><p>“Yes, I suppose… you can refer to me as <em> tirem</em>.”</p><p>“Doesn’t sound as good as ‘mate’, though,” said Spike with a little grin. </p><p>Azac shook their head at him, amused. “That says more about your ears than my language, vampire.”</p><p>Spike snorted. “All right, all right, tirem. Reckon I can help with the fire, at least.”</p><p>“Yes please, non-supernatural eyes here!” Buffy piped up. Spike hadn’t taken much notice of it, but the blue light of the night had definitely made everything look darker.</p><p>“Really, vampire?” Azac asked, still amused. “Not afraid to burn up?”</p><p>“What can I say,” Spike said with a grin, “’m hard to get rid of.”</p><p>They made a strange, guttural sound that Spike interpreted to be a snort and then started taking logs and sticks from a full bag, motioning Spike to do the same. He obeyed, his mind still on the moment of tenderness he and Buffy had shared.</p><p>
  <em> Christ, I’m gonna hold her again tonight. </em>
</p><p>The thought kept circling as he and Azac built the fire. And it continued to circle as they went to help Buffy and left him with the weird-looking animal to skin. Which was probably why he botched the skinning job, earning himself a mildly exasperated sigh and a long lecture about all the different ways he’d gotten it wrong. Spike muttered low curses throughout their damn explanation, but by the time they were done he had to admit to himself that he’d learned a couple of things—not that he’d ever admit that out loud.</p><p>When they were all finally sitting around the fire, Spike realised the small problem with this arrangement.</p><p>“So,” he started, sending Buffy an embarrassed glance. “D’you reckon I can find some food more to my tastes in this universe?”</p><p>Azac answered with a small grin, their dark lips almost reddish in the light of the fire. “I was wondering when you’d think about that. I guess you’ve been too distracted with…” they glanced at Buffy for a moment, “walking in the sunlight to think about food.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spike replied drily. “That must’ve been it.”</p><p>Azac grinned some more, making him itch to punch them in their blue face.</p><p>“No need to worry, vampire. You can hunt our animals and feed on those.” They shrugged lightly before taking another bite of their meat. “It should be fine.”</p><p>“Should?” Buffy’s voice sounded a bit strained. “Should isn’t enough.”</p><p>Azac shrugged again. “I can’t say we’ve ever tried to feed your enemies with our resources, Slayer, so I don’t know for certain. But these animals nourish you, so they should work for him too, shouldn’t they?”</p><p>“What if they don’t?”</p><p>Spike could feel the tension rising as Azac kept a level gaze on Buffy.</p><p>“If they don’t, then the vampire is definitely not going to find this trip much of a vacation, especially with the rhythm you want to keep.”</p><p>The blood drained from Buffy’s face. And then her expression turned determined, and a bad feeling made his stomach turn.</p><p>“Well, if worse comes to worst, there <em> is </em> some human blood here he can use.”</p><p>“No way!”</p><p>“How could you say that!”</p><p>Spike and Azac burst into equally appalled exclamations at the same time, but Buffy didn’t waver.</p><p>“Yes way, Spike, and Azac, I can say that because I’m the Slayer and I’m used to being the one making the tough decisions.”</p><p>“Tough decisions like willingly weakening yourself to feed your vampire boyfriend right before what sounds like a potentially catastrophic fight?”</p><p>Spike couldn’t help a growl as his whole body tensed, and Azac noticed: they tensed too, their hands going to hover near their weapons. Spike was half a second away from vamping out when Buffy jumped to her feet, putting herself between them.</p><p>“Enough!” she said in a loud, clear voice. It was followed by screeching and fluttering as nearby birds were scared away from their perches. </p><p>He stopped growling and forced himself to relax, and Azac moved their hands away from their weapons to place them, fisted, on the ground. Even though he couldn’t really see Buffy’s eyes from his position, Spike was sure they were at full Slayer-glaring power.</p><p>Azac opened their mouth to talk but Buffy shut them up with a curt gesture.</p><p>“You’ve talked enough, Azac, now you listen to me.” </p><p>While the challenge never disappeared from the blue demon’s eyes, they nodded once, evidently accepting Buffy’s authority. When she talked next, her tone was clipped and uncompromising. </p><p>“I can understand your attempt to kill Spike at first, and I can understand some level of distrust, but you better learn right here, right now, that Spike is my ally and my friend. I won’t allow you, a perfect stranger and a demon, to talk like that about people I care about and count on.” </p><p>Spike kept switching his gaze between his beautiful, angry woman and the blue demon, who looked ready to retort. Buffy’s look obviously meant business, however, because they closed their mouth again. </p><p>“Spike isn’t my boyfriend, not that that’d be any of your business if he were”—Azac’s eyebrow climbed up at that, and Spike wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch the git or hide from those words— “but he <em> is </em> the only person I know here, a loyal ally I trust with my life. And I thought I was clear about this: if you truly care so much about the Slayer’s mission, you’d better <em> trust the damn Slayer</em>.”</p><p>Christ, but those words felt like the fucking heaviest and lightest load he’d ever borne.</p><p>“I want to trust you, Slayer. Buffy,” Azac said, and Spike could’ve sworn he saw the smallest bit of pity in their eyes as they spared him a glance. “If you’re so convinced of his loyalty to you and the cause… then that’s good, the more allies the better. I am trying my best to really believe that. But Slayer,” they added with a strained expression, “you cannot possibly expect him to continue the journey if he can’t eat our animals’ blood. I told you how long it’s going to take, and he <em> can’t </em> take your…” Azac’s lips twisted in a grimace before they sighed, resigned. “Gift.”</p><p>“You can’t tell me what—”</p><p>“It’s not about telling you what you can and can’t do, love,” Spike intervened, his voice low and tense. “I won’t do it.”</p><p>She turned, looking at him angrily. “Spike—”</p><p>“I won’t, and if you think about it for one sodding second you’ll realise you wouldn’t let me either way.” He kept his eyes on her, idly realising that his jaw was clenching. He could see uncertainty in her eyes, but it wasn’t enough. “First, you’re not bloody food, Slayer. Second, two months? You’d need Azac to <em> carry </em> you back to that portal.”</p><p>Buffy’s jaw clenched and unclenched a few times, her eyes blinking rapidly as she realised that he was right, that <em> Azac </em> was right. His heart constricted when her expression fell and her shoulders sagged.</p><p>“You told me you’d stay with me,” she whispered, her voice quiet enough to make him hope Azac wouldn’t be able to hear. When she started blinking hard he had to do the same to keep back tears.</p><p>“Buffy…” Christ, if Azac hadn’t been just a few feet away, he would’ve already swept her in his arms. Instead, he sighed and stood up to place a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll follow you, no matter what, all right? Might not be available for sparring sessions if I can’t dine on the locals,” he added with a side glance at Azac, who returned a dry glare, “but you won’t get rid of me so easily. Just means I’ll gorge on good old pig’s blood once we’re back, eh?”</p><p>Buffy actually <em> pouted </em> at him, which in Spike’s opinion earned him the award of Best Self-Control when he didn’t growl and pounce on her lips. </p><p>She sighed and looked down. “I guess there’s no reason to worry about it before we’ve tried.”</p><p>“Could go for a hunt right now if it made you sleep better, pet.” </p><p>She seemed to truly consider it before shaking her head and sighing again. “No,” she said, looking up, “it's better to just wait for tomorrow. We need to rest and there’s no real benefit to figuring it out right now.”</p><p>He smiled, squeezed her shoulder, and then finally managed to let her go and sit back down on the soft grass.</p><p>They ended their meal in silence, Spike nibbling at the little piece of meat he’d taken for himself, all three of them staring straight ahead, lost in thought. Or at least he thought the other two were as lost as he was; Spike could hardly think of anything other than the fact sheʼd offered him her blood, she truly had. Well, that and the idea that he’d soon have her in his arms again. He glanced at the tents she and Azac had put up: just two, one on either side of the fire, further proof of the fact that yes, Buffy did actually want him to hold her again that night. Wanted it so much, in fact, that she didn’t mind it happening while another person was sleeping just a few yards away.</p><p>He swallowed hard, the bland piece of meat going down with difficulty. Christ, but he’d have killed for a beer right then, anything to at least pretend to take the edge off.</p><p>“I think we can afford to sleep for the rest of the night,” Azac finally interrupted the silence, their voice even and calm. “The suns will rise in about eight hours, and tomorrow morning I can go look for fruits for our breakfast while the vampire goes looking for food.”</p><p>“The vampire has a name,” Buffy said with an annoyed frown. </p><p>Spike snorted when Azac’s lips twitched. “Reckon they just like to be contrary, pet.”</p><p>“You reckon correctly, vampire.” Their lips turned up into a real grin. “I can’t slay you, but I can at least annoy you. I’m sure you understand.”</p><p>Spike burst out laughing at that, scaring away the brave birds who had returned to their perches and making Buffy look at him funny.</p><p>“Can’t really blame ya, not when the Slayer here did the very same thing when she felt she couldn’t kill me. This was before I was a friendly vamp, mind you.”</p><p>Buffy had the grace to blush a bit, while Azac’s dark eyebrows went up.</p><p>“Your tale keeps sounding more and more interesting.”</p><p>“Be decent, tirem, and I might just get mollified enough to tell you part of it.”</p><p>Azac’s grin softened and they shook their head lightly. “I can’t believe I’m being told to play nice with a vampire. And by the Slayer herself, no less.” Buffy kept frowning at them, but they kept smiling. “Well, I’m sure the suns will wake you up; if not, I’ll call.”</p><p>“Lovely alarm that will be, too…”</p><p>Azac winked before they stood and bowed towards Buffy. “Slayer. Goodnight, and thank you for being so clear on your stance on… Spike.”</p><p>Buffy blinked up at them, clearly taken aback. “Uh… yeah. You’re welcome. Just remember to play nice, I guess.”</p><p>Azac nodded at her once before turning to Spike. “Vampire.”</p><p>“Mr. Blue Demon.”</p><p>“Once again, you do not have the right words. That would be <em> Izàk </em> Blue Demon to you.”</p><p>“Whatever, piss off,” Spike said, but he couldn’t help a grin. The bastard was an annoying git, but he had to admit that they were at least trying to be decent. And considering how long it had taken the Scoobies to treat him other than dirt—if he could even say that they didn’t <em> still </em> treat him as such—this demon’s dumb little jokes and grins were actually giant steps in the right direction. And besides, he had a feeling the Scoobies wouldn’t have been so accommodating when faced with him and Buffy sleeping in the same tent. All in all, he couldn’t find it in himself to be truly annoyed at the blue git; he’d just have to pretend to be, to keep them on their toes.</p><p>Azac added another layer of stones around the fire, presumably to keep it from reaching the grass, then nodded to them before heading off into the woods. Buffy grimaced, looking unhappily towards the trees.</p><p>“I guess I’ll have to use the natural version of a bathroom too.”</p><p>“Poor princess,” Spike teased, earning himself a not-too-light cuff on his shoulder.</p><p>“Shut up, Spike. You’re not the one who’s going to have to use a freaking leaf to clean her privates.” </p><p>He chuckled and she hit him again. <em> Christ, she keeps this up and I’ll be hard as steel by the time we’re in the tent. </em></p><p>The thought made him grin for a second—and then the memory of a whole different time he’d touched her while he was hard hit him like a bucket of ice-cold water, and all good thoughts drained from his mind. It was the first time he had truly thought about… <em> that </em> … since before last night. And now all he could think was how could she let him touch her? How could <em> he </em> let himself get close to her?</p><p>Christ, the forgiving nature of this woman was beyond comprehension. She’d bloody asked him to hold her, twice now, as if he hadn’t… as if he hadn’t tried to hurt her.</p><p>“Spike? You all right?”</p><p>He swallowed, looking at her just quickly enough to notice the worry in her eyes, and debated whether or not to tell her exactly what was on his mind. But when Azac returned, waving at them before entering their tent, he lost his nerve.</p><p>He managed a smile, hoping it wasn’t closer to a grimace.</p><p>“Yeah. Just knackered, I guess. You sure you don’t want me to go hunting now? I could—”</p><p>“No,” Buffy interrupted. “I just wanna go to bed, I guess.”</p><p>
  <em> Yeah, and apparently you want me there for that. </em>
</p><p>He stared at her for a few seconds as she gazed into the fire, lost in thought. Then she came out of her trance and shook her head, smiling at him briefly before getting up to dust off her borrowed slacks.</p><p>“Well, I’ll go use the five-star facilities and reach you in the tent, I guess.” She must’ve seen some of his doubts on his face, because she added in a worried voice, “Unless you’d prefer to use your own…”</p><p>“No,” he said before he could think. “No, pet, I—uh, I’m fine—I’d love to—” he let out an exasperated sigh, inhaled, and started again. “I’d love to… be there for you.”</p><p>Buffy looked at him for a few silent seconds. Then she smiled a shy little smile, nodded once and headed to the woods. Spike let out a breath and leaned forward, hoping to borrow a bit of heat from the fire.</p><p>He couldn’t stand to stay still though, so he got up and went to the tent, crawling in and looking around, feeling lost for a moment. Should he just lie down? Or sit in a corner and wait to follow her lead? He snorted at himself, annoyed and exasperated at his own overthinking; it was obvious that Buffy wanted to sleep just like they had the night before, so he should just lie down in the centre of the tent. But it was all still so surreal that it felt like madness to expect she’d just settle down in his arms.</p><p><em> To hell with this, </em> he thought with a sigh as he lay down and frowned at the fabric ceiling. <em> She can always kick me out if she changes her mind. </em></p><p>When Buffy crawled in the tent just a few minutes later, however, she immediately cuddled up next to him, head on his chest, hand on his stomach, legs touching his, and Spike couldn’t stop the thought that he might be dreaming after all. But the way her heat spread to his body—so much more quickly than the fire ever could’ve—the way she let his hand caress the softness of her hair, the way she interlaced her fingers with those of his other hand… he’d never dreamed of having anything so sweet, let alone two nights in a row.</p><p>“So you really think this was the right move?” Buffy’s voice was low, so low he had to stop his caresses to hear it well. “This whole alternate dimension thing?”</p><p>“I trust you, Buffy. And I trust your gut.” He kissed the top of her head before he could stop himself, and when she just sighed deeply he felt his insides twist in pleasure.</p><p>“And Azac?”</p><p>“Git’s annoying, but they’re decent.”</p><p>“I wonder if ‘git’ works as a word for them.” He could hear the smile in her voice.</p><p>“It better work,” he said, growling a bit, “’cause it’s my personal favourite way of referring to them.”</p><p>Buffy let out a little laugh that made him feel like the king of the world, and then her thumb started stroking his stomach. Spike hoped she wouldn’t look south of his belt, because horror at their past or no, Buffy couldn’t touch him and think he wouldn’t react.</p><p>“I’m too wired to sleep.” She leaned back enough to look at him, her eyes hardly visible in the darkness. “Tell me a story? Maybe about a trip you’ve taken… but no mayhem.”</p><p>Tall order, that one. But it was Buffy asking, and Spike was bloody excellent at giving Buffy what she asked.</p><p>So he started stroking her hair again and got to talking.</p><p>“Once, in the thirties, we went to see an Indian mansion. There was a peacock breeder, of all things, and the birds were bloody everywhere…”</p><p>As he kept talking, Buffy’s reactions got more and more muted, her tiredness catching up with her; by the time he’d finished his tale she’d fallen fully asleep, still cuddled to his chest, and Spike didn’t know whether he’d ever felt happier.</p><p>Like the night before, he kept looking at her long after she’d fallen asleep. He just had to hope that, <em> un</em>like the night before, when he woke up he would still have her in his arms.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Diamonds shmiamonds, comments are a girl's best friend! ;)<br/>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. IV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Buffy realises that she'll need some help with her tent, and with trying to find some sort of peace too.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always, entire galaxies worth of thanks go to the stellar bookishy and her out-of-this-world talent and helpfulness.<br/>And so, so much love goes to everyone who reads, likes, and especially comments this story of mine. Thank you! ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For what was probably the first time in over a century, the sunlight woke Spike.</p><p>At least, the first time in over a century that it happened gently: not a limb catching on fire but his eyelids getting more and more brightly lit, until he could feel its warmth across his whole body.</p><p>Except that wasn’t because of the sun, or suns. As he filled his dead lungs, the scent of Buffy's shampoo eclipsed everything else.</p><p>She hadn’t left his arms: the hot pressure on his legs and torso was her body. </p><p>Spike had to blink quickly in order to avoid shedding a tear like the ponce he was, but he did breathe in again, a smile stretching his lips at the delightful mix of their scents.</p><p>She was still snuggled up to him, even closer than when they’d fallen asleep, her leg thrown over his, her body moving up and down with his every breath as she clung to him like he was some sort of oversized teddy bear. If Spike should have felt some sort of offense at being treated like that, he couldn't begin to be arsed about it.</p><p>He slowly started to notice other things: how the birds were happily singing outside their tent, making him wonder if Azac had already started looking for the fruit they’d mentioned the night before; how the dappled light was shining through the tent’s material close to his right shoulder; how his cock was too hard, considering how little action the prick would be seeing any time soon.</p><p>He wondered idly if a vamp could dust from blue balls. He reckoned two months or so would be long enough to make any bloke’s balls explode in a fatal way, right?</p><p>He snorted as quietly as he could, gently shifting Buffy’s tensed leg from his cock so that he could adjust it in his jeans. Not that he thought she’d be shocked to feel it or anything, but he’d rather give it the opportunity to go back down instead of risking her rubbing at him more without meaning to.</p><p>The movement was enough to wake her, because she started murmuring against his chest, her face nuzzling against his shirt. His breath hitched as his newly adjusted cock perked up all over again, this time with even more interest. He tried to ignore the feeling as best he could, but when she kept making little humming noises, he gave up on ever losing his hard-on.</p><p>Spike recognised the exact moment she was fully awake: she suddenly stiffened, thigh tightening over his leg and fingers clenching on his shirt. He smiled, and stroked her hair once.</p><p>“Morning, sunshine.”</p><p>Then he couldn’t stop himself from leaning down to softly kiss the top of her head, silently inhaling her scent.</p><p>
  <em>Our scents. God, we smell like each other.</em>
</p><p>“Uh…” Buffy must have decided they were touching a tad too much, because her leg came down and she scooted her hips back. But her hand stayed on his stomach and she didn’t move her head from his chest, shifting just enough to look up at him with a sheepish expression. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to cling to you like that.”</p><p>He wondered whether she could hear his heart trying to beat under her ear. He forced himself not to do anything dumb like bursting into tears and offered her a hopefully nonchalant smirk.</p><p>“Been lots of things in my life, but someone’s teddy bear hasn’t often been one of them.” Blushing, she started to move away, so he held her where she was, smiling. “Really don’t mind playing the part, love.”</p><p>“Well, in my defence, there’s no pillow and you’re comfier than the ground.” She wrinkled her nose, which, coupled with her rosy cheeks, made for a devastatingly cute look. “And I was a bit cold.”</p><p>The smile disappeared from Spike’s lips. “I’m sorry, pet, I didn’t even think. I—”</p><p>“Oh, don’t worry,” she said with a casual gesture before placing her hand back on his stomach. “I just didn’t wanna move to get the bag last night. I warmed you up enough, I just needed to, uhm”—she looked down at his chest—“cling to the heat.”</p><p>Spike didn’t know whether he should feel elated that she hadn’t wanted to leave his arms even to get her blanket, or bitter that his body would absorb her heat without giving any back. He didn’t like the kind of conclusions his overimaginative mind could draw from that particular idea, so he did his best to forget the thought.</p><p>“Next time just ask me to get it for you, all right, pet?”</p><p>She looked back up at him, an amused grin on her still-rosy face. “You’re awfully non-contrary in the morning.”</p><p><em>I’m awfully non-contrary</em> <em>because having you in my arms is at stake, Slayer.</em></p><p>He just shrugged and aimed for a light grin. “Don’t get comfortable, Slayer, haven’t turned me into your houseboy yet.”</p><p>Buffy’s grin widened, which was just as well, because who was he kidding? He’d turned into that a long time ago.</p><p>“But I am kinda comfy,” she said, shifting her head down again so all he could see was her hair. “You should look into the pillow business. You make a decent one.”</p><p>He let out a breathless chuckle, his arms instinctively holding her more tightly. Then they stayed like that for a few long, delightful minutes of silence, and if Buffy could see the bulge in his jeans, she didn’t breathe a word about it. As for him, he was too happy to talk.</p><p>“Ugh… I wonder if Azac’s already up.”</p><p>He sighed. Sadly, they still had a mission and it wasn’t him playing the part of a less-than-lukewarm pillow.</p><p>“Haven’t heard them, pet, but I expect they’ll already be out looking for fruit.”</p><p>“Mpfh.”</p><p>“You wordsmith, you.”</p><p>“Shut up, Spike.”</p><p>He chuckled again, hoping his prick would stop taking her every word as an invitation to get harder.</p><p>“I’m going to go looking for the fauna here, yeah? I’m sure they’ll all be right tasty. Tell you what, between that and the non-fatal sunlight, maybe I’ll even come back here when this whole First business is done; could ask you to take me through that damn portal.”</p><p>“Planning to ditch us and the Hellmouth to live out the rest of your vamp days in the sunlight? I can't blame you for that,” she said in a peppy tone. </p><p>Spike chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah, as if you could get rid of me so easily. Told you I’ll be at your side till the end of the world, and I don’t intend to let this First bullshit be it.” Then he froze, realizing what he was saying. “Uh, long as you want me there, ’course. I mean, if after this—if you don’t want—”</p><p>“Oh, don't worry about that,” she said casually, but he could see her cheeks regaining some colour. “Actually, this wouldn’t be a bad place to come and relax in the future. After the First, after everything—you know, the time thing is very convenient, and you can be in the sun, and… well, I'm just saying, I could stick around with you here, not just let you through,” she finished, her voice still trying for light. </p><p>But Spike could see uncertainty in her eyes, which made his heart ache to beat.</p><p>Did Buffy just mention wanting to go on some sort of holiday with him? Somewhere they’d be isolated from their world, where it’d be just the two of them? No Scoobies, no potentials, no anyone really?</p><p>He was too shocked to do anything more than just stare at her sleep-tousled hair.</p><p>“You know what,” she said suddenly, sitting up before he could stop her, “never mind, it was just a dumb joke and I—”</p><p>“Buffy,” he interrupted almost harshly in his haste to stop her, grasping her arm as he sat up too. She really thought he wouldn’t love the idea, leap at the mere chance and beg for more of it? “Buffy, sweetheart,” he couldn’t stop himself from saying, touching her chin lightly to move her face back towards his. She looked at him tentatively. “Pet, you know I would love that.”</p><p>Buffy just stared at him for a few seconds, looking down as a little smile graced her lips. And then she tried her best to look nonchalant. “Ok, so then you better find some decent animal to eat here. This place is free, looks lovely, and has a really handy timezone. It’s just too convenient a vacation spot to waste.”</p><p>She then proceeded to stretch, yawn, and start looking for a change of clothes in her bag. Meanwhile, his thoughts kept circling back to the fact that Buffy wanted to take a holiday <em>with him</em>.</p><p>Sure, she was probably mostly putting on a brave face and talking about this as some sort of coping mechanism against the possibility he wouldn't find anything edible here. And sure, it had been more of a joke than anything else. But her reaction had been vulnerable enough to make him think it wasn't <em>only</em> a joke. And that was enough to strike him dumb, apparently, because he had yet to make a single sodding movement.</p><p>Soon enough she was clutching a set of clothes and giving him a half-amused, half-embarrassed look. “Uhm… I should change.”</p><p>Spike just blinked at her some more. She raised a brow at him and he finally shook off his stupor, thanking the vampire constitution that made it very hard for him to blush.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, uh, getting out of your hair. Guess I’ll just get started on that hunting thing now, yeah?” Buffy’s amusement disappeared, replaced by worry. He tried his best encouraging smile. “I’ll find plenty of tasty morsels, don’t worry.”</p><p>When she forced a smile, still haunted by worry, he finally found the strength to get out of the tent. </p><p>Then, once it had flapped back closed, he adjusted his jeans. Sleeping with Buffy Summers was still the best experience of his life—one that only got better with time—but his groin might not agree. </p><p>He stretched then, looking around to try and decide where to go to look for prey, the sunlight warm and bright on his sleeveless arms.</p><p>
  <em>God, haven’t hunted animals since Dru and I got lost in the Amazon, back in the sixties.</em>
</p><p>He grimaced as he recalled that they’d only gotten lost because Dru had eaten their guide. The memory used to make him roll his eyes fondly at his former lover and mistress’s fickle appetites, but now he couldn’t help wondering if that guide had had anyone waiting for him at home; if he’d been looking forward to sleeping in someone’s arms just like Spike had just done…</p><p>He shrugged off the thoughts. He didn’t have time to remind himself of all the lives he’d so gleefully destroyed without his soul, nor did he want to brood like certain other souled vampires. With a frown, he started striding towards the trees where Buffy had gone the previous night.</p><p>He made his steps as light and silent as he could as he strode deeper into the woods. He tried to clear his mind and concentrate on his surroundings—hard to do, when he could still smell Buffy on him and feel her borrowed warmth in his limbs. But the singing birds somehow helped him centre himself, making him focus on the forest and its sounds.</p><p>Soon, he heard a new noise and stopped in his tracks. He crouched, moving softly on the ground towards the source, and in a few steps he found himself behind a bunch of blue bushes, the edges of their leaves a deep violet in the shade of the forest. Moving slowly, he peeked between the tips of the foliage: a beastie the size of a badger was sniffing the ground, half of its body outside of a hole in the ground. It was stout and wide, with a dark muzzle and blue-brown-streaked fur. Its clawed paws scrabbled at the dirt as it emerged from its den, eyes black and intent.</p><p>Spike let it complete its task, idly noting that the stripes in its fur were actually quite beautiful. Then, as soon as its hind paws were out too, he jumped: one hand fisted the muzzle shut, while his other held those flailing, painful-looking paws out of the way. He quickly stood, keeping the grunting, thrashing animal at a distance. He gave himself a moment to contemplate its pretty, colourful fur, then he finally shrugged off the curiosity and jerked it close as he vamped out, biting hard into what turned out to be a surprisingly springy neck.</p><p>The taste of the first pull was so unfamiliar that Spike almost stopped drinking, trying to decide whether he liked it or not. Then one of the animal’s hind paws raked savagely at his arm, so he growled into its flesh and sucked hard, again and again, until the animal was still.</p><p>Letting it drop to the ground, he licked his lips and took a deep breath before wiping his mouth clean. Its blood was darker than what he was used to on Earth, but he could feel it doing its job already. His shoulders sagged, free of tension he hadn’t even been aware of, and he looked up at the aquamarine sky in wordless thanks to whatever deity existed here.</p><p>
  <em>Not going anywhere, Buffy.</em>
</p><p>And then his attention snapped back to the hole in the ground, where he could hear soft little sounds. He peeked in and saw another little snout, and then another and another, and he sighed.</p><p>
  <em>Figures it’d be a mum with her litter, just to try and jab my conscience.</em>
</p><p>He fished out one of the little beasties and brought it up to eye level.</p><p>
  <em>Buggers are awfully pretty too. Better not let the Slayer know. Christ knows what she’d think of me eating ‘puppies’.</em>
</p><p>He studied the little flailing critter, trying to gauge whether he was still hungry or not. Then he grinned and licked his lips.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Buffy wasn’t worried.</p><p>Of course she wasn’t. Spike hadn’t been gone for long, and he had super vamp smelling powers to lead him back to the camp, the camp where he was going to reappear any moment to smirk at her non-worry and tell her he’d found some ‘beastie’ to feed on. Oh, and could he try the fruit, too, while he was at it?</p><p>Obviously, that was exactly what was going to happen, so she had no need to worry. None at all. Which was why she wasn’t worrying. So why did Azac keep giving her cautious looks as they both ate their fruit in silence? It was completely unnecessary!</p><p>“I hope you slept well enough, Slayer.”</p><p>Their calm voice made her jerk up suddenly, and she grinned sheepishly as some of the purple fruit’s juice dribbled on her hand.</p><p>“It was ok, thank you. A bit cold, but that’s what happens when you refuse to budge from your comfy position to get the blanket.” Never mind that said comfy position happened to be all snuggled up to her vampire… friend. She kept her eyes on the sweet food in her hands, hoping not to blush.</p><p>“Yes, I know the feeling,” Azac said in the same calm voice.</p><p>Buffy had to wonder whether they were just playing along or being sincere. She knew almost nothing about them, didn't she? Yesterday she’d been too busy stubbornly clinging to her worry to ask much of anything, really. She looked at them, at the way they seemed to be able to eat the juicy fruit without getting any liquid on their long blue fingers. She had to wonder just how calm they truly were, and if they really were so accepting of her and Spike sleeping together like that. They hadn’t said anything about it, after all. </p><p>Azac had just finished their treat and opened their mouth to talk when Spike’s voice made Buffy’s head snap to the side.</p><p>“Glad to see you’re eating too, pet.”</p><p>Her heart felt a bit lighter when she saw the open grin on his face and the lack of tension on his shoulders. “So it’s ok?” she asked, unable to stop a smile as she got to her feet. “The blood of the animals here is ok?”</p><p>He nodded, his grin turning to a genuine smile. “Told you you shouldn’t worry about a thing, Slayer.”</p><p>She snorted as he stopped right in front of her, and resisted the urge to hug him. “So are you full, or do the poor animals of Y…” she sent an uncertain glance to Azac.</p><p>“Yltra,” they supplied with a genuine-looking smile.</p><p>“The poor animals of Yltra,” she continued, “do they have to be worried about a vamp eating more of them?”</p><p>“Nah,” he said with a shrug, eyeing the fruit in her hand. “Had enough for a while. So how are those?”</p><p>“Actually, pretty good.”</p><p>“Care to share, Slayer?”</p><p>She shook her head. “All right, you weird bloodsucker, take one—just because I’m full. But then we have to start moving.”</p><p>“Slave driver,” he said pleasantly, leaning down to pick up one of the last pieces of fruit from the pile Azac had brought. “Mmm… tasty.”</p><p>Buffy just smiled, then glanced down at Azac, who looked pensive. They seemed to be starting off the morning on a good foot, so why not keep up the trend? They didn’t have to end <em>every</em> interaction in awkwardness or tension. So she took a breath and tried for a cheerful tone.</p><p>“So, Azac, you haven’t told us what’s the what with your species.” They blinked up at her and she wondered whether she’d already made another mistake. “I mean, what with the Slayer-helping instead of the mindless killing…”</p><p>Spike snorted as Azac’s eyebrows rose.</p><p>“I assumed you knew that not all demons are mindless killers, Slayer,” they answered in an even tone.</p><p>“Well, I mean, yeah. But this seems…”</p><p>“A bit much from the non-humans?” Spike offered while licking his lips. </p><p>Buffy had to force her eyes away from the spectacle—and the bastard noticed, going by his little smirk. She nodded, looking back at Azac. “Yeah. That. Kind of surprising.”</p><p>Azac shrugged as they rose and started covering the remaining embers with dirt. “Demons are like humans: there are plenty of differences among us. The Il’kat aren’t all the same but we’ve always tended to be lovers of fighting and honour.” Their icy eyes sparkled. “As far as we know, when our ancestors found out about the Slayer they were fascinated by the idea of a warrior who destroyed the forces of darkness.” Then they broke the intense gaze and dusted off their hands before going to retrieve their rucksack. Both Buffy and Azac had already taken down their tents before sitting down to eat, so everything was packed up and ready to go. Sure, she may not have done as tight a job with her and Spike’s bags as Azac had managed, but Spike had better not complain or she’d make him carry both of them.</p><p>“Of course, reality isn’t always like legends, is it?” Azac continued as they finally started their long walk, the path clear even through the bushes. “Our ancestors had to face the harsh truth once they did find the Slayer. Yes, she was a warrior, and yes, she did have some kind of honour, but she wasn’t free and that honour was tainted.”</p><p>The memory of the First Slayer and the way those men had forced her into her ‘calling’ made Buffy’s stomach roil in anger. “The Watchers.”</p><p>Azac nodded, a cautious look in their eyes. “Yes. They’re considered rather controversial among my people.”</p><p>Buffy snorted and shook her head. “Years ago I would’ve said demons shouldn’t dare judge humans, let alone Watchers. Now, though…” She sent Spike a look, but his eyes were on the ground. “Let’s just say I’m starting to see the controversy.” </p><p>Azac looked thoughtful for a moment. “Many of us think they’re useless, many others say they’re essential but should be trained differently. And some of us are still baffled at the fact that they don’t provide for their Slayers anymore.”</p><p>Spike snorted as Buffy blinked. “Anymore?” she asked. “You mean they provided for Slayers in the past?”</p><p>“Well, not always, but they did so whenever the Slayer didn’t have a good fortune to fall back on. They often adopted them… or made them part of the family another way.” </p><p>Buffy’s stomach roiled again, this time in disgust, at the idea that past Watchers might have <em>married</em> their Slayers.</p><p>“Either way,” Azac continued, “in recent years we’ve been told that the Slayers are left to provide for themselves. Which sounds counterproductive, if you ask me.”</p><p>“Not just you, terim,” Spike muttered.</p><p>Buffy just kept blinking. “I mean, I guess I see your point, but… shouldn’t we make it on our own, stand on our own two feet?”</p><p>Both demons sent her a side look, although Spike’s was almost seething.</p><p>“That’s the Watcher’s drivel you’re spouting back, pet, just to convince yourself he ain’t as useless as he is. You know it’s bullshit.”</p><p>Buffy felt her heart constrict, unable to put her finger on the reason. Outrage on Giles’s behalf? Heartfelt agreement that he shouldn’t have abandoned her last year? Resentment that she’d had to struggle along alone for so long after he had? Shame for having taken so long to manage it—if she’d managed it at all? </p><p>
  <em>Oh, and let’s not forget the sweet betrayal of him trying to kill Spike. And then kicking me out of my own home.</em>
</p><p>She blinked hard and looked down at the path, noticing for the first time that there were streaks of glittering blue dust in it. Her heart was beating just a tad too fast for a walk, and she didn’t like it one bit.</p><p>Azac’s voice was somewhat gentler when they spoke. “Slayers are exceptional warriors and manage the impossible more often than not. And from what we’ve heard of you, you’re one of the best in recorded history.”</p><p>“Make it <em>the</em> best, and I should know,” Spike added in a calm, sure voice. </p><p>Buffy’s heart kept beating hard.</p><p>Azac nodded. “But your commitment should be to slaying the forces of evil, not to a job.”</p><p>Buffy’s hackles rose at that. “We’re more than fighting machines, you know. Having a life shouldn’t be out of our reach.”</p><p>Azac looked taken aback for a second. “I suppose to us, the fight can <em>be</em> one’s life. You don’t feel the same?”</p><p>She had to force herself to keep her pace even with the other two, rather than walking ahead in an attempt to escape the conversation. “Maybe it’s the human in me, and that’s why you don’t get it, but no. I don’t think my life should be just this.”</p><p><em>Otherwise, why would I feel so trapped in my life? Now that I can hardly think of anything else</em>?<em> Everything, even this stupid walk in this stupid dimension, is just connected to the damn, </em>unending<em> fight.</em></p><p>She distantly noted that her heart kept beating faster and faster, and idly wondered whether she should worry about it. But Azac was talking again.</p><p>“I didn’t exactly mean <em>just</em> the fight. This is another source of controversy among us… most of us wouldn’t consider you fighting machines, as you say. We love battle, and the fight, and the war on evil,” they added with a side glance at Spike. “But we have our community too, our families. It’s just that all of us prize the fight. It’s our life, together.”</p><p>There were several moments of silence, in which Buffy couldn’t think over the sound of her own heart. </p><p>“Kinda like your Scooby lot, eh, Slayer?” Spike offered, in a cautious tone. When she looked up at him, she realised that the words were costing him a lot of effort, but he seemed determined to encourage her. “You all want to make the world better, and are willing to stick around and try for it. ’Course, they mess it up more often than not, but it’s the effort and all that, right?”</p><p>Buffy took a shuddering breath, trying her best to calm the harsh beating in her chest. Spike was right, of course. Despite their failures—and God, they both knew firsthand how terrible those could be—her friends kept sticking around, trying to be part of the fight. Of her fight.</p><p>“So, of course you’d have a life,” Azac continued, their voice still gentle and sure. “I just don’t think Slayers should be worried about paying for food, or anything else that requires abandoning their mission. It’s in your spirit, isn’t it? That supernatural, demonic source of power that makes you <em>want </em>to take part in the fight.”</p><p>She saw Spike’s eyes widen as her arms crossed. “The idea of having anything demonic inside of me isn’t really of the peachy, you know,” she muttered. And yet how could she forget the image of what had happened to Sineya? If that hadn’t looked demonic…</p><p>“We traditionally have two explanations for a human being with powers like yours: one is magic, the other is demonic influence. I’m in the camp of demons, mostly because it makes me feel like we have more in common,” Azac added with a grin. Buffy couldn’t find it in herself to return it.</p><p>“That trip you took to that dimension, the one that spouted out that nasty beastie…” Spike said. “Did you discover you’re part demon?”</p><p>Her shoulders tightened as she looked down, and her voice came out hard. “I discovered that the First Slayer was raped by a demon essence, on her Watchers’ orders.” </p><p>Spike flinched at that, while Azac made a low, unsettled sound. </p><p>“They offered to do it again to me,” she continued, “so if I do have a demon inside me, maybe it’s wearing off or something.” </p><p>There was silence after that, during which Buffy kept staring down at the ground as they walked. Her heart still beat hard, but saying the words had exorcised something from her.</p><p>“Don’t think that makes you part-demon, love.” Spike’s soft voice made her eyes prickle. “I know humans, and you’re that. Just have a power-up is all.”</p><p>She sent him a quick glance, just enough to see his small smile.</p><p>“That sounds like the best explanation,” Azac agreed, even though Buffy had to wonder if they were only saying it for her benefit. “Not that I think that being part-demon would make you any less exceptional, but that’s what I would say if you had a genetic presence in your blood, not just a supernatural one in your spirit.”</p><p>“Maybe it wouldn’t make me less exceptional, but it would make me less human.”</p><p>Azac gave a small smile at that. “And there’s our controversy with the Watchers and their teachings. I understand that identities are complicated, and changing your perspective on who you are is never easy. But being a demon <em>doesn’t</em> necessarily mean being bad. Ultimately, that’s the reason we’ve kept ourselves and the Weapon hidden.” They shrugged, but Buffy saw something sad in their clear eyes. “Our ancestors found prophecies that told of a future where the Slayer would need this Weapon. They tried to work with the Watchers, only to end up tricked and killed, no matter how many times they found someone willing to listen.” The sadness grew for a moment, before their expression turned calmer. “So they hid here, with the Weapon and the few humans who saw beyond their preconceived notions, and made it so that whenever a Slayer <em>did</em> need the Weapon, it would be here waiting for her.” Suddenly they grinned, delight in their eyes. “I don’t think anyone expected it would take quite this long, and I still can’t believe I’m the lucky Il’kat to bring you to it. It really is an honour.”</p><p>“You know,” Spike intervened with a smirk, “you’re awfully calm for someone who’s finally found the reason for their existence.”</p><p>Azac barked a little laugh at that. “As I said, the fight is my life, not just the Weapon and the Slayer. And besides, this Slayer is exceptional enough that I’m still getting used to her and her companion.”</p><p>“Hard to deal with my levels of stunning, I know,” Spike said, and Buffy couldn’t keep in a small laugh.</p><p>Azac kept smiling as they looked Spike up and down. “Yes, vampire, you’re quite breathtaking.”</p><p>“And out of your league, just so we’re clear,” Spike said with a wink, making both Buffy and Azac chuckle this time.</p><p>“Truly not interested, Mr. Fangman,” Azac said. “Although I’ve heard that the bloodsucking can be entertaining… Since you’re single, perhaps there’s someone curious enough to try it once we get to the town.”</p><p>Buffy’s eyes flared, but Azac kept smirking at her in an entirely too self-satisfied way. </p><p>“Uh—no thanks, mate,” Spike said, his voice tight with tension now. “Don’t rightly feel the need to get quite so intimate with any of you lot.” He was very clearly not looking at Buffy, and she was glad, because she felt her face flushing in embarrassment and just a tiny bit of anger.</p><p>She knew that Azac had no idea about what had happened with Riley. She also knew that she had every right to be annoyed at them for making fun of her and Spike. </p><p>“How interesting,” she said, sounding more pissed off than she’d have liked. “Since that’s settled, why don’t you tell us more about this dimension? And why exactly is everything so <em>blue</em>?”</p><p>Azac grinned broadly and launched into a detailed description about their dimension, letting go of the whole boodsucking thing with more ease than Buffy had expected.</p><p>It turned out that this had been the Ilʼkat’s original dimension, and that their race had developed a love for righteous war when other populations had tried to take over their land. Buffy was ready to concede that they weren’t all that different from humans… at least until Azac told them that the Il’kat had contented themselves with their reigns once they’d been firmly established, focusing on peaceful cooperation rather than expansion. <em>That</em> wasn’t at all human-like, if she remembered anything at all from her World History program.</p><p>Then the blue demon told them about how their more magically inclined ancestors had found ways to control the portals, and had used them to travel to different places, including Earth. Azac’s eyes glittered as they talked about what they’d heard of Earth: a paradise-like place, much like their own in many ways, with just a tad less blue. </p><p>(Unfortunately, Azac didn’t seem to know the reason for that. They shrugged and said it had to do with some law of chemistry or another, but Buffy declined when they suggested finding someone in town who could explain it. She definitely did <em>not</em> need a chem lesson on top of everything else, thankyouverymuch.)</p><p>By the time Azac got to the part where the Il’kat had found the Slayer and started their unhappy attempts to join forces with the Watchers, the three of them had stopped for lunch and Buffy’s feet were already complaining—hard.</p><p>After Azac gave a patient explanation of how to go about building a fire, they ate a stew made out of roots they’d found near the camp, along with some more fruit the blue demon had picked up as they walked. Buffy managed not to complain, but her butt was definitely already getting tired of sitting on the ground, and her mouth was missing good old American food. Everything here smelled and tasted so… healthy. Not bad, but not exactly a feast of flavours either.</p><p>When they started walking again, Azac told them about how the Il’kat had planned the paths that connected the portals to the town with convenience in mind. They weren’t the most direct routes, but they all either ran along or intercepted several streams or rivers so that the travellers could always count on a water source. </p><p>And Buffy had to admit that they took them past amazing scenery. The forest around them, with its green and blue leaves, some of which glittered; the birds singing and calling to each other as they flew overhead. She’d only glimpsed a few because their feathers were an array of dark blues and blacks, deep purples and violets, making them almost disappear between the foliage. It had been a while since she’d been in such a peaceful place. It was hard to cling to her worries and fears when Azac kept telling them stories about a far-away past so closely connected to her present, and when the source of her worries was literally a dimension away.</p><p>That didn’t exactly make the guilt go away, of course. And so, every time she felt like the tension in her shoulders had disappeared, she reminded herself that this sense of peace was little more than an illusion, a necessary pause button she’d had to press in order to continue the fight. But it was far from over, and she couldn’t let herself relax yet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you liked the tender moment between Spuffy feel free to let me know, and if you wanna pummel Azac for their fun-making of our duo, I’d love to hear that too haha. I kinda love that smirky menace.</p><p>Ps: no puppies, alien or otherwise, were harmed in the making of this fic. :P</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. V</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Another night out camping with your former nemesis-turned lover-turned complicated ex-turned what the hell even is this now??: is it going to be awkward or a good time?<br/>What about both?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Endless thanks go, as always, to the unbelievably talented Bookishy. Whom we have to thank if Spike isn't very, very rude here.</p><p>Thanks also to everyone who reads, leaves kudos and comments this. You make my days brighter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time they stopped for the night, most of the birds weren’t singing anymore and the light had dwindled, turning the sky a pretty shade of greenish teal. While Buffy wondered if all the blue would eventually get exhausting, at the moment it was still relaxing. </p><p>… Although not as relaxing as slumping down on the ground and taking her shoes off.</p><p>“Aaah,” she moaned as soon as she could wiggle her toes in the air. “I don’t think I’ll have functioning feet by the end of this.” After pouting at her poor feet, she glanced up to see Spike staring at her, a faraway look in his eyes. “Do demon feet hurt as much as Slayer feet, or am I just the lucky one here?”</p><p>Spike seemed speechless for a second. Then he shrugged off whatever was going on in his weird brain and shook his head, grinning a bit.</p><p>“Vamp feet hurt too, pet. Maybe they just take a shorter time to get better.”</p><p>She pouted some more, sighing. “Guess I can’t look forward to a blister-free future. Go me.”</p><p>“We did try to find the most comfortable shoes on Earth, Buffy,” Azac said. She looked up, wondering when they’d gotten comfortable enough to call her by her name. She found she didn’t mind it all that much. “Well, or so the <em> zilac </em>that gathered all those supplies said. I’ve never been there myself, so I wouldn’t really know.”</p><p>“Not interested in seeing the Slayer’s world then, tirem? Seems strange, considering you lot worship her and whatnot.”</p><p>“We don’t worship the Slayer,” Azac said with a small eye-roll, making Spike smirk some more. “And remember the time difference? It’s a bit less convenient for us. Not all of us want to disappear for months at a time.”</p><p>Spike followed Azac when they started looking for rocks to surround the fire. Buffy briefly entertained the idea of helping them, but a single look at her shoes made her stay right where she was.</p><p>“Mm. You telling us there’s a lady waiting for you at the town?” Spike said. When Azac shot him a glance, Spike raised his hands in apology. “Uh, or a tirem?”</p><p>Azac laughed, shaking their head as they continued to pick up rocks. “Definitely not that. You want to say that there’s a <em> zitra </em>waiting for me.” Spike looked at them expectantly, his hands full of rocks, and they grinned slightly. “And yes, there is one.”</p><p>Spike nodded, frowning down at the rocks he was collecting, as Azac started to build the fire at the centre of the glade. It took Buffy a couple of seconds to realise what was making Spike so confused, and she blushed as she noticed the knowing smile on Azac’s lips.</p><p>She caught Spike’s gaze, hoping he wouldn’t put this into words and make them look like rude jerks. But she did have to wonder, because how exactly would a genderless species… do it?</p><p>But then Azac chuckled, looking between them and clearly understanding what was going through their heads. “Don’t worry,” they said, “we know it’s normal for gendered species to wonder. Actually, I had a bet with Zalik—my zitra—on whether the Slayer would ask that question once she arrived. Sad to see that we both lost it, all things considered,” they said, grinning down at Buffy.</p><p>“Uh…” she said, trying her best not to fling her foot in her mouth.</p><p>“Really, I don’t mind,” Azac continued with a shrug. “The truth is, it isn't too different from the way you experience it yourselves. The main point is that instead of having two very different pieces of the puzzle that fit, we have matching sets that fit together in the same way.” They frowned, pausing for a moment. “Or at least that’s how I’ve understood how your system works.” They started lighting the fire, shrugging again. “I’ve never actually seen pictures or anything.”</p><p>Buffy just stared at them, shocked without even knowing exactly why. Maybe it was just the idea that a grown adult, demon or no, could just not know the shape of a… penis. She had the right to be shocked, didn’t she?</p><p>“Well, that’s damn peculiar,” Spike said with a pensive frown.</p><p>“I suppose it would be, for you,” Azac conceded. “I hope that’s enough to sate your curiosity, because I don’t have pictures to show you.”</p><p>“That’s ok!”</p><p>“Bloody pity.”</p><p>Buffy and Spike talked over each other, her embarrassed squeak almost drowning Spike’s murmur. He cocked a brow at her still-shocked expression. </p><p>“What? Don’t tell me you ain’t curious, pet.”</p><p>“It’s—they’re—Spike! It’s private!”</p><p>Spike laughed at that, a full and genuine sound. She had to admit that it was beautiful—and that she wished she heard it much more often than she did.</p><p>“Wasn’t asking them to pull down their trousers or anything, was I? No bad in learning new things about the world, love,” he said with a suggestive smirk. </p><p>The look hit Buffy in the chest, making her heart twist in confused pleasure. When was the last time he’d been, well, flirty with her?</p><p>He must’ve had the same thought, because suddenly the smirk disappeared and he turned his head to study the fire Azac was blowing on.</p><p><em> Oh, right. We don’t flirt anymore. Or, you know, </em> he <em> doesn’t flirt with me anymore… it’s not like I’ve ever done that anyway. </em></p><p>She got it, of course. After all that had happened between them… after <em> that</em>… she didn’t know if she should even appreciate his flirting, let alone miss it.</p><p>That didn’t make the feeling go away.</p><p>“The vampire is right, of course,” Azac said as they stood and brushed off their hands, their calm voice throwing Buffy back into the present. They went back to their backpack and started getting out some of their cooking utensils. “No harm in asking. But I’m not an artist, or a doctor, so I couldn’t do more than just describe it and maybe draw something in the dirt.”</p><p>Buffy stared at them, the embarrassment returning. She glanced at Spike just in time to see him looking away from her.</p><p>“Maybe another time, yeah?” Spike said, taking a pot from Azac. “We’ve already learnt a lot about you people today. You wanna go slow with it, build the suspense.”</p><p>Azac grinned at Spike and set about to prepare another soup. They patiently explained every step to a frowning Spike, who was clearly trying his best to be useful to his two travelling companions.</p><p>She listened, trying to concentrate on the instructions herself, but she couldn’t stop thinking of Spike laughing, and then flirting, and then shutting down, and then doing his best to change the subject because it made her uncomfortable.</p><p>When had Spike ever shied away from a topic just because it made her uncomfortable? </p><p>
  <em> Apparently, he starts doing that after he tries to assault you. </em>
</p><p>Buffy forced herself to shake off the thoughts and listen to the cooking lesson instead. </p><p>The image of his genuine laugh didn't go anywhere, though. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>This time, Buffy didn’t mind Azac’s help in setting up the tent, and Spike helped too—which made the whole Spike-and-I-are-sleeping-together thing even more obvious and awkward. </p><p>She tried to be completely casual about it, but she could feel her cheeks burn as she took out her tent and gestured that Spike could leave his packed. For a moment, she debated whether she needed to add, “If you want to”—but his smile was so delighted, the words never left her lips.</p><p>She kept sending Azac little glances as they helped with the stupid thing. Thankfully, the demon seemed to have a sixth sense about when it was better not to push and stayed perfectly patient and non-smirky, but that didn’t seem to stop her stomach from roiling.</p><p>Or maybe it was because of how delighted Spike looked.</p><p>Soon, Azac bade them good night, with a calm little smile that seemed completely unperturbed by the sight of their long-awaited Slayer preparing to sleep with a vampire right under their nose, again. She didn’t know what to make of it.</p><p>So she did her best to ignore it, as well as the anticipation she could already feel at the idea of arms of Spike. She sat back down in front of the fire instead, wondering whether she could stop her brain from feeling too stuffed of thinky thoughts if she stared at the flames long enough, even with Spike sitting down at her side.</p><p>“Here, let me.”</p><p>Buffy started, her eyes leaving the pretty fire. She’d started massaging one of her feet in the vain hope of making it feel better, and now she was blinking at Spike and his outstretched hand, trying to get her brain to work. “You want my foot?”</p><p>He gave her a genuine smile, to match another genuine laugh, and the effect was devastatingly handsome. “Think you can keep it attached, pet. Just thought I might help with the massage, is all.”</p><p>Buffy just kept blinking at him, her brain providing images of what Spike’s hands were capable of—none of which seemed appropriate for the circumstances.</p><p>Spike’s smile dwindled as his hand retreated. “Or, uh, maybe it’s better—”</p><p>Buffy’s foot was on his lap before he finished the sentence, trapping his hand there. His surprise slowly melted into another small smile.</p><p>Looking back at the fire, she made herself comfortable in her new position, lounging against her half-empty rucksack so she could put both of her feet in Spike’s lap.</p><p>God, his hands could probably get into the Guinness World Records or something. ‘Most Awesome Massaging Skills’ wasn’t the only award name she could come up with, but she was having enough of a hard time stopping herself from moaning to form any coherent thought. His fingers were strong and firm, digging into her arches and stroking the backs of her feet before thoroughly massaging her toes then dragging up to her ankles and starting over from there.</p><p>She closed her eyes and let her head tilt back on her bag. She felt like melting right there in front of the fire, a Buffy puddle on the blue-streaked forest ground.</p><p>Then, unbidden, she felt a rush of wetness between her legs.</p><p>She stiffened, shocked, and felt Spike stop his movements.</p><p>“Pet?”</p><p>She hadn’t even felt aroused! She’d just relaxed for one freaking minute and, and…</p><p><em> And let Spike put his hands on you</em>, a sarcastic voice sounded in her head. <em> What the hell did you expect would happen? </em></p><p>Blood rushed to her face, and Spike started to gently nudge her feet off his lap, fear and worry in his eyes.</p><p>But she didn’t want to see that. She wanted that feeling of finally relaxing back, and dammit, it wasn’t so much to ask! And if her body equalled relaxation by hands of Spike to getting wet, well—well, that’d be it. She could so deal with it.</p><p>She took a deep breath and forced a hopefully encouraging smile on her lips. “Don’t stop, please. Unless—you want to stop,” she added with a stammer. </p><p>Spike stayed still for a long moment. Then his face softened and he gently moved her feet back on his lap. “Only as long as it feels good, yeah?”</p><p>She nodded, stopping herself from saying that it’d probably take several hours for it to stop feeling good; if it ever would.</p><p>She just settled back down instead, letting herself relax again. And if her body thought that meant certain activities would soon follow, well, it’d just have to live with the disappointment. Because no matter how relaxing this was, she knew that there were excellent reasons why she and Spike couldn’t go back to those certain activities.</p><p>Even though she couldn’t remember any just that second.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The truth was that Buffy couldn't really wrap her head around the fact that she was spending her nights in the arms of a vampire. But the night in the stranger’s house had been one of the best moments in her life, and then she’d wanted the comfort of a known presence while lost in the middle of a literal alternate universe, and now…</p><p>Now she wasn’t sure she still had a good enough excuse, but she didn’t want to give it up.</p><p>That was it, ultimately, she thought as she came back from her less-than-stellar toilet trip. (Seriously, how did people do this <em> for fun</em>?) She didn’t want to give it up. She knew for a fact Spike wasn’t at all opposed, and if he was ok with it and she was ok with it and there were no friends and family around to not be ok with it, why would she give it up?</p><p>When she entered the tent and found him sitting there on his blanket, elbows on his bent knees, the way he looked up at her made her heart stutter.</p><p>It wasn’t hope, exactly… well, yes, it was that too. But Buffy knew he expected nothing other than cuddles; so it couldn't be hope for something less innocent. Maybe for the simple fact that she’d be in his arms again? </p><p>She felt herself blush as she looked away. He was technically a cold and dead creature, sure, but his eyes gave her a serious case of hotness.</p><p><em> Not like that! </em> she thought frantically as she took off her jacket. <em> Not like that, because that’s not ok, no. I meant heat of… of… embarrassment, that’s it. </em></p><p>She scowled down at her shoes as she started to take them off again.</p><p>
  <em> But why would it not be ok? In case I was actually interested, why the hell not? </em>
</p><p>Her fingers jerked her laces particularly hard.</p><p>
  <em> Maybe because we were so very good for each other that I almost beat him to death to get him to leave me, and then he tried to rape me when I did? </em>
</p><p>She blinked her eyes quickly, trying to gulp down the knot forming in her throat as she tugged her shoes off with what was probably too much force.</p><p>It wasn’t the same, she knew it wasn’t the same. They weren’t the same people, and she would never, <em> ever </em> do certain things again. And she knew that he wouldn’t either.</p><p>And this was all a moot point anyway because if she felt some comfort in his arms and he wanted to give it, she was damn well entitled to it without worrying about the two of them having sex and ruining it all, dammit!</p><p>“Buffy, you all right?” </p><p>His low voice made her jump. His worried eyes followed her every movement, his body looking tense and rigid all of a sudden.</p><p>“Of course I’m all right,” she heard herself say, her own voice sounding distant. “Why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p>He grimaced slightly. “That’s the only pair of shoes you have, and, even though I know they don’t feel good right now, don’t think you wanna exactly maul them either.”</p><p>She blinked and then looked down, suddenly noticing how hard she’d been squeezing the leather-ish material between her fingers. Slayer-strength hard.</p><p>She let them go abruptly, forcing back her own grimace when they thumped against the ground.</p><p>“Look, pet, I…”</p><p>“No, I’m ok,” she said, trying for a firm tone and landing on commanding. She did grimace then, attempting to soften her voice. “It’s all right, Spike, just… lots of thinky thoughts, I guess.”</p><p><em> Thinky thoughts about you and me and whatever we’re doing, that you </em> really <em> do not need to hear. </em></p><p>He kept staring at her, unconvinced. “Long as you’re sure, Buffy. I can always use the other tent, you need privacy or whatever—”</p><p>“No!” she rushed to say, way too fast. When Spike stilled, she took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second. “Look… I’m just a bit jumpy tonight, but it isn’t because of you.” Vampires can’t tell a white lie, right? “I’m just… I guess it’s all a bit getting to me.”</p><p>A bit of tension left his shoulders and he nodded slowly. “Get that, pet. This was really not what you’d expected.”</p><p>She scoffed. “That’s one way of putting it. God, it’s so… weird. Everything is so weird. Being helped so much by a demon, being in another world, being…” <em> with you</em>. “Well, <em> camping</em>. The whole thing!” She rubbed at her face, suddenly exhausted. “Maybe I just need to sleep.”</p><p>Spike’s eyes were very soft when she looked at him again. “Been told that helps, yeah.”</p><p>Buffy nodded, then she dragged her bag closer and took out a change of clothes. She had decided to use yesterday’s clothes as pj’s after realising she was <em> not </em> going to be able to keep them on for another entire day. She held it to her chest, sending Spike a glance. “Uh…”</p><p>“Oh,” he said, flustered enough that Buffy couldn’t help but smile. “Lemme leave, pet, I didn’t think—”</p><p>“Just close your eyes for a second,” she heard herself say. Spike’s deer-in-headlights look made her realise that might not be the best idea, but the thought of going back on it was even more awkward. “I trust you,” she said, realising the truth of the words as she said them.</p><p>Spike exhaled hard, looked pained for a second, then moved his feet closer to himself. After draping an arm over his knees, he pressed his eyes into it. Buffy thought that it seemed a bit like overkill; but then she thought about what exactly <em> she</em>’d be feeling if he was undressing a few feet from her, in a tent, away from everything and (almost) everyone…</p><p>She changed as quickly as she could.</p><p>When she was done, she cleared her throat, but he didn’t move his head.</p><p>“I’m done, Spike.” </p><p>He finally raised his head then, and Buffy had to stifle an absurd giggle when she saw his bashful look. The man truly never stopped surprising her.</p><p>And then it got awkward, as he moved to lie down further away than she’d expected. They had soft blankets rather than sleeping bags, and the previous night they’d only used his, but this time Buffy took out hers too. She imagined Xander making jokes about how the blankets were meant to turn you into a burrito, and the thought of her friend gave her a pang of bitter nostalgia.</p><p>Really, she had neither the time nor the patience to deal with awkwardness on top of everything. So she moved right next to Spike.</p><p>“Is it ok if I lie down here?”</p><p>Again, the tension seemed to slide right off Spike’s body as he looked at her, the gratitude and awe in his gaze making her feel flushed once more. “Don’t even need to ask, Buffy.”</p><p>She felt her heart fill at that, but tried to force back thoughts that sounded very much like <em> Mine, mine, mine</em>. “I… I think I want us to be people who ask. So I’m asking.”</p><p>When he swallowed visibly before nodding, Buffy thought he understood that she wasn’t really talking about the sleeping arrangements. Or at least, not just that.</p><p>“All right,” he whispered. “I’d love for you to lie down here, Buffy.”</p><p>She nodded too, and then concentrated on smoothing out her blanket. When she felt like if she flattened it any more she might as well go for an iron or something, she finally lay down next to him. <em> Right </em> next to him.</p><p>She scooted against him, under his arm, forehead pressing to his ribs as she folded her arms between their bodies.</p><p>“Is this ok?” she asked. He looked down at her with such a lost expression that she started babbling. “I mean I know it was different last night—and the one before—and it was good! Totally of the good! But it kind of wasn’t, like, exactly the ideal sleeping position and then with the very long walking and—”</p><p>“Shh,” he said simply, one arm holding her close while his other cupped her face. His eyes were so very warm in the firelight that reached the insight of the tent. “This is perfect, Buffy,” he said in a low voice, stroking her cheek with his thumb.</p><p>She closed her eyes, the caress making her whole body feel warmer, regardless of his temperature. “Ok. Good, that’s good.”</p><p>They were silent for a few long seconds, him stroking her cheek, her enjoying the contact of their bodies.</p><p>Then he gave a powerful sigh and shifted. She couldn’t help a small smile as she imagined his look of bliss. She knew she couldn’t think of him as hers, not when she didn’t even know what she wanted from him, but it made her heart feel too full to let the thought go.</p><p>Her insides twisted pleasantly when she thought about the way his body had reacted the last time they’d been so close, and she squeezed her eyes more tightly, not wanting to see the evidence again. She told herself that it was just like her reaction when he’d massaged her feet; a natural response to a moment of relaxation and comfort, no strings attached.</p><p>But ‘no strings attached’ was such a non-Spike notion that even his body probably didn’t work like that. At least not when it came to her, she amended when she thought about Harmony, a flicker of something too close to jealousy lighting up in her chest.</p><p>This line of thinking was definitely dangerous and her peace was rapidly evaporating again; she needed a distraction.</p><p>“Spike?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Tell me another story?”</p><p>He stroked her arm gently through the blanket, making her wish there was nothing between them.</p><p>“Right. So, we’d just arrived in France in ’09, and I was reading <em> The Phantom of the Opera</em>’s weekly chapters to Dru.” She frowned but let the confusing statement go, not wanting to interrupt. “She got it in her head she wanted to meet the Phantom, so we had to go to the theatre every week and search for him…”</p><p>This time he’d barely stopped to think before starting the story, and Buffy had to wonder whether he’d spent their walk deciding on a tale to tell. The thought warmed her chest just as much as his low, quiet baritone, and she fell asleep before she discovered whether there had really been a ghost haunting the Paris Opera.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I personally really like this chapter, but please feel free to disagree in the comments.<br/>And yes, apparently I need to mention the Phantom of the Opera in all of my long stories. I'll see what I can do for the future ones...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. VI</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A sweet moment, a talk about the soul, and some alone-time for Buffy.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bookishy is the best, most patientest beta ever, and I owe her for a lot of the quality of my story.</p><p>Thank YOU for reading! This chapter has a bit less Spuffy cuteness than the previous two, and the slow burn is still burning real slowly, but I hope you'll find the journey worth it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sunlight woke Spike again, the smell of forest and stuffy air and Buffy making him smile before he even opened his eyes. He had an inkling his lady would start clamouring for a bath soon. The thought didn’t help his erection any, but he didn’t let it go, too warmed by the cute image of her wrinkling her nose at whatever lake or river Azac pointed her toward.</p><p>He looked down at the slip of a girl cuddled into his flank. Their position was more innocent than the day before’s, and yet his dick was up and ready, taking her touch as a signal that more was coming soon.</p><p>He didn’t know whether to be dismayed. He’d tried to do the unthinkable to her, and that, more than anything he’d ever done before, made him want to cut his dick off himself. But at the same time, he was only a man… or, well, vampire. It wasn’t inherently disgusting to have a hard-on when the love of your life slept in your arms and made soft eyes at you, was it?</p><p>He gave a short sigh as he reached down to adjust his jeans. Maybe he shouldn’t think about self-flagellation, if she was so willing to be in his arms. But he drew the line at waving his erection in her face.</p><p><em> She didn’t exactly smell unhappy about your touch last night by the fire, did she? </em> a voice whispered. </p><p>He absently licked his lips at the memory. God, yes, she’d smelled aroused. But she’d also looked scared as a rabbit, and even though she’d gradually gone all languid and relaxed, she hadn’t looked at him. It was probably just a physical reaction to touch, to being able to finally relax, but what if it had been a signal, her way of telling him that she was good for something more? But that idea was terrifying, and not just because she may or may not want it to be true. If she ever wanted him to act on anything like that… well, he would definitely need more than just a faint smell of ambrosia and a look of bliss on her face.</p><p>He swallowed, adjusting himself again, and forced his thoughts back to the here and now.</p><p>Soon he could hear faint rustling sounds coming from the other side of the camp; Azac was up, their movements soft as they gathered their things and then left the clearing.</p><p>Spike had to wonder about the blue guy—uh, tirem. They’d clearly been indoctrinated against vampires—which made sense, considering the whole Slayer worship thing they had going on—and yet it had taken them very little to accept his presence. Not only in their travelling party, but even in the Slayer’s tent. Other than a few jokes and funny looks, they’d taken it all in stride. </p><p>He couldn’t decide whether that made them respectful, implicitly trusting the Slayer and her judgement, or just dumb. Christ knew how the Scoobies would’ve rioted, if they’d been here. Tossers had actually fucking kicked her out of her own home for making the right call… if she’d told them she wanted to sleep in the same tent as him, what would they have done? A bloody exorcism?</p><p>Buffy started to make noises against his ribs, her body squirming slightly along his. He decided to let himself concentrate on that feeling rather than the rage he felt for the bloody pillocks who should’ve been her nearest and dearest.</p><p>“Mm…” Her face scrunched up and she started rubbing at her eyes, the gesture ridiculously cute. “I really don’t like camping.”</p><p>He let out a quiet laugh, his hand stroking her arm of its own volition. “Bloody hell, woman. A pretty paradise with non-fatal sunlight, chirpy birds and clean, good-smelling air, and you complain?”</p><p>“Mrpf.” She frowned even harder as she squinted up at him. “Sunlight is always non-fatal to me, you know. And I don’t know about your nose, but mine isn’t too happy about the air quality right now. Ripe Buffy is a bit too much for my tastes.” She closed her eyes as she whined, missing the way Spike licked his lips. “I want a shower. With soap and shampoo and conditioner and a razor and lotion.”</p><p>“All smelling of vanilla?”</p><p>“Not all. I do like to spice it up with different scents, you know,” she said, attempting to sound prim and just managing adorable.</p><p>“Well, don’t know about the smell, but knowing Azac, I’m sure our backpacks have some soap stashed inside too.”</p><p>She pouted, her eyes still closed. He bit his lip hard.</p><p>“But I want to smell good,” she said with a little moan.</p><p>Spike thought it best to keep his mouth shut.</p><p>“Knowing them,” she continued, “Azac probably has one soap bar for everything, including our <em> clothes</em>. I’ve already had to accept no toilet paper; how can you ask me to accept no conditioner?” She let her head fall back on his arm, hard, and finally opened her eyes. “This is a tragedy.”</p><p>He burst out laughing. The responding glint in her eyes only made him laugh more.</p><p>“Gotta love your priorities, kitten,” he said.</p><p>She affected a hopeless air. “You of all people can’t tell me it isn’t! You can smell the disaster, I know you can.”</p><p>He snorted, looking up at the tent ceiling to stop her from seeing his smile.</p><p>“Don’t smell like a disaster to me, Slayer, reckon you know that. But if you’re fishing for compliments, just know that it’d take much longer before I’d ask you to use that soap bar.” He sniffed and grinned. “’Nother twenty-four hours at least, I’d say.” When Buffy slapped him not-so-lightly on his side, he laughed again.</p><p>“Jerk,” she muttered, but he could hear her grin. “Well, all right then, go tell Azac that we need to stop by the river and get ourselves clean at some point today.” She sat up, stretching, and smirked down at him. “So you won’t need to call the smell police on me.”</p><p>“I’m touched,” he said, one hand going to his heart as the other lingered on her blanket, the tips of his fingers touching her leg.</p><p>“I’m gracious like that,” Buffy said, then looked at him expectantly. “What are you waiting for?”</p><p>He snorted and finally sat up too, his hand tracing her back before he stretched. He didn’t miss the way her eyes flared in pleasure, nor could he help but smile as he finally left the tent in search of the blue terim.</p><p>She wasn’t ready for anything more than casual, intimate touches, true. But he could see that she enjoyed every one of them, tentative as she remained.</p><p>The smile never left his lips as he followed Azac’s scent among the trees.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>After deciding to stop for a bath at lunchtime, the three of them tried to walk more quickly than usual, so they could save some of the time they’d lose washing. And all through the walk, Azac kept talking about their world and their people, about the way they’d built various kingdoms all over the planet, and about the city where they kept the Weapon. According to Azac, Ilʼkat from all over came to visit it, and they’d see quite a lot of them once they reached it.</p><p>It all seemed a little too good to be true, but then again, if the rest of this demony lot were as collected and respectful as Azac, maybe it wasn't. Maybe when they reached this bloody weapon, he and Buffy would be surrounded by lovely blue demons trying their very best to accommodate their every need.</p><p>It was just a tad unsettling, was all. </p><p>Still, it wasn’t bad to hear them talking, and Buffy was visibly more relaxed than she’d been at the start of their trip. He wanted to think that their moments together had helped, of course, but it wasn't just that; clearly, as exhausting as this trek was, it was doing her good to have nothing to do but walk through gorgeous surroundings and listen to tales about a different world.</p><p>“So, vampire,” Azac interrupted his musings in a forcibly casual tone. “Any change of heart when it comes to telling me about that soul of yours?”</p><p>Ignoring Buffy’s eyes on him, he gave the demon his best nonchalant grin.</p><p>“What do you wanna know?”</p><p>“Anything and everything you’re willing to share.” </p><p>Azac’s matter-of-fact voice didn’t really help him calm his nerves. Spike looked up at the leaves of the trees. They were beautiful, all blue and green, some of them with indigo or violet edges and veins…</p><p>And yeah, he was stalling.</p><p>He sighed as he looked back down. “Told you the basics. Went to see a demon, asked for my soul, won some trials, got my wish granted.”</p><p>Azac made a <em> mm </em> noise, before asking, slightly more cautiously, “And may I ask why you’d do that, after living a long time as a vampire?”</p><p>Spike frowned. “Still a vamp, you know.”</p><p>“In name, sure.” They shrugged. “But your behavior isn’t that of a vampire, so it’s hard to imagine you as such.”</p><p>Spike worked his jaw, letting the truth of the statement wash over him. It was true enough; he didn’t feel like a fully-fledged vampire anymore. But neither was he a man. So what did that make him?</p><p>
  <em> Bloody desperate for this conversation to be over, is what. </em>
</p><p>“So, could you tell me why?”</p><p>Buffy spoke up before Spike could even glare at them.</p><p>“You know, this is personal stuff. I don’t think you should push.”</p><p>Spike sent Buffy a look, grateful for the intervention even as he wondered whether she was afraid he’d talk about what had happened in her bathroom. Surely she’d know he’d never mention <em> that </em> to a virtual stranger?</p><p>
  <em> Not that I can blame her nerves, either, though… </em>
</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Azac interrupted his thoughts, sounding genuinely abashed even as their icy eyes looked disappointed too. </p><p>He sighed, looking up again for a moment and weighing his next words carefully. “Let’s just say that I’d been hanging with the Slayer and her lot… well, mostly her… for a while. At some point, being a soulless monster just didn’t work, no matter how much I tried for more. Needed to be more myself, is all.”</p><p>There was silence after his declaration, but he didn’t have the stones to look up. He knew he’d just see curiosity in Azac’s eyes, but as for Buffy… he didn’t know what he’d see, and didn’t want to know. Pity, horror, disgust; what good would that do?</p><p>“That’s… really fascinating,” Azac said quietly.</p><p>Spike snorted, shaking his head. “You’d say that.”</p><p>“And this quest to find the demon? How did you know where to go?”</p><p>Spike felt Buffy’s stare like a flame burning the side of his face. He shrugged. “Knew about a blighter that granted wishes after trials. Seemed a mite more reliable than vengeance demons, so I went to investigate.” His fingers tapped his legs; he dearly wished for a cigarette, but he’d smoked his last one earlier. “Local populace seemed keen to send me away, but I wasn’t going to stop until I had what I was looking for.”</p><p>“I wonder if…” Azac stopped talking. When Spike finally looked at them, their expression was sheepish. “Uh—I was just wondering whether, in order to get a soul, you were willing to hurt people.”</p><p>Spike barked out a laugh. “Couldn’t hurt humans, back then.” Azac looked <em> really </em> taken aback at that, almost as much as they’d been about the soul, and Spike laughed again. “Yeah, that’s another long story. Thing is, I’m kinda persistent when I want something.”</p><p>“Make it pig-headed,” Buffy said with an audible smile, and Spike found the stones to meet her gaze. Her eyes were soft enough to melt some of the knot he felt in his chest.</p><p>“Fair to say, yeah,” he nodded. “So I found the cave, got in, and looked around until this huge tosser came to me…”</p><p>As he told the story, he tried to keep his attention on Azac, but he couldn’t help but steal glances at Buffy. To his surprise, she seemed engrossed; all this time, he’d thought she hadn’t asked because she didn’t care, or because she didn’t want to think about the reason he’d done it.</p><p>The truth was that it felt strange to let her know about the trials. Back then, they’d felt like harsh, tall challenges—he remembered what it felt to be invaded by those creepy-crawlies, the disgusting violation of it—but now that he had the soul, they felt insignificant. What she’d gone through by his hand was incomparably worse, and doing something to become better than <em> that </em> was worth far more than a few little fights. Talking about them in front of her only served to make that all the more clear.</p><p>At the same time, she didn’t look underwhelmed. Her eyes seemed concerned, like she wanted to… what, comfort him?</p><p>Maybe the lack of smokes and alcohol was making him see things.</p><p>As Azac continued to ask questions and Buffy kept listening attentively, Spike noticed his tension bleeding off his shoulders. It turned out that having an eager audience was something he’d been sorely missing, and he found himself enjoying recounting his journey to and from Africa, and even a bit about the way he had reacted to the soul. He never went too deep, never let it get too real, as Buffy’s eyes were still on him; but Azac’s genuine curiosity was damn pleasant. Not that he’d ever admit it.</p><p>He ended up telling them about the chip too, and about his stupid attempts to get it out. He didn’t even mind when the both of them laughed at his past schemes. It had been a while since he’d shared a simple connection with someone. Everything with Buffy held such an aching tension, and good luck getting anything but a metaphorical kick from the Scoobies. Even other demons rarely showed more than cordial disinterest. </p><p>He didn't mind it one bit.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Buffy waved her arms in the nearly-transparent water, making it ripple around her as she floated in the cove, stared up at the aquamarine sky, and let her mind wander.</p><p>She’d been thinking a lot about everything Spike had said about the trials he’d faced. He talked about it like it was nothing, but she wasn’t a hundred percent sure <em> she </em>would’ve survived the bug invasion.</p><p>She shivered a bit and firmly pushed away the disgusting imagery as she concentrated on her peaceful surroundings. She had to admit that letting the guys—or, well, the guy and the genderless demon—handle lunch while she luxuriated in the water had been a good idea. Sure, she still felt a bit self-conscious, completely naked in the water, with her boobs just peeking out. And yeah, she felt kinda left out being here all alone while Spike and Azac went off to hunt like some weird, demonic version of Robin Hood and Little John. And ok, so she missed Spike’s smiling eyes and laughter and voice and snarky jokes and…</p><p>She huffed, bringing her arms back to her sides. She was totally joining them, the next time.</p><p>Truth was, she’d had a lot of fun today. There had been that bad moment while they talked about Spike’s soul quest, when everything had gotten all awkward and careful and sad, but then… well, then Spike had let himself go, talking and telling stories and snarking off. Not only that, he’d grinned when they snarked back. The memory made her chest twinge in strange-yet-delightful ways.</p><p>She took a deep breath and dove beneath the surface, trying to distract herself from Spike-shaped thoughts and feelings.</p><p>The fish in this world were weird. First of all, they weren’t really fish; they mostly looked like some sort of odd lovechild of a morey and a snake, with fins all along their backs and clear eyes that always seemed to judge her before they darted away. Apparently, according to Azac, they weren't even any good to eat; hence the hunting, and the leaving of Buffy behind.</p><p>She resurfaced from the clear, clear water, and started to calmly swim towards the shore of the quiet cove.</p><p>Being here still felt very much of the weird. It was a mix of things, she reflected as she leaned down on the shore, her head and shoulders on the glittering, dark sand as her body floated in the shallow water. It wasn’t just the weird colours, with the forest looking more blue than green and the sky looking more green than blue. It wasn’t even the two suns that made everything look like it was constantly touched by firelight.</p><p>It was the peaceful atmosphere. No matter how much she wanted to rage against finding some peace while her world was in apocalypse-level shit, it was hard not to when all around her birds were chirping and suns were shining and leaves were glittering. Every time she tried to cling to the worry, she’d get momentarily lost in a particularly impressive birdsong, or distracted by one of Azac’s stupid little jokes, or she’d look at Spike’s smile… </p><p>It was also the whole befriending-a-demon thing, maybe. Azac was just a nice person. Patient, and kind—or at least they tried to be—and fun to be around. </p><p>It was the way <em> Spike </em> turned out to be just a nice person too, vamp or not.</p><p>She frowned up at the sky, the words wrong in her head. Spike wasn’t just a nice person. Spike wasn’t <em> just </em> anything. He’d tried to be some version of good even when soulless, he’d gone and gotten <em> a soul </em> to be a better person, he would take her side against everyone else and fight right beside her… Spike was a Champion, really.</p><p>
  <em> My Champion. He’s my Champion. </em>
</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to shake the words from her mind, but they were stuck there.</p><p><em> God, I don’t really know what I want from him—from us—and yet here I am, staking my claim, as if he wasn’t his own person. As if I wanted him to consider me </em> his<em>. </em></p><p>She felt a small surge of almost-panic, snapping her eyes open as she tried to look at something, anything to stop it from spiraling.</p><p>She couldn’t go there, she thought, her body deflating in the water. There lay badness and heartbreak and horrible decisions and… hurt. Her mind treated her to a particularly depressing series of spectacularly low low points in their ‘relationship’: the way they’d talked to each other after their first night together, the way she’d hit him behind the police station, the night in the bathroom…</p><p>There lay hurt. For both of them.</p><p>She took a deep breath, and then another, closing her eyes and trying to concentrate on the water lapping at her, on the sand beneath her head and shoulders, on the warmth of the suns.</p><p>The bad memories went away, but in their place came the image of Spike coming here to call her for lunch. Him coming here and finding her like this, naked in the clear, clear water, hair all spread out around her head and breasts all pointed and body all wet and—</p><p>Exasperated, she hauled herself to a sitting position.</p><p>Buffy-brain was apparently unable to relax, all thanks to the bleached menace that kept insisting on being decent and kind and sweet.</p><p>The truth was that she knew he’d never come here, not when he knew she was taking a bath naked, not after what had happened. Spike barely ever initiated contact with her anymore; he’d only intrude on this if it were life-or-death.</p><p>Which, in this almost obnoxious paradise, seemed just as unlikely as Buffy realising what exactly she wanted.</p><p>She snorted. <em> Even then, he probably wouldn’t get too close. I could masturbate and moan and even yell, and he’d just decide to give me privacy. </em></p><p>She didn’t know if she found the prospect endearing or infuriating.</p><p>She looked down at herself as she felt a tingle between her legs. She couldn’t possibly find it hot, could she?</p><p>
  <em> No, you just haven’t had a moment to yourself in… too long to say. </em>
</p><p>She winced, looking away. </p><p>The truth was that she hadn’t really felt, well, <em> it </em> in too long to say. Sure, there had been the occasional moment, but… the more she thought about it, the more she realised it had probably been, like, three literal moments. And they’d been quick and less than satisfactory.</p><p>She glanced down between her legs for a second before looking back up. She still didn’t feel it, not really. <em> Or maybe I do feel it, but I can’t help imagining certain hands and eyes and lips, and that’s just a no-no, so I stop before I begin. </em></p><p>She grimaced again. It was annoying how alone time just made her unable to keep certain thoughts in the back of her head where they belonged. She was <em> definitely </em> going to join Spike and Azac the next time they went hunting.</p><p>It was frustrating, that was it. It was all so damn frustrating. She couldn’t let herself enjoy sex back when she was using him, and now she couldn’t let herself enjoy masturbation because… because the few times she’d tried she’d kept seeing <em> him</em>. And then she felt guilty for seeing him, because of what he’d done. And now she felt guilty for feeling guilty, considering how kind and gentle and considerate he was, and patient and sweet, and—</p><p>She couldn’t deal with all this, she realised as she felt her eyes tear up. Despite the lovely birds and colours and peace, she still couldn’t figure out what exactly she wanted from Spike, from herself, from the two of them. Did she really just want him to hold her? But how was that ok, when she knew how much he loved her, how very much not enough that was for him?</p><p>Her hands balled into fists at her sides, and she was trembling slightly in her effort not to cry.</p><p>Then again, why wasn’t it ok for her to find some peace in his arms if he offered, after everything she’d been through? Did she really not deserve some peace, ever? He seemed happy enough to hold her. So why couldn’t she finally have something to herself, even if she couldn’t define what she wanted?</p><p>She took a heaving breath as tears left her eyes, and she placed her forehead on her knees, her arms hugging her legs.</p><p>Finally, Buffy just let herself cry.</p><p>She couldn’t even tell why. Images whirled in her mind, memories that only made her cry harder. Spike’s face when he told her his love expected nothing from her, the sight of his arms around her; and then his face when he’d tried to rape her and when he’d realised what he’d done, when she’d told him yet again how she could never love him.</p><p>She kept crying as she thought of Xander, poor Xander, who’d lost his eye and hadn’t even gotten a hug from his so-called best friend because she’d been too busy fighting a war. </p><p>Willow, with her magic and her grief, her eyes without the spark Buffy had always loved, full of fear instead.</p><p>Giles, who had abandoned her, and then trusted her so little when he returned that he’d tried to have Spike killed, just because she’d dared to rely on him.</p><p>Dawn, who Buffy knew wanted nothing more than her attention and presence, yet that was the one thing Buffy never had the time or energy to give.</p><p>And all of them, <em> all of them</em>, telling her that she should actually leave her own house, because she wasn’t reliable anymore, because they wanted <em> Faith </em> to lead…</p><p>She kept crying and crying, and when the image of her mom popped up in her head, it made her cry some more. God, if only she could see her mom again…</p><p>After what seemed like forever, the sobs subsided into little sniffles and hiccups, and finally just heaving breaths, and then a deep sigh. Her blurry vision made everything look extra-glittery around the cove, and she swallowed at the thought of how she must look, naked and huddled, all sopping wet in the water of an alien world.</p><p>“Buffy?”</p><p>She jumped at Spike’s voice, her heart beating madly at the idea of him seeing her like this. But of course, he was keeping his head low, even from a distance and with several trees between them. She didn’t know if she was relieved or disappointed.</p><p>“Yes?” She wished her voice sounded firmer, but at least she wasn’t sobbing anymore.</p><p>Spike hesitated for a moment. “Lunch is almost ready.” Another pause, and she thought she saw him shuffle. “You all right, pet?”</p><p>She couldn’t help a small smile at his clear concern. “Yeah,” she said, far too breathily. “I’ll—I’ll be right there.”</p><p>Silence again. “You take as long as you want, love. I’ll just wait for you, all right?”</p><p>And if that wasn’t Spike in a nutshell, she didn’t know what was. The problem was that Buffy didn’t know if, after making him wait, she’d take him after all.</p><p>“Thank you, Spike.”</p><p>She saw him shuffle again. “It’s a pleasure, Buffy. You know that.”</p><p>She really hoped Spike wasn’t just talking about lunch, because otherwise he was getting far too emotional about it. </p><p>She saw his black form disappear behind the trees as he went back to their camp, and she gave another shuddering sigh. Time to put her damp clothes back on and pretend she was mostly ok. </p><p>After rinsing the sand out of her hair, she gave the secluded little cove a last longing glance, then wrung out her hair and re-dressed in her dryest clothing. Scooping up the rest of the wash—Azac and Spike had left theirs too—she walked barefoot towards their little camp in a glade. By the time she arrived, the smell of cooking meat was making her mouth water.</p><p>Buffy did her best to smile reassuringly at Spike, but as usual, the insightful vamp saw right through her. As she watched his worried expression, she didn’t know if she felt more annoyed or touched by the way he noticed everything. It was as frustrating as it was sweet to be so seen.</p><p>And true, she didn't know what she wanted from him or from the two of them together, but there was something she did know: she liked his attention, his tender hyper-awareness. She didn’t know if it was ok, considering her eternal insecurity about anything heart-related, but she did know that, at least.</p><p>She knew she liked his kind, attentive gaze on her. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What do you think? Too angsty for the rest of the fluff-fest that is this fic?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. VII</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spike sets out to discover whether he can freckle, and he and Buffy go on a ride together.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bookishy needs a medal. 'Nuff said.</p><p>Thank you also to everyone who reads and makes writing this AWESOME. ♥</p><p>This is my favourite chapter I've written so far. In a stunning turn of events... it's ridiculously fluffy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the next few days, the three of them found themselves having more and more fun, even if it was still weird to Buffy how much she enjoyed Azac’s company; sure, she’d had peaceful interactions with demons before, but she’d never felt such ease. The more time passed, the more she thought Azac could fit right in with the old Scoobies.</p><p>And then, of course, there was Spike. They’d never laughed so freely, the snark and banter returning to their old glory, minus the meanness. It was all obnoxiously positive—so much so that a voice in her head kept insisting that relaxing like this was bound to come back and bite her in the ass in the form of some surprise trouble.</p><p>But she was increasingly tired of worrying, and besides, she was the Slayer; if trouble did arrive, she’d just kick it in the face.</p><p>Of course, that didn’t stop the pangs of guilt from coming, guilt about Dawn and her friends and her entire world waiting for her, facing the First alone. She knew, in theory, that the time difference meant this worry didn’t make much sense; but lots of things could happen in sixteen hours, and besides, her heart hadn’t yet gotten the memo from her brain. It still <em> felt </em> like she was making them wait much longer than that.</p><p>Still, every time she thought about that, all she could picture was their accusing-slash-disappointed faces as they kicked her out. Every time she thought about that, her heartbeat quickened and her breath shortened, so she did everything in her power to distract herself.</p><p>Which became increasingly easy once Spike decided to see if he could actually get a tan.</p><p>He looked ridiculous, with his coat partially sticking out of the backpack, and the backpack itself giving him more of a hiker air than that of a century-old badass vampire. </p><p>But there was also Spike chest to look at, lots of Spike chest to look at, and that wasn’t ridiculous at all. In fact, it wasn’t <em> enough </em> Spike chest to ogle, since the straps kinda covered things. But then they did also… accentuate other things. Like the way one nipple would peek out when he turned a certain way. Or the way his muscles seemed even more attractive in the warm sunlight, skin less pale than it appeared in their world. Or the way she could see them shifting beneath the skin of his back when he bent down to get something…</p><p>So, Buffy might’ve been blushing a bit. And Azac might’ve been smirking way too infuriatingly. And Spike might’ve been flexing his muscles more than strictly necessary. But she guessed she couldn’t blame them much more than she could blame herself, so she kept her mouth shut and just kept walking. After all, the vegetation <em> was </em> getting thinner, so she just didn’t have that many things to look at. It was only natural her eyes would fall on Spike’s naked torso. Perfectly natural.</p><p>Of course, if <em> Azac </em> didn’t stop checking out her vampire, she might get cranky.</p><p>“So, what’s up with the fewer trees, Azac?” she said. </p><p>The alien demon’s eyes lingered on Spike’s chest for a few more moments, making Buffy frown, before they smiled at her. “We’re coming to a prairie. Tonight we’ll be able to see all three of our moons in the sky, and more stars than we could ever see in the forest.”</p><p>Buffy blinked at that. “Three moons?”</p><p>“Yes, we have three moons. I guess you haven’t noticed, considering your attention lies mostly elsewhere at night.” </p><p>Buffy’s cheeks flushed immediately, and she had to force herself not to look at Spike. </p><p>“Huh,” he said from her side. “Always something new, huh?”</p><p>“It couldn’t be any other way,” Azac conceded, before giving his chest another long look. </p><p>Seriously, had they suddenly forgotten about boundaries? They’d never looked at <em> her </em> chest like that. And yes, it <em> was </em> different when she was the one doing the ogling—uh, the looking. It so was different.</p><p>“Eyes up here, terim,” Spike said with a grin.</p><p>Azac burst out laughing, icy eyes dancing. “Of course. I apologise if I made you uncomfortable.”</p><p>“Not at all,” Spike said pleasantly, “always like being ogled.”</p><p>If the two jerks didn’t stop smirking, Buffy would have to do something drastic.</p><p>“I was just wondering whether you might get a sunburn,” Azac said. “I have no idea the effect our suns have on alien skin, and carrying a backpack on burned skin isn’t the best feeling.”</p><p>Spike shrugged. “Will heal if it comes to that, yeah? Keep wondering if I’ll freckle, is all.”</p><p>Buffy had the sudden image of a freckled Spike, little spots making his skin a star chart that she could follow with her eyes and fingers and tongue…</p><p>When she saw Spike’s delighted glance, she flushed even more and looked away.</p><p>“Fair enough,” Azac said, returning their gaze to the road—but not without checking out Spike one last time. “There is one thing we might want to keep a lookout for, in the prairie we’re going to cross.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Spike asked, adjusting the straps on his chest. Buffy followed the motion with due attention, just in case… just in case. “A beastie to hunt or a demon to slay?”</p><p>“No,” Azac said with a small laugh. “Just the <em> latir</em>.” At Spike and Buffy’s blinking expressions, they continued. “The latir are… well, think about your horses, but with the temperament of your, uhm, bulls?”</p><p>“Huh,” Buffy said. “Fun times ahead.”</p><p>Azac shrugged. “They’re magnificent creatures. Unfortunately, we don’t have animals like your horses; these are the closest equivalent, but they’re definitely not tameable.”</p><p>“That a challenge I hear, terim?”</p><p>“I like a challenge,” Buffy said with a grin. Sure, she’d never been attracted to the idea of riding a horse, but she couldn’t just let Spike show her up, could she?</p><p>“This might be a bit much,” Azac said patiently. </p><p>“You got the Slayer and a bloody brilliant vamp here. You can bet your blue ass we’ll get it done.”</p><p>Buffy nodded. “Yep. And if we could tame them, we’d be much faster, wouldn’t we?”</p><p>For some reason, the thought wasn’t as attractive as it should have been. Her eyes strayed to—<em>no</em>, the reason definitely wasn’t that she’d get less of Spike’s chest in the sunlight. It wasn’t!</p><p>“If you could, that would be true, yes,” Azac said. “But you can’t.”</p><p>Spike barked a laugh as Buffy shook her head. The Il’kat had no idea who they were dealing with.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>A few minutes later, they were finally in the prairie. It was gorgeous. </p><p>The grass was tall, reaching to just above Buffy's elbow, and the colours were once again all weird. The sky was a bright aquamarine that got greener closer to the horizon; there were no clouds to cover the fiery suns, and Buffy was sure that she could see a red moon near the horizon. The tall grass wasn’t green or yellow like on Earth, but started out a deep wine-colour at the base before turning to light lilac on the tips. </p><p>Azac had stopped at the edge of the trees, as if expecting her and Spike to need a moment to enjoy the view; they’d been right.</p><p>“Beautiful, isn’t it? It’s one of my favourite places.” They were sporting a sweet, wistful look. </p><p>“What a sight,” Spike murmured. </p><p>Buffy looked up and their gazes met, and God, she loved the wonder in his eyes. It kinda reminded her of the way he sometimes looked at her.</p><p>She forced herself to gaze back at the colourful grass. “Does the river cross the prairie?”</p><p>“It does,” Azac said, nodding to the stream of water several hundred feet away. It left the forest and disappeared in a patch of grass that was more violet and bluish. “We’ll reach it by the end of the day, but it’ll take more to get across the prairie. If you don’t get dragged back into the forest by the latir, that is.”</p><p>Spike snorted as Buffy tsked.</p><p>“You’re gonna know better by the end of the day,” Buffy said, tossing her hair back. Which was kinda ruined by the stupidly tall backpack, but she couldn’t only have wins.</p><p>Still grinning, Azac led them into the tall grass.</p><p>While the path was wide enough for two of them to walk side by side easily, three was more of a stretch. Buffy couldn’t complain when it was Spike who ended up to her left, but she did make it a point to look at the grass too, rather than just… other things.</p><p>She let her hand trail through the tall blades, wondering how they could be so soft. Little flowers were scattered here and there, all in bright combinations of magenta, lilac and sky-blue. They were gorgeous, so she plucked one and brought it to her nose.</p><p>They smelled lovely too.</p><p>With a wistful sigh, she tried to put the small flower in her hair, behind her ear, but it wouldn’t take.</p><p>“Here, pet, let me.” </p><p>She turned to find Spike plucking a bigger twig, one with several bright flowers. He hesitated a moment, eyes searching hers; then he delicately tilted her chin, touching her hair and ear as he set the flowers behind it.</p><p>She felt her ear flush at his touch, and then her cheeks. And then she wished for a mirror, just to check if the colours looked good on her, because they were cold ones when she knew warm ones fit her better… but Spike was giving her one of those looks, like the one he’d given the prairie. So she guessed she was all right.</p><p>“Thanks,” she said, her voice soft.</p><p>His smile was even softer, his fingers still touching her cheek lightly. “You look beautiful, Buffy.” Then he moved his hand back, rubbing his neck. “Should probably catch up with Blue, yeah?”</p><p>She nodded, because they’d apparently stopped walking during the flower-behind-earing—not that she’d noticed.</p><p>As they resumed walking, closer this time, Buffy had to wonder what would happen if their hands brushed. Would it be like one of those movies, with the ‘accidental’ touch turning into real hand-holding? It wasn’t like they hadn’t done it before. They’d held hands as soon as they’d gotten here, in fact, so really it should be ok…</p><p>She was snapped back to the here and now when Azac started singing. Their voice wasn’t the most beautiful thing she’d ever heard or anything, but they could carry a tune, and the music sounded sweet and melancholic. She couldn’t decide whether it made her want to hold Spike’s hand more or less. It wasn’t like Azac would tell her it was immoral, and that she should stop dating vampires, and how could she forget all the things he’d done, and… well, anything that her friends would say, basically. Sure, there had been the initial mistrust, but now they just seemed endlessly amused by this weird dance she and Spike were doing.</p><p>So really, it should be all right. And besides, now that Azac was all distracted with their music, they wouldn’t even notice. Buffy would just need to move her hand a bit more… just a bit more…</p><p>Azac stopped singing abruptly, and Buffy heard a rumbling sound in the distance. Disappointed, she left her hand where it was.</p><p>“And that would be the latir,” their guide said, looking towards the left. </p><p>She followed their gaze, and her eyes widened. She was starting to understand why these things hadn’t been tamed.</p><p>Even from a distance, they were huge. Buffy knew she wasn’t the tallest person in the world—it still burned that Dawn had shot up past her, the not-so-little brat—but these latir thingies were something else. As a herd of at least twenty-five bluish animals approached, she realised Spike only came up to their shoulders. And as they ran straight towards the three of them, a little chill trailed up her spine.</p><p>“Uh, Azac… you’re sure we shouldn’t worry?”</p><p>“They won’t attack if unprovoked,” they said in a calm voice, their eyes never leaving the latir. “They’re fairly easy to provoke, though, so try not to move until they’ve decided we’re not interesting.”</p><p>As Buffy looked back at the latir, her hand shot out to grip Spike’s. A second later the herd was racing around them, their shoulders almost three feet over the grass tips, until they came to an abrupt halt, surrounding them in a semicircle to stare with clear, lilac-tinted eyes. They were incredibly strange. Their limbs were tall and thin, which made them look much lankier than horses; in a flash of insight, she realised that their lithe-looking bodies reminded her of a cheetah’s. But their fur had indigo and violet stripes, with streaks of amethyst on their chests, around the eyes, and on their thin bellies. And their muzzles were longer, more like those of herbivores, but still pretty scary.</p><p>Spike’s hand squeezed hers lightly.</p><p>“So,” he said in a quiet, measured voice that only made a few latir ears flick. “Azac, you’d say that the best time to try and get on one of these is after they’re done with this inspection?”</p><p>“I’d say the best time is never,” Azac said in the same tone. “But if you do want to try, then yes, wait a minute or so. When the herd’s attention leaves us, they’ll stop defending one another and you’ll be able to try and get on one.” They paused for a second. “Just remember that it would be a terrible loss if you had to kill them.”</p><p>Buffy sent Spike a side glance. She couldn’t believe he was actually considering it! Sure, these animals looked made for running. And sure, if she could get home earlier than in sixteen hours, Earth-time, she couldn’t say no, but… maybe it wasn’t worth it after all. </p><p>And not just because it would cut into her sunlit-chest ogling time.</p><p>But then Spike was grinning madly at her and yeah, of course he’d do this.</p><p>“Ready, pet? Can already see them relaxing. I take the bigger one here to the right with the dirty muzzle, you take the smaller one with the notched ear?”</p><p>She snorted. “Of course you’d go for the bigger one,” she said, returning his squeeze before letting go of his hand.</p><p>Spike chuckled, sounding delighted. “Think I’ll race you with mine, once it’s all good and tamed.”</p><p>Buffy was starting to think they wouldn’t be, but she couldn’t help but thrill a little at the thought of racing him. So she smiled as the latir snorted and started to shuffle backwards, deciding one by one they weren’t a menace.</p><p>She and Spike exchanged wide grins.</p><p>“Ready to lose, pet?” he asked, shedding his backpack, his chest completely naked at last.</p><p>“You know I’ll always win against you, Spike,” she answered while doing the same with her own bag.</p><p>His grin only widened. “Then show me, love. We both know I love seeing you come out on top.” </p><p>Then he winked at her and leaped forward, and she followed, adrenaline racing through her as she jumped on the biggest latir, the one Spike had wanted for himself. Just so he remembered who was boss.</p><p>Then again, maybe she should’ve let him have it, because the monster beneath her jerked so hard she almost fell off. </p><p>But she held on, hands gripping the streaked fur like a lifeline, thighs clamping around the latir’s back. The latir did not appreciate it, going by the way it started jerking and leaping from side to side.</p><p>“You gotta follow its movements, pet!” Spike yelled, laughter in his voice.</p><p>Buffy tried to send him a glare, but she hardly managed, scared that if she moved her attention she’d be flung several feet in the air.</p><p>“If I follow its movements, I’m gonna end up on the moon!”</p><p>Spike laughed again, the sound making Buffy smile even as the angry animal twisted and jerked. And then, after one last jerk, it made a strange guttural sound and started running.</p><p>“Spike!”</p><p>“That’s it, Buffy!” he yelled behind her, still laughing. “Come on, you blue beast, follow—ah!”</p><p>Buffy found the strength to look back even as her latir kept jerking, and she couldn’t help laughing herself: Spike was also holding on for dear life, laughing like a madman, his face the picture of a little boy riding a roller-coaster for the first time.</p><p>His latir ran fast enough to reach hers and Spike looked at her, yipping in joy. She followed suit, the sounds broken in pants every time their animals jumped, or jerked, or tried to kick them off. They ran and ran, and suddenly Buffy realised that even though they kept circling back, she had no idea where Azac was.</p><p>“Spike!” she said, voice high with laughter, “Spike, this isn’t working!”</p><p>“Don’t know what you mean, Slayer!” he yelled back, gasping out a chuckle when his latir kicked back so hard his face almost slammed forward against its head. “We got this!”</p><p>“Spike, come on!” Buffy tried her Slayer tone, but it sounded like her high-Buffy tone. Which she hadn’t even known she had. “We should get back to Azac, to the path!”</p><p>“Right on,” Spike said, visibly trying to steer the latir to the left with his fingers in its fur.</p><p>Buffy did the same, finally noticing that the latir’s coat was actually pretty soft—but the animal went in the opposite direction, again trying to kick her off.</p><p>“Maybe Azac was right!”</p><p>“Don’t ruin my fun, Slayer!” Spike shot back, but he was still grinning.</p><p>“Spike, we should get back now!” she insisted, looking up to see him actually pout even as he was almost thrown off.</p><p>“Make me!”</p><p>Buffy’s heart leapt at the words and she couldn’t help grinning at the absurd idea in her brain. She just had to do it.</p><p>So she bent her leg up, tried her best to get some kind of balance, waited until her animal gave another jerk—and then leapt straight into Spike, shocking him enough to make him let go. They tumbled to the ground, Spike wheezing out a ridiculous laughter as he thumped against the tall grass. She sounded just as silly, the two of them rolling as the still-running latir made triumphant noises and raced away.</p><p>Buffy and Spike kept going until they came to a stop with him above her, but they continued to laugh, the sounds gasping and wheezing and all the more hilarious on their own.</p><p>Their laughter petered out slowly, until they were both panting with its last remnants, and Buffy could think enough to notice what was around her: tall grass, a bright sky up ahead, and Spike’s solid, half-naked body sprawled over hers, making her breath come shorter with its weight. </p><p>He didn’t stop smiling even when their laughter ended, his eyes incredibly happy, little lines at their corners—and all right, maybe it wasn’t just his weight that made her short of breath.</p><p>“Haven’t had so much fun in ages, pet,” he said between pants, shifting some of his weight off her and on his arm; Buffy told herself she didn’t miss it. </p><p>His hand came up and he moved her hair from her face, making her blush at the thought of how she must look. She was suddenly very aware of her own hands too, both on his naked arms; his lukewarm skin made her want to touch him all over, to see just how much heat he could take from these suns.</p><p>“I feel like I’ve never had this much fun, ever,” she managed to say, realising she was still smiling too.</p><p>“Pft,” he said, his eyes roaming over her face and hair as he finished adjusting it to his pleasure. “Sure you did. Just had too many horrible moments to remember it, love.” He looked her in the eyes again, making her heart thump faster. His hand stilled on her cheek, thumb stroking it softly. “Just happy to remind you of them.”</p><p>Buffy didn’t know what to say, so she kept her mouth shut. And maybe she was grinning like a loon and looked ridiculous—did this grass leave lilac stains?—but she just didn’t care.</p><p>Her hand moved on its own accord, sliding up his arm, to his shoulder, until she was cupping Spike’s face too. “Thank you.”</p><p>Spike bit his lip and leaned down, and for a wild moment Buffy was sure he would kiss her—but then his lips found her forehead instead. She sighed, disappointment and relief flooding her at the same time.</p><p>“My pleasure,” he whispered against her skin. Then, with what looked like an enormous effort, he rolled off her and sat up.</p><p>Buffy stayed down for a couple of seconds more, breathing a bit harder than necessary and telling herself she was fine with Spike’s newfound restraint.</p><p><em> Yep. Totally fine. Do not want him to make the first step about us, nope. I want to be in charge here and wait for the moment </em> I’m <em> completely comfortable with us being all coupley. Hundred percent. </em></p><p>She mentally rolled her eyes and sat up, trying to assess the damage. Apparently, this grass did leave stains, but the clothes weren’t hers anyway, right? She raked her hair back, telling herself she didn’t want to impress anyone with clean clothes and perfect hair and possibly good smell rather than latir-and-lilac-grass smell. And that she didn’t want to wash the stains off anyone’s naked torso, either. Nope. No, ma’am.</p><p>“Azac!” Spike boomed suddenly, making her jump and stop ogling him to glare. He sent her a grin and cupped his hands around his lips. “Azac!” Then he waited, tilting his head, and nodded once. “That way, love,” he said while pointing somewhere to her right.</p><p>“I can’t believe you’re using yelling as a locating system,” she grumbled as she stood, trying to pat herself clean and failing miserably.</p><p>“Perfectly sound strategy, pet,” he said with a shrug, looking her up and down once he was up too. “You look fabulous in these colours, you know.”</p><p>“Shut up,” she muttered, then tittered when she looked up at the mess that was his hair. “And you look just like a kid.” He frowned and moved his hands up but she stopped him. “Let me,” she said in a soft voice.</p><p>Spike’s hair had lost its perfect slicked-back-ness around the third night of sleeping away from a comb, but this was the worst she’d seen it yet. Or, you know, the best, depending on your perspective. It was all ruffled and starting to curl, just like when he was fresh out of the shower, or when she used to desperately grip at it while he fucked her.</p><p>She forced herself back to the present, reaching up to pluck at the pieces of wine-and-lilac grass, trying to stroke his hair back and failing, his slight curls staying put. Her fingers threaded through his strands for a while longer than necessary and his eyelids lowered, his breath coming slightly harder.</p><p>She smiled, hands stroking his face once on their way down. Then she turned and started to walk in what she hoped was the right direction, calling back once she was a few feet away.</p><p>He only followed her after a beat or two, and she grinned in victory.</p><p>
  <em> That’ll teach ya, you self-restraining jerk. </em>
</p><p>She kept smiling all through their walk, the two of them sharing thoughts on the latir as they went. She'd meant what she'd said while they were in the grass—she really couldn’t remember ever having so much fun. She could think of some moments with Xander and Willow, back when they’d been younger and closer… but she didn’t want to think about how much that had changed, so she forced herself into the moment. Between Spike’s happy eyes and his naked chest, it wasn’t all that hard.</p><p>It took them a while, and a few more bellows from Spike, to finally reach Azac. They’d apparently decided to carry Spike and Buffy’s backpacks and do some walking too, because they weren’t where the latir had found them.</p><p>Azac looked them over, an overly satisfied expression on their face. “Had your fun?”</p><p>“Damn right we did,” Spike said.</p><p>Buffy just tried to keep her face composed. “We could totally have tamed them. It would just have taken too long, that’s all.”</p><p>Azac tried to keep their expression neutral, but failed spectacularly. Buffy just rolled her eyes and took her backpack, hoisting it up as Azac laughed.</p><p>“You should have seen the looks on your faces once you mounted them,” they said once they had a bit more control. </p><p>Buffy huffed. “Well, at least we tried!”</p><p>“Oh, we all try,” Azac said, “we just know we’ll never win them over.”</p><p>“Sounds like a load of crap to me,” Spike said good-naturedly as he reclaimed his own pack. Buffy sighed just a little bit. “Can’t believe you can’t ever tame them, they’re just animals.”</p><p>Azac shrugged. “I’ve been told they are like the zebras in your world.” At Spike and Buffy’s looks, they raised their arms. “I don’t know what those are, but apparently they are just as untamable.”</p><p>Buffy and Spike shared a look. “Huh,” she said, “I didn’t know that.”</p><p>Azac just smiled before starting to walk once again.</p><p>Buffy had to wonder, for a moment, how exactly it must feel for them. Their people had been waiting centuries for the Slayer to appear, preparing paths and guides and luggage for her… and then here she was, making eyes at a vampire and complaining about her new not-trendy-enough clothes and having fun with the local fauna, just for the heck of it. With said vampire.</p><p>Yet again, she asked herself whether this calmness was their approach to things as a people—being so very chill about surprises—or if it was just Azac. It all hit her all over again, how much she could still not know about the world and the creatures in it and outside of it.</p><p>She pushed that thought away too, although this time with no persisting sense of guilt; she couldn’t do anything about her inexperience, outside of trying to keep an open mind. And when she looked at Spike, at the delight on his face after their ride, she was only more determined to do so.</p><p>She was starting to see what she wanted from him, all right. Now it was just a matter of assuring herself that it was ok, and finding the strength to go after her wishes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I would like to thank bewildered's superb The Spuffy, the Witch, and the Utility Shed for the delicious image of freckled Spike. I think we should all be thankful for that inspiration; Buffy and Azac sure are.</p><p>In case you were wondering: nope, you can't tame zebras. Check these out if you're curious: https://youtu.be/9pJzv73j2Yw and https://youtu.be/wOmjnioNulo<br/>And didn't I say it was gonna be ridiculous?? Now I need to go horseriding. Damn my limited wallet...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. VIII</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Buffy and Spike finally have a long-overdue talk, and then things start to heat up.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I apologise for the delay. Life has been messy, and my lovely, awesome, brilliant beta bookishy and I have been a bit busy. I hope you’ll like what happens in this huge chapter, which is a bit of a rollercoaster. ;)</p><p>Thank you as always for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy was right on the precipice of waking, but her mind refused to leave her dream, a blissful one full of caresses that weren’t as innocent as the ones she and Spike had been sharing for almost a week now. A dream of softness and hardness and heat and…</p><p>She opened her eyes, inhaling hard. It wasn’t a dream.</p><p>Spike was plastered to her back; his hand had sneaked up to cup her breast firmly, his nose was buried in her hair near her neck, and their flush pelvises meant she could feel his hard cock right against her ass.</p><p>He must’ve been having the same dream, because he hummed low in his throat as he moved against her, his hand making her nipples tingle and sending a rush down between her legs, where she couldn’t help but crave a much firmer movement.</p><p>She bit her lip, willing her body still. She couldn’t push back into him. Could she? They hadn’t talked about this, they hadn’t even kissed, for God’s sake! And there was the baggage and the fear and the uncertainty and—</p><p>Spike hummed again, hugging her close and thrusting against her, and she couldn’t keep in the moan anymore.</p><p>Spike inhaled, hard enough for her to hear it, and then, all of a sudden, she knew he’d woken up: his whole body stiffened, and the coolness of his breath on her ear ended.</p><p>And then he was scrambling back, his voice horrified. “Buffy, I’m sorry, Christ, I didn’t mean—” By the time she turned, he was against the tent fabric, pressing it outwards in his attempt to put more space between them, looking anywhere but at her. “I didn’t—thought it was a dream, I wouldn’t—”</p><p>“Spike,” she tried to reassure him, but he looked too horrified to hear her.</p><p>“I’d never do that, not ever again, Buffy, God…”</p><p>“Spike!” she repeated, taking a deep breath when he finally met her eyes, if only for a moment. “Spike, please, it wasn’t… it’s ok, you don’t need to worry about it.”</p><p>He gave a weak, incredulous laugh, his arms going to clutch his belly as his knees rose. Seeing him balled up in a defensive position was like a punch to the gut, a reminder of when she’d visit him in the school basement.</p><p>She sat up and hugged her own legs, trying for an encouraging voice. “I’m serious, Spike. You were dreaming, I was dreaming, it… it happens.” <em> And besides, I didn’t entirely mind it and was already thinking about naked sexy times, so really, no need to worry. </em></p><p>But the very fact that the words weren’t leaving her lips made her think that maybe there was something to worry about. Maybe it was just the horror in his eyes, the shame that reminded her of the expression he’d worn <em> that </em> night after she’d kicked him away… or maybe it was the fact that they <em> hadn’t </em> talked about any of it yet. Or maybe a combination of everything, really. The fact was, she wasn’t running into his arms, so maybe they should actually, well, talk.</p><p>The thought was terrifying. She sent a long, wistful look to the tent’s opening. What if she just reassured him it was okay then made excuses about needing to pee? After, she could avoid the conversation by sticking with Azac. She knew he wouldn’t insist, not with the current respect-of-Buffy’s-boundaries thing he had going on. She’d get back to her peaceful glittery days here on Yltra and…</p><p>She sighed. That was a stupid idea and she knew it. Besides, one look at Spike sent a hard jab through her heart: his eyes were wet, and his gaze was stuck on the ground between them. She couldn’t leave him like this. Hell, she didn’t want to leave <em> herself </em> like this, plagued by this constant sense of everything between them remaining untold, uncleared, and unresolved. She may not yet be certain about wanting them to be together, but she <em> was </em> certain that she was sick and tired of suffering—and of seeing him suffer—because of their past.</p><p>“Spike, we… we should really talk about this.” </p><p>Spike just nodded, making her wish for more nerve than she currently possessed. </p><p>It took her a few long, long seconds to finally gather the strength to inhale and start talking again.</p><p>“This isn’t… it isn’t remotely like what—what happened last year.”</p><p>“Isn’t it?” he asked, his voice dull. “Me touching you without your consent. Feels the same to me.”</p><p>“Spike, please listen to me. Why would I say it if I didn’t mean it?”</p><p>He let out a small, desperate laugh. “I don’t know, Buffy. I don’t even know why you’d let me touch you.” He closed his eyes, and Buffy’s heart constricted as she saw one tear trace his cheek. “I… I tried to rape you, Buffy. Try not to think about it, but…” He shook his head, then shuddered. “Hard not to when I molest you in your sleep.”</p><p>“Spike.” Her voice was firm enough to make him look up, but he still didn’t meet her eyes. “Look, what happened back then was… horrible. You know that as well as I do. But we’re different people now. I’ve changed too. I… I was in a terrible place, and it’s not like I didn’t do my share of damage.”</p><p>Spike laughed again, the sound bitter. “Yeah, you definitely tried to rape me too.”</p><p>It was Buffy’s turn to shudder, his blunt words and harsh tone making her hold herself more tightly. “Maybe not… but I beat you, Spike,” she murmured, looking down as well. “The way you looked… the things I said…” She shut her eyes as she felt tears threaten to fall. “And it’s not like I was Clear Consent girl either. Every time I said no I actually wanted you to—”</p><p>“Bullshit,” Spike spat out. She looked up to find his face a mask of shame and anger. “Nothing you did compared to what I tried to do.”</p><p>“Spike, this isn’t a race to who did the worst—”</p><p>“Yeah, because I’d win, Buffy. Only thing I did was try to force you next to me, no matter how much being in the dark made you miserable.” He was downright trembling. “Wasn’t important, see? ’Cause all I needed was to show you my <em> love</em>,” he spat, “and that would make your life suddenly worth living, right? As if being next to me was the ticket to your happiness, regardless of what <em> you </em> told me you wanted. Until… until…” He started crying in earnest then, his eyes still not meeting hers. “Until it made sense to force you to see it.”</p><p>Buffy’s heart hurt and hurt and hurt, and she didn’t know whether it was more for him, for what they’d done to each other, or for the way she couldn’t avoid those memories anymore, of how she’d been pressed against the cold tile of the bathroom, awash in horror and terror and utter disbelief that Spike would do that to her. She heard herself give a little whimper; she didn’t know what it said about her, that she could still be so hurt by what had happened, even as she found joy and peace and safety in those same arms every night.</p><p>That seemed to finally snap him out of whatever hell he’d gone to.</p><p>“Buffy, love…” He began moving towards her, but she kept her gaze averted. He stopped a few feet away. “Buffy, I’m so sorry. Christ, I’m making it all about me, when—when… God,” he muttered, moving even closer. </p><p>Buffy didn’t even know what she’d wanted him to do until his hand touched her shoulder, tentative and light. Taking a halting breath, she leaned into him, pressing her wet cheek against his chest and pulling him close.</p><p>Spike was still for a moment. But then, finally, his arms went to circle her, and he murmured soft words into her hair while stroking her back.</p><p>“Buffy, love, my love, it’s all right… God, I’m so sorry… so sorry for everything… You’re so strong, my strong warrior, my hero, my sunshine…”</p><p>She kept crying for a while, her breaths hoarse and broken, but even when her tears stopped, she didn’t stop clinging to him.</p><p>Somehow, his solid, strong body, slightly warmed by these alien suns, was just what she needed to banish those memories, those feelings of hurt that had decided to rush back to the surface so suddenly, since she’d never let herself revisit the experience, not really, not at its core. She closed her eyes, pressing her face closer to his chest, inhaling his scent.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, sweetheart… it’s going to be all right, you hear me? Most powerful woman in the world, greatest heart I’ve ever seen, you’ve got… you’re all right,” he kept whispering, his voice low and so full of love she couldn’t help a small smile.</p><p>After a few more seconds of holding him, she shifted back, one hand falling into her lap, the other staying on his arm.</p><p>“Spike,” she said, seeing the tears in his eyes.</p><p>“Buffy,” he interrupted her, one of his hands still stroking her hair. “Please, I’m so sorry. Don’t know why I would… I shouldn’t’ve… God,” he muttered with a helpless headshake. “So many bloody things I shouldn’t’ve done. I am so sorry, Buffy.”</p><p>“I know,” she said, just as quietly. Then she let her hand slide down to his, where she stroked him softly. “But Spike, you have to know you’re forgiven.” She saw his face crumple even as he tried to keep it in. “I forgive you, Spike, you have to know that.”</p><p>“Buffy…”</p><p>“I’ve told you that I believe in you, and I meant that,” she went on, raising her free hand to wipe the tears from his face, even as more kept coming. “We both did terrible shit and you’re right: what you did was horrible. But you’re a better person now, and… and anyway, I forgive you. I do,” she repeated, leaning closer until their foreheads could touch. “I do.”</p><p>Spike kept crying quietly, clutching her hand while his other still stroked her hair, trembling. But he didn’t move away, or refuse her forgiveness; he just sat there, basking in whatever scraps she could give him, as he’d always done.</p><p>But no, these weren’t <em> scraps</em>. For once when it came to him, she was taking what they had—and the past they shared—seriously. And now that they were here, she was giving herself the time to explore it, at her own pace.</p><p>There was still a part of her that protested that she was leading him on, that he deserved more. But this wasn’t about deserving; it was about letting herself be what she needed to be for him, and with him, without rushing things. </p><p>And God, she didn’t want to rush this.</p><p>So she stayed with him, stroking his face as he cried silently, breathing his same air and doing her best to let him know how important he was to her. Maybe she couldn’t define it yet, maybe she didn’t know exactly where she wanted it to go, but she felt more and more certain that all she needed was time, and that eventually the right moment would reveal itself. And her heart told her that Spike would be happy to wait, as long as she stopped taking him for granted and made a point to show him what she felt, ill-defined as it was.</p><p>It took him long minutes to finally stop crying, and even then he didn’t move for a while longer, until Buffy’s body was loudly complaining about holding the same position. But she ignored it until he finally drew a shuddering breath and moved back, his eyes clear and beautiful and so, so loving.</p><p>Raising their clasped hands, he kissed her knuckles softly, closing his eyes as he did. “Thank you.”</p><p>She smiled, leaning back as she gathered the strength to ask her next question. “And do you…” she sighed. “Do you forgive me?” Spike looked ready to sputter in outrage, so she raised her free hand to stop him. “I’m serious, Spike. What I did—”</p><p>“Of course I forgive you,” he interrupted, incredulous. “That you’d even have to ask…”</p><p>“You know that I have to, Spike,” she said, her voice gentle.</p><p>He let out a breathless laugh and shook his head, kissing her knuckles again before holding her hand in both of his. “You were forgiven the moment those things happened. And if you hadn’t been, it would’ve been the moment I got my soul back.” His eyes bore into her, making her feel as naked as she’d ever been. </p><p>When she realised that he truly meant it, Buffy felt her heart fill up. “Thank you,” she said with a smile. He huffed out another incredulous chuckle, but she just smiled some more. </p><p>Then she thought of the way he’d touched her, of the way she’d felt about it and the horror on his face… <em> God, I can’t just tell him that I liked it but I’m not really ready for it. Can I? It’d be lead-on-y and totally inappropriate. Wouldn’t it? </em></p><p>But she couldn’t forget his desperation, or the way it had made her heart ache. So she took a deep breath and forced herself to keep her eyes on him, and to talk instead of running away.</p><p>“There is another thing, Spike.” He looked at her questioningly and made to untangle his hands from hers, but she squeezed them tightly. “I don’t… I’m not…” She huffed and straightened. “I’m not ready for… what happened this morning.”</p><p>“Buffy—”</p><p>“But,” she pressed on, not letting him move his hand away, “I’m not against it, either.”</p><p>Spike just blinked at her, his consternation turning into confusion.</p><p>“Ugh,” she sighed, “I’m not good at this talking thing.” She felt herself pout, as absurd as it was in that moment. Not that he minded, going by his gaze… “Spike,” she tried again, letting their hands fall down to her lap. “I’m just not ready… yet. I—I don’t know if that’s horrible of me—if I should just make up my mind already—”</p><p>“Buffy—”</p><p>“No, let me try to talk,” she interrupted him again, feeling heat in her cheeks. “I just—I mean, you do know that I like you touching me, right?”</p><p>He raised his brows at her and the heat went up to eleven.</p><p>“I mean—I don’t mean—”</p><p>“I know what you mean, pet,” he said, stroking her hands softly.</p><p>How could she be expected to function when his voice was so low and hoarse?</p><p>She swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. But actually… not just that?” She looked down then, because the intensity of his blue eyes was just too much. “I didn’t mind waking up like that,” she whispered to his fingers. They went still, except for a slight tremble. “I like you touching me, Spike. And I think that… maybe, with enough time… I’d like you touching me even like that?” She braved a glance up but looked back down as soon as she saw his shock. “I just don’t know if that <em> maybe </em> is fair to you.” </p><p>Spike was silent for a few long seconds, until the roiling in her gut made her feel like she should’ve run away after all. When she finally found the strength to raise her eyes, he was smiling softly.</p><p>“Can I talk now, love?”</p><p>She nodded, heart beating fast. He brought her hands to his lips, kissing each knuckle and sending sparks of pleasure up and down her body.</p><p>“Maybe is all right. Maybe is bloody brilliant.” He kissed the back of her hands and then stroked them, looking at her lovingly. “Being your friend and confidant is a dream all of its own, Buffy. If nothing else happens, I’ll still be happier than I’ve ever been.” His eyes turned shy as he looked down for a second. “And if something <em> does </em> happen… well, just know that I’m happy to be beside you. Whatever happens or doesn’t.”</p><p>He kissed her knuckles again, this time keeping his eyes on hers, and she felt her whole body quiver. </p><p>“It’s not fair,” she blurted out. At his hurt gaze, she pressed on. “It’s not fair that you have all the pretty words while I’m all Dumb Buffy with dumb words of dumbness.”</p><p>God, was she pouting again? Why couldn’t she just be a normal adult?</p><p>But his smile was radiant when he laughed, cupping her face with one hand. “Then maybe I’m dumb too, because I loved them.”</p><p>Her heart beat faster and she blinked quickly, telling herself that no, she was <em> not </em> ready to jump him right there and then.</p><p>“So we’re good, right?” she asked instead, hoping a peppy tone would release some of the tension and inopportune urges.</p><p>“Oh, Buffy,” he said, his voice quiet and full as he stroked her cheek. “I think we’ve never been better, love.” </p><p>The soft smile on his face was too much and Buffy had to look down. He just kissed her forehead gently. </p><p>“Thank you,” he whispered against her skin. Then he let her go and shifted backwards. “I, uh, should probably get on going and let Azac know we’re all right. They might be starting to think of coming here and checking on us or something.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, somehow both glad the intense moment had passed and missing it. “And I’ll try to be extra quick with the morning preparations.”</p><p>“Good Slayer,” he said. When he just sat there, she raised her brows and his grin turned sheepish. “Getting right on that,” he murmured. After one last, long look, he left the tent.</p><p>Buffy was left alone to stare at the fabric flap. She let out a deep sigh. That had been terrifying, but… now she had yet more peace to look forward to. She wondered whether she’d ever get tired of it all. </p><p>Somehow, if Spike arms were in the mix, she doubted she would.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The day was not quite as blissful as the previous one, but Spike figured it was because he couldn’t help being stuck in his head, too busy reliving their morning conversation to take notice of anything. And when he did manage to send her a glance, he sometimes caught her looking at him like she had the day before, her eyes roaming over him, and Christ—how could it be? After dredging up all that shit between them, he’d figured she’d need far longer before she felt comfortable enough to look at him like that.</p><p><em> But she sought out your arms, </em> a voice kept insisting in his head. <em> She was hurting and she wanted you to comfort her. And she said </em> maybe<em>. </em></p><p>Problem was, it still didn’t make much sense. Not when he’d been the one to hurt her in the first place… although he knew that it hadn't been just him doing the hurting. He’d always known it, somewhere in the back of his head, even before the soul; but ever since he’d won it back, it had been all that much clearer just how hateful Buffy had been to him. How she’d used him, hurting them both in the process. And yet here she was, not just wanting his arms around her—even giving him the biggest crumb she’d ever offered.</p><p>He kept thinking and thinking about it all, ignoring the strange colours around him. They’d just had lunch on the grass and now the land had started to slope downward, making the world around them look wider and the horizon further away. Buffy and Azac were silent too.</p><p>Buffy still wanted him close, she was giving him all-new hope… and it still seemed unbelievable. But ultimately, he couldn’t be the one to tell if that was right or wrong, could he? He’d thought the soul would make the whole good-versus-evil thing starkly clear, but he’d been pathetically wrong. Everything was murky and muddy and he just couldn’t and shouldn’t, and <em> wouldn’t </em> decide for Buffy what was better for her.</p><p>Never mind the fact that she was talking about one day wanting him as more than just friendly comfort, about one day letting him as close to her heart as she was to his. He kicked at the sparkling dirt, wondering whether she’d ever close the gap between them. If he tried to look at it from an outsider’s perspective, it seemed as if she was simply trying to find the strength to admit that she did want him.</p><p>Just the thought made his fingers tingle in sheer longing.</p><p>But the problem was that the two of them weren’t just friends getting closer. They were Spike, Slayer of Slayers, and Buffy Summers, the Vampire Slayer. He couldn’t look at any of this objectively.</p><p>For a wild second, he wondered what Azac would say about the matter. Then he grinned; the git would probably blink twice, look him up and down, and deliver some deadpan answer. After the discoveries of the vamp-and-slayer friendship and the soul, it was impossible to wring out anything more than nonplussed amusement. Cool bastard.</p><p>“Hey, Spike.” Buffy’s voice interrupted his thoughts and he jerked his head up in surprise. “So, uh… have you discovered whether you freckle yet?”</p><p>He blinked at her. What? </p><p>“Good question,” Azac said, looking at his clothed chest. “I thought you were conducting an experiment. Did you get a sunburn after all?”</p><p>“Uh…” Real wordsmith, he was. “Ah, no, no sunburn.”</p><p>Azac’s eyebrows rose. “Then shouldn’t you try to spend more time under sunlight? At least for us, it takes a few days to get darker.”</p><p>Spike just blinked some more.</p><p>Buffy shrugged, visibly trying to look casual and failing. Then she smiled sheepishly. “I just don’t know much about vamps in the sunlight, ok? It’s… well, it’s just good to see you in it.” </p><p>Was she being sweet, or was she just trying to get him to take his shirt off? He couldn’t deny he’d enjoyed the hell out of her ogling him yesterday. Had been bloody exciting, actually, almost as good as rolling around in the grass and laughing their heads off. But after their morning… it felt unbelievable. Yeah, she’d given him that maybe, but that was about some time in the future. Wasn’t it?</p><p>Hell, he didn’t even know what to think.</p><p>“I must say that I expected a vampire to be paler,” Azac said, yanking him back to reality. “At least, here we get paler when we stay away from the suns for a while.”</p><p>“It’s the same for vamps,” Buffy said. “It’s just that the light of your suns is warmer than ours.” She looked down at her hands, which did appear more tanned. “It’s actually pretty.”</p><p>Azac smiled. They seemed to truly love their world, going by how happy they looked with every compliment it received. “Yes, it makes everything look warm.” They looked at Spike. “Feel free to keep your shirt on, of course, but I don’t think either of us would mind it if you kept up your experiment.”</p><p>Christ, but the git’s eyes were positively dancing. </p><p>Spike snorted as he shrugged off his backpack. “Thought you said you’ve got someone waiting back at home. Shouldn’t be flirting with me too much, love, or they might get cranky.”</p><p>Azac laughed, apparently delighted with the pet name. “I’m sure they would say the same if they were here.”</p><p>Spike risked a glance at Buffy, who was frowning. Bugger if the chit wasn’t <em> jealous</em>… His heart tried to leap in his chest, and he took off his shirt.</p><p>“Well, never let it be said I don’t give the people what they want,” he said, daring a wink in Buffy’s direction. She blushed prettily, making him feel far too light on his feet.</p><p>Azac just chuckled, giving him another once-over for good measure.</p><p>But what mattered, really, was the way Buffy grinned sheepishly when he caught her eyes on him. As he took up his backpack again, he didn’t miss the glance she sent his nipples before they were covered by the straps, either.</p><p>God, he loved her.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>As it turned out, that wasn’t the only surprise the Slayer had in store. After dinner, she turned to him with a glint in her eyes, face glimmering thanks to the light of the fire and the stars. They’d made camp on a hilltop, and the three moons were lighting up the prairie with reddish and blue light, the vast sky seeming infinite above their heads.</p><p>“So I was thinking,” she said. “Why don’t we spar? I mean, yeah, we need to save most of our energy for walking, but some training wouldn’t hurt, right?”</p><p>Spike looked at her, images of the two of them truly fighting again filling his head. “Sounds good to me, pet.”</p><p>“Great,” Buffy said, with a touch of a blush. “We can try to flatten some of the grass to make the ground more even.”</p><p>Spike shrugged. “If you’re afraid your legs won’t reach higher than the grass…”</p><p>Buffy’s eyes flashed. “You know I’m going to kick your ass anyway, grass or no grass.”</p><p>Spike licked his lips, almost tasting the scent of excited Slayer, of excited <em> Buffy</em>. “I’d love to see you try, love.”</p><p>When she grinned, challenging and eager, his jeans started to feel a bit too tight.</p><p>“I would love to fight as well,” Azac said, their voice breaking the spell and making both Buffy and Spike snap their heads to them. “If you wanted to. It would be a great honour, Slayer.”</p><p>Spike bit down a small curse. Of course the blue demon would want to fight her, and he had nothing against seeing Buffy kick their ass, but… dammit. And based on Buffy’s delayed reaction, he wasn’t the only disappointed one, which was all kinds of nice on its own.</p><p>“Sure, Azac. We’d love to.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t care about fighting the vamp,” they said with a grin, standing up from the rock they’d perched on. “I know I can kick his ass.”</p><p>Buffy laughed as Spike snorted and stood as well, deciding fighting his love could wait just a bit longer.</p><p>“Come on then, Blue, let’s see what you’ve got, eh?”</p><p>Azac gestured to where the ground was covered in grass rather than small rocks.</p><p>Spike looked around, shrugging his naked shoulders as he sauntered towards Azac, keenly aware of Buffy’s eyes on him. He hadn’t seen a reason to put his shirt back on, since he didn’t mind the cooler air. And now he couldn’t wait to show off his moves while shirtless.</p><p>Meanwhile, Azac kept their amused expression, waiting for Spike to reach them before giving a brief nod. Then they leaped forward, so fast Spike hardly managed to dodge the hit aimed at his stomach.</p><p>He gripped their shirt, trying to use their own momentum to smash them to the ground, but Azac twisted in his grasp until they were the one to slam him down, grappling with him as they fought to stay on top. Spike snarled, until finally he rolled them, cracking their head against the ground and punching them hard—once, twice—until Azac twisted their legs and torso to send him flying across the dirt.</p><p>“Yay!” Buffy cheered, making Spike growl.</p><p>“Whose side are you on, Slayer?” he grunted as he rushed to his feet and jumped, avoiding Azac’s sweeping legs. He kicked at them, half-managing to knock them off-balance, but Azac just laughed and sprang back up, trying for a high kick as Spike went for a punch.</p><p>“I’m on the side of the winner, Spikey,” Buffy said sweetly as Azac punched him hard.</p><p>“Bitch,” he muttered with a grin, trying to tackle Azac’s legs but ending up rolling on the ground to a final crouch.</p><p>“Sore loser,” Azac said between pants, sending him to the ground again with a roundhouse kick—which let Spike grip their ankle and twist it until they fell.</p><p>“I’ll show you a loser!”</p><p>Buffy laughed, keeping up with her commentary as he and Azac laughed too. They kept fighting, delivering punches and kicks and headbutts and everything in between, and all the time Spike felt alive and happy, the eyes of his love fixed on him as he fought with one hell of a good opponent.</p><p>Because yeah, Azac was definitely good. He wouldn’t say it to them, of course, nor would he ever let them win, but he couldn’t deny it.</p><p>After several more minutes of their grunting and panting, Buffy’s voice got petulant. </p><p>“No fun,” she said, and Spike couldn’t help sending her a fleeting look. Christ, her pout was delectable. “I wanna fight too, and you guys are getting all tired while I’m left out to watch.”</p><p>Spike’s cock perked up in his jeans, and going by the smirk on Azac’s lips as they landed a harsh punch on his face, they knew it too.</p><p>“Plenty of fun in watching, pet,” he grunted as he tackled the demon to the ground, trying to crack their head against it once more.</p><p>Buffy’s giggle made him lose his focus, though, and Azac threw him off easily.</p><p>“You’re too distracted, vamp,” they said with a joyous grin as Spike rolled away. “Maybe we should just call it a draw.”</p><p>Spike growled again, but as Buffy jumped up and sauntered towards them, eyes alight with excitement, he was suddenly more than all right with the idea of watching.</p><p>“All right, tirem,” Spike said as he licked the blood from his split lip. “I’ll enjoy seeing my lady put you back in your place.”</p><p>He didn’t know what possessed him to call her that, but her look of delight made the risk worth it a thousand times over.</p><p>Then she looked back at Azac and took a fighting stance, grin firmly in place. “Bring it.”</p><p>Azac’s smile was brilliant. After nodding at her once, they leaped again—but this time Buffy intercepted them mid-jump with a staggering punch to the stomach.</p><p>The demon was flung back and Spike let out a whoop of laughter, still panting slightly. He could’ve stopped breathing, but that would’ve meant not smelling the scent of Buffy in a fight.</p><p>His woman jumped, kicked, punched, her body a flurry of motion as she panted and laughed, her expression one of joy and then increasing concentration. Azac was doing their best too, but it wasn’t like Spike gave them a lot of attention; Buffy was a bloody wonder, and he could hardly tear his eyes away.</p><p>He adjusted his jeans, trying to be inconspicuous. He wondered whether she’d curl her nose at his growing hard-on or whether she’d just look at his crotch the way she’d ogled his chest earlier. <em> Fuck </em> but the thought only made his jeans feel tighter.</p><p>The two twirled around each other, hitting and kicking, and the sight became hotter and hotter as Buffy started making more noises, grunts and pants and little sounds in the back of her throat. Spike adjusted his jeans at least a couple more times, and he had to use all his willpower not to just start rubbing at himself. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he was starting to think he might need a few minutes alone before he could join Buffy in their tent.</p><p>And then Buffy let out a little yell of triumph, which sent his cock twitching madly, and threw Azac to the ground, face-down, straddling them and holding both their arms against their back.</p><p>“I win,” she panted out.</p><p>Azac let out a pained sound. “You win,” they conceded, relaxing when Buffy let her grip loosen.</p><p>“Nice work, love,” Spike said with a clap, doing his best to avoid gritting his teeth at the sight of them like that on the soft grass. “Now why don’t you fight with someone a bit more worth your time?”</p><p>Laughing, she stood and held out a hand to help up a chuckling Azac. Spike tried his best not to growl at all the touching.</p><p>“For someone who didn’t actually beat Azac, you’re pretty full of yourself,” Buffy said, sauntering over with a grin. </p><p>Spike held back the sudden, urgent wish to pull her to him and kiss her senseless. Christ, she was gorgeous when she let herself go. Instead he just grinned back. </p><p>“Let’s see who’s gonna come out on top, yeah?”</p><p>Buffy laughed, then immediately feinted left and punched him on his right cheekbone, barely getting him and yet still sending him spinning. She followed with a roundhouse kick, hitting him but letting him grasp her ankle and twist it. She still managed to bring him down with her, kicking him away a second later and jumping back to her feet.</p><p>“You know you love me on top,” she said, almost breathless—and then she blindsided him with a powerful punch, sending him flying through the air before he crashed down to earth, back burning as it scraped across the dirt and grass. </p><p>Not that he could complain. Fuck, her hands on him, skin-on-skin, were almost as arousing in a fight as they were in bed.</p><p>He roared as he leaped up and at her, and they started his favourite dance—scratch that, <em> their </em> favourite dance, because bugger if he didn’t see a look of sheer delight in her eyes. She kicked and punched, twirling around him as she tried her best to rain blows on him from all sides, and every time she got him his cock almost ached with the pleasure of it. She was a fucking vision, and he barely had enough concentration to keep up with her.</p><p>But he did, hitting back just as hard, laughing with her whenever Azac told the Slayer to ‘show the vamp who’s boss’. Fuck fuck <em> fuck</em>, he loved having fun with the Slayer, seeing her unleash on him with a smile on her face.</p><p>He couldn’t remember having ever loved her more than right here, right now.</p><p>He did his best to try to get her on the ground, but eventually, of course, she won, pinning him exactly as she had Azac, arms behind him, face to the trampled-on grass. As she ground her hips into his to keep his body down, she pressed her breasts against his naked forearms, pulling them just enough to make him moan in defeat.</p><p>And fuck, she was sitting right on his ass, and she smelled fucking <em> delicious</em>, and he had to grit his teeth hard not to rut into the ground at the sodding images she was putting in his brain, of her staking him in just-fun ways…</p><p>“I win,” she breathed, her lips right by his ear.</p><p>A shiver passed through his every limb. He was painfully hard. “Yeah, pet,” he breathed, moving his head enough to look at her over his shoulder. God, she was so fucking close. “You win.”</p><p>“Do I get a prize?”</p><p>Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck! His fucking soul and heart were already hers, but she could have his prick, his body… she could have bloody well anything.</p><p>“Anything you want, pet,” he managed to pant, staring up at her from beneath, at her red cheeks and shining eyes. “Anything.”</p><p>Buffy looked at him for a long moment then, and God, was she going to kiss him? He’d been prepared to wait, hell, to never even see this moment, but were they really going to move forward in whatever this was between them? Now? </p><p>“I knew you’d beat him, Slayer,” Azac said as they clapped their hands, making both Buffy and Spike jerk in shock. </p><p>The motion made his arms and shoulder scream in pain, but he managed to grit his teeth through it—and to convince himself not to kill the git for interrupting.</p><p>“Uh—yeah, well, ah—I mean, of course I did,” Buffy said, apparently forgetting that she was still straddling him, still holding his body tight, still making him have visions of her fucking his ass into tomorrow. </p><p>Azac clearly hadn’t, given their obnoxiously amused grin. “Well then, considering he has conceded defeat, maybe you could let him go?”</p><p>Buffy jerked again and this time Spike didn’t manage to keep the pained sound in.</p><p>“Spike! I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, suddenly prim as she scrambled off him. Still, her hips dragged against his and her hands seemed to linger on his forearms longer than strictly necessary. “I didn’t dislocate a shoulder, did I?”</p><p>“Nah,” he said, hiding his soreness as he sat up and shrugged, hoping his hard-on wasn’t as evident as it felt if he raised his knees. “Still in one piece, pet.”</p><p>“You’re covered in scrapes and bruises, though,” she said with a pout, making his heart wish for beating. “Maybe…”</p><p>“Maybe I should put a shirt on next time you wanna put your hands on me, you mean? Hardly seems fun, love,” he said before he could stop himself. He was rewarded with the most delicious-looking blush he’d ever seen on her face.</p><p>“Pig,” she muttered.</p><p>“Oink, oink,” he said with a wink. Then he pushed himself up and offered her his hand. When she took it, he could swear he was using the self-control of a saint not to pull her to him. </p><p>He’d <em> definitely </em> need a few minutes to himself. Although he couldn’t even imagine how to get them without letting the cat out of the bag that he’d be having a wank because of their fight. <em> Fuck. </em></p><p>As Buffy pulled him towards the fire, he shrugged the thought off. It was fine, really. The woman knew how he felt, and she’d said <em> maybe</em>, and she obviously didn’t mind flirting with him in the meantime. Sure, it would feel better if she followed all her teasing with some action, but having her in his arms every night was more than worth a bit of frustration. Especially when that ‘maybe’ felt much closer than he’d have thought possible. </p><p>When Spike told them he was going to hunt some sort of prairie beastie, Buffy blushed and Azac grinned unrepentantly. He winked at Buffy, growled a bit at Azac, and left the hilltop as he heard them give each other a good night and start to get in their tents.</p><p>He really did feel like eating, his body tired and sore with the fighting. But first he needed a wank, or he’d start walking fucking bow-legged.</p><p>He went far enough to barely see the shapes of their tents, and then he crashed to the ground and quickly unfastened his jeans. His cock twitched as soon as he touched it, tip already wet in precome, and he groaned as he closed his eyes and thought back on the fight.</p><p>The way her fists had smacked on his skin… the touch of her hands whenever she gripped him mid-twist or mid-lunge… he moaned, his hand tugging hard, twisting every time he reached the tip, as his other hand went to his balls.</p><p>This time when she straddled him he was naked and lubed-up, his arse in the air, eager for her hands and whatever dildo she wanted for him. He moaned as he imagined her like that, hard dildo between her legs, unyielding as she bore down and filled him up, all of him, fuck, to the base in one go…</p><p>He moaned harder as his hand went faster, the other one tugging at his aching balls. This was going to be fucking <em> quick</em>, he realised desperately as the image of her fucking him made him almost yell out. He writhed on the grass, getting closer and closer. Dream Buffy finally thrust hard one last time and bit into his shoulder, and he came, groaning her name along with other, intelligible sounds, the still night making them sound all too loud.</p><p>There went his thoughts of dinner, he realised as he panted, his hand still stroking gently up and down. He opened his eyes to find he was still hopelessly hard. His fantasy was hot as all hell, but in reality, she only needed to smack him around to make him hard as steel and <em> stay </em> so. </p><p>Still, he didn’t want to sport a bloody stiffy before he held her, so he started tugging again. This time the fantasy was tamer: his love rode his cock as he sat, tits and hair bouncing, her eyes never leaving his as her face reddened, her hands tracing the chest she seemed to love so much. And she’d say it, “I love this chest,” and then kiss it; and “I love this neck,” and lave it with her tongue; and “I love these lips,” and kiss them senseless. And then she’d look him in the eyes, cup his face in her hands, and whisper the words “I love you”.</p><p>He came breathlessly at that image, his dick spurting as he kept stroking up and down, his other hand clutching his chest.</p><p>He was such a goner. </p><p>He lay still for long moments then, looking up at the stars and wondering whether he would ever hear those words. Whether Cassie’d been right, whether she’d even been talking about this.</p><p>When it felt like his heart hurt too much from the longing, he sniffed, wiped away a tear and got his jeans fastened. He tried to clear his mind as he rose and started hunting, finding only a little rodent and telling himself that was all he needed; he was an addict and missed Buffy’s closeness already.</p><p>Once he finally made it back to the tent, he took a deep breath before entering. When he started to crawl inside, he almost wished he hadn’t been breathing, because the place smelled to high heavens of Buffy’s arousal.</p><p>He froze for a moment. Going by her squeezed-shut eyes and red cheeks, she knew exactly what he could smell. He made the decision to swallow every single tease his brain and cock were coming up with; his lady was uncomfortable, and he didn’t want to add to that.</p><p>“Uh…” he started quietly, briefly wondering whether he should pretend he didn’t know she was awake. “All right if I sleep next to you, pet?” he asked finally, noticing the way she’d turned her back to his blanket, which she’d already laid out.</p><p>Silence. Then her voice came even more quietly. “I didn’t clean up after the fight… I smell icky.”</p><p>Spike counted to ten. Then to twenty.</p><p>Once he had control of his words, he talked, trying for a casual tone. “Promise you you don’t, love. Promise you that if you did, I’d ask you to have a bath before sleeping, yeah?”</p><p>Buffy squinted one eye open, glaring at him. “No you wouldn’t.”</p><p>“Only ’cause I can’t imagine you smelling ‘icky’.”</p><p>That might not have been the best thing to say as she squeezed her eyes shut again, burying her face in the blanket.</p><p>He let his disappointment go, crawling to his spot and lying down on his back, his fingers drumming lightly on his stomach. “All right, pet. Good night.” He kept his voice sweet, because he did get it. He could imagine her being all aroused but not comfortable with masturbating out there while he was traipsing around ‘hunting’, and then letting go a bit in the tent before she remembered about his nose. He sighed. He got it. Still stung not to have her warmth against him, but he got it.</p><p>And then Buffy shifted, huffed, and rolled to face him, inching closer. She looked at him from that little distance, eyes dark in the faint light coming through the tent fabric.</p><p>She took his hand. “Is this ok?”</p><p>He loved her so much.</p><p>He turned on his side too, his other arm going under his head.</p><p>“This is perfect.”</p><p>Maybe it hadn’t been at first, but her smile was so genuine that it made it so. </p><p>They fell asleep like that, facing each other, fingers intertwined.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thoughts? Am I the only one who likes these two being stupidly patient and healthy and cute with each other? (And masturbating while they wait, yes, because of course.)</p><p>We’re getting real close, folks!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. IX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Buffy finally understands what she wants. Meanwhile, Azac has a laugh (or a hundred).</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always, my deepest and most luscious gratitude to the amazeballs Bookishy, who keeps being entirely made of awesome. And to everyone who reads and likes and comments! Really hope you like this chapter. ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a few days since their first sparring session, and the three of them had made a habit of going a few rounds every night before going to sleep. Buffy couldn’t say that she minded the action, and both Spike and Azac were brilliant fighters, but… well. True, she was getting slightly more relaxed about him smelling what she was doing while he went to ‘hunt’, but it still felt like the tension kept ratcheting up every day. And like her hand was a very, very poor substitute for what she knew Spike could do to her.</p><p>But she’d decided to take her time and wait until she was sure. After all, a little bit of frustration wouldn’t kill either of them, especially as long as she got to experience the joy of entire days spent surrounded by beautiful scenery and entire nights in Spike’s arms.</p><p>Buffy smiled as she looked at the new colours offered by the prairie. They’d been walking downhill all morning and the tall lilac grass was now interspersed with patches of shorter blue-green grass as they approached the edge of yet another forest. Along with the flowers she’d seen already, the greener grass sported new ones with darker petals, bright yellow centres and sharp perfumes. And then, among the rocks, there were pretty white ones with glacial-blue tips.</p><p>She’d made an actual bouquet at some point, surprising herself whenever she bent to take one. She didn’t know what had possessed her, really; she’d never been the sort of girl to pick wildflowers, except for when she’d been a kid gathering them up for her mom.</p><p>And maybe that was it, she thought as she enjoyed the smell of her little collection. Maybe this all reminded of her mom, made her wish she was able to bring these beautiful alien flowers to her grave and tell her all about everything she was going through. The First, the fight at her place with the others, the alien world itself… whatever was going on between her and Spike. She sent him a glance, only to find him watching her with a delighted smile, and she felt heat rise to her cheeks.</p><p>She smiled, even as her heart hurt. She wondered what her mom would say about them… if she would change her mind about Spike as a romantic partner now that he had a soul, or if, knowing what had made him seek it, she wouldn’t be able to forgive him. What would she say if Buffy told her that he brought her joy, made her happy? That every day spent on Yltra made that all the more clear? Would she shake her head at her silly daughter, or hug her and tell her she should just seize that happiness and never let go?</p><p>The thought made her heart beat faster. He’d taken his shirt off again, and the sight of the bruises and scratches from all of their fights only made him look hotter, made her wish she could put her hands—and other body parts—on that skin, to soothe it all better.</p><p>He really did, didn’t he? Give her joy; make her happier. </p><p>It wasn’t just his love, although she’d almost come to truly accept that he’d love her, warts and all, even if she didn’t or couldn’t love him back. It was the faith he put in her, his honesty, and his constant attempts to lighten her burden. </p><p>He’d done the same things soulless, too; but only for a while, only before the musically inspired kiss. After that, it had been like he’d snapped, like one taste had driven him so crazy that he'd do anything and everything to keep her right there with him, no matter what. She’d never admitted it back then, but it had hurt. It had made her think that it really had been all about getting in her pants, that spending time with her wasn’t worth it without that… that she should’ve let him <em> rest in peace </em> if she wasn’t willing to give him <em> that</em>.</p><p>She knew now that it hadn’t been all about sex, that those stupid songs had forced them all to hurl out the worst part of themselves. But it hadn’t been at all obvious back then, and it had hurt.</p><p>But it wasn’t like that anymore. Spike had even mentioned leaving her, and if she hadn’t told him that she wasn’t ready for him to not be there… it wasn’t unthinkable that this new, softer version of her vampire would have actually gone.</p><p>She grimaced as she remembered those words now. Talk about mixed signals. It had been her attempt to tell him that she cared about him and trusted him, that she wanted him beside her. But thinking back on it, it sounded almost childish, as if his own emotions on the matter were irrelevant; as if the only person’s feelings that mattered were hers. She’d been making his same mistake, ignoring his needs to chase her own—except with less violence and without the excuse of being soulless.</p><p>Frowning down at the flowers, she wondered if she was doing the same now, too. It didn’t feel like it. She was being… well, she was being so obvious with her attraction that Azac’s favourite sport was teasing them. They smirked whenever Spike left after their fights to ‘hunt’; they smirked when they mentioned how they couldn’t wait to go back to their zitra; they smirked whenever Buffy and Spike talked quietly while walking close… in short, there was a lot of stupid smirking. And Buffy knew how obvious she must be, given she could hardly keep her hands off Spike’s chest, let alone her eyes. </p><p>It didn’t feel like stringing Spike on, not when all she was doing was trying to gather the strength to finally take the leap and kiss him, or ask him to kiss her, or to find any other way to take the next step.</p><p>She sighed, realising just how easier it would all be if he’d kept a shred of his soulless brazenness. And yet at the same time, she was touched by his patience.</p><p>“Love?” </p><p>She looked up and there he was, right next to her, so close, with his very naked and very yummy chest, and his very soft and very blue eyes, and… were those flowers in his hand?</p><p>“Thought these’d look good on you,” he said, gesturing said flowers towards her head. “Like the other day?” She blinked, taken aback, and he seemed ready to retract. “Just an idea, of course—”</p><p>“I’d love that,” she rushed to say. She smiled when his eyes softened again. “It’s been a while since my last bath, so it’d definitely help with the Buff Stink.”</p><p>And yeah, ok, so she mostly wanted the flowers so she could get more Spike touchies, but it wasn’t like she could come out and say it. Right?</p><p>Spike just chuckled and shook his head, making her skin tingle when he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Still not gotten to that point yet, love,” he said, adding the flowers to her hair with gentle, firm movements. And then his fingertips grazed her skin for a few more moments, the shell of her ear, her cheek… “There,” he murmured, “look even more stunning.”</p><p>Suddenly, she had to use every ounce of her considerable Slayer self-restraint not to jump him. She wondered whether it was obvious, too, by the way he inhaled hard, his pupils dilating a bit in the warm sunlight.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said, far too breathlessly for her taste. But it was hard not to be, when her heart raced and her every inch clamoured to close their distance… when she was finally realising that yes, had it not been for Azac’s presence somewhere down the path, she’d be kissing Spike right now.</p><p>It was like a weird switch had flipped in her mind. And granted, it wasn’t like Spike was the <em> only </em> thing she wanted—the Apocalypse ending before she even came back and her friends and family waiting for her return with open arms and heartfelt apologies at the ready were still up there on her personal list—but she <em> did </em> want him. She wanted him, and she knew he wanted her, and it was fine even if she wasn’t ready to say the l-word, because she knew that he’d love to wait right next to her…</p><p>And she was gonna do it, wasn’t she?</p><p>Spike must have seen it in her eyes, because his flared. They inched closer together and—</p><p>“I was thinking we could stop for lunch soon,” came Azac’s voice, making both Buffy and Spike jump away from each other. “There’s a beautiful spot a bit further down the road where we could have a bath and clean our clothes, and the suns today are hot enough to dry them quickly.” They looked at the two of them, a stupid, stupid smirk on their blue, smartass face. “What do you think?”</p><p>She could hear Spike’s teeth grind, so she thought it best to take a deep breath and do the answering.</p><p>“Sounds fine to me.”</p><p>Was her voice tight? Well, no one could blame her. And apparently Azac didn’t either, because they just nodded and started walking again, expression still infuriatingly amused.</p><p>She wondered for a second whether she should tell Spike what she’d almost done. <em> Oh, yeah, I was totally going to kiss you there, but I guess we’ll just wait for lunchtime after all? </em></p><p>But then another idea struck her. She grinned. The more she thought about it, the more she liked it.</p><p>So she took another deep breath, took Spike’s hand and tugged him after Azac. “Come on.”</p><p>Spike’s sour expression softened when she touched him, just like she'd thought it would, and he nodded. When she heard him muttering about ‘bloody murdering the sodding Smurf already’ though, she couldn’t stop smiling.</p><p>She was finally ready. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Spike couldn’t say he truly enjoyed his meal, given how much he wanted to wring Azac’s neck.</p><p>The one time Buffy finally looked ready for something more… they had to go and destroy the moment. And yeah, if he squinted real hard, he understood this eye-mooning routine he and Buffy had going on was probably boring—but the bastard had interrupted while she was going to fucking <em> kiss </em> him. Pupils all dilated, breath short, cheeks rosy… fuck, his jeans still felt tight at the memory, and his chest still tingled.</p><p>So yeah, he kinda wanted to break their face in. Luckily for them, the git had enough sense to keep the attitude down after that bloody stunt, instead blabbering about how much they loved the place where they’d stopped for lunch, with its rocky top and the sounds of a little waterfall behind a canopy of bluish trees.</p><p>He was only half paying attention, when he realised that Azac was telling the story of them and their zitra, of how they’d discovered this place on their first watch of the portal together, and how it had made for a lovely, romantic moment. </p><p>He looked up to find Buffy listening with rapt attention. He had to wonder whether she’d pull back yet again. He couldn’t deny that it would be hella frustrating, but at the same time it was a thousand times better than her following a moment’s desire and regretting it after; he knew all too well what that felt like, and this was a bloody massive improvement.</p><p>It was much better to wait; even though he might have to go wank in the bushes again before joining her in their tent tonight, sparring or no. And then they were done with their food, and Azac was going for a bath, promising it would be quick. Buffy excused herself, claiming she needed a toilet break, and Spike found himself alone and looking at the fire. Despite the previous tension, he found himself smiling at the memory of Buffy picking up flowers and inhaling their scent. She was a sodding vision of innocence and power in a hot, hot package.</p><p>It wasn’t long before Buffy and Azac were back, the latter still damp as they told Buffy how to get to the water. She was gathering her clothes from her bag and he was ready to tell her to take her time, that he was in no rush, when she looked at him with determined eyes.</p><p>“Spike? Wanna come with me to wash your clothes too?”</p><p>He just blinked at her for a second. Was she… God, was Buffy actually ready? Was this really happening?</p><p>He took a deep breath, unable to tell what the hell he was even feeling. And then he nodded, and quietly took his clothes from his overstuffed backpack, and all the while he could feel Buffy’s fiery eyes and Azac’s amused ones.</p><p>Buffy sidled up next to him, shifting her clothes to one arm so she could take his free hand. “See you later, Azac.”</p><p>“Slayer.” They nodded, trying and very much failing not to smirk. “Vamp.”</p><p>“Blue smartass.”</p><p>They grinned before looking back down to thumb at their own little necklace.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Azac gave a deep sigh of relief as soon as Spike and Buffy disappeared behind the trees, grateful they no longer had to rein in the laughter they’d felt ever since the two had stopped—yet again—to look deeply in each other’s eyes in a perfect rendition of young, dramatic love.</p><p>Those two were <em> unbelievable</em>. The tension between them had always been palpable, but now? It had been unbearable ever since they’d put foot in the prairie.</p><p>Or maybe ever since Spike had first taken off his shirt and Buffy had disapproved of Azac appreciating the view. Not that she had any leg to stand on.</p><p>Of course, there was still the possibility that Spike would return in a minute or so, clean clothes in tow, and the two’s ridiculous dance would start all over again.</p><p>If that happened, Azac didn’t know if they could restrain themselves from telling them to just fuck it out already.</p><p>Yes, it was endlessly amusing, but it was also grating. Azac missed Zalik, and they did <em> not </em> need the daily dose of moon-eyes and sexual tension reminding them that they were still two weeks away from their zitra’s arms.</p><p>They went to a patch of grass and lay down, sighing up at the bright sky and its beautiful red moon as they rubbed at their pendant. Zalik had given it to them here, on the very bit of the river Spike and Buffy were hopefully using to resolve their tensions. </p><p>As they reminisced, daydreaming of the moment when their zitra would be in their arms again, they also fervently hoped those two idiots were finally doing something about their pent-up desires.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Azac had been right; the place was down-right paradisiacal. This side of the hill was far rockier than the one where they’d lunched, which made for a series of small waterfalls all leading to a quiet cove, surrounded by tall blue and violet grass. The water was utterly transparent, showing the sparkling bed of the river, which matched the glittery, soft-looking dirt of the shore. Every now and then came a bird call. He stared at the view, trying to make his brain work, trying not to fall at Buffy’s knees in the hope that a declaration of love in a place as romantic as this would be enough to finally get her naked in his arms. But when he looked at her, she was blushing hard enough that he started to think maybe he wouldn't need any of that. Her eyes were shining in the strong sunlight.</p><p>After giving his hand a squeeze, she went to put down her clothes near the shore; then, eyes still on him, she did the same with his. Turning to him, she took a deep breath.</p><p>“We should definitely wash the stuff we’re wearing, too,” she said, her voice low and almost raspy.</p><p>Then she took the hem of her shirt and, in a slow move, pulled it over her head.</p><p>He stood stock still as she bent to take her shoes off, making him inhale hard as the motion showed him a generous portion of her breasts. Then she was kicking away the hiking boots, and bending slightly again to take off her slacks, and Spike was close to panting but still unable to make a move.</p><p>Buffy, for her part, was blushing hard enough it seemed her whole body might be at risk for catching on fire. The colour had spread from her cheeks up to her ears and down to her chest, making for a delightful contrast against her nude sports bra.</p><p>“I-I know this isn’t the sexiest outfit ever, and that I haven't shaved in ages,” she stammered, hands fidgeting at her sides. “But it’s not like Azac had any Victoria’s Secret in their cave. A-and,” she added, squirming like she wanted to cover her thighs and crotch and legs all at the same time, “they didn’t have a razor, either, obviously...” By the end of the sentence she was trembling, and Spike finally snapped out of his frozen state.</p><p>“Buffy, don’t…” Shaking his head, he went to touch her cheek, letting out a shaky breath when she closed her eyes and leaned into his fingers. “First of all, you look bloody gorgeous any way you come, all natural-like or all preened. But most importantly… you know I’m happy to wait as long as you want,” he whispered.</p><p>She opened her eyes. “I don’t want to wait anymore,” she said in the same quiet voice.</p><p>He swallowed, his other hand touching her arm lightly. “But you’re trembling, love.”</p><p>“It’s not—” she started, shaking her head. “It doesn’t mean—ugh,” she huffed. Then she stepped even closer, touching his face and his chest, making his skin burn. “I’m just all Emotional Girl here, all right? Emotion and non-sexiness make Buffy a trembly gal. But I’m done waiting.”</p><p>He smiled, his thumb tracing her lips. “Told you you’re dead sexy as you are. And… good emotional?”</p><p>She nodded. “All good,” she breathed, her fingers moving up and grazing his nipple, sending a shiver right to his crotch. “Only good,” she whispered, leaning up to him until her lips were almost touching his. “Spike…”</p><p>He couldn’t stand it anymore; he kissed her, humming at the way she clung to him, her fingernails scratching his chest. She moved a hand to his neck, her thumb on his jaw guiding him into the kiss, and he moaned as she melted against him.</p><p>“God, Buffy,” he groaned against her lips. “I love you.”</p><p>She made a small noise of pleasure at that, clinging for a second before she leaned her head back, already panting.</p><p>“Spike, I… I’m not there yet,” she whispered, as if confessing a sin. “So, uhm… if you wanted to wait for that moment…” </p><p>He wanted to laugh in joy at that <em> yet</em>, at her sweet offer. </p><p>“My love,” he said instead, cupping her face in both hands, thumbing her warm, warm cheeks. “We don't need to wait until that moment, but just know that Iʼd stay with you till the end of the world.” He kissed her again, hard at first and then softly. “Till the end of the world.”</p><p>She looked at him with wide, happy eyes, and then she gave a small titter and jumped on him, arms wrapping around his neck and powerful thighs clamping around his hips.</p><p>“So we’re good?” she asked breathlessly, undulating slightly against him as he clutched at her back.</p><p>“So good,” he said with a quick nod, one hand sliding down to cup a perfect ass cheek while the other threaded through her hair. “Fucking good,” he murmured before kissing her again, meeting her groan with one of his own when her tongue touched his. </p><p>“Spike,” she breathed between kisses, her warm breath and hot, hot skin driving him crazy. “Take off my bra.”</p><p>He groaned deeply again, the hand in her hair sliding down to fumble at the garment, frantically trying to get the thing off.</p><p>“Don’t you dare break it,” she ordered against his lips. “I only have two!”</p><p>Growling, he stopped fondling her ass to put both hands on the clasp, letting out another growl of triumph when he finally managed it and she hurriedly threw it away.</p><p>And then his hands slid to her front and he moaned as he palmed her breasts, thumbs circling her pebbled nippes tightly as she started to utter delighted noises that made his cock rock-hard.</p><p>“Fuck, pet,” he murmured, lips trailing down her neck as she gasped. “Bloody missed these tits,” he spoke against her skin, nibbling and licking down to the swell of a lovely breast. “Bloody missed this skin”—he licked her nipple—“these buds”—he gave it a nice bite, her gasp pushing it more into his mouth—“bloody missed <em> you</em>,” he groaned before opening his mouth to take as much as he could of her tit inside, sucking hard.</p><p>“Spike,” she mewled, starting to grind against his belly. “Spike, <em> oh</em>!”</p><p>He grinned around her breast, biting down hard even as his fingers got particularly delicate on the other one, hardly grazing her aureola. </p><p>“Yeah, baby,” he rumbled as she writhed against him. “Fuck yourself against me while I enjoy my feast,” he almost growled, her damp panties dragging against his muscles as he kept up the assault on her breast. It was sending jolts of pleasure down to his balls.</p><p>“Oh God—oh <em> God</em>—”</p><p>“Fuck yes,” he groaned when her movements got even more frantic. “Wanna come like this, baby?” he asked roughly as he finally let her breast go, only to switch to the other one and bite down on her neglected nipple, making Buffy give a heavenly whine. “Wanna come while I eat your delicious tits and you grind yourself against my muscles, kitten?”</p><p>Buffy made a choked sound of pleasure and clamped herself around him more tightly, her forehead pressing against his hair as her hands and legs clutched at him. </p><p>“Nnhh!”</p><p>“Fuck,” he panted again. His hand grasped the breast and pushed it up, so he could get as much as he could inside. </p><p>“Spike!” she yelled when he sucked hard, trembling against him, making him growl when he realised she actually was coming.</p><p>She tittered against his hair then, her limbs shaking, and he moved his hands to her ass to help her stay still.</p><p>“Fuck, I love you,” he murmured hoarsely before letting her breast go with a wet sound and dragging his tongue up to her collarbone. “Bloody spitfire you are,” he went on as he nibbled and licked his way up her neck, to her jaw, before he bit her full lower lip and soothed it with his tongue. “Love you so much.”</p><p>“Spike,” she moaned against his lips, one of her legs sliding down a bit. “Get naked.”</p><p>He let out a choked laugh and kissed her again, hard. “Don’t wanna let go,” he murmured.</p><p>“I wanna feel your skin,” she said, leaning back to look at him imperiously. “So get naked.”</p><p>He whimpered at her tone, all commanding empress, and shifted her down just enough to thrust her against him hard once, twice, three times, the pleasure making him cross-eyed. </p><p>“<em>Spike</em>!”</p><p>“Fuuck, yes,” he groaned, hoisting her up again. As she clung to him, kissing his jaw, his neck, his ear, he let her go enough to unfasten his jeans, his hands so frantic he almost tore his jeans open.</p><p>Going by the way she was mewling against his ear, he suspected she wouldn’t mind seeing him traipsing around naked, but he knew for a fact she’d kill Azac if they so much as glanced at his dick. Smiling at the thought of her jealousy, he managed not to tear the jeans and let them drop down. Then he dropped down himself to a sitting position, raising his knees so he could lean her on his legs and look at her all spread open for him.</p><p>“You look good enough to eat, kitten,” he murmured. Eyes raking over her body, he gently took her ankles so he could shift her legs wider. “Mind if I rip off your panties, love?”</p><p>“No!” she yelped, clamping her thighs shut. She still painted a fucking hot picture, her wet panties peeking out from in between her ass cheeks, dark hairs curling out of the edges. “I mean, yes, I mind a lot! Spike, don’t you dare—ah!”</p><p>He chuckled and just clasped her ass, letting his legs stretch out so her shoulders were on them, and brought her crotch up to his face.</p><p>“Fuck, you smell heavenly, pet,” he groaned, his nose buried in her wet panties.</p><p>“<em>Nggh</em>,” she moaned, her legs spasming until they clasped around his head, delightfully trapping him.</p><p>“Yes,” he rasped as he started licking her delectable nectar from her sopping panties. “Squeeze me tight, baby, lemme choke on your quim.”</p><p>“Spike!” she yelled again, convulsing under his hands, her fingers gripping his thighs in an attempt to find some sort of purchase.</p><p>He chuckled drunkenly against her, suckling at her flesh through the wet fabric, and then finally leaned back, pushing both of her thighs to one shoulder while his free hand tugged her panties up her legs and off. After finally throwing the damn things away, he growled as her legs went back where they belonged, around his head.</p><p><em> Fuck</em>, she tasted bloody brilliant.</p><p>“Fuck, fuck, fuuuhhn,” Buffy moaned beneath him as he feasted, making his cock leak and twitch at the complete lack of stimulation.</p><p>Not that he gave a shit; his face was back in his honeypot and he could not get enough. He licked and nibbled, eating up everything she gave him and inhaling hard, his nose nudging her clit as his tongue slipped inside her wet heat and his teeth dragged on her flesh—fuck, she tasted good.</p><p>“Spike, <em> nh</em>, wait, please,” Buffy mewled, writhing harder, one of her hands squeezing her own breast.</p><p>The sight only made Spike more ravenous and he redoubled his efforts, digging in his nails in her perfect ass and making her yelp and thrust up into his mouth in pleasure.</p><p>“<em>Spiiike</em>,” she whined, her hand sliding further until she gripped his hair, hard. The pain only made him moan, but then she managed to pull hard enough to move his face away. “Look,” she panted, “I-I can’t let go like this, let me down.”</p><p>He hummed, sticking out his tongue until he could just flick at her engorged, wet flesh, and grinning widely when she thrust back up into his mouth. “Your wish is my command,” he murmured against her, and then he licked her all, from asshole to clit, and she spasmed in his grip.</p><p>He chuckled as he complied to her request, letting her hips down only to tug her to sit up. She clung to him, her limbs wrapping all around him as she assaulted his neck and jaw and ear, making him groan while he desperately did his best to get off his shoes and jeans completely.</p><p>“You’re so good to me, Spike,” she purred in his ear as she thrust gently against him, “so good, my Spike, my vampire…”</p><p>He whimpered again, his hands getting even more frantic, until he finally got rid of the blasted clothes and could clutch at her again.</p><p>“Buffy, my Buffy, my love…”</p><p>“I love the way you touch me,” she breathed, making him shudder as he tried to get his feet under him. “I love your fingers, I love your lips, your tongue…”</p><p>Oh, bloody hell. He’d wanted to find the softest spot he could, because his love deserved feathers and comfort and pleasure, only pleasure. But the words she kept whispering were so close to his own fantasy that he couldn’t even spare those few seconds, so he just shuffled to the closest bit of grass and let them both fall to it, cradling her head and smashing his mouth to hers.</p><p>Her lips, her tongue, the way she clung to him—Spike couldn’t imagine a better heaven than this as they moved together, her body surging against his, her fingers threading through his hair and roaming his back, his shoulders, his chest.</p><p>“Spike,” she breathed in his mouth, “please, baby, I want to feel you.”</p><p>He moaned as she dragged her wet cunt against his hard, hard dick, making him shudder.</p><p>“Oh, love… just one more taste, please…”</p><p>Buffy laughed against his lips, looking at him with happy eyes. “Just one? That’s not really your sty—<em>ah</em>!” she yelled when his hand found her wet core, two fingers filling her to the knuckles as his thumb circled her clit hard and quickly.</p><p>“Please,” he begged, sliding down as he left kisses along her neck, her collarbone, her sternum. “Just one before I fill you up all proper-like, kitten,” he said with a smirk as he bit on her nipple, making her arch and mewl.</p><p>“Ok,” she conceded in a whisper, and then he slid further down and inhaled hard, nose buried in her folds as his fingers kept pumping into her.</p><p>Fucking. Ambrosia.</p><p>Pulling his fingers away, he hardly let her whine at the loss before thrusting three back inside, his tongue circling her clit, his free hand gripping her hip hard to keep her still. Buffy’s legs shot up around his head again, heels digging into his shoulder blades and the fingers of one hand tugging hard at his hair.</p><p>His fingers pumped and pumped inside her, twisting up at every thrust to hit that spot he knew she loved, and his tongue kept making tighter and tighter circles around her clit, until he was just lapping and tapping at it, moaning and groaning along with her. He thrust down against the ground, his dick still leaking and unbelievably hard, and when it grazed a rock among the grass strands the pain just rushed up to his balls and made them ache harder.</p><p>And then he twisted his fingers just so, sucked her clit savagely, and she was coming in his mouth.</p><p>“Oh, <em> mn</em>, <em> Spike</em>,” she whined as she came, shuddering hard and gripping his hair even harder, her other hand squeezing her breast. “Fuck,” she mewled between pants and sighs, “<em>Nhaa</em>, Spiike…”</p><p>“Love it when you say my name like that,” he muttered between licks and sucks. “Love it, your taste, your voice…”</p><p>“Come up here,” she groaned, tugging at his hair.</p><p>He chuckled, slipping out his fingers but licking her again from ass to clit, ending with a hard suck. </p><p>Buffy shuddered hard beneath him, and then she tugged harder. “Spike!”</p><p>“Yes, my mistress,” he chuckled, obediently sliding up and shivering as he saw her eyes flare at the name. He squeezed her free breast with his wet hand and then bent to lick it clean again, sucking at her hard nipple for good measure.</p><p>She mewled at that and wrapped her legs around him, grinding in an effort to push his torso up.</p><p>“Come <em> here</em>,” she repeated, her voice more commanding now, and Spike couldn’t help another chuckle as he obeyed. Then she was looking at him with bright, hungry eyes, her hands cupping his face, her hips rising up against his again and again, until he was drenched with her. “I want you,” she said in a quiet, fervent whisper. “I want you, Spike, inside me.”</p><p>Spike let out a choked sound and, gripping one of her legs to bring it up to her chest, he spread her wider and rolled down, once, twice—until he finally slipped inside, his lubed cock going in to the base in one hard thrust.</p><p>“<em>Nh</em>!”</p><p>“Fuck!” they groaned, pressing their foreheads together as they took a moment for the new sensation. God, she was so tight, so hot, so wet.</p><p>“So big,” she moaned, slanting her mouth to give him a sloppy kiss. “You feel so good, Spike.”</p><p>He groaned again, starting to move, answering every moan in kind as they found a rhythm.</p><p>“Tell me, baby,” he whispered without breaking the kiss, “tell me…”</p><p>“You fill me up, Spike,” she moaned with a gasp, throwing her head back. He kissed down her neck, switching between kisses, licks, nibbles and real bites. “<em>Nn</em>, yes, harder!”</p><p>Spike complied, his hips pumping harder even as his teeth clamped on her shoulder, and she bloody <em> yelled </em> her pleasure, pushing his head into her delectable skin. He kept going faster and harder, growling as a hand went to squeeze her breast.</p><p>He laved his bite marks with his tongue, moaning hard when she squeezed him mercilessly, her hand sliding down to grip his ass.</p><p>“Fffnn, Buffy, <em> yes</em>,” he pleaded, “more, harder, mmnn!”</p><p>Buffy did as he asked, squeezing him to the point of pain, and he felt his orgasm careening towards him. He let her tit go to stroke down between them, his fingers rubbing hard where they met, and when she whimpered and squirmed underneath him he added some grinding with the heel of his hand.</p><p>“Baby, baby, come for me,” he begged, his lips against hers. “I’m so close—squeeze me so fucking good, <em> nngh</em>—come for me, please—”</p><p>He added a twist to each of his frantic thrusts, digging even harder into her clit. And then Buffy moaned, quivering as she came around his cock and sending his mind and body into overdrive, plunging him over the edge as he roared his pleasure against her neck.</p><p>His whole body shuddered and tingled as he kept pumping into her, the motions incrementally softer as her own thrusts up got weaker. Until they were merely shallow, slow echoes of the frenzied rhythm they’d shared moments before. Spike shivered once more before shifting his weight away.</p><p>“No,” she complained in a raspy, low voice that sent all-new tingles to his not-so-soft dick. “Don’t go.”</p><p>“Not going anywhere,” he assured her between kisses up her neck, his hand stroking up her raised thigh. “Never going anywhere ’s long as you want me, love.”</p><p>He looked at her and his heart wanted to beat when all he could see was happiness in her features. Happiness, and a healthy dose of satisfaction.</p><p>She smiled up at him, both of her hands cupping his face again, her eyes roaming his features as her leg slid down to wrap around his hips. </p><p>“I imagined our first time…” she started, the deepening red in her cheeks making her look even more gorgeous.</p><p>“Slower?” he offered, cupping her face and stroking it gently with his thumb. And thank Christ his love was too blissed-out to be squeamish, because his hand was still damp from her juices.</p><p>She nodded shyly, her eyes never leaving his. “And softer.”</p><p>“Me too,” he admitted, kissing her lips sweetly. “Guess we had a bit of pent-up tension to let go of before all the tenderness could happen, yeah?”</p><p>“Guess so,” she said with a crooked smile. </p><p>And then Spike thought of Azac, who’d clearly planned all of this for just that reason, and evidently Buffy did too, because a second later they were both giggling breathlessly, holding each other tightly through it all.</p><p>Fuck, this was bloody unbelievable. He and Buffy, having magnificent sex without any meanness to it, <em> laughing </em> in each other’s arms afterwards.</p><p>She must’ve seen the wonder in his eyes, because when she stopped her titters she stroked his cheeks and kissed him very, very softly.</p><p>“I’m so glad we got here, Spike,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “There’s been some serious shit, but… I’m just happy.” She opened her eyes again. “You make me happy.”</p><p>Spike was horribly embarrassed by the way that made him tear up, but she didn’t seem to mind, just thumbing away and kissing the liquid off his cheeks.</p><p>“I’ve never been as happy as you make me, Buffy.”</p><p>She smiled widely at his whispered confession and then kissed him, her lips light and so, so soft on his.</p><p>They kept kissing and Spike got back to full hardness, and she started undulating up into him, the rhythm sweet and slow. While one hand stayed to cup her face, he let the other roam her body, neck, breast, waist, hip, until he reached her clit again. He smiled at the gasp she fed into his mouth.</p><p>“I love you,” he whispered against her lips, unable to stop himself. “Maybe I should wait before saying it, but—”</p><p>“Please don’t wait,” she interrupted, kissing him deeply, stroking up his neck to tease the hair at the base of his neck. He shuddered when her nails scraped at him. She broke the kiss with a soft pant, her eyes full of an emotion he didn’t have the strength to name. “I love hearing you say it,” she admitted then, her voice barely audible even to him.</p><p>He was sure his heart would leap out of his chest if it could beat. Instead he kissed her again, making his thrusts deeper and slower still. “I love you,” he said when she came up for air. “I love you,” he sighed, kissing along her jaw and down her neck. “I love you so much, Buffy.”</p><p>Buffy moaned underneath him, and then she pushed at him, sitting up and shifting them until she could climb on his lap. They both let out a gasp as she lowered herself onto him again, welcoming all of him inside her.</p><p>She started a slow rhythm, surging up and down in his arms, her own around his neck and shoulders. And her eyes never left his face as they moved together, as they groaned and moaned into each other’s mouths, their lips never earning more than an inch of distance.</p><p>He bent his head, looking at the beautiful sight the two of them made. “Look, love,” he said in a breathy, low voice. “Look how good we are together.”</p><p>She made a pleased sound as she did as he asked, their foreheads pressing together as they both looked at her wet, luscious cunt swallowing him. He twitched and thrust up harder when she squeezed him more tightly, again and again and again, and soon they were both puffing out breathy little laughs as their rhythm increased. </p><p>Spike’s skin was tingling all over; he didn’t know if he’d ever been so intimately connected to anyone. The nights they’d spent in each other’s arms would be forever seared into his memory and heart, but so would this moment. This moment where Buffy was truly making love with him.</p><p>He’d never felt anything like this, and he couldn’t help but hope it wouldn’t be the last time. Because now he truly believed she was here, with him.</p><p>He stroked her flanks, her breasts, her waist, her clit, breathing in every little one of her gasps. And all the while she stroked him and squeezed him hard enough to make him gasp just as much. Soon, Buffy was shuddering and moaning, and when she bent to lick and bite his neck he came too, his body trembling.</p><p>She was right there to stroke him back to the present, her hands soft on his face and neck.</p><p>“You look beautiful when you come,” she whispered suddenly, making him blink in surprise. She blushed immediately, looking down. “I mean… you’re all… I mean, it’s all very—genuine,” she said, and then she grimaced. “Sorry. I know words aren’t my specialty, which is why I should probably just stop blabbering, but hey, maybe you’ve just killed my last neurons with orgasms or something? Wouldn’t be the first time, really, and ok, shutting up now.”</p><p>He’d been smiling for a while by then, and when he kissed her he didn’t stop. “I love you blabbering,” he said. “I love you.”</p><p>“You’re insane,” she said, but she was smiling too.</p><p>He shrugged. “Been called worse. But it’s definitely not insane to love you, Buffy Summers. More like the opposite,” he said before another kiss.</p><p>She chuckled against his lips, looking ready to retort, which was why he kissed her some more. Then she yelped a little when he hoisted her up and heaved himself to his feet, walking to the shore.</p><p>“Spike, what—”</p><p>“We’re all dirty, pet,” he whispered against her skin, tracing a path to her ear. “Think we need a proper bath, yeah?” He licked her earlobe when she shuddered, grinning widely and clutching her to him.</p><p>“I’m sure you’re dirtier,” she said with a small pant, trying to sound prim and failing spectacularly.</p><p>Spike chuckled, sneaking a hand between her ass cheeks to tease at her sopping lips, making her mewl and squirm.</p><p>“Beg to differ,” he murmured, starting to walk in the water. The sand was cool and soft beneath his feet, and he only stopped when the clear liquid had reached their chests.</p><p>Then she gave him a mischievous look and shifted, rubbing against his hardening cock. “Feel like doing it while standing in the water?” she panted.</p><p>Spike laughed. “Can always prop you against a rock, get some grass between it and you…” He gasped as Buffy finally shifted right, squeezing him inside her down to his balls.</p><p>“Where’s the challenge in that?” she whispered in his ear.</p><p>He was a goner.</p><p>They ended up falling when Buffy’s movements made him lose his balance, but they just laughed, spurting water between gasps. Then they retreated to the river bed, where Buffy rode him into oblivion, the water lapping harder with each thrust. Then she went to take the soap and dragged him a bit deeper in the water, and they gently soaped each other up and rinsed each other down, and Spike had never felt so taken care of in his life.</p><p>The bliss went on when he dragged her to sit under a little waterfall and feasted on her lovely quim from underneath the water, until she brought him back up to laugh into his kiss; when she sat him down on the shore, rinsed away any traces of glittery sand from his dick, and gave him the hottest, most tender blowjob he could’ve imagined; when he draped her on a convenient rock and fucked her from behind until her voice was hoarse from crying out. Hell, the bliss went on even when she realised that they were wasting sunlight hours and decided that it was ok, washing their clothes before falling right back into his arms.</p><p>And when both Buffy’s quim and his dick started getting a bit too sore, they just lay in the ever-more-chilling water and cuddled, making out like teenagers in love who couldn’t get enough of each other.</p><p>By the time they watched the suns set right from their spot on the shore, spreading violet and red light in the sky and making the two visible moons look a fiery wine-colour, Spike started to wonder if Azac would come get them or continue keeping their distance. </p><p>He turned to Buffy, her skin looking otherworldly in the alien sunset. He couldn’t give a fig about the demon, could he? Not when the most incredible woman in any and all universes was naked in his arms, and happy.</p><p>He took a deep breath, smelling water and nature and Buffy and him together. He couldn’t imagine ever being happier.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well... I think it's fair to say that I'm reaally curious to know what you all think about this. Did you or did you not want to wring that blue demon's neck along with Spike?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. X</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Is it a walk of shame when it isn't actually the day after and one party is the very opposite of ashamed?<br/>Plus, Spike and Buffy have a long-due heart to heart.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Eternal thanks to the amazing Bookishy, who's still with me even though her life is so damn full. I don't think I'll ever be able to express my gratitude properly to her.<br/>And thanks to you all for reading! Updates won't be as regular or quick as they were at the start, but I hope I'll still manage to catch your attention. ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There had to have been magic in the water, because Buffy couldn’t remember ever feeling so light in her life. Which made her worry that, now that they were leaving the little paradise, the magic would wear off, her worries and fears would return, and the weight of the world would make her shoulders sag once again.</p><p>But not yet. As she gathered the still-damp clothes and Spike went to retrieve the piece of soap he’d thrown away right before bending her over the rocks, she only felt peace.</p><p>Maybe it was the way Spike couldn’t stop smiling. Or maybe it was the hickeys that peeked out from the neckline of his borrowed shirt. Or maybe the way her every muscle tingled in pleased satisfaction. Or maybe the way his <em> I love you</em>s kept playing in her head on repeat—some passionate, some joyful, some laughing, some quiet and tender.</p><p>She took a shaky breath as she rose and walked to him, clothes in her arms. God, he was beautiful with his face lit up in joy. How the hell had it taken her so long to take this step?</p><p>“Hey, gorgeous,” Spike said, touching her cheek softly.</p><p>She let out a little giggle and for a second she wondered whether she was acting like a dumb little girl with her first crush. But he just bent to kiss her sweetly, so it must be all right.</p><p>“Hey,” she said quietly.</p><p>Spike smirked, his hand sliding down to her waist, his thumb barely grazing her breast and making her shiver. “Think Azac’s gonna complain we disappeared for half a day?”</p><p>She blushed, turning away to bury her face in the pile of clothing. </p><p>He just laughed and hugged her from behind. “Just kidding, love,” he said, his lips tracing her earlobe. “Know they’ll just be glad we finally came to our senses.”</p><p>“This is the ultimate walk of shame,” she complained, words muffled by the fabric. “How the hell can we look them in the eye?”</p><p>“No problem for me, love,” he said, kissing her neck. “Besides, knowing them, they’re probably happy for you,” he whispered, his hands travelling to her front, one to a breast, the other between her legs.</p><p>“Spike!” she yelped, jumping away. “Not again!”</p><p>He pouted. Which was way too pretty on his perfect lips, the jerk. “Are you telling me I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to touch you?”</p><p>God, just the thought made <em> her </em> want to pout. But she had to at least pretend she had self-control, or they’d get nothing done. “You’ll have to wait until we’re back in the tent,” she said, going for prim and proper but landing on breathy.</p><p>Spike pouted some more, nodded solemnly, and then tackled her into another kiss, hard and hungry and way too short. “All right, pet,” he panted. “Until we’re in the tent.”</p><p>She nodded dumbly, although she couldn’t even really blame herself, because <em> damn</em>, the guy could kiss. Spike just kept smirking—<em>what </em> a jerk—and then hooked his hand into the crook of her elbow, walking her to the path that cut through the tall grass.</p><p>They went silently, and even faced with Azac’s inevitable smirks when they reached the camp, the day’s magic hadn’t really stopped yet.</p><p>“Gotten it all out?” the demon asked. They were sitting in front of a fire, cooking a four-legged animal that looked just bigger than your average Earth rabbit.</p><p>Spike laughed. “Not even close, terim.”</p><p>Azac chuckled, shaking their head. “Good for you. Just as long as you let me sleep, ok?”</p><p>Buffy buried her face in their clothes again, while Spike just laughed more.</p><p>“Can’t say we can make any promises, Blue,” the jerk said.</p><p>“Shut up, Spike,” she said, slapping the back of his head and then laying the clothes down on some rocks. “Don’t worry, Azac, we won’t disturb you.” When Spike snorted, she sent him a withering look. He just raised his hands and waggled his eyebrows, and dammit, he wasn’t supposed to be hot when being a doofus.</p><p>“Here,” Azac said, still smiling as they tossed another, smaller animal to Spike. “I thought some blood might do you well.”</p><p>“You’re a godsend, my tirem,” Spike said with a grin, vamping and then bringing it to his mouth. Even with his fangs on, he looked happy. As for her… even the sight of him fanged and feeding sent tingles down her body. She probably had some issues. Maybe the magic water had aphrodisiacs in it. Maybe that was why the idea of him biting her suddenly made her hot…</p><p>She shook her head, trying to shake the thought away as well. It didn’t really work, but she forced herself to ignore it and sat down in front of the fire, taking some of the food Azac offered her. The blue git, as Spike would call them, was <em> still </em> grinning like a loon. Not that she could blame them, given how her own lips kept insisting on twisting up too. But that was probably the aphrodisiac water.</p><p>Spike joined them a few seconds later, drinking some water before he sat down next to her. She sent him a brief glance and saw him shuffling, his discomfort plain; in a flash of insight, she knew what question was making him nervous: how comfortable would she be with PDA? Or him? When he leant back on his arms, his right hand planted right behind her, she knew what <em> she </em>wanted: she leaned against him, smiling at his solid presence. He gave a little sigh and shifted closer.</p><p>“So, will you tell me your story, now that you’ve finally decided to move past all the unresolved tension?”</p><p>Buffy choked a little on her meat as Spike barked out a laugh, his lips close to her hair.</p><p>“I—we—” she babbled. “We don’t—”</p><p>“What she means to say,” Spike broke in, “is that you should learn to mind your business.”</p><p>Azac sighed. “That’s fair, I guess. But a vampire and a Slayer… and after putting me through all this tension… and with all the sleep you’re going to make me lose for the rest of the trip…” They shrugged, grinning widely. “I figured I could at least ask.”</p><p>Spike chuckled, because he had no dignity. Buffy impersonated a fish, because her sense of dignity had probably drowned when he’d fucked her on the rocks earlier.</p><p>“What do you say, pet?” he asked her, sending her a sweet smile. Or maybe it was teasing. She wasn’t sure her orgasm-fried brain could tell.</p><p>“I don’t know what to say,” she blurted, concentrating on the food in her hands. God, the fact she’d been eating without cutlery for two weeks now made her feel like a savage, not to mention the lack of personal hygiene and hair removal—thank God Spike wasn’t squeamish and loved her ‘any goddamn way you come’—and ok, she was stalling. She took a deep breath. </p><p>“When Spike had his chip, I… went through a rough patch.” Spike shifted so he could wrap an arm around her, resting a supportive hand on her waist. “So we started something… but it wasn’t great.” He didn’t snort or say anything, just kept being solid against her, so she took in a shaky breath. “We broke up. Then… something happened, and he went to get his soul. When he came back, I wasn’t ready for… well, for anything. And now”—she stopped for a second, looking at her food again. Then she smiled, just a little bit. “Now I’m ready. That’s it, that’s the story.”</p><p>It sounded so easy, said like that. Of course, it skipped over the real horrors between them; although going by the look they sent her, Buffy suspected Azac sensed that there was more. And it didn't mention how the Scoobies would react once they’d get back home, but the thought was too big, too worrying, so Buffy firmly shoved it away.</p><p>“Well, I suppose I can’t ask for any more detail,” Azac said at last, their icy eyes soft in the firelight. “Thank you for sharing your story, Buffy,” they added with one of their deferential nods.</p><p>She shrugged, then gave them a little grin. “What about you? You told us about you and Zalik coming here, but not about how you met.”</p><p>“Yeah, Blue,” Spike said, his hand sliding to her hip. “Tell us about you and your, uh—”</p><p>“Zitra,” they supplied with a smile. “Yes, that’s only fair, isn’t it?”</p><p>They started telling their story, with far more details than Buffy had. They told them about the day they’d first met as kids, how they used to make bets on what the Slayer would say and do once she found this dimension. They talked of how they had loved fighting each other—and they sent Buffy and Spike a particularly amused smirk when they added that their first kiss had been after a fight. And then they shared memories of times they’d gone to watch the portal, where the time alone had brought them closer and closer.</p><p>As Azac talked, Buffy got more comfortable in Spike’s arms, warmed by her and the fire. And even if she was still a bit embarrassed, she couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t feel wrong, to lean against her vampire; it felt very, very right.</p><p>Later, after they said goodnight to Azac, Buffy and Spike made love again in their tent, and this time they were as sweet as they’d been ravenous on the riverbank. Once she was all snuggly in his arms, Spike whispered that he loved her; that he might be a ponce, but that the two of them making love and then going to sleep together, and then waking up together the next morning, was ‘a bloody wonder’. She could sense the vulnerability in his quiet words, the courage behind them, even without seeing his eyes. </p><p>So she held him tighter for a second, and then twisted until she could kiss him, gently and slowly and tenderly, trying to convey to him the warm tangle of feelings in her heart, things she couldn’t even name herself. The way he looked at her afterwards made her tremble in its intensity, and when she went back to nuzzling his chest, she fell asleep to the sound of his deep, deep voice telling her he loved her.</p><p>And again, it all felt completely <em> right</em>.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The next few days were almost too blissful to feel real. But no matter how long she waited for post-sex badness to smack her upside the head, nothing seemed to break the spell. While Azac still chatted, they also made a point to give the two of them privacy; while Spike was just this side of too PDA-y, it never got annoying; and while there were still questions waiting back at home, she couldn’t shake the feeling that <em> right now</em>, everything with him was good. Better than good.</p><p>And he kept going around shirtless. It turned out he <em> did </em> freckle—just a bit on his cheeks and chest, but enough to make Buffy start every evening by tracing those little dark stars on his skin; just like she’d imagined, she’d start with her fingers, then her lips, then her tongue… and then inevitably, every time, she’d end up playing with his nipples, driving him crazy with teeth and lips. And then further down, until she could get her hands and mouth on his cock, because <em> God</em>, she was addicted to it and him and the noises he made, the way he jerked and thrust up even when he tried not to. She was addicted to the utterly helpless, delightful picture he made.</p><p>So yeah, Spike had a lot of incentive to keep his shirt off, even when they entered another forest, where the trees blocked out almost all direct sunlight; but Azac didn’t seem to mind, and Buffy had absolutely nothing against it.</p><p>She missed the prairie sky, though. Last night, Spike had dragged her out of the tent just as their kisses had started getting hot; she’d protested, but he’d told her to trust him, so she’d gone along with his dumb plan. Which, ok, hadn’t been dumb at all, because he’d found a beautiful spot near the river with rocks covered in soft blue moss that glittered in the starlight. There, while her eyes got lost in the countless stars above, he laid her down and ate her out again and again, until she felt like she couldn’t come anymore. And then he surged up her body, licking his lips and fingers as if it was the best damn ice cream he could ask for, making her think about another bodily fluid he might drink up even more eagerly—and that sent her body into overdrive all over again.</p><p>But no, she wasn’t ready for <em> that </em> yet—didn’t really know if she ever would be—so she kissed him senseless, licking up her own wetness from his lips and tongue, trying to banish the thoughts with other, less-fangy naughty images.</p><p>“I want you to take me from behind,” she found herself whispering against his lips, and when he whimpered and thrust against her she knew she was gonna get it good and hard. Which was exactly how she wanted it.</p><p>So she grinned, teased his lips with a barely-there kiss, and then pushed him up and rolled over. She arched up her ass, opening her legs, her face aflame with her own actions. But then he made a choked sound and fell to his knees, and he ate her out again, and this time his tongue went up to rim her asshole and <em> fuck</em>, she’d forgotten how good that felt.</p><p>“Wish I had some lube,” he muttered against her skin, making her shudder wildly.“Wish I could fuck you right here,” he whispered before nudging his tongue in once, twice, three times, and God, what kinda noises was she making? “Know you’re dying for a proper rogering, yeah?” He pumped two fingers in her pussy, making her wail—and then his hand moved. She whimpered at the loss, only to gasp and shudder when he slipped one finger in her asshole.</p><p>“Spike,” she whined, thrusting back to get more. He obeyed, slipping in two fingers, twisting them and already making her feel full, in ways that still surprised her. “Unn, <em> nh</em>, yees…”</p><p>“Good girl,” he rasped, and then he was thrusting up three fingers, stretching her wide and making her think he wouldn’t need lube anyway and <em> wow</em>. “Wanna have more, kitten? Wanna feel all filled up?”</p><p>She moaned hard, nodding desperately against the moss, quivering in pleasure at his broken chuckle. As he rose to his feet, she arched her ass more, enjoying the desperate pleasure of his nails digging into her skin as he pushed one of her cheeks to the side—and then he thrust forward and filled her pussy with his cock, feeling even bigger and harder with his three fingers stretching her ass.</p><p>“You like that, pet?” he panted, driving shallowly inside her. She nodded frantically, scrambling at the rock beneath her, trying to thrust back into him. “Fuck—fucking tight—<em>mmrn</em>,” he grunted as he started up a hard rhythm. “Tell me—how it feels—<em>nnng</em>!”</p><p>“So big,” she moaned, thrusting back harder. “So full, <em> mmna</em>, Spike—oh, God, God—” </p><p>“Fuck <em> yes</em>. Take it, you love it, you love my dick and my fingers, don’t you—”</p><p>“Yesyesyeees!”</p><p>Laughing brokenly, he picked up his pace, his fingers twisting and his hips swirling at every thrust, and she was falling, falling, so full, the pleasure cresting again and again, rising more, <em> God</em>.</p><p>“Squeeze me so tight, so fucking tight, my beautiful Slayer, my love, <em> nnnm</em>—”</p><p>Another two thrusts and he was coming too, and Buffy mewled as his last movements dragged yet more pleasure out of her filled body. Then he finally slowed and she started coming down, sparks of sensation still making her twitch every couple of seconds, until he freed her ass and slipped out of her entirely.</p><p>She moaned at the sudden emptiness, even as one last flash of pleasure made her quiver.</p><p>“God, you’re so good,” he murmured, gently picking her up and clutching her to his chest as he started to walk. “My lovely Slayer, my love, my sunshine…”</p><p>She giggled breathlessly, yelping a bit when he sat down in the cool water of the river.</p><p>“Shh, shh,” he hummed in her ear, kissing her wet temple, “’ve got you, pet.” He started to clean between her legs beneath the water, his fingers sweet and soft, and she sighed into his neck. “’Ve got you, your Spike’s got you, sunshine.”</p><p>She smiled, kissing his jaw softly. “If I’m your sunshine, are you my moonshine? Back on Earth?”</p><p>He chuckled, keeping up his gentle motions. “Can be your anything, love,” he murmured. “Know I’m yours.”</p><p>She smiled some more; she liked the sound of that. “My moonshine… my vampire.”</p><p>Spike nuzzled her face until his lips found hers, and then they were kissing, again and again, until his hand wasn’t really cleaning anymore. Not that she complained, busy as she was thrusting up into his fingers.</p><p>They’d stayed like that, touching each other until they’d both come on each other’s hands and then cleaned each other up in the water.</p><p>“I love you,” Spike had whispered in her hair.</p><p>Buffy sighed happily at the memory as they walked in the forest, smiling at the content look on his handsome face that never seemed to disappear these days. She sometimes wondered whether he loved repeating those words because she’d spent so much time forbidding them, or whether he just liked declaring his love. For a second, she wondered how it had been between him and Drusilla, whether he’d been so prone to saying the words to her, back then. But she shook the thoughts away; Spike was hers now, she didn’t need to be reminded of how he’d been with that crazy ho for over a century.</p><p>And now he was taking her hand with a sappy smile, and she just knew that hers wasn’t much better.</p><p>“Thinking we might have to thank that wanker Caleb for this trip, love,” he said. “Gotta admit that I love it here.”</p><p>She grinned. “Yeah? I mean, you could always stay here and let me deal with him and the First.”</p><p>Spike snorted, interlacing their fingers. “Know it won’t be as peaceful at Chez Summers as it is here, but I told you, I’m not going anywhere, love.”</p><p>Her smile dimmed, and for one moment she almost let go of his hand.</p><p>No, it wouldn’t be peaceful at all, when they got back. She wondered whether the others would even want her, really. She imagined them staring at her, at Spike at her side and this weapon in her hands. What would they say? ‘We kick you out because of your lack of judgement, and you think that reappearing with <em> Spike </em> as a boyfriend and some demon axe will make us change our minds?’</p><p>Buffy looked down, suddenly unsure.</p><p>“Love?” Spike asked, trying to catch her gaze. “Buffy?”</p><p>She tried to put on a smile. “It’s nothing. Look, ah, why don’t you get me some more flowers? They look pretty, don’t they?”</p><p>Unfortunately, Spike wasn’t fooled by her brilliant attempt at diversion. He just frowned and slowed his step. “Buffy, it’s going to be all right. You know that, right?”</p><p>She couldn’t keep in a snort, even as his hurt look sent a pang through her heart. But really, who were they kidding?</p><p>“I know…” he started, his voice low and tentative. “Look, I know I’m not exactly popular in your crowd. Never have been, suspect I’ll never be. But worst comes to worst, it’s me they’ll try to go against, not you.” He squeezed her hand, his voice encouraging. “It won’t be you.”</p><p>“Really?” she said, her voice coming out colder than she’d wanted it. “Because I seem to remember them kicking me out of my own home. And that was before I started a relationship with you and took a vacation.”</p><p>The hurt in his eyes broke her heart, but she didn’t know what to say or do to make it better. She couldn’t imagine her friends and Dawn being ok with any of this; what would they think of her finding solace in the arms of the vampire who had tried to kill them all, tried to rape her, and been used as a tool by the First? What would they say of the fact that she couldn’t spare a moment for Xander or Dawn, and could hardly remember the name of the potentials, but she could let go and be happy as soon as she got thrown into an alien dimension?</p><p>“Buffy,” Spike whispered, coming to a full stop. “Oh, love…”</p><p>She blinked hard, noticing she had tears in her eyes. Right, she was such a good slayer that she couldn’t even keep her emotions in check while thinking about her own friends and family. Except of course, her problem was exactly that she kept her emotions muffled, wasn’t it? Not that it was happening now, with the way her breaths came shorter and her heart beat faster, a knot forming in her throat, and—</p><p>Spike hugged her tight, his arms solid and strong, and she felt herself break into his embrace. God, it was like the day at the lake, except now it was worse because she’d been happy just a few minutes before. Why did the mere thought of her friends and family do <em> this </em> to her? When had the image of their eyes and voices started to trigger panic?</p><p>“Shh, love, there you go,” Spike was whispering in her hair, and she desperately tried to concentrate on his voice. “I’m here, ’m right here, my love, my sunshine…” She buried her face in his neck, still crying, but he didn’t stop his sweet murmurs. “You’re so strong… best sodding woman in the world. You’ll get through this, hear me? You’ll get through this.”</p><p>He didn’t stop until she ran out of tears, and he continued to hug her silently when she didn’t move away, her face still buried against him. Eventually, the knot in her throat disappeared completely and she was left just breathing in his scent, enjoying the way his limbs managed to give back just the slightest warmth.</p><p>When she relaxed enough to realise her tears and snot were probably not exactly the sexiest Buffy gift, she finally managed to lean back. He didn’t move his arms though, keeping her close.</p><p>“Thank you,” she murmured. “I don’t know what… just thank you.”</p><p>“I do,” he said, his voice quiet but with just a note of anger. “I love that you’ve got people you can count on, Buffy. God knows it was impossibly annoying as an enemy, but it’s made you a hell of a lot stronger. And Christ, don’t <em> ever </em> tell them I said this, but I’ll always be thankful to everything they’ve done to make you a better slayer and to make you survive as long as you have.” Buffy looked up at him, almost amused at his tense admission. But that disappeared when she saw the intensity of his anger. “But fuck knows they can be the worst fucking idiots in the world sometimes.” He took a step back then, fingers twitching at his sides in his mounting rage. “And yeah, I know I shouldn’t bloody talk, but for fuck’s sake! They kicked you out of your own house! Which would be bloody insane for anyone, but <em> you</em>! The fucking reason each and every one of those tossers is alive!”</p><p>When he started to pace, Buffy didn’t know what to feel. Grateful, that was for sure. And touched, really. But she didn’t know whether she wanted to agree or to defend them; to remind him that she’d made plenty of mistakes too, that Xander had lost a freaking eye because of her mistake.</p><p>“Spike—” </p><p>“Don’t you bloody try to defend them, Slayer! They’re so out of line that the sodding line is fucking invisible. The bloody nerve of doing something like this to you,” he growled, kicking uselessly at a root sprouting from the ground. “And don’t get me wrong, I know the wankers are already kicking themselves, know they realise what a colossal mistake they've made. ’Cause as much as they might be brain-damaged by the Hellmouth, they still have <em> some </em> neurons left. They were already starting to regret the whole thing, buggering assholes that they all are.” Buffy blinked at that, but he was still too growly to be interrupted. “But you know what? I’m fucking glad they’re gonna have to wait for you to come back, love. That’ll help in screwing their sodding heads back on. Let them taste a bit of the world without the Slayer; let them see how many die without you, and they’ll sodding crawl at your feet for forgiveness.”</p><p>He finished with a low, deep growl that made Buffy’s lips twitch. Was it so wrong to be a little pleased by her vampire’s vehement defense? Maybe. But right now it was hard to be outraged, and far easier to think what a lucky, lucky woman she was to have him.</p><p>Touching his shoulder gently, she turned him, then smiled when his fiery eyes softened just a bit. “Thank you, Spike.”</p><p>“Don’t thank me,” he said roughly. “Shouldn’t bloody thank me when it should be bloody obvious.”</p><p>She shook her head and touched his face, stroking it slowly with her thumb until he closed his eyes and leaned his cheek into her palm. “Spike, you know that they’re not <em> completely </em> off base,” she started, but his growl cut her out.</p><p>“Don’t you bloody defend them!”</p><p>She continued talking over his voice. “Because I <em> have </em> made mistakes—just ask Xander. Not only that, but I’ve been… God, I’ve been completely closed-off, you know that better than anyone. Did you know I didn’t even hug Xander when he got out of the hospital?” she asked, her eyes tearing up. “Did you know I haven’t even talked to Dawn about her possibly being a potential? I know it must’ve been hard for her, I know, but… I didn’t even…”</p><p>“Oh, Buffy,” Spike said, cupping her face. “I’m sorry, I’m a berk. Too busy spouting off about your dick friends—”</p><p>“Spike!”</p><p>“… to tell you what you <em> really </em> needed to hear,” Spike continued, kissing her forehead before pressing his against hers. “My love, my sunshine. How the hell were you supposed to be there for anyone else when you didn’t have the time to live your own emotions?”</p><p>Buffy felt her heart beat too hard as she started to cry all of a sudden.</p><p>“But I should’ve—I should be—”</p><p>“What, love?” he asked, pulling back and moving his hands to her shoulders. “What should you be? Bloody perfect? Some sort of goddess with no constraint of time and energy and attention?”</p><p>“No, of course not,” she protested, “but I should’ve been able to be there for her—for you—for the girls—”</p><p>“Yeah, because it wasn’t like every single one of them—fuck, every single one of <em> us </em> didn’t keep piling more and more stuff on you.” He shook his head, without letting go of her. “Baby, you’ve lost your mum, your life, your Watcher all one after the other, and after that every bloody potential in the world decided that moving into your living room was the solution to their every problem. And now your friends, the same dimwits who dragged you out of sodding <em> heaven</em>, expect you to be a hundred percent available to a hundred percent of their needs, a hundred percent of the time?”</p><p>Buffy couldn’t even try to keep the tears back anymore, but at least they were silent. As was she, because she had no idea what to say. He made it sound… almost as if she shouldn’t be blamed for anything. But that couldn’t be true, could it?</p><p>“Y-you can’t say I didn’t make mistakes,” she whispered in a broken voice.</p><p>His eyes softened and he took her face in his hands again. “I’m not saying that, love,” he said, and her heart broke a little at that. But his eyes stayed oh-so-soft, and his voice got incredibly tender. “I’m saying you’re only human, yeah? You’re not a goddess—even though I do like to call you that when we make love,” he added with a crooked grin. “No, sweetheart, you’re only human. It’s ok to have limits, Buffy.” She suddenly sobbed then, squeezing her eyes shut, but he only hugged her tight. “It’s ok to have limits,” he repeated in her hair.</p><p>And Buffy cried, without even knowing why—except of course she did. Ever since she’d been Called, it had <em> never </em> been ok to have limits. She’d had to live for the fight, die for the fight, then live again for it, sacrifice everything for it, including herself, again and again. Limits were never a possibility, period.</p><p>But maybe Spike was right. Maybe it was understandable that she hadn’t managed to be there for her friends and for Dawnie; maybe they should have realised she just didn’t have the energy to initiate, to respond, when she was so busy staying strong so she could shoulder everything else.</p><p>And now here she was, crying brokenly on her vampire’s shoulder, covering him in yet more snot and tears, while there was another demon around to witness the whole thing. The mere idea made her want to hide in a hole and never come out; but all she managed to do was cling harder to Spike and hope that Azac had kept their distance.</p><p>Eventually, she managed to control her tears again. She took a shuddering breath and, after another minute of his comfort, she moved back enough to clean her face, grimacing a bit at the mess on Spike’s poor skin and longing for some tissues.</p><p>“Thank you,” she murmured. “I guess I needed that. I just hope Azac didn’t see all that, or they’ll think I’m a horrible slayer.”</p><p>Spike’s eyes flashed for a second. “Say that again and we’ll have a real problem, Summers.” When her lips twitched up, it just made him double-down. “Look, I mean it; your pals better grovel for your forgiveness when we get back, or I’ll have to remind them just how very <em> not </em> harmless I am now.”</p><p>She shook her head, drying her cheeks as best she could. “No beatings of the Scoobies.” She paused for a second. “Although Faith isn’t a Scooby…”</p><p>Spike grinned, raising his brow. “Told you I’d take care of her for you, pet. Just say the word.”</p><p>She chuckled breathlessly. “Nah, don’t worry. She isn’t actually being so bad, these days.” <em> Except for when she goes all friendly with </em> my <em> vampire, on his bed… ugh. </em> She let the thought go and took a deep breath. “When we come back, I’ll apologise to them.”</p><p>“Buffy—”</p><p>“I will,” she silenced him, “because I did make mistakes. But then…” She took another deep breath, the thought terrifying. “But then I’m going to expect their excuses too.”</p><p>Spike sent her a narrow-eyed look. “And grovelling. There’s gotta be grovelling, pet, loads of it.”</p><p>She grinned. “I think I can forgive my friends without any grovelling. Ok, maybe without <em> much </em> of it…”</p><p>Spike gave her a crooked grin, his hand cupping her face to stroke the remaining wetness away. “Can live with that, I guess.”</p><p>“This has nothing to do with you, you realise that, yeah?”</p><p>He shrugged. “Right. Like to think your happiness does have something to do with me, though.” He suddenly looked extremely vulnerable and insecure, and a rush of affection made Buffy’s heart beat faster.</p><p>She raised her hand to stroke his and press it closer to her cheek. “You can say that, yeah,” she said quietly, and the uncertainty in his face transformed into grateful awe, sending a wonderful little shiver down her spine. </p><p>“Can live with that,” he said roughly, before leaning down to touch his lips to hers.</p><p>She let the kiss grow into something just a bit more intense, her chest tingling when his tongue traced her lips and then touched hers, sweet and tender and loving. God, she loved being in his arms, and she <em> loved </em> kissing him.</p><p>When the kiss ended they were both panting, and Buffy couldn’t deny she was feeling better. Talking to Spike and letting herself cry in his arms had unloaded the weight she’d been carrying even more than her solitary cry in the cove.</p><p>
  <em> Who would have thought. Talking to the people you care about instead of keeping everything in actually helps! Professor Walsh would've been proud… if she hadn’t been killed by her own Frankenstein monster. </em>
</p><p>Sometimes Buffy’s internal voice was a bitch. </p><p>She smiled at Spike, who was looking at her with that awe she loved so much, and kissed him lightly for another second. Then she took his hand, looking around and hoping very, very ardently that she wouldn’t meet a pair of icy eyes.</p><p>But it turned out that Azac had walked so far ahead it took them a while to catch up. They found them sitting on a low-hanging tree branch, one foot dangling a couple of inches from the ground and what looked like a well-worn book in their hands. They kept reading for a few more seconds before looking up.</p><p>“Is everything all right?” they asked calmly, their clear eyes soft as they closed the book.</p><p>“Yeah, uh, I just needed… uhm, a moment.”</p><p>They kept their gaze on her for a few more seconds, then nodded once and bent to put the book in their backpack. “If there’s anything I can help with, please feel free to ask,” they said while they fastened it closed, their voice tentative.</p><p>Buffy couldn’t help a smile. They were actually feeling embarrassed; offering help to someone who was vulnerable wasn’t only difficult for humans. “Thanks, Azac,” she said simply.</p><p>They smiled, a bit of tension leaving their shoulders. Then they grinned and jumped up on the branch to pluck a couple of fruits off the higher branches. They tossed her one. “Try it,” they said with a nod, tossing the other to Spike. “They’re pretty good.”</p><p>She exchanged a look with Spike, who shrugged and squeezed her hand before letting it go. She looked at the green-and-blue fruit and gave it a bite.</p><p>It was pretty delicious. Had they picked the tree just because they wanted to give her a treat after her breakdown? She didn’t know if she was more touched or embarrassed at the idea. So she decided to stop thinking about it and just enjoyed the juicy food, laughing with Spike at how messy it made their hands.</p><p>So yeah, the idea of going back home and facing her friends and family was still a bit terrifying. And yeah, maybe it wasn’t fair that she got a vacation, comfort-free or not, while everyone back home was going through hell. But she was increasingly convinced that by the time she got back, this journey would leave her with much more than just a fancy new axe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's a little sex educator wannabe inside me that insists on pointing out that the sexual habits of supernaturally gifted individuals shouldn't be taken as an example for, you know, vanilla humans, who can have INFECTIONS when it comes to mixing anal with vaginal sex without proper care. I just needed to say it here so she can shut up already. :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. XI</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Buffy and Spike finally get to the town, and Azac finally has someone to resolve their sexual tension with.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi there! Anyone still interested?</p><p>My eternal thanks go to the amazeballs Bookishy for everything she does to help me and my story. ♥ And of course, to everyone who still reads and takes the time to leave kudos and/or comment. I appreciate it a lot. I know updates have become slow and tentative, but such is life. I hope you still like this!</p><p>PREVIOUSLY: Buffy and Spike have finally had The Sex (a lot of it, under the stars too); Azac has kept being the little bastard that they are with their jokes and smirks; Buffy and Spike have had an important conversation about the Scoobies' bad habits of kicking people out of their own houses, and she wants to confront them about it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The weeks since their moment in the cove were bliss, making Spike wonder when exactly this was all going to come back and bite him in the ass. But he didn’t wonder long—there were too many things that deserved his attention more.</p><p>Things like Buffy’s neck, the way the curve of it made his mouth water even in the most innocent moments. Or Buffy’s eyes when he told her he loved her, so full that he’d swear she was feeling the same. The softness of her hair, and the roughness of that between her legs, which was delightfully sensitive when he stroked it just so. The way she leaned into him when they sat down to eat. The way they could enjoy silence together, feeling the same connection as the night back in that abandoned house.</p><p>There were a million things he’d never tire of. And since life had a habit of making him pay for his happiness—perhaps in this unprecedented fight looming on their horizon—he was determined to cling to every single moment of bliss now.</p><p>Which, of course, meant a lot of touching. He kept being scared she’d push him away at some point, or call him clingy, but it never happened; she seemed to enjoy every bit of contact as much as he did. It was all mind-boggling, of course, but he could see her joy, so he wasn’t going to question it.</p><p>But now, as they packed up after their lunch, Azac said that they were only one day from reaching the town and the axe. </p><p>His belly flipped unpleasantly at the thought. It felt all too soon; yeah, it would take another month or so to get back to Earth, but it still felt like time was rushing through his fingers too damn quickly. </p><p>As for what would happen once they were back, well… Buffy hadn’t right-out mentioned that she’d tell the Scoobies about them. Not yet, at least. Sure, the more she smiled at him, the more she ran back to his arms every night, the more he convinced himself that she would. But he couldn’t fool himself that it would be easy. And on his part, with the exception of Dawn, he didn’t love the collection of knobheads nearly as much as she did; he wasn’t feeling all that forgiving. Just the idea of them giving Buffy a hard time made his fangs itch and his hands tighten into fists. </p><p>But he was learning to dominate those urges too, because the last thing he wanted was to resort to literal fangs for the friends of the woman he loved. No matter how the monster in him raged for their pain.</p><p>Didn’t mean he wouldn’t be ready for some choice words, ’course. He’d just have to keep his hands in his pockets when it happened.</p><p>Besides, he had to admit that he was softening towards them. It was all Buffy’s fault, of course. The nights they didn’t tire each other out immediately, she’d started telling him stories—of her and Dawn and Joyce, but about her times with the Scoobies too. And, well… it was hard to hate them when those memories filled Buffy’s eyes with joy. And when she spoke as if he was one of her little family of dimwits already.</p><p>He didn’t want to admit that, despite everything, he liked the idea of being accepted in their group. But by the way she looked at him he had the sneaking suspicion that his lady had figured it out, the smart bitch.</p><p>Still, not even that fanciful dream made the prospect of the end of their journey any better.</p><p>So when, after a turn of the path, Azac let out a call that made him snap his head up, he wasn’t happy to see another blue demon waving at them from further down the path.</p><p>At least until Azac started walking much, much faster—some might even say bloody skipped forward—to launch themselves into the other demon’s arms. After hugging for a few moments, they started kissing passionately, and Spike couldn’t keep in a snicker.</p><p>“That’d be the zitra, then.”</p><p>“Either that, or Zalik will have to kick their ass,” Buffy said in a perky tone.</p><p>Spike snorted and took her hand, just because he could. Then they walked slowly to the kissing couple, trying to give them some time.</p><p>It didn’t take long. They hadn’t even reached them when the two blue demons broke their liplock, although they stayed close enough to whisper to each other. As Buffy and Spike stopped, they exchanged a small kiss and then let go, just holding each other’s arm.</p><p>The newcomer’s eyes were even clearer than Azac’s, closer to full white than icy blue. Every other colour of their features was lighter too, from their skin tone to their thin lips and eyebrows. Their hair was short, a messy blue-green rather than Azac’s purple and violet. They were wearing a sleeveless white tunic over a pair of dark trousers, and had a small backpack on their shoulders.</p><p>“I can’t believe this is really happening,” they said, their white eyes switching between him and Buffy. “And is that—Azac, your message didn’t mention the Slayer’s ally is <em>a vampire</em>!”</p><p>Spike’s brows rose. When had Azac sent a message? <em>Well, at least this one isn’t starting out by trying to kill me. </em></p><p>Azac just laughed. “I thought it would be a nice surprise for everyone. It definitely was for me.”</p><p>“Although your zitra is taking it a bit more gracefully,” Buffy said with a little grin, squeezing Spike’s hand.</p><p>Zalik’s eyes shone with pride and happiness. “Thank you, Slayer,” they said, making Spike bite back a laugh at their star-struck tone. “I just figured that anyone you trusted would be worth trusting. No matter how hard to imagine,” they added with an appraising look at him.</p><p>Azac rolled their eyes. “Yes, I know what you want to say,” they told Buffy. “I should have trusted you from the start.”</p><p>Buffy just grinned and nodded.</p><p>“Still don’t understand how exactly you let anyone know about anything,” Spike said. “I never saw you send any message.”</p><p>Azac’s grin widened. “It was at the very start of our journey. We have birds trained to bring messages back and forth.” When Spike frowned, still not remembering anything of the sort, their eyes seemed to glitter in amusement. “It was when Buffy was busy changing clothes, and you were busy pretending you didn’t want to check her out.”</p><p>Spike narrowed his eyes at the blue git as Buffy giggled.</p><p>Zalik shook their head, still looking bemused as their eyes flicked down to his naked chest. “You didn’t even mention they were together, Azac. Admit it, you just wanted to shock everyone here.”</p><p>“Technically, they weren’t together when we started,” they replied, exchanging a sweet look with their lover. “I witnessed what was merely unresolved tension blossom into a great love…”</p><p>As the blue demons burst out laughing, Spike didn’t know whether he wanted to join or swat them both over their colourful heads. </p><p>Buffy, on her part, was starting to blush. “Are we done with the fun-making?” she said, starting to tap her foot. “It felt much better when I thought you were all awed by me, you know.”</p><p>Zalik shut their mouth, looking flustered. “We didn’t mean—”</p><p>“We really are in awe, Slayer,” Azac talked over them, their smile turning genuine. “I’m sure the whole town has been preparing the biggest party we’ve ever known.”</p><p>“Yes,” their zitra confirmed with a crooked grin. “Il’kat have been coming from all over the planet to meet you. It’s going to be historic.”</p><p>Buffy looked decidedly less than enthusiastic. “Uh… I don’t…”</p><p>“Come on, love,” Spike said, tugging her hand. “These blue people have been waiting for centuries, you can’t cheat them out of a party now.”</p><p>She sent him a look that was half-panic, half-exasperation. “You’re only saying that because you wanna brag about being the Slayer’s vampire.”</p><p>His eyes flared as he grinned, looking her up and down. “Always.”</p><p>As Buffy huffed, Zalik looked equally puzzled and fascinated. Yeah, Spike could already imagine it being a fun time.</p><p>“And besides, we can’t stay for long,” Buffy said, trying for a firm tone. “I like this place, I do, but they need us on Earth.”</p><p>Zalik and Azac both turned more serious at that.</p><p>“We’ve always known that would be the case, Slayer,” the newcomer said. “That’s why nobody expects you to stay longer than one night and one morning at the most.”</p><p>When Buffy still looked uncomfortable, Spike had to rein in the urge to squeeze her to him. “I don’t know…” she hedged.</p><p>“I’m sure you can spare that much, can’t you, Buffy?” Azac said hopefully. “We could start walking after having lunch.”</p><p>Buffy’s hesitant nod didn’t look real convincing, but Spike had a feeling she wouldn’t insist. His woman might not be the most curious person he knew, but it would be hard not to want to check out a place where everyone has been waiting for you for so long. </p><p>“Don’t worry, terim,” he said with a small grin. “Your Slayer’s gonna let you have your party and—” </p><p>He stopped talking when Zalik burst out laughing again, looking at him like heʼd just sprouted a clown nose and curly wig. When Azac started snickering too, he and Buffy exchanged a frown. </p><p>“What?” he demanded, starting to get pissed.</p><p>“T… <em>terim</em>?” Zalik stammered.</p><p>Azac giggled too, the sound tinkling and alien. “I couldn't resist,” they said between weird-sounding laughter. </p><p>“All right, whatʼs going on?” Spike insisted. </p><p>Zalik made a visible effort to calm down and looked at him with twinkling eyes. “Terim is… a very old, very formal form of addressing someone you respect very much. Like, uh…” </p><p>“Illustrious sir or madame?” Azac tried with a wide grin, and Zalik nodded. </p><p>It was Buffy’s turn to burst out in giggles. </p><p>Spike sent her a glare before doing the same to Azac. “You little bitch, you said it meant ‘mate’!” he said, ignoring the voice in his head that insisted it was all worth it for Buffy’s laughter. </p><p>“See,” Azac said, still grinning far too much, “that’s a gendered term too—” </p><p>“Fuck off,” Spike answered, giving them a two-fingered salute. When Buffy laughed even more, he had to force down a small smile of his own. </p><p>“Come on, Azac,” Zalik said as they swatted the other demon on the head, where their thick dreadlocks unfortunately cushioned the blow. “That wasn’t nice.” </p><p>“Still funny,” they snickered, but Zalik just swatted them again. </p><p>“You can use the word <em>tilka </em>if you mean something like ‘mate',” Zalik said, smiling at Spike. </p><p>“What about asshole?” Spike asked, sending Azac a narrow-eyed stare. </p><p>“Oh, that works just fine on its own,” the green-haired Ilʼkat said before the three of them snickered some more. </p><p>Spike just shook his head, trying his best to cling to his pride and not do the same. Still, when Buffy tugged his arm and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek with a radiant smile, he lost the battle and felt the corner of his lips turn up.</p><p>As they started walking again, Zalik and Azac also hand-in-hand now, Buffy’s attention moved to Zalik’s curious questions about her and her slayer life. Spike forced himself to stay with her, not wanting his thoughts to circle back to what the end of this trip meant.</p><p>Ultimately, regardless of all his fears, Spike had to admit that he wanted to save the Earth too. Hard not to want to be a hero, when the love of your life was so hell-bent on being a brilliant example. So he ignored all his worries and concentrated on Buffy’s fingers interlaced with his, and her smile, and the knowledge he’d hold her and make love to her again soon.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>That night Buffy was particularly tender, kissing every inch of his skin before making love to him, starting with going down on him with a care and sweetness he’d never experienced before. Then she lowered herself on him with slow, deep motions that seemed to beg him to be inside her in impossible ways. And all the while she looked at him, her eyes wide and soft as her hands never stopped stroking him. He’d never been more sure that she was making love to him, even if she needed more time to find the actual words.</p><p>He fell asleep quickly in her arms, lulled by her hands stroking him and by everything they told him without voice.</p><p>When they woke up, Buffy started blushing as soon as they heard noises coming from the other side of their camp. So Spike simply had to give her a real reason to blush, using his words as he brought her off with his fingers and then with his cock. But they ended up making sweet, sweet love after all, the dirty words naturally turning into intense gazes and slow strokes in a matter of minutes.</p><p>Spike couldn’t shake the feeling that she was as worried as he was about the future. They’d reach town shortly after lunch today, and even though that meant another month of marching, the end of the journey felt scarily close. At least seeing her as affected as him was partly reassuring. </p><p>So he spent the day doing his best to enjoy the way Zalik reacted to their stories. They were delighted with everything Buffy told them about her fights back on Earth, and kept looking at Spike as though he were a scarily smart animal to keep an eye on. He couldn’t help but be tickled by it, especially by how Azac kept trying to convince them that he was actually ok.</p><p>Meanwhile, they started to meet more Il’kat on the path, everyone blue and everyone as excited to see Buffy as they were shocked to see him. After the fifth new Smurf wannabe took a fighting stance, Buffy was starting to get annoyed. </p><p>Azac was always ready to help calm their fellow demons down, even if they kept being a git and snickering too. Soon there was a bloody entourage of clear-eyed Il’kat offering to carry their backpacks. Spike had to admit that he was starting to feel just a tad unsettled. Buffy had passed unsettled and was firmly into bothered territory, but she still kept holding his hand through it all.</p><p>And then they finally reached the town itself. The first houses were built from bluish wood that had darker and lighter blue streaks running the length of the planks, and the Il’kat that lived there all wore brightly colored clothes that seemed comfortable if a bit rough.</p><p>Every single demon they met stopped whatever they were doing to approach them, and all of them were shocked to see Buffy in the company of a vampire. Meanwhile, the littlest Il’kat were endlessly fascinated by him, peppering him with questions until their parents nudged them away. </p><p>So he found himself talking to more than a dozen little blue faces, all rounder than their older counterparts and all with more colourful eyes, lively and curious. He told them that yes, he was a vampire, but he was good; that yes, he was with the Slayer, and wanted to fight with her; that no, he hadn’t always been good; that no, he very definitely did not want to eat them or their pets.</p><p>When a little tyke asked him with teary eyes and trembling lips, whether he was<em> really really sure </em>he wasn’t going to lose control of his hunger and hurt their little pet birdie—which they were clutching in their chunky dark blue hands—he burst out laughing. He stopped walking and finally let go of Buffy’s hand to crouch down, putting his eyes at the level of the little one’s and making all the kids gasp; to their credit, none of them took a step back, not even the tiny rugrat with the pet. </p><p>He spoke in a conspiratorial tone. “Absolutely positive I’m not hungry, little bit. But do you think that you’d be a little less scared if I showed you my demon? So that you can see it’s in control?”</p><p>He heard disapproving murmurs behind him, but he had a feeling Buffy was sending glares in the direction of whoever was complaining, because it got silent as the tiny Il’kat nodded, all aquiver with fearful curiosity.</p><p>After winking at them, he let his vamp face show itself, opening his mouth in a fangy grin. When he traced a canine with his tongue, the little kid’s eyes widened, and they reached out a hand. He wiggled his eyebrows, nodding, and their fingers touched the wrinkles on his forehead and began an exploration. Their skin was colder than a human’s but warmer than a vampire’s. After tracing his fang with a finger, they finally moved their hand back, nodded once, and gave Spike an approving smile.</p><p>“I guess you’re in control.” They even had a bloody lisp, the adorable little bugger. “So are you stronger when your demon is out?”</p><p>“I think he’s just more prone to bragging,” Buffy said, squeezing his shoulder. </p><p>He sent her a mock glare. “Don’t forget that this is my weapon, Slayer,” he said with a little growl, then shook his head when some of the kids had the sodding nerve to giggle. <em>Bloody gits, you show them you’re in control, they lose all respect. </em></p><p>“Yes, yes, I remember the lesson, Spike,” she said as she patted his shoulder, the soft look in her eyes doing things to his chest.</p><p>“You better,” he growled, standing up and taking her hand again as he let his vamp face go. “Now lead, Empress of Yltra, or the rest of the townies will complain you haven’t graced them with enough of your presence.”</p><p>Some of the Il’kat and many of the kids around them snickered. As Buffy gave him an embarrassed swat, he became increasingly convinced that he could get used to these people. They were clearly of the same mind, adults approaching him for questions about his exploits too as they went on deeper into the city. Most of them grimaced in distaste when he mentioned killing good fighters, and heʼd never feel comfortable enough to admit that two of those had been slayers. But they did look delighted with his other tales, and he couldn’t help but soak in the attention.</p><p>As they went on, the houses they walked by became sturdier and more frequent. When they started resembling city buildings from Earth, with more than a family per structure, they also became more colourful: the walls maintained the glittery quality of the soil on the forest floor, but they were covered in graffiti. Here and there, he recognised writings in Earth languages among the strange, long letters of what he supposed must be their own alphabet, but mostly it was of either abstract shapes or paintings of fights. </p><p>And of course, there were slayers. Even though they varied in shape, culture, and skin colour, he recognised them from the way they were always drawn triumphantly in those represented battles. Given their variety, their portals must lead to all kinds of different places on Earth.</p><p>When he saw an itty-bitty blond slayer, he tugged Buffy’s hand. “Lookit that, Slayer.”</p><p>She seemed put-out at being interrupted while talking with an Il’kat, but she stopped short when she saw the graffiti. </p><p>“Looks mighty familiar, eh?”</p><p>She barely nodded, a small smile turning her lips up. And then one Il’kat of the hundreds surrounding them gave a joyful yell, and then another, and then the noise went from the steady buzz of a chattering crowd to the singing and chanting of a stadium audience. Buffy squeezed his hand, her cheeks colouring at all the attention.</p><p>“They’re chanting ‘Slayer’ in several languages,” came Azac’s raised voice from behind them. Spike and Buffy turned to see the familiar blue face smiling widely. “And the name of the artist, I think. But mostly your title.”</p><p>Buffy’s cheeks continued to look adorably rosy.</p><p>Spike chuckled. “They did warn you to expect a party,” he said loudly.</p><p>“Well, I just hope they don’t try to carry us over their heads!”</p><p>He laughed and brought her hand to his lips, kissing it sweetly. When the kids to his left started singing something that made the adults send them disapproving glances, he gestured at them to continue, because not even a shiny new soul could stop Spike from appreciating some good-old punk attitude.</p><p>On they went to what was now a proper city, and Spike was surprised to see vehicles and electric light poles right alongside old-fashioned lanterns and animal-drawn carts—only the animals were huge, mild-looking beasts that looked like the offspring of buffalos and rhinos. All in all, he couldn’t decide whether the atmosphere was closer to a steampunk comic book or whether everything was just too bonkers to make a comparison at all.</p><p>He was half-tempted to ask Azac what was up with all that, but the demons around them were making enough of a racket that he decided to postpone it. Besides, his attention was diverted when several Il’kat started raising beautifully made weapons over their heads, obviously intent on showing them off to Buffy, and yelling every time she looked their way.</p><p>Suddenly, they were facing a wide square. The crowd spontaneously hung back, until it was just him, Buffy, and Azac walking onwards. He felt his Slayer hesitate beside him, but at Blue’s encouraging look she continued to approach the trio of robed figures who were waiting for them at the centre. The distant crowd started chanting even more loudly, until the person in the middle raised their hands and the sound lowered down to an excited buzz. </p><p>As they reached the trio, Spike was surprised to realise it was no Il’kat in front of them. It was a human-looking woman in a simple blue tunic, with long white hair and wise features.</p><p>“Welcome, Slayer,” she said with a kind smile that turned into a grin when she saw the Slayer and Spike’s clasped hands. “You already prove to be unusual and ready to challenge pre-ordained notions,” she went on, sending Spike a look. “That’s good.”</p><p>“Uhm,” Buffy said, her hand clenching his to the point of pain. “Thanks?”</p><p>The strange lady’s grin widened. Then she held her hand to the side, where an Il’kat holding a large red axe raised the weapon and gave it over. As the woman took it in both hands, the crowd cheered for a second before turning even quieter than before.</p><p>“I am Zilmur,” the demon on her right said.</p><p>“And I am Afir,” the one on the woman’s other side added. “This is our city, and we welcome you, Slayer.”</p><p>“And I am the last Guardian of the Scythe,” the woman said, nodding at Buffy.</p><p>His slayer remained silent for a second, still squeezing his hand hard enough to make him worry about damage. Finally, she inhaled hard and nodded back. “I’m Buffy Summers and, uh, thank you for welcoming us.”</p><p>The woman’s brows went up at her name, but she didn’t say anything. She just looked at Spike instead, and suddenly he could feel<em> everyone</em>’s eyes on him. Once more grateful vamps hardly ever blushed, he said, “Uh—name’s Spike.” Buffy tugged his hand and he cleared his dry throat. “And thank you for welcoming us.”</p><p>The three continued to stare, until finally the lady’s lips quirked into a small smirk.</p><p>“A vampire helping the Slayer retrieve her Weapon,” she said. Then she slightly bowed her head, eyes glinting. “I admire your spirit, Spike. And,” she added as she looked at Buffy, “I admire you even more for inspiring it, Buffy Summers.” This time, her head bowed lower. Not that Spike minded; Christ knew his lady could use some well-earned admiration. </p><p>“Ah, well, I…” Buffy hedged. Spike sent her a look and she smiled, somehow looking proud and bashful at the same time. “He’s a Champion. My Champion,” she said, voice firm even as her hand trembled in his.</p><p>Spike’s eyes never left Buffy, his own hand trembling slightly. He didn’t even know what he was feeling. There was pride, and then there was<em> pride</em>… so deep and unexpected it managed to be humbling.</p><p>He didn’t know whether he deserved any of this, but for a moment, he didn’t care. He’d already known Buffy believed in him—couldn’t not trust her word on it, considering how she’d told him—but this, calling him a Champion, staking her claim on him like this…</p><p>He exhaled slowly, just as she turned to him again. Her cheeks were red, her eyes were bright, and she was breathtakingly beautiful.</p><p>“Quite an accomplishment, for a vampire,” the woman said, breaking their moment. “You can say that it’s yet more evidence that the Watcher’s Council doesn’t understand demons half as much as they like to think they do.”</p><p>Spike, Azac, and almost the entire square made the same snort-like sound at that. </p><p>“But there’s no need to talk about any of that. I will tell you more about the Scythe in a while, but right now”—she extended the axe towards Buffy—“now is the time to celebrate.”</p><p>When Buffy finally took hold of it, the crowd exploded in cheers and chants, and Spike smiled at the awed expression on his slayer’s face. She turned to beam at him even as the two Il’kat in front of them gestured at them to follow, leading them away from the mass of singing blue demons celebrating the party of the century.</p><p>They soon found themselves in an enormous park that had been decorated for the occasion: colourful tapestries hung from the bluish trees, long tables covered with food dotted the grass, and tall piles of wood were just waiting for flame. In just a few minutes, Spike and Buffy found themselves ushered from table to table, while Azac and Zalik introduced them to Il’kat after Il’kat and showed them everything from local dishes and drinks to trinkets, clothes, and weapons.</p><p>Meanwhile, the rest of the crowd were forming little clusters of activity: some started cooking delicious-smelling meals, some played rhythmic, fast-paced music, some were dancing with intricate steps, some sparred, and others sat in circles to eat or work on their weapons. It was like visiting the bluest, happiest fair he could imagine, one where everybody was awed by the lady on his arm—or, well, hand in hand with him.</p><p>When he nodded appreciatively at the taste of a salty biscuit-looking thing a kid offered him, the little Il’kat and their pals broke into pleased shrieks, and he officially became their food guinea pig. </p><p>Spike was surprised at how full his heart felt at it all. Maybe it was the way those kids kept treating him like some sort of hero, maybe it was Buffy’s words about him being her Champion, maybe it was the festive atmosphere in the warm twilight… or more probably, it was all of that. He stopped wondering when his eyes fell on a particularly beautiful jade-coloured jewel that would look stunning around Buffy’s neck and just let himself be dragged into the party.</p><p>He’d definitely love to come back here to visit one day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter is all about world-building, as you can see, and that's... not my forte. Feel free to agree or disagree in the comments. What do you think of the Il'kat's town?</p><p>And most importantly, isn't Azac the best little shit ever? &gt;:) I've been sitting on that sodding joke for MONTHS now...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. XII</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Buffy and Spike join in a big-ass demon party thrown for the Slayer. And then, surprisingly enough, lotsa sex happens.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gratitude everlasting goes to the talented and patient bookishy for everything she always does for me and my stories, this time including not letting me have Spike sound like a zombie. And ladies and gents, I also need to thank Dirtyaim for the AMAZING art she made for me… keep reading and you’ll see what I mean, and OH BOY.</p><p>Big, big thanks to everyone who reads and especially likes and comments. Reading your thoughts is always SUCH a gift.</p><p>I hope y’all like smut as much as I do. &gt;:)</p><p>PREVIOUSLY: Spike, Buffy and Azac have reached Zalik, Azac’s beau, and then the Il’kat city. Buffy has been hailed as the big damn hero she is, and she has declared Spike to be her Champion. And then, everybody parties!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The party went on for what felt like forever, until Buffy didn’t know whether she could eat or drink another ounce of anything, no matter how delicious it smelled. She’d also been offered countless amounts of jewellery, clothes and weapons, and it had taken all of her self-discipline not to say yes to everything. She knew that she couldn’t weigh down her bag, but God, those things were <em> pretty</em>.</p><p>She had caved for a couple of things, though. By the time they eventually found themselves sitting around one of the pretty fires, she was wearing a long tunic made in brilliant shades of green and a leather belt with a buckle in a bluish metal. She’d also taken a couple of earrings, and she wasn’t going to berate herself for her weakness because the hungry looks Spike kept sending her were worth a little added weight to her return trip.</p><p>Soon, several Il’kat started sparring, clearly hoping she would join in. After telling them she’d only fight the one who came on top—sure, she was the Slayer, but there were <em> a lot </em> of eager Il’kat and she’d eaten <em> a lot </em> of their stupid good food—she mostly just sat there. And when it was her turn to fight, it wasn’t an easy win, but an extremely satisfying one.</p><p>Then Spike challenged her for a match, because of course he did. That was a good fight too, even though the end result wasn’t as satisfying. After all, Buffy wasn’t exactly ready to bring her outdoor-sex kink to the level of in-front-of-a-huge-crowd-sex kink. So they managed to keep it PG-13 (maybe? Surely some minor groping and kissing weren’t too bad… ok, maybe an R) and sat back down with a few more inches than necessary between them. Just in case.</p><p>But then… then the tattoo artists came out. </p><p>They came in a line, all followed by Il’kat in various states of undress to better show off their art. And wow, could these demons do art. Some of the tattoos were simple, yes, but some were as complex as paintings, to the point that Buffy felt a pang of regret at the idea that she couldn’t bring her mom here once the apocalypse was over. Especially when a few of them explained that, thanks to imbued magic, the images shifted and changed shades depending on the demons’ emotions and actions. </p><p>When a group of them started dancing, Buffy was mesmerised. At first the tattoos barely shifted, but as they went faster and faster, the images started moving in earnest, almost dancing, writhing and merging every time they touched, creating a living work of art.</p><p>So when Azac bent to whisper that those magic tattoos weren’t permanent—lasting only a month or so—and wouldn’t hurt human skin, she wasn’t surprised by her rush of excitement, one that was reflected in Spike’s eyes.</p><p>Less than half an hour later, she was sitting in a small tent, Spike having been led to another. Her heart beat hard enough to match the rhythm of the drums outside. After the Il’kat artist reassured her again that the result wouldn’t be permanent, she finally managed to shed her clothes, rubbing her arms self-consciously when the Il’kat gently directed her to take off her pants and bra too.</p><p>“So, uhm, what’s your name?” she blurted as she lay down on the narrow table in the middle of the tent.</p><p>“I am Ylut,” they replied with their heavy accent. “And I am honoured that you would allow me this privilege, Slayer.”</p><p>Buffy huffed out a laugh, forcing back the urge to cover her breasts. “I don’t know about that, really.”</p><p>Ylut brought a little cabinet with several drawers to Buffy’s side. “Of course it is,” they said with a smile. “And I am happy I can help you experience something of our culture.”</p><p>That finally relieved some of her tension—that and Ylut’s ability to never look at her breasts, which made her thankful not all Il’kats were into ogling chests like Azac—and she managed to relax as they talked about what colours and shapes she wanted. </p><p>The process itself was quick and utterly painless since the Il’kat didn’t pierce her skin with needles, rather sprinkled it with colourful dust and then <em> painted </em> the tattoo on her. The brush swirled in looping patterns, starting on her left shoulder, travelling down around her breast and heart, then moving across her belly and down to her right hip, where it circled it to come back up and end in a twirl right on the top of her mons, its tip barely touching her hair there. And all the while, Ylut kept singing and chanting, the tune so lilting, sweet, and relaxing that Buffy managed to enjoy the sensation instead of feeling self-conscious.</p><p>Finally, the demon held their hands over her, sang a bit more, and clapped their palms together. A tingling sensation spread all over Buffy’s painted skin, making her inhale at the strange pleasure.</p><p>“Do you want my help to clean the excess ink?” Ylut asked, voice still soothing as they held a damp cloth. “Water won’t erase the paint, although it will fade in under two months.”</p><p>Buffy shook her head and took it from them, rubbing it softly across her skin, marvelling at how easily she could clean it all off. When Ylut raised a tall mirror, her eyes widened. She’d told them to use shades of gold and green and go for ‘swirly patterns’, and the Il’kat had delivered in spades. A main stroke of dark green went from her shoulder to her hip, but the artist had managed to blend dozens of different green shades into it, making it look like there were leaves looping from it here, and like there were waves there. And all through and around it, golden swirls highlighted the coils, giving patches of skin the look of a dark green sky dotted with stars.</p><p>Her mouth was suddenly dry. What did you tell the person who’d just made your skin a living, breathing work of art?</p><p>“I… that…”</p><p>“I hope you like it,” Ylut said.</p><p>Buffy sent them a quick glance and grinned sheepishly at the amusement in their eyes.</p><p>“I was trying to find the words to thank you,” she admitted.</p><p>Ylut laughed, the sound tinkling and alien. “Sometimes, a look is all it takes.” They bowed their head, eyes glinting in pleased satisfaction. “I am honoured.”</p><p>“<em>I </em> am,” Buffy murmured, looking at her reflection again. Granted, she’d never thought herself ugly, but now she was a knockout. She just wished she had a bit more boobs to go with the extra pretty colours… but then she grinned at the idea of Spike’s reaction, extra boobage or not.</p><p>Suddenly, she couldn’t wait to see what <em> he </em> looked like with art on his lickable chest. For a second, she wished the two of them could just disappear in the woods on the other side of the park, so that she could follow every line on his skin with her tongue, just like she did with his freckles… but by the time she’d left the tent, a golden top Ylut had given her covering her chest, the Il’kat’s cheers around her made it ok to wait.</p><p>Granted, as soon as she spotted Spike she started to drool. But she was a strong girl. She would deal.</p><p>He’d gone for red and black, because of course he had. Still, when he moved closer she saw the black had a bluish tint, making his eyes stand out in the firelight. Starting at both shoulders, his tattoo followed the shape of an hourglass, and its lines were much sharper than hers, looking like the red-and-black blades of a well-honed weapon. Every now and then, what looked like dark-blue spikes broke off from the main shape. The ink disappeared under his waistband just like hers, but it accentuated his v-lines enough to make her wonder how far it went.</p><p>“You’re a sodding dream, love.” </p><p>When she managed to look up, she found him staring at her like she was a vision—one that he’d gladly <em> eat</em>. </p><p>“You’re not too shabby yourself,” she said, voice breathier than she’d expected.</p><p>His grin widened when the Il’kat around them cheered more loudly, Azac yelling at them to “start dancing and show us how it’s done”. She laughed at that, the music rising in volume.</p><p>“We better give them what they want, Slayer,” he said with a wink, and then he was suddenly in her space, taking her hands and making her swirl away from him only to pull her back to his chest.</p><p>Another breathless giggle escaped as her skin prickled at the contact, the sensation spreading from where their tattoos touched.</p><p>“Oh, I like that,” she whispered, shimmying in his grasp and sending a shower of sparks up and down her front. </p><p>“Can’t wait to make love to you like this, kitten,” Spike whispered into her ear, swaying into her until their chests touched all over.</p><p>His hips pressing into hers made her wish they had no clothes. Then she grinned and danced away, laughing when he growled and followed her. </p><p>They kept it up as the music raised in tempo, dancing but also thrusting their chests together every time they could to send sparks sizzling under their skin. And as they went, the tattoos started moving, shapes shifting on their bodies in a dance all their own, making Buffy feel like her skin itself wanted to dance with Spike’s. </p><p>His blade-like lines seemed sharp enough to nick her. The dance, the music, the shimmering colours on his skin… all of it made her crave more of his touch and more of this moment. For a wild second, despite how safe Spike felt to her these days—or perhaps because of that—she wished all that sharpness <em> would </em> cut her; she wished he’d bring the demon to the fore and make her feel his fangs on her skin, fine and lethal and threatening, a kind of mockery of real danger.</p><p>Going by the way his eyes and hands never left her skin, she knew she wasn’t the only one. She imagined herself dragging her breasts across his chest, dragging her teeth along his neck and ear and whispering <em> I want your fangs</em>… The full-body shudder that wracked her then must’ve told him a lot of what was going through her head, because his eyes flashed gold, and it looked like he was going to bite her there and then. </p><p>He brought her close instead, crushing his mouth to hers, and she couldn’t help but feel disappointed that his teeth were blunt when he bit and scraped at her lips. Their tattoos dragging against each other sent her body into overdrive. She lost herself in the sensations: his hips thrusting against her, his mouth devouring hers, his fingers spanning her back and squeezing her ass close—</p><p>She came with a gasp in his mouth, and he keened his desperate pleasure in hers, making her feel drunker than she’d ever known.</p><p>“Fuck, Spike,” she muttered against his lips, kissing them sloppily as he kept thrusting his hard cock against her, dragging her orgasm on and on.</p><p>“That’s the idea,” he groaned, burying his face in her neck.</p><p>She tittered, her whole body tingling, licks of pleasure writhing under her painted skin. “Definitely not PG-13,” she rasped with a faint chuckle.</p><p>Spike leaned back to send her a confused look but she shook her head, stroking up his back as she kissed him deeply.</p><p>“Want you,” he whimpered in her mouth, making her smile.</p><p>“Want you too… Maybe we could—”</p><p>“Yes please,” he begged with a desperate nod, pushing her backwards as he started walking, their bodies still plastered together.</p><p>“Spike!” she laughed, but he just kept going.</p><p>“Buffy? Spike?”</p><p>She heard him growl as they turned to see a flustered-looking Azac, whose hands had clearly just been in Zalik’s hair. Buffy tried to put some distance between her and Spike, but he wasn’t having any of that, the horny idiot.</p><p>“You better not be trying to interrupt us again, Blue,” Spike gritted out.</p><p>Azac laughed. “Don’t want to lose a limb, mate, no.” </p><p>The friendly name seemed to mollify Spike somewhat, because his fingers slackened on her ass cheek. Not that she was actually going to complain.</p><p>“We just wanted to show you to your quarters,” Zalik said, their voice sounding hoarser than Buffy remembered. </p><p>
  <em> Yeah, these two are definitely ready to call it a night, too. </em>
</p><p>She idly recalled that Zalik had taken their bags and her Scythe and told her that they’d bring them to the Slayer Cabin. Which hadn’t even surprised her all that much, because really, considering the <em> city </em>was meant to safeguard a weapon meant for the Slayer? A cabin built for her wasn’t shocking.</p><p>Another shiver went through her as she remembered the feeling holding the Scythe gave her. It was incredible, powerful and <em> hers</em>, like a voice telling her she could win anything, even a battle with the literal First Evil. And ok, yes, maybe having an entire city of fighter demons cheering her on helped too.</p><p>The two Il’kat managed to detach from each other just enough to lead Buffy and Spike to get their clothes. As kids ran around them cheering, the sharpness of her arousal ebbed away and a much sweeter feeling took its place. She hadn’t missed the way Spike’s eyes softened while looking at the little blue demons.</p><p>In that moment, a fire of righteous fury and confidence blazed within her. There was <em> no way </em> she was letting that pathetic dick the First get the best of her, of them. She wasn’t going to let any of this happiness go; they were going to win.</p><p>
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</p><p>“Here you go,” Zalik said as they stopped in front of a neat little stone house, the arousal having waned from their voice too.</p><p>“Wouldn’t call that a cabin, tilka,” Spike said as he studied the building covered in beautiful graffiti. His arm around her waist tightened, his stroking fingers sending tingles on her tattooed skin.</p><p>Their guides shrugged, grinning, and Azac handed Buffy a key. “It was built for the Slayer, and in time it got more and more elaborate.”</p><p>“It has a shower, electricity, human food in a… fridge?” Zalik said, looking at Azac for confirmation.</p><p>“Yes,” Azac said, melting against their lover’s side and leaning their head on their shoulder, more languid than Buffy had ever seen them.</p><p>“Oh, and someone left some blood for you, too,” Zalik continued, holding Azac close. “Never thought I’d ever say something like that,” they added with a giggle.</p><p>Azac grinned and kissed their neck, looking like Zalik had just said the cutest thing in the world.</p><p>“Off with you two, then,” Spike said, squeezing Buffy tighter while he shooed them away. “Or we’ll end up seeing exactly how different Il’kat bodies are from humans’.”</p><p>Both Azac and Zalik’s eyes flared at that as they traced Buffy and Spike with curiosity. She felt herself flush.</p><p>“Well—” Azac started.</p><p>“Oookay, and that’s where the night ends,” Buffy cut them off, waving at them and rushing to go open the door.</p><p>Spike chuckled, hugging her from behind. As it turned out, his arousal was back in full force already. “Pretty sure night’s only just begun, love,” he rumbled in her ear, making her inhale hard when he traced the swirls on her skin. “Hope you weren’t thinking of sleeping any time soon.”</p><p>“Have fun,” Azac said from behind them, voice a bit husky. When Buffy glanced back, Zalik was leaving a trail of kisses down their neck, making their eyes flutter.</p><p>“You too,” Spike breathed as he left his own trail of nibbles up her neck.</p><p>The two Il’kat barely waved at them before they started kissing again, and Buffy squeaked when Spike’s fingers followed the tattoo lines underneath the waistband of her pants.</p><p>She finally managed to open the door and they tumbled into the moonlit entryway, him laughing lightly in her ear. As his nails scraped her inked skin, she barely looked where she threw her clothes and trinkets before turning to attack his lips, her hands tunnelling through his hair as he kicked the door shut. He groaned in her mouth, his kiss biting and violent, and she surged against him as the image of his fangs flashed again in her mind.</p><p>She jerked away from him, panting heavily, and glared at him in the moonlight. “Get your clothes off.”</p><p>“Fucking yes,” he hissed, chasing her mouth again as he rushed to obey her order, hands fumbling between them to unfasten his jeans. </p><p>She kept kissing him for a second more, then bit his lip savagely and stepped away, glaring at him to stay put. “Off.”</p><p>He complied frantically, panting heavily as he got off his jeans and shoes then kicked them away. She looked around, trying to see a light switch, a lantern, anything. She finally spotted a switch on the nearest wall and flipped it, ignoring their surroundings to look at him.</p><p>Predictably, he looked even hotter without his pants.</p><p>The jerk clearly had <em> no </em> sense of dignity or respect, because he must’ve asked the tattoo artist to shave his… bits. He was all smooth, <em> inked </em> skin down there. Ok, not all, but the blades of red and bluish black went far enough to frame his hard cock and heavy sack, the tips reaching his sensitive skin there, and Buffy didn’t know if she wanted to lick him or kick him for letting anyone else touch him.</p><p>Her kick-urge rose at his smug expression.</p><p>“Like what you see, love?”</p><p>The bastard wanted her to be happy about this? About some random demon whoever seeing him naked and touching what was only hers to touch?</p><p>
  <em> Woah, possessive much? </em>
</p><p>She distantly realised that she was exaggerating, but she knew Spike wouldn’t mind an excuse for her to manhandle him into declaring himself hers. And if there was a little voice telling her that this was dangerous territory, well, it was far too easy to ignore.</p><p>So she strode forward, pressed herself to him chest-to-chest, and grabbed his dick hard. “I’m not sure I’m too happy with someone touching my boyfriend, you know.”</p><p>Spike groaned, his eyes rolling in his head. Then he shuddered and looked at her, a trace of awe amidst the lust. “Know I’m yours, pet.”</p><p>She grinned, hoping he could see that she wasn’t really angry. Some part of her kept nagging that it could get really bad really quickly, but his eyes made it impossible to stop. “But somebody else touched you here?” she asked, tugging mercilessly.</p><p>He gasped in pain and obvious pleasure, his hands fisting at his sides, trembling. “<em>Ngh</em>… just… just a tattoo…” She tugged again, and he moaned low and hard, thrusting back into her fingers. “But maybe I need some… some punishment?” He looked at her through heavy-lidded eyes, panting hard against her lips. “Mistress?”</p><p>The whisper sent a shiver through her and she tugged him again, inhaling hard when he gasped and moaned once more. But then the voice insisted, and she remembered all her <em> thoughts </em> on his fangs, and she was hit by the sudden fear of doing something wrong when everything had gone so blessedly right for once, and…</p><p>She relaxed her hold on him, palming his flesh up and down more sweetly. When he sent her a confused glance, she smiled, kissing him deeply without ever letting go.</p><p>He seemed to get the gist at last, melting into her, his hands roaming her back as their chests rubbed against one another, igniting more sparks. When she broke off for air, her elated giggle was followed by his own.</p><p>“Buffy…”</p><p>“Spike,” she panted, kissing his lips, his jaw, his neck. “I-I think we should talk about it before—I mean, I was kidding—”</p><p>“I know—”</p><p>“Shh,” she whispered, her free hand sliding up his chest to his lips. She smiled when he shuddered at the touch, then pressed her breasts to his chest again. “I just want to talk about…” <em> Playing at being your Mistress</em>, she wanted to say. She took a deep breath, pumping him again and making him exhale hard. “About those…”</p><p>“Games?” he supplied, voice low and husky. She nodded, and he shook his head. “Love, you don’t need to worry—”</p><p>“Hush,” she repeated, guiding his jaw into another kiss. They both moaned, bodies swaying into each other, and for a long time they didn’t do anything else, just stroking and kissing and breathing each other in. “I just wanna talk about it before… before we do anything. But I don’t wanna talk now,” she whispered breathily. “I just want to make love, and see this ink”—she left his cock to trace the tattoo lines framing it, warmer than the rest of his flesh—“change and move on you.”</p><p>“God, Buffy,” he rasped, one hand threading through her hair as the other slid between them to grasp her breast.</p><p>She gasped against his mouth, suddenly wishing she’d asked Ylut to paint her breasts too. As it was, his fingertips barely brushed the ink around her left breast, sending intermittent sparks under her skin that made her whimper helplessly. When he growled against her she took him back in her hand and tugged, sharply enough to turn the growl into a moan. She kissed and kissed him even as she started to fumble backwards, hoping to move in the general direction of the doorway she’d seen earlier. This place had to have a bed, right?</p><p>Spike walked with her, body still pressed to hers, and she let his mouth go with a breathless laugh when he pushed her into a wall. </p><p>“Bed,” she managed to whisper before he attacked her mouth again. He groaned, sounding displeased, and she laughed again. “Spike, bed—”</p><p>“Fuck, don’t wanna wait a sodding second,” he muttered. But he hoisted her up, making her let go of his dick so she could wrap her legs around his hips before he pressed her to the wall again. “Can’t wait to see where your tattoo ends, kitten,” he said with a grin.</p><p>She shook her head, kissing his face. “Not as dirty as yours is, Spike.”</p><p>“Mmh… and you’ll punish me properly for that, Mistress.” She shuddered in his arms, clinging more tightly to him, and he grinned. “Soon as we get you to stop worrying about kinky sex, that is. For now…” He finally moved to step through the doorway she’d seen earlier, finding another switch and flooding the room with light. “Bloody finally.”</p><p>She kissed and nibbled at his ear while he strode forwards, too busy enjoying his reactions to open her eyes and look at the room. Then she gasped as he threw her on a comfy bed. Her glare was short-lived, because he was looking at her like he wanted to devour her, and ok, she could be fake-outraged later.</p><p>“Look good enough to eat, kitten,” he whispered, kneeling on the bed. </p><p>A shiver went through her as she shifted back until her head reached a pillow. Raising her arms over her head, she hardly noticed the paintings covering the walls around them. She couldn’t take her eyes off him as he crawled to her, although her brain was stuck on the image of him looking at her with golden hunger instead of blue.</p><p>“Maybe I do want you to eat me,” she managed to whisper, and the tattoo on his chest slid back and forth.</p><p>“Fuck, pet,” he gritted out, stopping to press his forehead between her legs. Her inked skin sizzled. Now that she was looking down she could see the shapes writhing in mesmerising, looping motions.</p><p>Of course he’d think of <em> that </em> kind of eating. She briefly wondered whether she’d ever find the stones to tell him she was talking about something else, but then he was kissing her through her pants, licking and biting. Even through the fabric it sent her heart racing and her tattoo squirming.</p><p>“Take off my pants,” she said breathlessly. Because saying ‘please bite me’ was still too much, and besides—“<em>Uhng</em>!”—besides, his tongue on her was enough, for now.</p><p>“Fucking goddess,” he muttered against her wet flesh, making her shudder at the vibrations as he finished dragging her pants and underwear down her legs. He didn’t stop licking and licking even as he fumbled with her shoes, finally tugging everything off so she could spread her legs. He laughed against her. “Yes, baby,” he whispered, “mrn, bloody ambrosia…”</p><p>He dove right in, kissing and nibbling and scraping his teeth over her, one hand splayed on her belly while the other spread her leg wider, nails scraping her tattoo. She wailed as pleasure rushed up and down her coloured skin, making her thrust up helplessly, and he laughed again, right inside her, murmuring praises about her taste. And Buffy thought of his words for another kind of taste, of his mouth biting and licking and sucking in a completely different way—</p><p>She came hard, sparks exploding along her inked skin, making her yell out louder than she’d expected. Spike never stopped his motions, eating and eating at her, and she came again at the thought of his fangs scraping her folds, the second orgasm less intense but still sending her skin sizzling from hip to shoulder.</p><p>She laughed helplessly as the pleasure started to ebb away, but Spike didn’t seem in any hurry to move. She looked back down and blinked at her skin: the tattoo was shifting in looping patterns, the gold looking like starlight and the green like leaves hit by sunlight. She met Spike’s gaze, who was looking at her like she was a valkyrie and heavenly angel all rolled in one.</p><p>“Come up here,” she said with a smile, her voice hoarse. He moaned and pressed his face against her, the hard ridge of his nose on her clit making her tremble. “Spike…”</p><p>“Yours,” he muttered in her flesh. Then he finally left her centre, only to nuzzle the lines of her tattoo. He traced the tips with his tongue and teeth, following the shapes to her hip, and then he was dragging his wet face against her belly. </p><p>Every motion sent sparks of pleasure rushing up and down her skin, and she gripped his hair, pressing him even closer. Her other hand flew to her breast and she squeezed her eyes shut, <em> really </em> wishing it was completely covered in the magic ink.</p><p>“<em>Spikenn</em>…”</p><p>He chuckled drunkenly against her, letting his tongue drag on her skin as he went up to join her hand at her breast. He nudged her hand away and circled her breast with his teeth and lips and tongue, and she thrust up into him as he finally settled between her legs. </p><p>“Feel my skin on fire,” he murmured before taking most of her breast in his mouth and sucking hard at it, her free hand going to clench his hair too. </p><p>“Nnngh!” </p><p>He sucked harder, his chest rubbing against her belly and making her eyes roll back. But she forced them open and down again, because the sight of Spike’s teeth around her flesh was suddenly the most important thing in the world. </p><p><em> Bite me, bite me, bite me, </em> she frantically thought, pressing him down harder, writhing under him—but when he did, his teeth were blunt and the eyes staring up at her were blue, and she whined as she spasmed beneath him, the <em> almost there </em> feeling setting her aflame. </p><p>“Oh God, please, Spike…” </p><p>“Anything,” he whispered fervently between little bites. “Give you anything, my love, my goddess… tell me what you want.” </p><p><em> Bite me! </em>she thought again. But she couldn't say it, not yet. </p><p>“Inside,” she whispered instead. </p><p>He gave a breathless laugh and sucked her nipple one last time. Then he surged away and kneeled between her legs, spreading them wide and making her claw at her breasts. </p><p>“Lookit the pretty picture you make, baby,” he rumbled, voice low and hoarse. “Touch that tattoo, kitten, make it dance on your skin.” </p><p>When her hand left one of her breasts to comply, Spike rewarded her with a hungry gaze, dragging his heavy cock through her wet folds. </p><p>“Fuck yes, baby. Look at that paint move and writhe on you.” He grinned wickedly, thrusting harder against her, grinding against the tip of her tattoo and making her spasm. “<em>Look</em>.” </p><p>She tried to obey, panting, but her gaze got stuck on his own chest. The tattoo looked even more like deadly blades shifting and sliding on his skin. How had he not sliced her skin up a thousand ways while dragging his chest on hers? She moaned and clawed at her own skin as her eyes followed the entrancing motions of the ink, a dark red that still looked bright, its blood-like edges blending into dark, dark blue. For a moment she imagined drops of her own blood on his skin, his fangs dripping her all over his chest—</p><p>She came again, keening as her legs helplessly tried to close around him, but he held them fast and wide. </p><p>Still, he moaned right along with her, thrusting harder. “Ffuck, you sodding <em> vision</em>,” he muttered, thrusting and thrusting—and then he was inside her, big and thick and filling her to the hilt, and she squirmed and yelled at the pleasure. “Yes yes <em> yess</em>!” he choked out.</p><p>“Nggrk!” </p><p>He laughed, pummeling her, pushing her legs up to either side of her and bending down, until their chests were touching, her skin burning up with pleasure. </p><p>“Fucking—tight—<em>dream</em>,” he grunted against her lips, and then he kissed her, all biting teeth and hungry growl. </p><p>She dragged her nails up and down his chest, gasping at his keen of pleasure, before clawing at his ass cheek and at his head. </p><p>“Spike Spike <em> Spike</em>!” </p><p>“Buffy, ohfuck, squeeze me harder—ffng!” </p><p>They thrust harder and harder against each other, the skin on her chest sparking with heat and pleasure, and she felt her insides flutter every time the tips of his tattoo slammed into her skin. </p><p>And then she couldnʼt wait anymore and pushed his head to her neck. </p><p>“Bite me, Spike,” she begged before she could lose her nerve. “Please—your fangs—” </p><p>“<em>F</em><em>uck</em>,” he moaned into her skin. She pushed him closer when she felt him change against her. “Buffy—are you sure—” </p><p>“<em>Please</em>!” </p><p>Spike roared above her, his pummelling turning painful, and then his fangs were <em> finally </em> inside her, sharp and hot and throwing her over the edge in a handful of seconds. She spasmed and clenched around him, her legs strangling his torso, and he kept roaring in her as he sucked and sucked, his fingers clawing at her thigh and tattooed hip, sending wave after wave of hot, frenzied pleasure through her. </p><p>She thrashed in a blaze of pained bliss, meeting him sloppily as her body felt almost out of control. And then she felt him come inside her, his strangled growl making her clench and clench and clench. </p><p>They came down slowly, still moving helplessly into each other. Idly, she realised that he wasnʼt sucking her blood anymore, merely holding his fangs inside her. It was as painful as it was exhilarating, and she thought for the millionth time that something was <em> seriously </em>wrong with her. </p><p>But if it felt this good? She was definitely ok with it. </p><p>She giggled helplessly as her body relaxed underneath him, and she gasped when his fangs retreated so he could let out a drunken laugh of his own. Then he lapped at her wound, tender and thorough, making her clench again around him. </p><p>He gave a plaintive moan before licking her one last time, then he shifted back to peer down at her. She couldnʼt believe how soothing it was to see him still in vamp face, to see his devotion in those twisted, yellow features. </p><p>“Love?” he rasped, sounding like he'd seen an apparition. “Are you…” </p><p>“Iʼm perfect,” she said with a smile. </p><p>He snorted. “Agreed on that. But—” </p><p>She shook her head when he let his demon face retreat, tracing her fingers where his bumpies had been. “I liked it,” she whispered. </p><p>Wonder filled his face again, and he just stared at her. She felt heat rise to her cheeks and leaned up to kiss his lips softly when he vamped out again. </p><p>“Iʼve been… thinking about it for a while,” she admitted, kissing up to his nose and forehead. </p><p>He made the sweetest sound of pleasure, helpless and low, then snaked his arms underneath her to better hold her tight. “Love you… donʼt deserve you, Buffy…” </p><p>She leaned back so she could glare at him. “Stop that. Youʼre my Champion, remember?” </p><p>Seeing tears in his yellow eyes was making her own prickle as well, damn him. </p><p>“Yeah,” he breathed out, pressing his wrinkly forehead to hers and holding her even tighter. “Yeah.” </p><p>She grinned, feeling like she’d won something important. And then she wiggled beneath him, because she couldn't ignore his hard cock anymore, or the way their tattoos touching made her skin smoulder from shoulder to hip to mons. When he groaned, she abruptly rolled to reverse their positions, using his pleased surprise to escape his arms and sit up and impaling herself on him. </p><p>They both moaned, and then she started grinding into him, her skin sizzling every time the final curl of her tattoo touched his. </p><p>She smiled victoriously when the ink on his skin started shifting and sliding, all of its sharp tips pointing down at his buried cock. </p><p>“Looks like… blades,” she murmured, fingers tracing the lines. “Sharp… piercing…” She looked up to see his golden eyes flare in hunger and understanding. </p><p>“Like fangs, pet?” he asked hoarsely, his hands sliding to trace the writhing colours on her hip and belly. </p><p>She nodded, grinding faster. When his gasp of desperate pleasure sent fire straight to her clit, she went harder. </p><p>“Fffuuck… gonna burn me up,” he groaned. She dragged her nails down a stripe of red, snagging hard at his nipple, making his skin look even brighter. “Yes!” </p><p>She laughed and kept it up, still grinding, adding a shimmy of her hips here and there. </p><p>“Tell me… <em> nngh, </em> pet, harder,” he begged. She obeyed, wondering whether he'd bleed from her nails soon. “Aah! Yes… tell me, pet, tell me you want me.” </p><p>“I want you,” she said quickly, circling her hips just so. </p><p>“<em>Nrrm</em>… ohh… tell me you want—my fangs,” he stuttered, looking at her with both lust and vulnerability. </p><p>She smiled, bent down, and licked one of his fangs, strangling his twitching cock. “I want your fangs, Spike.” </p><p>“Ohffuck—” </p><p>He came a second later, thrusting up into her wildly, and even though she would’ve liked it to continue some more, she knew her vampire. Heʼd be ready for more soon enough. </p><p>So she hummed and kept grinding, clenching him throughout, only letting herself still when his moans became pained. And when he opened his eyes again, he was looking at her with that awe she liked so much, except times a million. </p><p>“Thatʼs it,” he panted. “You canʼt be real. I died, and someone made a mistake, and I’m in heaven.” </p><p>She laughed, sliding her hands between him and the mattress, hugging him tightly. “You arenʼt dead, and this is real.” </p><p>“Bollocks,” he muttered, lightly hugging her back, like sheʼd fucked him out of his strength. Which she just knew wasnʼt true, the big drama queen. “Far too perfect to be real.” </p><p>
  <em> I'd be telling you I love you, if this were perfect and unreal.  </em>
</p><p>The thought sent a pang of guilt through Buffy, but she buried her face in his neck and inhaled, forcing herself in the present. </p><p>
  <em> We have time. I can get to saying it when I’m sure. We have time.  </em>
</p><p>She ignored the other voice, the one that reminded her of the looming <em> apocalypse</em>, and shifted to look at him instead. “I’m as real as you are, Spike.” </p><p>He shook his head, sliding a hand up to move her hair back from her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Figure youʼre right,” he murmured, eyes roaming her face. “Canʼt imagine dreaming anything half this good.”</p><p>She let out a small giggle. Seeing his demon wear a happy smile sent a thrill through her. “Youʼre a dope.” </p><p>“Your dope.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she nodded, “all mine.” </p><p>When his smile turned even more sappy, she couldnʼt help but kiss him again, and again, his fangs nicking her and making her pant when he sucked at the little blood. She grunted when he started grinding up into her, and wow, his cock was <em> still </em> rock-hard. Had he even softened at all? </p><p>“Could keep this up for hours, baby,” he breathed between kisses, making her shiver. “Got blood like the best sodding aphrodisiac in the universe… <em> mmh</em>.” Then, once he had her panting, he shifted away to send her a wicked grin. Which, on his demon face, was just stupid hot. “<em>Fuck </em> yes, kitten… and speaking of being yours—maybe it’s time to talk about that punishment we mentioned?”</p><p>Dammit, it wasn’t fair that he could manage full sentences while she could barely moan, skin all sizzly and hips all flush. “You wanna… <em> taalk</em>… n-now?”</p><p>He laughed, and then surged up, making her gasp when the motion sent sparks all over her front, the new angle making her clit pulse wildly.</p><p>“Figure it’s the best time to show you for certain… <em> ahh</em>… we both like pain with our pleasure, kitten.”</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut when he scraped a sharp fang against the wound on her neck.</p><p>“That’s not… oh God, harder… that’s not what I’m worried about—oh!”</p><p>He hummed as he sucked at the sore wound, making it throb and burn, and Buffy didn’t know if she’d just had a little orgasm or if her brain had simply shut down for half a second.</p><p>“All right… so is it the punishment thing?” he panted. She looked at him, and going by his tense expression, he wasn’t far from coming as well.</p><p>Why on earth did she go and choose the most stubborn jerk on the planet for a boyfriend?</p><p>“Yes,” she hissed, because if he was stubborn, well, she could be too. “Yes, yes, that’s it.”</p><p>Spike chuckled, shaking his head as he obviously tried to focus on that being an actual answer rather than an invitation to thrust up harder. “Punishments can be—<em>oh Christ</em>—fun.”</p><p>“Yeah, well…” She flipped her hair back and away from her neck, and then felt a drop of blood slide down from her wound. She trembled when his eyes zeroed in on it, his face the very picture of unadulterated hunger. “I worry, ohh, I worry we’ll fuck it up. Ngg! We… we’ve fucked up, oh, so many things.”</p><p>Spike bent to lick and suck at the bite mark again, his hands sliding to her waist and moving her faster up and down him. “<em>Mmmhh</em>. Fuc-king am-bro-sia. Pet,” he said, nuzzling up her neck and face until he was pressing his forehead to hers. “We can play without fucking this up. We’re, mmrn, we’re good together… I love you,” he said fervently, leaning back to look at her.</p><p>The words sent her trembling around him, driving a gasp out of her as she tried to press closer, thrust harder. </p><p>He pressed her down into him instead, stopping her motions completely, forcing her still. “I love you, and I know you care about me. You know getting a tattoo isn’t cheating—and I know you’re a bit jealous but don’t consider me a possession—”</p><p>She shook her head slightly, their foreheads still pressed, as she did her best to ignore the rising need between her legs, the fire on her skin. “It’s not just that. It’s—saying I should punish you, it’s…” She shuddered, holding him more tightly. “It reminds me of… before.”</p><p>He exhaled against her lips. “We’re different now.”</p><p>“Yes. But—”</p><p>“I’d never hurt you, baby,” Spike said, his voice weak, and she wondered whether he was also regretting having this conversation while they were so drunk on each other.</p><p>“<em>I </em> don’t want to hurt <em> you</em>,” she managed to admit.</p><p>But Spike was a jerk, and so he laughed, and kissed her, and then hugged her close. “I love you. You’re the perfect woman for me, Buffy Summers,” he murmured against her neck. “And I <em> know </em> you don’t want to hurt me. Know you, don’t I? When you care, you do it with your full heart.”</p><p>Said heart was beating wildly as Buffy hugged him just as tightly, the need in her sex dimming as her attention shifted to his words.</p><p>“So I know that when you say punishment, when you grab my cock like it’s yours”—she couldn’t help clenching around him at that, and he moaned happily—“I know that’s not <em> literal</em>. Know you respect and… care about me.”</p><p>Buffy’s heart missed a beat, or twenty, at that little pause.</p><p>But he continued, shifting so he could cup her face in his hands. “So I know it’s all good. And please, love, you have to know that it is.”</p><p>She looked at him, at his still-golden eyes full of love and devotion and respect. And suddenly, the random memory of an uncomfortable conversation floated up to her consciousness. “Safeword,” she blurted before changing her mind.</p><p>After a moment of blinking, he grinned. “Kitten’s been getting informed, eh?”</p><p>“Shut up,” she muttered, looking at his fangs to avoid his gaze. Oh God, when had fangs gotten that sexy? “Anya…”</p><p>He burst out laughing, and then he kissed her, and then his hips thrust up into her and she clenched, happy to be able to concentrate on that instead of scary conversations.</p><p>“Demon Girl needs a medal,” he panted, nibbling down her jaw until he was back at her wound. At her wail of pleasure, his breath turned short. “We’ll find us a nice, ooh, nice safeword… later… but now, please tell me I can bite you again, baby, won’t take too much, just—”</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” she moaned loudly.</p><p>He growled for a second before sinking his fangs into her again, and after a few more savage thrusts she came once more around him, squeezing him until he followed her right over the edge.</p><p>They fell down on the mattress, panting raggedly, and she started laughing. </p><p>“I can’t believe… we just… had a <em> conversation</em>… while doing that.”</p><p>He laughed too, rolling her until he could curve around her from behind, holding her close and rubbing her feverish inked skin. “Believe it, baby,” he panted in her ear, nuzzling it. “We’re just that good.”</p><p>She shook her head and slapped his hand, before threading her fingers through his. “You’re so full of yourself. And <em> don’t </em>make that joke,” she added when she heard an intake of breath.</p><p>He only laughed again, sucking lightly at her skin, until she noticed he’d let his vampface go. They stayed like that for a while then, just breathing each other in, and Buffy couldn’t believe how happy she’d managed to get. A familiar pang of guilt for her family and friends roiled in her guts, but she ignored it to stay stubbornly in the moment; Spike’s warmed-up arms were much better than useless speculation about what was happening back in their home dimension.</p><p>When Spike started to gently thrust against her ass, she snorted, wondering whether he’d ever get soft again with her blood in his body. “I think I’ve created a monster.”</p><p>“Just you wait,” he whispered, teeth scraping against her wound and making her feel wetter all of a sudden. “Fact, why don’t we start with some of that kink right now? Could use a random word as a safeword. What about…”</p><p>“Yltra,” she said, trying to keep her thoughts straight.</p><p>“Sure,” he said, nodding as he nibbled at her. “We could go nice an’ easy, and I could be the one disciplining you for starters…”</p><p>She shivered at the thought of him in vampface, punishing her for being a bad slayer. “I-I thought you were the one to be punished,” she said, voice more trembly than she’d have liked.</p><p>He chuckled and moved more purposefully against her ass, cock sliding between her cheeks. “Well, you did strip off for that tattoo artist,” he said, voice low and hungry as his hand travelled down. “Let them get their hands on this pretty body of yours, down to here”—he touched the ink on her mons, and she widened her legs, but he just laughed—“when this is all mine.”</p><p>Ok, Buffy could see what he’d meant. Those words in his voice were <em> hot</em>, and the fact that she knew he didn’t really mean it in a literal way, that he didn’t consider her his <em> possession</em>, made her feel free to enjoy the heck out of the game.</p><p>So she let herself go and spread her leg even wider, thrusting up into his hand. “Yeah? And what are you gonna do? Spank me?”</p><p>Spike growled, and the next moment she found herself face down on the mattress, his knees knocking her legs wide open. He gripped her wrists on the small of her back and used his free hand to tug her ass up and smack it hard. </p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” he rasped, hitting her again. “And you’re gonna keep that tattooed skin on the mattress”—<em>smack, smack, smack!</em>—“because you’re a bad girl”—<em>smack!</em>—“and bad girls don’t get to enjoy their shiny new presents.” </p><p>
  <em> SMACK! </em>
</p><p>They’d barely started but Buffy was moments away from falling over the edge already. She’d never felt so free; if she’d thought she’d learnt to let go in bed back during their time together in Sunnydale, she only now realised how wrong she’d been. How utterly liberating it was to share herself like this to Spike, knowing he’d take care of her and give her exactly what she’d never known she’d wanted, what she’d never <em> let </em> herself enjoy.</p><p>When he hit her again, the burn meshed with the sound of his low, rumbling laugh and with the pulsing in her clit, and she had to fight with all of her might to keep her legs wide open for him.</p><p>She definitely wouldn’t mind this whole punishment thing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ISN’T DIRTYAIM’S ART AMAZINGLY, SUPER-DUPER HOT?!? OH MY GOD I AM SO EXCITED. PLEASE IMAGINE ME JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN MY CHAIR, AND THEN THROWING A PARTY FOR IT.<br/>I recommend checking it out from your computer if you can, because it looks even better there!! At least for me. :Q_</p><p>I also need to thank both Christopher Paolini’s Eragon and Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files sagas for the inspiration for the tattoo scene. I hope I did those amazing ideas justice!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. XIII</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks go to my beta extraordinaire, Bookishy, for reminding me that plot is indeed something to take care of. Even though I wanna ignore it and just write the fluffy fluff. *flails* And for not letting me turn Azac into a prat!</p><p>And thank you to everyone who reads and comments. I’ve felt particularly showered with love, and… well, it feels amazing. ♥</p><p>Many moons ago, BloodyMarie asked for a switch in perspectives in morning snuggles… I don’t know whether they even remember that request anymore, but I hope you all like it. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy woke up blinking quickly, disorientated by her surroundings. When she remembered where they were she relaxed, sighing softly. The feeling of a mattress under her was so soothing that for a moment she just squeezed her eyes shut again, wishing she never had to leave this place.</p><p>But then a weight on her front reminded her that waking up had its perks. Opening her eyes again, she looked down at the riot of semi-blond curls on her chest.</p><p>Spike was draped over her, head on her breast, arm curled around her torso, legs tangled with hers. She tried taking a deep breath and smiled, thanking her Slayer constitution for letting her enjoy this rather than feeling crushed. Sure, it wouldn’t be comfortable for much longer, but he looked too cute for her to move him right away.</p><p>She slowly brushed her hand through his curly hair, appreciating the contrast between his dark roots and bleached tips, basking in the peace of his sleeping features. She didn’t know how she’d managed to keep herself from enjoying this back during their… whatever they’d had in Sunnydale. She’d been missing out on so much.</p><p><em> Including happy, healthy kink</em>, her mind supplied, the memories of the previous night making her blush. She’d come like crazy while Spike ‘punished’ her, and then switching roles had been even hotter. His look of helpless, desperate pleasure as she’d teased and teased and teased him had made her thrum with excitement, and the way he’d actually begged for more…</p><p>She shivered, grinning when his nostrils flared and he nuzzled her breast. Spike could be a Buffy-arousal detector, he was so attuned to her—apparently, even unconscious. Not that she was going to complain any time soon; parts of her were still deliciously sore, and she had to wonder whether her ass (or his) was still red. She wouldn’t give any of this up, not for anything.</p><p>She closed her eyes as she imagined the Scoobies’ reactions once she told them about her and Spike. Initially, she hadn’t even been sure she would; it wasn’t their business, after all. But now, she couldn’t imagine not sharing her bed with him once they were back. And besides, Spike made her <em> happy</em>. Surely they would be glad for her, once they understood that?</p><p>She opened her eyes, looking at their surroundings to distract from the fear she felt growing inside. </p><p>Three of the bedroom walls were covered in beautiful paintings and tapestries. Some depicted battles, some colourful local landscapes, some just abstract shapes. There were a bit too many, as if the Il’kat had added more and more throughout the years, until the final effect felt more disorganised than anything else. But even that thought was sweet.</p><p>Spike shifted slightly and she hummed, hoping she could prolong this quiet pleasure for a while longer. She looked up at the wall behind the bed’s headboard, which was completely covered in beautiful weapons. She had a feeling the Il’kat would love her to take one or two, but she didn’t know whether she should add any more weight. There were also a couple of shirts and scarves that looked way grabbable, and a few trinkets on the vanity… Well, ok, two or three things wouldn’t harm. But she was drawing a line at that, she <em> was </em> ; it turned out that the whole place was full of pretty baubles, and no, she <em> couldn’t </em> act like this was a free-for-all, Slayer-themed mall. </p><p>It had taken a long while to give the place any attention, but she’d explored when she’d gone looking for water last night, and then later on when she and Spike had taken a shower. She had found that the whole house was peculiar and sweet, every wall covered with more beautiful artwork, including the ones in the bathroom. It wasn’t a big place by any definition, just a little kitchen, a bathroom, and this bedroom. There was electricity, which she hadn’t expected; her luggage and the Scythe, which she had; and a staggering amount of food, drinks, jewellery, and clothes, which, well, wasn't surprising after last night’s party. She was going to have a hard time picking what to bring along and what to have for breakfast.</p><p>All in all, the place reminded her of an overcrowded store whose owner wanted her to take the whole lot, which was as amusing as it was heartwarming. She wasn’t going to tell them that, though. As far as she was concerned, just the fact that she’d finally been able to take a shower and sleep in an actual bed was reason to thank them forever. And considering how Spike had managed to make her enjoy both luxuries in extra fun ways, she was really starting to feel sad about leaving.</p><p>Then the ever-present guilt whirled inside her, and she gave a deep sigh.</p><p>She looked down at Spike and stroked his face gently. “Spike.”</p><p>He hummed but stayed asleep, just nuzzling her skin.</p><p>“Spike, we have to go.”</p><p>She tried stroking him less softly and talking more loudly, but he only sighed into her and held her tighter.</p><p>She grinned, moving her fingers down to his lips and shifting her legs wider against his. “Spike, I’m all hot and bothered,” she said, trying for a whine.</p><p>He rumbled, tilted his face toward her breast, and started licking at her nipple. “You play dirty, Slayer,” he croaked, his low, hoarse voice sending shivers up and down her chest.</p><p>She grinned when she saw her tattoo start to shift. “Nope. Just trying to expose you as the big faker you are.”</p><p>He hummed as he kept licking, moving his body over hers. “Was sleeping, love. Got woken up from a delightful dream by your lil’ whisper there…”</p><p>She felt herself flush as darts of pleasure zipped from her nipple down to where the paint covered her mons. “Yeah? What were you dreaming about?”</p><p>He suckled at her for a second, looking up before biting her and making her gasp. She didn’t know whether the visuals or the bite were hotter. “You. ’Course.” He kept his eyes on her as he dragged his teeth over her skin. “Dressed only in leather and with a wicked cane in hand.”</p><p>Buffy shuddered again, her clit starting to pulse. “A cane.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he rasped, keeping up his teeth-dragging. “Something to punish me proper, show me how much of a bad boy I am for making you late…” </p><p>She arched up as her inked skin started sparking with pleasure. She glanced at the weapons on the wall before grinning wickedly at Spike. “Something like that?”</p><p>Spike groaned when he saw a beautifully decorated leather object that looked like a mix between a cane and a blackjack. He melted over her, thrust against her thigh, and pressed his forehead to her breast. “Please.”</p><p>She swallowed at the perfect picture of submission he made.</p><p>Delaying their departure for an hour or so wasn’t gonna hurt, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Spike took a deep breath of the fresh air, trying to pay attention to his surroundings as he and Buffy left the Slayer Cabin. They were walking back to the park for lunch, hand-in-hand, and then they’d leave for their trip back.</p><p>It was hard to concentrate on anything, though. Why the hell couldn’t he and Buffy just stick around here? Sod the Earth, and the First, and her stupid Scoobies who’d never accept him anyway, and the resentment and hatred in Dawn’s eyes…</p><p>He sighed. Yeah, sure.</p><p>He brought his attention back to Buffy, who was alternating between taking last looks at the city and sending him saucy glances. She’d put him in his place this morning, and it took every ounce of self-restraint not to fall at her knees at the powerful confidence in her eyes, especially now with that shiny axe in her fist.</p><p>Given the way she was darting looks at his ass—well, he knew he wasn’t the only one reliving those vibrant memories. </p><p>
  <em> That’s right, baby. I shouldn’t be the only one thinking about how hot my arse looks when it’s branded by your shiny new paddle. </em>
</p><p>Christ, the thought of her might was almost enough to send him down to the ground on its own, let alone while her thumb was tracing slow, sensual circles on his palm. He kept trying to get his mind back to the here and now, but it was hard. Last night Buffy had been… there were no words for what she’d been. A bloody hurricane of strength and dominance. And while her words had been tentative, she’d let go so much more than he’d ever dreamt possible. God, he couldn’t wait for this sodding apocalypse to be over just so he could drag her to a store and buy her a strap-on. Maybe they could find it in pink? He’d bet she’d love it, all feminine and hot and…</p><p>“Spike?”</p><p>He sent her a smirk, but she not only wasn’t looking at him anymore, she was frowning. “Love?”</p><p>“Spike, look,” she said, voice void of teasing as she nodded ahead.</p><p>He managed to drag his eyes forward. “Don’t know what I should be looking… huh,” he finished, blinking.</p><p>All around them, Il’kat were joining in their trip to the park, many carrying weapons and backpacks very similar to theirs. Demons of all sizes were smiling at them, and occasionally cheering, while children were begging their parents to ‘please let them come too’.</p><p>He raised his brows, sharing a look with Buffy.</p><p>“You’ve noticed, huh?” came Azac’s voice. </p><p>Both of them turned towards the smiling Il’kat, who had appeared from a side road with Zalik. </p><p>“I was wondering how long it’d take you,” the demon said.</p><p>“You mean…” Buffy trailed off, her voice small in the rising chatter.</p><p>“Yes,” Azac said. “You have your own demon army—if you’ll let us come with you.” </p><p>“You can’t be serious,” Buffy said, suddenly stopping. She stared at Azac like they’d just popped another head.</p><p>Their grin scaled down to a gentle smile. “I can and I am. I didn’t ask you right away when we first met because, well… do you remember just how much you trusted me, back then?”</p><p>Buffy grimaced, looking ready to retort, but Azac kept talking.</p><p>“I wanted you to learn more about us before I asked. Wanted you to know that we really are trustworthy, and would really follow you. And I’ll be honest, I was also curious to see whether <em> you </em>’d ask me.”</p><p>Buffy stared at them for a few long, tense seconds. When she spoke, her voice was just this side of trembling. “I can’t accept this.”</p><p>Spike bit his lip to stop himself from intervening, staring at the exchange in silence. <em> Can always beat her up with some reason later, if needed. </em></p><p>“Buffy…” Azac started.</p><p>This time it was her turn to interrupt them. “Azac, how can you ask me this?” she said, incredulous. “An entire people—”</p><p>“Well, not <em> every one </em> of us is here—”</p><p>“Still,” she continued, “how can you expect me to ask you all to give up months and months of your lives, not to mention, hello, risking those lives themselves, for <em> my </em>war? A war that isn’t even in your own dimension!”</p><p>Azac looked at her with more of their patience, shaking their head for a moment. “Buffy,” they said gently. “Did you really expect us to want to sit back and let you face an apocalypse on your own?”</p><p>Buffy opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She closed it, opened it again, closed it—until she finally shook her head, looking around at all the excitement. “But this isn’t—I’m not—”</p><p>“You may not be an Il’kat,” the blue demon continued in the same tone, “but you are important to us, to our culture. And, well, to me too, now,” they added, looking down for a moment.</p><p>Spike found himself smiling at the demon against his will. Bloody tosser with their bloody good graces, looking cute of all things.</p><p>Azac looked back up, their eyes intense on Buffy’s shocked face, now looking rosy. “We won’t force you to lead us, Buffy. But we do want you to let us help in your war.”</p><p>Buffy kept staring at them for a while longer. Then Spike finally saw her resolve start to crumble as the tension bled from her shoulders, as her cheeks blushed some more, as she looked down for a moment. “I—I don’t know what to say.”</p><p>“Well, telling us you don’t mind us joining would be, uhm, nice,” Zalik intervened, smiling tentatively.</p><p>Buffy just bit her lip, staying silent some more.</p><p>“Slayer,” Spike finally said, tugging at her hand. “You’re not going to say no to an <em> army</em>, are you?”</p><p>She sent him a scared look. “I’m not—I mean, they aren’t—”</p><p>“Human,” he finished, his voice dry. “I know. But they know what they’re doing, and we can do with all the help we can get. Don’t get all jealous on me with your destiny now, eh?” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Plenty of apocalypse for everyone.”</p><p>She huffed, shaking her head. “Yeah,” she finally conceded. “Yeah, I—ok. Yes. I’m, uhm, glad you can join us,” she said, looking back at Azac and Zalik, with a reassuring smile that still didn’t look all that certain. </p><p>“’Course, this means no privacy for our trip back,” Spike grumbled as they all started moving again. “Bloody hell. Could’ve given us a heads up about that, you prick. Set the expectations lower and all.”</p><p>Azac laughed, threading their fingers with Zalik’s as they walked beside Spike. “I’m sure we’ll all be able to have some level of privacy anyway,” Azac said.</p><p>Spike huffed a disappointed breath. How likely was it that he’d be able to make love to his slayer under the stars again? How far would they have to walk to find a place where she could scream without waking an entire army? Maybe if they always walked at the very front or the very back of the group… </p><p>Buffy sighed, and he turned his attention back to find her wearing another worried expression.</p><p>“I just hope the Scoobies won’t think I’ve gone all ‘barmy’ when they see them,” she said, voice far too unsure for his tastes.</p><p>Spike let go of his starlit lovemaking dreams and smiled, raising their clasped hands to kiss her knuckles. “First, if they do, you can just tell them to fuck off. Second,” he continued over her scoff, “yeah, I know you wouldn’t, but you’ve spent the last two weeks trying to convince me that they aren’t <em> completely </em> barmy themselves; I’m sure they’ll come around and just be happy about the extra muscle, eventually. Just a matter of getting used to the idea, and it’s not like they can spit in the face of free, trained help. And third,” he added, biting his lip for a moment, “your English is horrible, Summers. Stop trying to slay my language.”</p><p>She snorted, letting go of his hand to punch him in the shoulder. Hard.</p><p>“Ow!”</p><p>“That’ll teach ya,” she said primly, crossing her arms.</p><p>He just grinned, glad to have chased away her remaining tension. Having her lay her hands on him as part of it was only an added bonus.</p><p>They had reached the park and were walking by yet more food stands, this time manned by Il’kat who were clearly too old to join their venture. As they did, Buffy started telling him about what White-Haired Lady had told her that morning. The woman had come to the cabin just after they’d stepped out of their morning shower, and Buffy had left him inside to poke around the place while the two women had their chat.</p><p>She told him how the lady was the last of the Guardians of the Scythe—that was the name she’d used for her shiny new blade—and that the weapon had been made to harness the Slayer power, exactly as Azac had said. She also told him about the history of the Guardians, human ladies who long ago joined the Il’kat in their venture to safeguard the Scythe and help the Slayer when the time came.</p><p>Meanwhile, he and Buffy stuffed themselves with food. He was pleasantly surprised to find several types of blood, prepared for him by Il’kat who were clearly young and seemed both eager and weirded out. He tried to stay cool and hide the way their efforts touched him, but going by Buffy’s warm eyes, his poker face was as shit as usual.</p><p>There was dancing again, and singing, and so much eating he wasn’t sure they’d be able to walk any time soon. But eventually, White-Haired Lady called everyone to attention. She explained the situation back on Earth, telling the Il’kat about the First and Caleb and the way the potentials had gathered at Buffy’s home. </p><p>Of course, she didn’t mention what had happened the night before they’d found the portal. Buffy had studiously avoided mentioning anything about that shitstorm to Azac, and he had no idea whether she’d told the woman. Not that he could blame her. She’d opened up to him about the blow her buggering friends had dealt her, but it was clear she still wasn’t over it. No way she’d want all of these demons to know too.</p><p>Either way, the woman only talked about everything else back in Sunnydale. Then she finally announced that it was time: they had an hour to gather their things, and then they’d start on their trek. </p><p>When she asked Buffy whether the plan was acceptable, his lady blushed and looked flustered. But she took a deep breath and nodded, turning so she could sweep her gaze over the surrounding Il’kat.</p><p>“I wanted to say… in the name of Earth and every innocent on it, thank you. I should’ve expected that you’d want to join us—even though I wasn’t told about it,” she added with a glance towards Azac, who was grinning widely. “But it doesn’t make your sacrifice any less incredible.” She turned so Spike could see her eyes, which were glistening. “I don’t know how my friends will receive you…”</p><p>“Friends of the Slayer?” an accented voice called from the crowd. “Surely they’ll love an army of demons!”</p><p>Everybody laughed, including Buffy, and Spike’s heart felt lighter at the warmth in her eyes.</p><p>“I’m sure they’ll see the truth about you soon enough,” she said, eyes still smiling, her voice strong and full. “But just in case it doesn’t happen quickly, I need to say, on my behalf as well as theirs: thank you.”</p><p>When she bowed her head, the Il’kat exploded in cheers and chants of her title, and Spike’s heart felt full to bursting at the look of shy pride on Buffy’s face. She might love her Scoobies, and he might be begrudgingly starting to admit that they weren’t all bad, but <em> this </em> was what his love had earned: cheers and respect and trust from fellow warriors, people who recognised her value and were ready to follow her lead. He could only hope that her desperate band of bumbling baboons would follow suit.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Yltra’s three moons were shining brightly, even as their light barely shadowed the stars that surrounded them. Buffy looked at the sky, not knowing whether she missed the silence of the first half of their trip or loved the camp’s new background buzz. Now there were dozens of campfires brightening the glade they’d stopped in.</p><p>Maybe it was both. She couldn’t help but miss the quiet comfort of her evening chats with Spike and Azac, but the way this entire people trusted in her? She couldn’t deny the elation it inspired.</p><p><em> That, and the crushing terror of disappointing them all</em>, a stupid voice insisted. She did her best to ignore it, just as she’d done since the first time a crowd of blue demons had gathered around her. But the fact that they were all there, all grinning any time they met her gaze, all cheering her on… it was a bit much. </p><p>She tried her best to keep her shoulders straight instead of letting them sag down. Another voice said she was being whiny and ungrateful, but she couldn’t help but ask herself: what had she done to garner these demons’ respect and following? They didn’t know her, had never even seen her fight in earnest, nothing but a couple of games around a fire. Had no idea about her history, her real abilities. They had just given her their blind trust.</p><p>
  <em> Meanwhile, the people who do know me best kindly invited me out of my own house because they trusted my judgement so much. </em>
</p><p>She barely kept in a bitter snort, trying to concentrate on Spike and Zalik’s conversation about hunting instead. But the train of thought was too insistent to ignore. How was it that the people she’d been protecting and fighting with for years thought so little of her, of her judgement, of her slaying? Was it just her latest failure that cost Xander his eye? Was it the way she’d been so powerless against the First so far? Was it on her, or on them?</p><p>“Or maybe on all of us,” she muttered, looking down at her hands.</p><p>“You look gloomier than I would’ve expected, Buffy.”</p><p>She looked up, startled: Azac had returned from their trek to look for food, and now held a cup wafting deliciously smelling steam. They took a seat next to her instead of joining Zalik, who was still talking animatedly to Spike.</p><p>“Uhm,” she hedged, “just tired, I guess.”</p><p>Azac sent her a level look from over the brim of their cup, sipping slowly.</p><p>She sighed, suddenly even more glad the other Il’kat had decided to set up camp a bit further away, giving her and her closest companions some level of privacy. She didn’t know whether she should open up to Azac, but it was nice to know that if she did, she wouldn’t have perfect strangers listening in. Except, what could she say? ‘I don’t know whether to trust you or my friends and family, who’ve actually known me for years’? ‘I’m not sure I won’t get kicked out on my ass again for this’?</p><p>“I don’t know what my friends and family will say,” she found herself blurting. She looked down at her hands, trying to concentrate on keeping them steady instead of on the knot taking up space in her belly.</p><p>“I see,” Azac said, voice calm and noncommittal.</p><p>Maybe she should take lessons from them in calmness. Maybe Azac could teach her how to stay that detached without losing her heart in the process; they seemed stupid good at that, and she almost hated them for a second.</p><p>“But,” Azac continued in the same tone, “won’t they trust you, ultimately?”</p><p>She snorted, the knot twisting inside her.</p><p>She could <em> hear </em>the frown in their voice. “Buffy?”</p><p>“My friends kicked me out,” she heard herself say. Had she decided to admit that? “The night before I found the portal. I’d told them I was sure Caleb was hiding something important, something useful for the cause, but they didn’t trust me anymore.” The words kept on coming, her voice steadier than she’d have expected, even as she felt her eyes start to prickle. “So they kicked me out. Of my own home. My little sister said that I couldn’t be a part of it. Of the fight. That she needed me to leave.”</p><p>She didn’t know how, but she managed not to cry at that. She could feel the pressure behind her eyes; she’d found that, once she’d started letting the tears come, they came more and more easily. But apparently, two weeks of opening up to Spike were enough to give her the strength to keep them at bay without feeling completely hollow. She didn’t feel empty; she felt the pain raging in her chest, the knot twisting and growing. She just managed to acknowledge it and remain lucid, knowing she could break down later, in Spike’s arms, in the privacy of their tent.</p><p>So although her eyes glistened when she looked up at Azac, she didn’t cry. As for them, the demon looked like she’d just announced that she was going to get vamped: shock and horror filled their icy eyes.</p><p>She felt the smallest grin stretch her lips. “I think this might be the first time I’ve managed to make you completely speechless.”</p><p>Azac blinked, shook their head, then stared at her some more. “That is…” They shook their head again, apparently too shocked to know how to react. “I know Slayers are taught to be alone. But weʼve heard of you, of the way you’re surrounded by allies, by human ties. And of the way that made you one of the best slayers of all time. We all thought they were… well, real allies. People who trusted you.” A look of distaste filled their features, and Buffy was sure it wasn’t because of the tasty-smelling soup in their hands. “This doesn't make any sense.”</p><p>She let out a laugh, bitter and short. “I’ve made mistakes, you know. Guess they didn’t want to risk it, and with Faith there… another slayer,” she explained, surprised when they nodded. “You knew about that?”</p><p>“Some of us travel to the Earth from time to time,” Azac said with a shrug. “We want to stay somewhat updated, and it’s hard to keep two slayers a secret.”</p><p>Buffy nodded as well, looking back down at her hands. “Well, so, that’s why I’m gloomy. Plus, if my house was overcrowded before, now it will just be ridiculous.”</p><p>“As if we would expect you to host us all,” Azac said, and she could hear the grin. “No, Slayer, we’ll camp until the apocalypse has been diverted and then come back here.”</p><p>She sent them a cautious glance, trying to force herself to utter the next words. “Azac… how…” She huffed, avoiding their patient eyes to stare up at the stars again. “Why do your people trust me? You don’t know me. You don’t know—”</p><p>“We know enough,” Azac interrupted, voice sure and calm. “You’ve made a vampire into an ally, have survived for years on a Hellmouth, and have saved the Earth from untold horrors time and time again. Even a god, at some point.”</p><p>Buffy huffed a breath at that, the corner of her lips twisting up against her will.</p><p>“And we’ve been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. Of course we trust you. In fact, I… think it might be wise to check for supernatural influences on your friends.” She met their clear eyes at that. “You’ve told me about the First. Is it so hard to believe that being is influencing your allies’ minds against you? Any wise opponent would try to keep you away from your best weapons, after all. Both the physical,” they said with a nod at the Scythe, laying on the ground at her feet, “and figurative ones. It is a possibility.”</p><p>Buffy blinked at that. Was it possible? Was it possible her friends hadn’t <em> truly </em> betrayed her, that they’d just been tampered with by that asshole?</p><p>“That, or they’re just dumber than we’d all thought,” came Spike’s mutter.</p><p>She snapped her gaze to him, realising only then that the sounds of his conversation with Zalik had disappeared a few minutes ago. She didn’t know whether she should be embarrassed that the two of them heard her rant, or glad this saved her from having to recount the whole thing to him once they were alone in their tent.</p><p>
  <em> And wow, I’m actually taking for granted that we’ll talk about it. How’s that for changing habits, huh? </em>
</p><p>“That doesn’t make sense,” Azac said matter-of-factly. “Buffy doesn’t seem to be the kind of leader who surrounds herself with dumb people.”</p><p>“Yes,” Zalik agreed, their white eyes glimmering in the firelight. “You wouldn’t have been such a successful slayer if you’d made that mistake.”</p><p>Buffy felt her eyes prickle again, but this time the knot in her belly was definitely of the non-painful kind.</p><p>“Fair enough,” Spike conceded, sending her a warm smile that told her he knew exactly how affected she was by the demons’ votes of confidence. “Just find it hard to admit that that lot could be good at something, is all.”</p><p>She snorted, wishing for a moment that they were sitting closer so she could punch him and then snuggle in his arms without it looking utterly ridiculous. She fought hard against the stupid tears instead, unable to keep the corner of her mouth from lifting as Zalik and Azac started discussing ways she could check her allies’ minds.</p><p>The thought was… well, definitely tempting. The idea that the Scoobies and Dawn wouldn’t have done any of that if not influenced by the First was one of the most soothing concepts she’d entertained in a long while. </p><p>But the truth was that, even if they hadn’t been… people made mistakes. Sometimes, horrible mistakes. She’d made her fair share of those, and Spike knew about that more than most. Which meant that even if Azac was getting it all wrong, she was going to try and fix this. She loved her friends and her sister too much to let those relationships end, not even after this, not without a fight.</p><p>She took a deep breath, exhaling quickly when Spike shuffled close enough to take her hand. He didn’t say anything, just gave her a warm smile and then shifted his attention to the two debating demons. Buffy’s life hadn’t been easy by any means, but right this moment, she couldn’t help but feel damn lucky anyway.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>By the time she’d changed in her Ilʼkat version of pjʼs and snuggled into Spike’s arms, Buffy wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about anything, let alone her friends’ loyalty. Wouldn’t it be ok to just nibble the lickable neck she was nuzzling and start making love instead?</p><p>She sighed against his skin, trying to gather her strength.</p><p>“Don’t need to talk if you don’t want to, Buffy,” Spike murmured in her hair, stroking her back softly. “Just know I’m here. But if you wanna sleep…”</p><p>“I was thinking of making love, actually,” she murmured, lips never leaving his skin.</p><p>“Well,” he sighed, “if I <em> have </em>to. Anything for you, my—ngh!”</p><p>She’d punched him in the side, because he deserved it. “Shut up.”</p><p>“Yes, Mistress,” he whispered, squirming under her.</p><p>She giggled, nuzzling his neck some more before leaning up to look down into his eyes. The mirth there was replaced by tenderness as he slid a hand to cup her face, thumbing her cheek gently.</p><p>“I’ll just say this: with all the crap they’ve pulled, I still can’t imagine your Scooby lot and your little sis not loving you and admiring you anymore. I just can’t, love.” She shook her head, but he stilled her, pulling her down to touch their foreheads together, the gesture familiar by now. “It’s going to be all right. You people, you’re… you’re inseparable. And I should know. You’re going to get through this, Buffy. You’re going to be all right.”</p><p>She let the tears go then, sniffing as she buried her face in his neck, hugging him tightly. He held her just as close, humming soft noises into her hair and caressing her back until she felt like breathing wasnʼt so hard anymore, like her heart didnʼt hurt anymore.</p><p>When she felt like she could talk again, she rolled them on their sides, clasping their hands together and tangling their legs, the contact somehow warming all of her. She smiled at the love in his eyes, dark in the faint firelight coming through the tent.</p><p>“You’re really very good at this, you know,” she whispered.</p><p>He smiled bashfully, making her grin. He brought one of her hands up to his lips and kissed her skin in that soft way that made her heart flutter and breath hitch.</p><p>“I’m just inspired,” he said, his voice so quiet she barely caught the words. The fact he avoided her eyes as he said it told her how vulnerable saying that made him feel, and she didn’t know what she could do to show him that she was right there with him.</p><p>She knew words weren’t her strength; so she leaned in to kiss his lips, softly and slowly, lingering on his lower lip until she could feel her heart racing. When she moved back to look at him, the soft, delighted understanding in his gaze made her think she might not be too bad at this comfort thing either.</p><p>“Thank you,” she whispered.</p><p>His smile was slow and blinding, even in the dark tent.</p><p>She wanted to ask how much of her conversation he’d heard, tell him all about her feelings and fears, and have him listen to her and tell her that everything would be ok again. But more than that, she wanted his skin against hers, the reassurance and closeness of making love to him, of having him inside her.</p><p>So she shifted closer, until their fronts were pressed together, hips flush, and started leaving kisses up and down his neck. The tingles on the inked skin of her chest still felt novel as she rubbed herself on him.</p><p>“Is it ok if we talk tomorrow and make love now, Spike?” she asked, licking at his earlobe. “I want you… inside me.”</p><p>The shiver that wracked his body was worth a million awkward sentences. He gripped her to him and threaded his hand in her hair to shift her mouth to his, kissing her like he needed her lips as much as a human needed oxygen. “Yes,” he begged between kisses, “yes, yes.”</p><p>She smiled, her front sizzling as his voice and lips and hands stirred her body, then rolled them until he was beneath her again. </p><p>They were tender and slow and passionate, their eyes never leaving each other as their chests slid together, both of them trying to touch everywhere at once. And Buffy didn’t know if her heart had ever been that full.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And since I’m currently binging Vegeta/Bulma fanfictions (I’m staring at you, orsomethingblue, you and your intriguing bookmarks), I will say that comments and thoughts, both positive and negative, power up my ki to bring me closer to THE LEGENDARY SUPER SAIYAN!!</p><p>…</p><p>(Maybe I should take a break from fic.)</p><p>Seriously, though, who was expecting the army? Plot ainʼt my jam most of the time, so I hope this worked out well. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. XIV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A hard, important conversation, followed by sweet lovemaking. Because I need just that much smutty fluff in my life.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bookishy has gone above and beyond for this one, not only with your "everyday" excellent editing (let's all thank her Buffy doesn't turn into an octopus at some point here) but with her tremendous patience with me and my antics. Speaking of, I've got a question for you all at the end of this. ;)</p><p>Thank you, every single one of you who reads and likes and especially comments, and I'm sorry for being so bad with replies recently. Hope I can get back to everyone asap. Just know that every single one makes me giddy. ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The journey back to the portal went more quickly than the one to the city. The Il’kat acted like a proper army, setting a steady pace and never pausing to smell the flowers. Spike both appreciated their speed, as he could sense Buffy’s eagerness to get back to her people, and loathed it, as it meant the end was getting closer and closer.</p><p>On the second night of the journey, she’d told him everything she’d told Azac concerning her worries about her friends. They’d already talked about most of it, but her fear of disappointing her new Il’kat followers was a novelty. He didn’t know whether the First or the Hellmouth were messing with her people’s heads, or whether they were just that thick; he just hoped for their sake that they would at least have enough sense to grovel at her feet. Buffy wasn’t perfect, but the way they had made her doubt herself was fucking unbelievable.</p><p>Still, he wasn’t perfect either; he couldn’t deny a certain satisfaction in being the one to reap the benefits, to hold her through her pain and lend a hand in building her up again. He wasn’t enough of an asshole to be happy she was hurt, but Christ, the way she leaned on him now was sodding heaven. Made him feel just as much of a champion as her little speech to her new army had.</p><p>All the while, on and on they went, retracing their steps to get back to the portal. Some nights the Il’kat danced and sang; sometimes they sparred, with each other and with Spike and Buffy; and some evenings were spent simply resting from the long day’s march. The blue demons were obviously eager to get to Earth, to fight the Slayer’s enemy, and Spike couldn’t say he blamed them. Wait for something long enough, of course you’d be bloody excited about it.</p><p>It made for a less romantic journey, but Spike couldn’t complain. (Except for when they reached the waterfall cove in the prairie; he did grumble a lot that night, and so did Buffy, both of them wishing they could have the place to themselves for a few hours again.) </p><p>In a way, having more companions made every moment spent with Buffy even sweeter. He’d never feel like he’d have too much of her, but it was especially delightful to go back to her side after a few hours spent chatting with someone else. It made their nights more intense, too.</p><p>Not that they needed it. Every day that passed made them more ravenous for each other. Spike didn’t know whether it was fear of the Scoobies’ judgement or of the apocalypse on her part, but he was man enough to admit that, for him, it was both. That, and the fact that there was a part of him that couldn’t accept all this happiness wouldn't come without a catch.</p><p>And so their lovemaking became more passionate, more desperate, the tender moments few and far between. They didn’t run themselves completely ragged with it, still managing to keep enough strength for the daily march, but Spike wouldn’t have been surprised if they crossed that line any day.</p><p>So maybe he should have expected the conversation that hit two nights before they reached the portal.</p><p>They were in their tent, still panting from their latest shagfest—which had been particularly fucking hot, with the way he’d bent her legs around him—when Buffy rolled to press her face into his chest and gave a powerful sigh.</p><p>“Spike,” she said, her voice sounding far too worried for his post-shag peace.</p><p>Still breathing heavily, he frowned down at her. “Love?”</p><p>She stayed silent, catching her breath, hiding her face against his chest. When he stroked her hair, she gave another deep sigh and mumbled against his skin. “I think we need to talk.”</p><p>He willed his voice to stay steady even as he felt himself grow cold. “Going by the way you’re clinging to me like a teddy bear,” he said, “I’m guessing this ain’t a breakup talk.” </p><p>She shook her head. When she raised it to look at him, his heart cracked at the worry and fear in her gaze.</p><p>“Love, you have to know you can talk to me about anything,” he said quietly. “What is it?”</p><p>She stayed silent for a few more long seconds, then sat up. She dragged her blanket over her body, and he followed her lead, sitting cross-legged in front of her and covering his crotch with his own. Clearly she’d rather have this conversation with no distracting bits in sight. </p><p>“Buffy?”</p><p>She took another deep breath and then reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. “I’ve been thinking about something. I…” She took a moment, then steel straightened her shoulders as she fixed him with a determined stare. “I don’t want to die.”</p><p>The cold gripped his whole body, her hand in his the only point of warmth.</p><p>“I don’t want to die,” she repeated, her voice quavering the slightest bit. “But if it’s needed…”</p><p>“Buffy—”</p><p>“It would have to happen, Spike,” she talked over him, her eyes glistening in the tent’s low light. “If I need to, I need you to promise me to let me go.”</p><p>He didn’t know why he didn’t hear his heart breaking.</p><p>“This apocalypse,” she continued, “is the worst I’ve ever faced. I—I can’t believe that we all could make it, even with the Il’kat, and—if it’s me…”</p><p>When Spike took hold of her hand in both of his, his sight was getting blurry. “It can’t be you, pet. Not again,” he said, squeezing her hand hard. “Not again.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Spike, but… you know that’s not how this works.”</p><p>A knot formed in his throat. He didn’t know what to say. What good was saying that it wasn’t gonna happen, that he wouldn’t let it? Deep down, he knew she was right. He had spent weeks now carefully ignoring the notion, but he <em> knew </em> the possibility was there. And now he just wished he could go back to ignoring it completely.</p><p>Buffy moved a hand up to stroke his cheek. If she had told him she loved him, Spike wouldn’t have been surprised at all. It was all in her eyes, fierce and scared and so full.</p><p>“This is my life, Spike,” she murmured. “You’ve been reminding me to seize the moment.” She smiled, her eyes still on his. “And you’re right, I have to. Because this is what it means to be the Slayer, to be a Champion.” She looked down for a moment. “Knowing that if the time comes… you have to. You want to. You may hate to make the sacrifice, but…”</p><p>“You’re going to do it anyway,” he finished for her, his voice small and broken.</p><p>Buffy nodded once. “And I know your heart, Spike. Choosing between the world and yourself…” She gave a small smile, laying her free hand on his. “I know this is one of the reasons you love me, and something tells me I may have rubbed off on you.”</p><p>Spike shook his head, bending down until he pressed his face to their clasped hands. “I hate you, you fucking perfect woman,” he muttered against her skin, tears finally escaping his eyes. “Don’t you fucking dare make me choose between staying with you and the world, God. Please.”</p><p>Buffy kissed his head. “I know,” she murmured against his hair. “But please,” she said, nudging him until he had to look back up. She kissed his knuckles, one by one. “Promise me. And if I die,” she started, breaking his heart all over again. “Spike, if I died—your life wouldn’t be over. Promise me that you wouldn’t want to walk into the sun—the fatal one—if I died.” She stared at him with her fiercest look. “Promise me to let me go and—one day—move on.”</p><p>He stared and stared at her, telling himself that he hated her for such a low blow. “I hate you,” he gritted out.</p><p>“No you don’t,” she said, her lips twitching.</p><p>“Christ, you bloody…” Her eyes flashed and he gave a wet sigh, looking down at their clasped hands. “Do my sodding best, you bitch. Can’t make any—”</p><p>“<em>Promise me</em>,” she insisted. She was still looking at him when he glanced up again, her eyes glistening. “Please.”</p><p>He shook his head, looking at her beautiful face, blurred and shaky. “Truth is, I’d do anything for you, Buffy. And you know that. So you want me to go on with-without you…” He forced himself to nod, trying to stop his voice from trembling. “All right. I promise to do my best, ok?”</p><p>She seemed ready to object, but then she nodded, leaning forward for a kiss, but he shifted back before their lips could connect, glaring at her through the tears.</p><p>“But you make the same sodding promise to me, all right?” he growled. “Know I’m not the reason you go on—know that’s not what you—but you promise me,” he insisted. “You promise me that you’ll hold your friends accountable, that you’ll be the Slayer I know you to be, that you’ll fight for your happiness tooth and nail, <em> no matter what happens</em>.” Her eyes widened, but his voice stayed firm. “Promise me that you’ll work hard to be the happiest Slayer this world has ever known, Buffy.”</p><p>Going by the worry in her eyes, she probably saw his request just as painful as he saw hers. And how fucked up was that? But it was all the more reason for him to insist, to force her to promise to look after herself, whatever that meant. He couldn’t delude himself that <em> he </em> would be the source of all that, if he managed to make it out of this apocalypse, at least not just him; but he wouldn’t let this opportunity go, not when he could make her take a hard look at how important looking after herself was.</p><p>She cleared her throat, looking away for just a moment. “Ah…” She gave a deep sigh. “All right, Spike. Ok? W-we don’t stop, after this. Whatever happens… whoever we l-lose… we don’t give up on happiness.”</p><p>“We don’t give up on ourselves,” he pressed, leaning closer until their foreheads touched, the familiar contact soothing and grounding.</p><p>She sighed again. “Yeah. We keep going.”</p><p>He nodded jerkily against her, and then they both surged against each other, her melting in his lap and him holding her fiercely to him.</p><p>“I love you, Buffy,” he murmured in her hair, rocking her gently.</p><p>She trembled in his arms, sighing against his neck and whispering his name.</p><p>He smiled. His love wasn’t ready to say the words, for whatever fucked-up reasons—reasons he had the distinct impression had a disproportionately large forehead and a penchant for firearms, respectively—but he could feel her love in the soft way she said his name, in the way she clung to him and soaked up every bit of his own love. Maybe Buffy didn’t love him exactly as he loved her, but he couldn’t truly doubt that she did, in her own way. Not when she held him like this, not when she asked him to look for his happiness even in the worst possible scenario. He didn’t know what she’d call this, but it was love in his book.</p><p>He concentrated on her in his arms, on her warm, wet breath making the skin of his neck tingle. He told himself that no one would die, that his love would be safe, and that they’d both be there on the other side of this, loving each other more and more in the face of any and all apocalypses.</p><p>He didn’t even have the strength to call himself love’s bitch anymore. He only had the strength to hope with all his being that he wouldn’t have to make good on his promise.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Buffy sighed deeply in Spike’s embrace, wishing her life was the kind where no ‘promise me not to kill yourself if I die saving the world’ speeches were required, wishing she could just enjoy the man she was holding without fear of what tomorrow would bring. She’d always known that being the Slayer was a cruel gig, but this? Having to consider letting go of <em> this </em> to die for an ungrateful world again? <em> Way </em> with the unfair.</p><p>She chased the thoughts away as she moved the blankets aside so that their skin could touch again, letting them both fall back down. Spike rolled on top of her and she buried her face in his neck, inhaling his scent, trying to ground herself in the moment; in the tingling of her tattoo, the smell of their sex, the soft sound of his breath. What he’d said, about her fighting for herself, for her happiness… God, sometimes she had no idea how she could deserve his love.</p><p>When he raised himself up on his elbows, face close to hers and forearms braced on either side of her head, her heart beat faster at the intensity of his gaze.</p><p>“Want to make love to you all night, Buffy,” he whispered, leaning down to leave a sweet, chaste kiss on her lips. “Want to worship every inch of your body,” he continued, sliding his lips to her cheek, her temple. “Want to love every little bit of you.”</p><p>Once again, her heartbeat rocketed as the words filled up her chest. What the hell was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she say it back? Their journey was almost over, who knew what would happen the day after tomorrow—who knew if they’d even survive this—why the hell couldn’t she just—</p><p>“Shh,” Spike murmured, his lips mapping her face until he was nuzzling her ear.</p><p>“I didn’t say anything,” she muttered, the bitterness in her own voice making her wince.</p><p>He leaned back to look at her, and she couldn’t believe how sweetly he was smiling. “No need to say anything, love,” he said, thumbing her cheek softly. “Might even manage to shut up myself—”</p><p>“No,” she said quickly, cupping his face in her hands. “I-I like your words,” she admitted.</p><p>He looked at her, his smile softening, then nodded, bending to kiss her forehead, her nose, her lips. She sighed when his mouth left hers.</p><p>“Then I’ll do the talking for both of us,” he said, voice low and quiet. He shifted so he could trace her neck with his hand, sliding it down to her shoulder and then her chest, stopping on her heart. He looked at his hand there as he talked, his voice even quieter. “You can love—<em>make</em> love to me with your hands, no words needed.”</p><p>She inhaled hard, and he looked up, his eyes guarded and hopeful. Of course, <em> of course </em> Spike knew what she felt and that she only needed to unscrew her head so she could say the words. Her heart filled with gratitude, and her front sizzled along the lines of her tattoo.</p><p>She surged up to kiss him, hard, body undulating up into his.</p><p>Yes, yes, she could love him with her hands. If her brain refused to budge on the stupid words, that didn’t mean her body had to follow its dumb lead.</p><p>So she sat up, smiling when he was the one who ended up straddling her lap for once, and kept kissing him as she ran her hands on his stomach. She leaned back to admire the shifting, fading lines of his tattoo, then leaned to kiss his lips again, his cheek, his ear, his neck.</p><p>“Oh, Buffy,” he breathed, his hands sliding up her back, one threading in her hair.</p><p>She hummed against his skin, laving his shoulder with open-mouthed kisses, and then following the ink. She grinned at his groan as she palmed his abs and his pecs, rubbing his nipples hard, as he liked it.</p><p>“Pet… my love,” he murmured, his hand in her hair pushing her closer.</p><p>She smiled, her lips never leaving his skin, licking at his nipple before she nibbled it, her nails scraping the other one.</p><p>“<em>Aah</em>, fuck, Buffy,” he panted, his hand roaming her back.</p><p>His every sound made her skin feel hotter. She sucked hard for a moment, then grinned as she pushed him back, until he was lying in front of her, half on her legs, his own open wide. His hardening cock twitched as it rested along one of his v-lines, and she could see his pucker peeking from under his balls… Blood rushed to her cheeks at the sight and all the images it conjured. What would it feel like to be the one thrusting into him, spreading his legs to make room for her and a toy? </p><p>He chuckled, the sound low and rumbling and going straight to her clit. The tattoo slid back and forth on his chest. “Someone’s having naughty thoughts,” he sing-songed, his legs widening even more.</p><p>She bit her lip, eyes tracing his limbs and crotch. “Like you wouldn’t believe,” she whispered before she could stop herself. When he laughed again she grinned too, finally shifting her legs out from under him.</p><p>She bent to kiss and nibble at one of his thighs and then went down from there, licking the side of his knee, revelling in his shudders and moans when she nipped at the sensitive skin there before moving further.</p><p>“I thought—I was supposed to do the worshipping, love,” he said, voice halting and raw as he nudged his leg closer to her lips.</p><p>She laughed against his skin, looking up at him from beneath her lashes before biting down harder on his shin. He shivered, his delighted moan making her clit pulse. She couldn’t believe how much he loved pain with his pleasure, and how it all felt <em> right </em> with him. “I thought <em> I </em>was supposed to… make love to you,” she said, unable to just say ‘love you’.</p><p>He melted at that, his body relaxing completely, and joy filled her. Hard to berate herself for her less-than-perfect words when he clearly loved them anyway. So she went back to her own worshipping, kissing his foot and then each of his toes, leaving a kiss on the arch before moving to the other one. He’d done this for her before, and thrills ran up and down her spine at reversing their position for once, at doting on <em> his </em> every inch.</p><p>He sighed dramatically, making her smile. His hands were twitching on the top of his thighs as he obviously struggled not to touch her. Any other night she would’ve taken it as an invitation to tease him; tonight, she just wanted to please him, to please every bit of his body. So she sat up and got rid of the blanket that had tangled between her legs, motions unhurried, feeling his gaze on her skin like a flame. She could feel her tattoo start to shift too.</p><p>The colours on their chests weren’t nearly as bright anymore, and the sensations they brought had dampened too, but neither were gone completely. So, after laving his shin with kisses and nibbles, she made a point to drag her chest across his skin as she slowly moved up, until her face had reached his crotch.</p><p>“Love you,” Spike was murmuring, his fingers finally tangling in her hair, nails scraping her scalp gently. “Love you, my goddess, my Slayer, my Buffy…”</p><p>“Yes,” she murmured as she nuzzled the top of his thighs one after the other, breathing hotly on his hard cock. “Yours,” she said as she kissed the sensitive tips of the tattoo’s base, revelling in his full-body shiver and his low, low groan of pleasure.</p><p>“Fuck, baby,” he muttered as she cupped his dick, mouthing his base and suckling it, the smell and taste of him heady. “Fuck, fuck—oh God,” he panted as she moved her mouth up, reaching his head and sucking hard for a moment. “<em>Ngh</em>!”</p><p>She smiled around his flesh, smirking up at him. Seeing him like this, babbling curse words and her name, his hard dick in her mouth… she sucked him again, harder still, relishing his hopeless expression. And then she started bobbing up and down, sucking as hard as she could, in that way that should have been too painful but only made him go wild, the excitement of seeing his pleasure heightening hers. One of her hands worked the base of his cock as the other scraped along the lines of his tattoo, seeking that desperate bliss that looked so fucking hot on him.</p><p>He started thrusting up, shallow little humps that showed how affected he was, not that his breathless pants and the tightening fingers in her hair weren’t enough indication. She redoubled her efforts, sliding him deeper in her mouth with every bob, until her lips were hitting her fingers.</p><p>“Pet, pet, Buffy, Buffybuffybuffy,” he panted, voice raw and husky and God, so hot it raced straight to her clit.</p><p>She hummed around him then shifted so she could straddle his leg, grinding down just below his knee and moaning when he angled it just right.</p><p>“Oh fuck oh yeah, fuck me, fuck my leg, oh fuck, <em> Buffy</em>!”</p><p>She twisted her hand, sucked him hard, slid her other hand down to squeeze his balls—and he was coming in her mouth, making her gulp hard to get it all even as she humped him harder, his moans and taste and rolling eyes pushing her close to her own edge.</p><p>But she forced herself to focus on him, on suckling him down from the peak, until she was gently lapping at his head and then kissing around his spent dick. She followed the lines of his tattoo as he panted and groaned above her, helplessly massaging her head.</p><p>“Oh, you beautiful goddess, my Amazon,” he murmured between gasps, angling his knee some more until she was the one panting. “Fuck yes, baby, work yourself on me…”</p><p>She whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut and pressing her forehead to his hardened belly, grinding down hard. But no, she didn’t want to come like this… she wanted him inside her.</p><p>With a shuddering breath she nuzzled his tattooed skin. She shifted her body up as she kissed the lines on his chest, her own tingling madly when she dragged it against his barely twitching cock.</p><p>“Oh, my love,” he whispered, one hand sliding to stroke her shoulder. “I want to feel you come against me, Buffy.”</p><p>She gave another whimper and bit his pec, grinning when he moaned. She licked his skin, then shifted upwards until she cradled his spent dick between her wet folds, her hands on his flank and his nipple. She scraped her teeth on the other one, relishing his hard inhale as their hips ground together. She loved how rough she could be, how for him it was almost tender, while she felt like a powerful goddess.</p><p>“Fuck me, Slayer, <em> ah</em>…”</p><p>“That’s the idea,” she muttered around his nipple, sucking it hard enough to make him whimper. <em> Just like my masochistic vamp likes. </em></p><p>“Oh, God, I love you,” he said, one of his hands sneaking between them to palm her breast, fingers grazing the edges of her tattoo and making her moan.</p><p>After one last hard bite she let him go, nuzzling his skin until she was licking at the stripes of colour closest to his neck, until she reached the spot Dru had bitten when she’d sired him. She didn’t like thinking about his ex and their <em> century </em> together, but ever since she’d discovered how sensitive this spot was, she loved giving it its due attention—<em>and </em>the way he looked at her when she did, like she was the best lover he’d ever had. So she kissed and nibbled that patch of skin, all the while grinding her hips down in a slow, incessant rhythm that was drenching his cock, already twitching and hardening again.</p><p>“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he kept murmuring, cupping her head and holding her to his neck.</p><p>She bit him hard again, grinning when he let out a strangled moan and thrust up hard, his cock almost fully hard again now.</p><p>Then he was dragging her face away to kiss her hungrily, devouring her lips and tongue and mouth like she was the blood that gave him unlife. “Fuck, I love you,” he said between kisses, never leaving her lips. “My love, Slayer, my light, my sunshine…”</p><p>“Spike,” she panted as his hand sneaked further down between them, cupping her sopping wet centre, grinding up on her clit. “<em>Aah</em>.”</p><p>“Yes, baby,” he grunted, palm pressing harder into her, making her see stars. “Gonna make love to you all night—oh God—”</p><p>He gave a deep, breathless moan when, after a few blissful moments, he finally guided himself into her. His broad head breaching her and the sounds of his pleasure sent her clit pulsing against his hand.</p><p>“Fuck, Spike, <em> Spike</em>—”</p><p>“Yes!” he grunted, pumping up into her as their rhythm grew faster. “Oh, you tight, hot vision—my beautiful, powerful love—”</p><p>She mewled as she tightened even more around him, trying to force herself to slow down her movements, to drag this pleasure on. All she managed was to take him deeper, his thick cock filling her up to the brink at every thrust, their brushing chests coaxing yet more sparks on her skin.</p><p>He laughed drunkenly beneath her and then he bent his legs, the new angle making her whimper.</p><p>“You’re the best lover in the world,” he panted, one hand stroking up and down her back as his other cradled her head towards his. “Best—woman—”</p><p>“Spike,” she moaned before she kissed him, trembling all over as she nearly fell over the brink.</p><p>Spike groaned in her mouth, slanting his lips and moving her head so they could taste each other better. God, every touch, every sound, every movement brought her closer and closer—until she came with a wail in his mouth, Spike kissing her throughout it all. He pumped up and up, hitting her clit with his pelvis, making it go on and on. By the time he moaned in her mouth and came inside her, she was twitching, barely able to follow his motions with little thrusts of her own, sparks of pleasure flashing from her mouth and chest to her clit.</p><p>They came down slowly, both of them gulping in air and then chuckling breathlessly in each other’s mouths, until Buffy buried her face in his neck, right on his siring spot.</p><p>“My love,” he murmured, lips touching her ear softly. “My sweet love, you make me feel… God,” he breathed out in another chuckle. “You make me so happy, Buffy.” He held her even more tightly for a moment. “So happy.”</p><p>Buffy could feel tears prickle at her eyes, and for once she let herself feel everything. Joy, and fear, and pleasure, and so much damn anticipation for the life they could have together after this apocalypse that just the thought of losing it became both terrifying and unacceptable. She wasn’t giving up any of this happiness. She <em> wasn’t</em>.</p><p>But of course, she knew what she’d said to him earlier was still true. She knew she might not have a choice. So she let the tears come, and clung to him more tightly, and breathed in his scent, committing this moment to memory.</p><p>When she leaned back to look at him, she wasn’t surprised to see his eyes as damp as her own.</p><p>She placed a soft, soft kiss on his full lips, closing her eyes for a moment. Then she smiled, letting herself feel all the joy he brought her. “You make me stupidly happy, too, Spike.”</p><p>His elated grin filled her heart. </p><p>They held each other some more, until he rolled her to her back and started kissing her once more, making good on his promise to love every bit of her. And for once, she didn’t feel like she was somehow less than she should; she didn’t feel like her inability to say the words ruined it for him. </p><p>She just let him love her, and let herself love him as fully as she could, with her body if not her words.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to reach the portal tomorrow morning, before lunchtime.”</p><p>Buffy kept her eyes on the fire as Azac talked, their voice betraying the excitement beneath their usual calm. The background music of the other Il’kat made everything sound too loud and too quiet at the same time.</p><p>“It will recognise you and the Scythe,” they continued, “and will stay open as long as Il’kat go through it. Spike will have to cross first, with you.”</p><p>Spike snorted next to her, but Buffy still didn’t move her eyes from the flames, their light enticing in the darkness. She felt like the conversation could only happen around her, rather than something she could participate in.</p><p>Zalik spoke up next, their voice excited too. “We suspect the First and its henchmen will be waiting on the other side, so we’ll all be ready to fight.”</p><p>Buffy still didn’t move her eyes. Could this really be it? The end of her undeserved, untimely—or perfectly timed, depending on your perspective—vacation? The time to face the First, her friends, and a world of responsibilities that <em> wasn’t </em> entirely made up of demons ready to follow her lead anywhere and everywhere?</p><p>When Spike took her hand and squeezed it gently, her brain and heart finally unfroze. She looked at him, his eyes full of confidence and trust.</p><p>She squeezed his hand back.</p><p>“That’s good to know,” she said, sending a small smile to Zalik and Azac. “By the way, I’m still not completely over the fact that you waited until the <em> last </em> possible second to ask me whether your entire people could join us,” she added, her voice more certain with every word. “But you were right; I should have thought of it myself, all things considered.” </p><p>“You probably would’ve,” Azac conceded with a smirk, “if you hadn’t been so… distracted already.”</p><p>Yeah, there was no way they could be referring to her worries about the First, not with the sly glance they sent to Spike’s chest. Which was distractingly bare, since the jerk had become comfortable enough with the army to go around shirtless again. And he burst out laughing at Azac’s stupid joke, because of course he did.</p><p>She rolled her eyes and stood, pulling Spike to his feet as well.</p><p>“Well, I think a dance is in order,” she said, finally shaking off the last remnants of her contemplative mood.</p><p>“A dance?” he asked, his eyes twinkling in the firelight.</p><p>“Unless you have something better to do?” she taunted. She tugged him towards her, her hand tight and proprietary around his waist.</p><p>He laughed again. His hips pushing into hers sent little sparks of pleasure up her fading tattoo, under the green tunic she’s been gifted.</p><p>“You know all I ever wanna do with you is dance,” he said, voice low and rumbling.</p><p>“Two months of this,” whispered Azac not-so-quietly to Zalik as they stood up as well. “Two entire months.”</p><p>All three demons laughed, and Buffy’s own smile grew when she saw the pride in Azac’s eyes at making their zitra chuckle. A sudden rush of affection for the blue demon lit up her insides, and her heart felt full as the four of them walked to another campfire. They started to dance together to the music, quickly joined by other delighted Ilʼkat. </p><p>And soon all she could feel was <em> good</em>, in the strong arms of her lover, surrounded by dancing and singing demons who were ready to go to battle next to her. Finally, she felt ready to lead them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Some meta thoughts you can completely ignore coming your way, here.</p><p>Here's the question I mentioned in the opening notes: I would like it if you were 100% honest with me and told me whether you think I'm dragging out Buffy's love declaration too much in this. Not in a "aahh I can't wait to read it!!" way, more in a "this is starting to feel too much and the tension doesn't hold up anymore" way. I am genuinely curious about your thoughts!<br/>To be honest, I do think it's taking too long, myself. The problem is that I only realised that after writing both this chapter and (spoiler??? I guess??? Come on we all know it's coming) the one in which she does declare her love... and I love them both as they are, so I didn't want to rewrite them haha. So I've made the decision to stick with them, even though I feel like the tension might not be holding up all that well anymore.<br/>Now I'm just curious to know what you think, if you so wish. :) Obviously, I am welcoming critique, if there is any. As long as you're polite, I will appreciate it!</p><p>And as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts about anything else too, and thanks for reading. ♥</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. XV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Finally, our heroes get back to Earth... and meet a certain gelled someone as they do.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I cannot thank Bookishy enough for her help. Doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying, though. ♥</p><p>Same goes for everyone who reads and especially engages with my story. You’re all incredible, and I LOVE the answers you gave to my question, last chapter. Thank you so very much, I appreciated it immensely. I apologise for being late with replying to some comments, but please know that I love and cherish every single one, even though sometimes I’m poopy at answering them timely. Your thoughts, and the fact that you take the time to share them, mean the world to me. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The portal was shining in front of her, and for a moment Buffy was tempted to turn her back on it, stride out of the cave, and set up camp all over again. To hide away with Spike in this paradise just a little bit longer.</p><p>His strong hand in hers and the powerful weight of the Scythe in the other brought her back to reality.</p><p>She took a deep breath and looked at him, at his eyes full of trust and complete confidence in her. She nodded at him and then at the two leaders of the Il’kat, who were standing on either side of the portal, their clear eyes anticipatory and fierce. In that moment, she realised just how deadly this army would look from the other side of the battlefield; the thought made her smirk.</p><p>Keeping hold of Spike’s hand, she stepped through the portal.</p><p>This time she did register Spike’s pained grunt, but not even that could dim the sense of <em> right </em> the portal gave her. As the blue light filled her insides with a sense of victory, any and all doubts about her mission disappeared, leaving her glowing with surety and confidence.</p><p>And then they were on the other side, and the light of the portal revealed a less-than-victorious sight.</p><p>Caleb and his über-vamps had been busy: the whole vineyard had caved in. Starting from two feet in front of her there was nothing but a wall of ruined rocks.</p><p>“Bugger,” panted Spike.</p><p>She sent him a worried look, but he was squinting at their surrounding rather than keeling over in pain, so she got back to scowling at Caleb’s handiwork.</p><p>“Thank God we have an army,” she muttered, just as Azac and Zalik stepped through the portal and almost bumped into her. </p><p>“Oh,” said Zalik, their clear eyes widening. </p><p>“Fuck,” said Azac.</p><p>Buffy huffed out a laugh, wondering if that was the first time she'd heard them curse. “Hope we all like to climb,” she said, letting Spike’s hand go to start looking for the best way over the mass of rocks.</p><p>It was slow, painful going, but they eventually found a way to squirrel up through the rocks, moving forward until she could feel the fresh air above.</p><p>Of course, just a moment later the first über-vamp attacked.</p><p>She was in front of everyone, paving the way like any good leader should, so she was the one to parry a powerful hit to her face, and then another and another, until she finally managed to hit back hard enough to knock it back, letting her get out of the hole in the ground and leap into the night’s air.</p><p>She could hear Spike’s snarls behind her, but she didn’t pay them any mind as she sliced through vamp after vamp, the Scythe in her hands already more familiar than her favourite stake. Only when she had killed the last vamp directly in her sights did she risk a glance at the hole behind her: Spike had gotten out too, and so had Azac and Zalik, while two more Il’kat were doing their best to scramble up.</p><p>Then she brought her attention back to the über-vamps, who had been joined by those creepy Bringers to form a ridiculously huge army. And yet she couldn’t help but grin savagely as she jumped back into the fray: she had her Scythe, and her vampire, and her <em> demon army</em>. There was nothing these assholes could do to stop her.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Spike roared as he killed yet another bat-looking tosser, wishing he had taken one of the Smurfs’ pretty axes as well as his sword. Christ, he had even left behind his unused tent so he could carry more trinkets for Buffy; you’d think he could spare the space for <em> one </em> weapon designed for actual battle and not for her to tan his arse.</p><p>He sliced the head off the über-ugly in front of him and then stopped, noticing several things at once.</p><p>One, his love was beating on a vamp instead of killing it, clearly working out some lingering rage issues.</p><p>Two, the army of enemies had vanished into thin air, leaving only a couple of bringers and vamps that were currently being killed by Azac and another blue demon.</p><p>Three, there was a distinctly familiar, distinctly <em> un </em>pleasant scent in the air. What the—</p><p>He snapped his head toward Buffy, who had just staked the vamp she’d been fighting only for a hand to grip the other end of the Scythe and tug.</p><p>“Honey, you’re home.” Caleb’s sleazy voice filled the night’s silence.</p><p>Spike growled, but the bastard only smiled, looking at him with contemptuous amusement. Still, when the Il’kat started to move, Spike stopped them.</p><p>“He’s mine,” Buffy barked, tugging the Scythe free. </p><p>The bastard just laughed, spouting some nonsense about it being the other way around—but Spike wasn’t paying attention anymore, his gaze riveted on his love. She was already in motion, fighting the overblown asshole with every bit of slayer strength she possessed, and pride surged in him at the sight.</p><p>His slayer whaled on the fucker, her blows getting visibly stronger, and yet the wannabe priest seemed immune—until she knocked him back with the blunt head of her scythe, making the Il’kat cheer as he flew. </p><p>Before Spike could join in, his nose prickled with that familiar smell again, and he risked looking away. What the bleeding hell—</p><p>His eyes widened when he saw him: black shape hiding in the shade, bloody hair sticking up like gravity didn’t dare touch the shit, big forehead all wrinkled… Angel was fucking here. Not only that: Angel was fucking prowling past the line of Il’kat, his sights on Buffy. </p><p>A growl filled Spike’s chest, Azac following his gaze immediately. There were shouts, a roar from Broody McBoringpants, and then in three seconds flat Angel was on the ground, three arrows pointed at his heart and Azacʼs sword at his neck. Spike couldn’t help a grin—the massive frown on his grandsire’s face lit something in his chest. Was this how kids felt at Christmas?</p><p>“Buffy!” Angel yelled.</p><p>Spike laughed; his worry looked so precious.</p><p>“Angel—<em>ah</em>!”</p><p>He whipped around, growling again when he saw Caleb cackling like the self-important knobhead he was, the Scythe now in his hands</p><p>“Buffy!” Angel yelled again, this time fear filling his voice.</p><p>Spike lunged towards his slayer, but she rolled away, barely avoiding her own weapon slicing her in half.</p><p>“Spike, stay out of the way!”</p><p>He roared in frustration, halting just a few feet away. The tosser was hacking at her, yelling self-important bullcrap Spike had no time to listen to.</p><p>“Buffy, what the—” Angel’s voice trailed off into a choked grunt. Hopefully Azac was pushing their weapon harder against his neck. </p><p>“Spike,” Buffy grunted, dodging a hit just to fist the Scythe’s handle and starting a tug-of-war. “If Angel dusts—you’re bringing him back!”</p><p>She gave a mighty pull and finally got her weapon back, using the motion to roll back and send Caleb flying over her. The Il’kat behind them parted as the priest hit the ground, and Spike couldn’t help a grin as Buffy rolled back to her feet, already swishing her blade at Caleb.</p><p>Several gasps filled the night air as the weapon connected, the meaty <em> thunk </em> accompanied by the gurgling sound of blood dribbling past the maggot’s open lips. Buffy made sure to twist the blade before jerking it out of him. Then she sent Spike a fierce glare.</p><p>“Why are you still here?” she demanded, sending a pointed look towards Angel’s form.</p><p>The pillock was still pinned to the ground, but at least now his face showed some of the awe that was Buffy’s due.</p><p>Spike grumbled. Why did he have to look at Angel’s ugly mug instead of her glory over her enemies? But they both knew he would follow her lead to the end of the world; he figured that included all the way to Angel’s side.</p><p>“Rotten fucking luck,” he muttered, sending Buffy another wistful glance before he strode to his grandsire, admiring her angry stare at the priest's body. “What’s wrong with you lot, then, not killing the bastard on sight?” he barked at the Il’kat.</p><p>Azac, whose sword was still firmly pressed to Angelʼs neck, raised their blue eyebrows. “He didn’t seem to want to kill us, and he didn’t look like the others.”</p><p>“Wankers,” Spike said, sending Buffy another look over his shoulder. She was still staring at Caleb, probably expecting him to get back to his feet at the worst possible moment, like any good two-bit villain.</p><p>“You going to tell your flunkies to let me go any time soon?” Angel asked. </p><p>Spike smirked at his grandsire, enjoying the way some of the surrounding Il’Kat’s blue arms were trembling with rage. “Might wanna avoid insulting the deadly fighters who’ve got weapons trained on your heart and neck, mate. Or wait, actually,” he added with a wolfish grin, “keep taunting them, Granda. Can do with another reason to celebrate later tonight.”</p><p>Angel growled, the sound so low Spike didn’t know whether his blue friends could hear it. But then Azac, spoilsport that they were, sheathed their sword, and slowly the others followed suit.</p><p>“Don’t tell me he’s another good vampire?” Azac asked, clearly dubious.</p><p>“He’s not good at anything, that I can tell you for sure,” Spike said, sneering as the other vampire jumped to his feet.</p><p>“‘Another’?” Angel asked, adjusting his stupid suit. His huge forehead scrunched up like he was trying to solve Fermatʼs last theorem. “What have you done to convince these demons you’re <em> any </em> good, Spike?”</p><p>“You don’t know?” Azac said, voice surprised. Spike snapped his gaze to them, but the blue demon was already talking. “He has a soul.”</p><p>“He has a <em> what</em>—”</p><p>“<em>Ah</em>!”</p><p>Buffy’s gasp of pain made Spike turn just in time to see her thrown towards them, Caleb on her back, black blood covering his mad grin.</p><p>“You little <em> bitch</em>,” he growled, spouting blood everywhere. “You thought you could beat me? You, a little, insignificant <em> woman</em>?”</p><p>Spike’s growl was as loud as Angel’s as they both stepped towards the two struggling figures—but then Buffy was rolling over, slamming Caleb’s head to the ground, and flipping backwards to her feet. The crazed man followed her, but he was too slow. Buffy’s scythe hit Caleb right between his legs, making Spike and Angel gulp. They both took a step back as she gave a powerful tug up and the weapon forcefully sliced through his body, splitting it in two.</p><p>Every being in the courtyard was silent as the two halves fell down with a final <em> thu-thud</em>, blood spurting all over the ground.</p><p>A moment later cheers rose all around them, and Spike’s chest filled as he looked at his love, bruised and bloodied and splattered in black ichor. It filled him with marvel, and love, and not a small amount of healthy fear.</p><p>By the time she was snapping the Scythe to the side, eyes wide and proud, black blood flicking away, he was right in front of her.</p><p>“You’re a fucking vision, love,” he breathed.</p><p>Buffy laughed. “I’m more of a horror flick, with all this black shit on me,” she said. But her eyes were dancing, and that was enough for Spike.</p><p>At least until they slid away from him to stop somewhere behind him. Spike’s heart fell down to his stomach when he saw the conflicted way she looked at her ex; he had to use every ounce of self-control he had not to tackle her to the ground there and then, to stake his claim in front of everyone.</p><p>
  <em> Ain’t mine like that. Ain’t my right to treat her as a fucking prize I’ve won. </em>
</p><p>Which was all good and true, but <em> fuck</em>, was it hard to follow through.</p><p>He bit his tongue and stayed still, watching as the love of his life stared at the love of hers.</p><p>“Angel,” she said, voice friendly but measured. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>He didn’t turn to look at his grandsire, deciding he’d stay right where he was. If she wanted to go to Angel she’d have to circle Spike, she’d have to walk past him—</p><p>She did just that, breaking his heart and leaving him staring at an empty place. But then she stopped right beside him, placing a hand on his arm.</p><p>When he found the strength to look up, she was giving him a small smile. “Give us a moment, ok?”</p><p>Spike swallowed. It was the trust in her eyes that did it. How could he protest when she was looking at him like she could count on him to do this, to not say a word as she went to talk to the great fucking love of her life?</p><p>He nodded dumbly, because of course he did. Even tried to smile back when her lips went up in a right lovely little grin. Then she turned back to Angel and left Spike behind, walking with him away from the Il’kat, away from Spike.</p><p>He shook his head, looking down at the dead priest’s halves. He knew he was being melodramatic. Bint had been opening up to him in all kinds of ways for almost two months, had made love to him like she’d never cared about anyone else the last two nights, and yet here he was, feeling rejected just because she wanted to exchange a word with her looming ex.</p><p>Besides, they hadn’t even gone that far. If he concentrated, he could hear them. Hear the overgrown lamp complain about him having a soul <em> before it was cool</em>, and seriously, how fucking pathetic did Spike have to be to be jealous of <em> that</em>, and—</p><p>“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you weren’t the only vampire with a soul out there.”</p><p>Spike managed not to jump at Azac’s voice, but just barely. He did glare at the blue demon, wondering how hard it would be to send them away so he could listen in peace.</p><p>“Didn’t seem important,” he said with a sniff, shuffling marginally closer to the couple.</p><p>“What do you mean, not important?” Azac said. “Are you telling me there are <em> more </em> vampires fighting for their souls, on Earth?”</p><p>“Didn’t fight for his, did he? Got bloody <em> cursed </em> with it. No comparison at all,” Spike grumbled, shuffling closer still. “And no, we’re the only two lucky blokes.”</p><p>“Cursed?” They blinked. “Huh. Actually, that makes more sense.” Azac nodded, their pensive eyes on his grandsire. “At least this means we won’t have to ask <em> all </em>vampires we meet whether—hey,” they said, sending Spike an accusing look. “You’re trying to get close enough to eavesdrop.”</p><p>Spike blinked at them most innocently. By the disappointed look in their icy blue eyes, his poker face had seen better days.</p><p>“Seriously?” Azac said. </p><p>“Shut up,” he muttered, shuffling some more.</p><p>“Spike,” Azac said, calmly exasperated. “I don’t care what happened between the two of them in the past, breaching Buffy’s privacy isn’t a good idea.”</p><p>Spike sent them a baleful glare. Would they mind not being a fucking goody-two-shoes for five fucking seconds?</p><p>“Besides,” they continued, looking fondly at the Slayer, “you have nothing to fear. Buffy loves you too much for her to be swayed by an ex.”</p><p>Spike blinked rapidly, staring at them. What? Had Buffy said… but then why would she say it to Azac and not to <em> him</em>?</p><p>Azac gave a little laugh. “Don’t look at me like that. You must see it yourself.”</p><p>Spike frowned and turned to glare at Buffy, this time not even trying to eavesdrop. The beautiful bint was looking happy and glorious, a smile on her face and the blood of her enemies on her clothes and skin. His heart ached.</p><p>“Different from hearing it,” he said, voice quiet.</p><p>He didn’t turn toward them again, but he saw Azac’s nod. “I see what you mean.”</p><p>Spike bristled at the understanding in their voice. They could take their pity and shove it up their—</p><p>“Still shouldn’t eavesdrop,” Azac said, smirking. Then they patted him awkwardly on the arm and walked away, joining Zalik and the other Il’kat who were waiting for Buffy at a polite distance from her and Mr. Limpdick.</p><p>Fucking buggers, them and all their fucking righteousness.</p><p>Turning his back on Angel and Buffy, he took a few steps away, only to twist back and stare because hell, if Buffy hadn’t wanted him to <em> see </em> the two of them, she should’ve hid behind a rock pile, shouldn’t she?</p><p>His jaw ticked when Angel handed Buffy an envelope and she touched his arm while taking it. Then he had to bite back a growl when they looked at each other with <em> shiny eyes</em>, even from a distance—and then they were hugging. Buffy Summers, love of his life, owner of his heart, was hugging Angel, love of <em> her </em> life.</p><p><em> She doesn’t think of him that way anymore</em>, a tremulous voice insisted. <em> She’s grown and moved on, and she’s with you now. </em></p><p>Spike knew that the stupid little voice wasn’t too far off the mark, that Buffy wasn’t one to share nights like the two they’d just had and then go and make eyes at someone else. Let alone the <em> two months </em> they’d just spent together as lovers, sharing a bond deeper than any he had ever dreamt of.</p><p>But this was Angel. This was Angel, and this hug was lasting more than three seconds, and Spike could feel a monster rousing inside him, trying to claw out of his chest and guts to kill and maim and beat his grandsire into a pulp. Possibly not in that order.</p><p>When the two finally separated and Major Forehead sent him a baleful glare, the monster finally calmed down a notch. Not by much, but it looked like Buffy was giving him the brush-off. She was stepping back and gesturing in that ‘I don’t know how to send you away but you gotta go’ way—a luxury she hadn’t ever given <em> Spike</em>, but one he’d seen enough times in her interactions with humans. Angel was getting the drift, stepping back and looking like he was trying to swallow a poisonous hedgehog.</p><p>And good—he should look like that. No way the bastard hadn’t gotten a whiff of his scent on Buffy, no way was Angel going back to sodding LA without knowing that his precious ex was sleeping in <em> Spike </em> ’s arms tonight, getting fucked by <em> his </em> cock—</p><p>He grimaced, trying to force his thoughts away from the possessive bullshit. The monster in his chest purred anyway.</p><p>It felt like it took forever, but Angel was finally leaving, albeit also glaring at Spike hard enough to crack his huge head in two. Spike just sent him the two-fingered salute, keeping the monster on the inside. Last thing he wanted to do was to make Buffy think twice about her decision to choose him over her wet wipe of an ex. </p><p>Buffy was heading his way, still looking glorious in the moonlight, and Spike was the luckiest fucking vampire in the world—</p><p>“He disappointed you’re mine, pet?” he asked as soon as she reached him. </p><p>Fuck. Maybe he oughta review his perception of ‘control’.</p><p>Buffy, predictably, wasn’t amused. “Let’s nip the jealous routine in the bud, ok?” she said, her eyes hard. “We have work to do.”</p><p><em> Didn’t object to being called mine last night</em>, he wanted to say—but he bit his tongue, because time, an attempted rape, and a soul apparently did teach a bloke when to fucking shut up. Or at least sometimes they did.</p><p>So he just locked his jaw and stared at the envelope in Buffy’s hand.</p><p>After a moment, she sighed and slowly took his hand. </p><p>“Hey. You know how I feel,” she whispered, squeezing his hand. “I just don’t like…” She glanced around, looking nervous.</p><p><em> Parading your feelings in public and making a scene to get your ex jealous? </em> He sighed. Of course she was right. Or at least, she had a right to bleeding privacy, never mind his stupid insecurities. So he raised her hand to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles.</p><p>“I’m sorry, pet. Can be a right prat.” Some of the tension bled off him at her relieved little smile, and he nodded at the envelope. “So what’s Grandad brought you?”</p><p>She crinkled her nose adorably at the nickname and let his hand go to open it. A gaudy-looking trinket fell into her hand.</p><p>“He doesn’t really know, but this is supposed to be worn by a souled Champion.” She shrugged, eyes still on the necklace. “I told him I already have one.”</p><p>He wanted to kick himself for doubting her. Or fall at her feet in supplication. He did neither, contenting himself with inhaling hard.</p><p>“What is that, Buffy?” Azac asked, appearing at Spike’s side.</p><p>Spike eyed them, wondering whether they really were that quiet or whether he was just that distracted.</p><p>“I’m not sure. But my ally said it could be very useful.”</p><p>Azac sent her an amused glance. “You have a surprising amount of vampire… allies.” </p><p>“No one asked you your opinion, Blueface,” she muttered.</p><p>They ignored the remark as they took the item from her hands, turning it over again and again, their brows furrowing. “This feels…” They trailed off, looking pensive, and then made a few strange sounds.</p><p>It had to have been names, because three Il’kat rushed over, clearly interested as they passed the amulet back and forth, chattering quickly in their language.</p><p>“Hey,” Buffy protested weakly, “that was supposed to… ah, never mind,” she said, shaking her head. “I guess I should just trust you.”</p><p>She smiled dryly at Spike and then they both stepped back, leaving room for yet more Il’kat to join the discussion, Zalik soon coming to hover around them too. </p><p>“You know, maybe we’ve misjudged this people’s taste in jewellery,” he whispered to Buffy.</p><p>She huffed a half laugh and slapped his arm. “Shut up, Spike.”</p><p>It was a few minutes till the demons finally deigned to give him and Buffy attention again, by which point his woman looked close to fuming. He didn’t say it on account of being on shaky ground already, but he was starting to think that being at the centre of their attention for a straight month hadn’t done her humility much good.</p><p>By the time Azac and a dark-blue-skinned demon finally emerged from the throng to return the amulet, Buffy was visibly forcing herself not to demand answers.</p><p>“Slayer,” the demon said with a strong accent, “this is powerful.”</p><p>She looked at them, then at the amulet, then at them again. “Yes. Kind of why my ally gave it to me.”</p><p>Fuck, she was hot when she was unimpressed.</p><p>“What Tali means,” Azac said, “is that this is <em> very </em> powerful. Destroy-a-whole-town powerful.”</p><p>Spike raised a brow, looking at the amulet with newfound interest. “That little bauble?”</p><p>“Yes,” Azac said. “And dangerous.” The demon next to them said something in their language, and Azac nodded. “Dangerous to whoever is around it, and perhaps especially to whoever uses it.”</p><p>Buffy frowned. “Well, then we can forget using it.”</p><p>The monster in Spike’s chest exploded in fireworks of pleasure. </p><p>He reached out and took the bloody thing, ignoring Buffy’s protests as he put the chain around his neck. He grinned at her winningly. “Looks rather fetching on me, don’t it?”</p><p>“Spike—”</p><p>“Slayer,” he interrupted her. “We need all the edge we can get in this war. You know we do. And while I do <em> not </em> want to die, we gotta do what we gotta do.” He stared at her, barely stopping himself from kissing her senseless in order to remind her exactly how much he wanted to live.</p><p>She stared right back, fierce and furious and scared. And God, if that look didn’t set his insides on fire.</p><p>“Our mages will help contain the risks,” Azac said, their voice conciliatory. “Spike won’t need to take the full brunt of the amulet’s danger, Slayer.”</p><p>She still looked uneasy, eyes skipping from Azac to the amulet to Spike’s eyes. Which made him feel like the king of the world.</p><p>Then she sighed, some tension leaving her shoulders. “I guess I can’t hope for more. But Spike, if that thing does anything to hurt you… then you won’t be getting any wardrobe upgrades, whether you like it or not.”</p><p>He smiled. Scrap all that about privacy, he <em> was </em> going to snog her senseless in front of Azac, Tali, and every other Il’kat.</p><p>Buffy took a step away before he could do anything he’d regret. “But now we have to go,” she said, sounding like she was convincing herself. “I know sixteen hours isn’t a lot, but—with the way this place has changed since then…” She suddenly blanched, just as Spike’s own innards turned to ice.</p><p>There was no way the Slayer’s home and her undeserving family was laid down in a bunch of rubble… was there?</p><p>With a whispered ‘fuck’, Buffy started running, and all he could do was bark at Azac and the others to follow, running right after her.</p><p>No way she’d lost her family. No way that poor excuse for a bag of bones and blood had managed <em> that</em>. No fucking way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, I did just write an Angel cameo with VERY little Angel content. I hope y’all didn’t mind too terribly. ;)</p><p>As always, I enjoy the heck out of crit, feel free to tell me anything you think! And thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. XVI</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Finally, Buffy gets back home.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Y’all, it’s tough to find new ways to say thank you to Bookishy, the best beta I could ever have imagined finding. But here I am, trying every time. Thank you. ♥</p><p>And thank YOU to everyone who reads and comments, I enjoy hearing your thoughts SO much and I cherish and virtually cuddle each and every comment you leave me.</p><p>I hope this chapter doesn’t disappoint. &gt;:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They ran and ran, and all the while Spike’s mind kept blaring, <em> No, no way, no</em>, but he wouldn’t believe it until he saw it for himself. And if he was this worried, what must be going on in Buffy’s head?</p><p>Finally they were at Revello Drive—yes, the house was intact. He almost cheered, the sight was so relieving, but he wanted to see them all for himself, wanted to see little Dawn safe and sound, he had to keep running—</p><p>And then electricity raced through him and he was flying back, his body wracked with the kind of pain that recalled being tasered into unconsciousness. He wouldn’t have been surprised to hear a soldier’s taunt above him.</p><p>He distantly heard Buffy shouting his name, but the pain was too strong, blinding him. When it finally faded enough to let him open his eyes and roll onto his hands and knees, he was panting heavily and barely managed to look up.</p><p>Buffy was several feet away in her garden, visibly struggling between rushing to his side and to her friends, who were pouring out of her house. The Il’kat had formed a semi-ring around the front of the house, yet remained at a distance. He blinked quickly and shook his head, murmuring his thanks when Azac came to help him up.</p><p>“Buffy?”</p><p>Something inside him snapped loose at hearing Dawn’s voice, at seeing her right there, in front of the porch, perfectly healthy and whole, if exhausted.</p><p>“Dawn,” Buffy answered. All the Scoobies were huddled on the path leading to the Summers’ porch now. They all looked exhausted, their bodies trembling with visible tension and fatigue.</p><p>“Fuck,” Spike muttered, shaking his head once more, hoping to cast off the last remnants of sizzles coursing through his body. “That one of yours, Red? Mighty comeback to the land of magic.”</p><p>Willow blinked at him from the other side of the invisible barrier. “<em>Spike</em>?”</p><p>He raised his brows. “Yeah?” He took a look at the house, admiring how untraceable her spell was. “Did a damn good job, too.”</p><p>Willow kept blinking at him, and for a moment so did all the Scoobies. Then their gaze turned to Buffy. She was faintly shaking, so much so that he had to stop himself from stepping forward and reassuring her with his touch. Not that he would have, even without the barrier from hell, not right now.</p><p>“Buffy?” Dawn asked again, voice trembling. “Is that really you?”</p><p>Buffy frowned.</p><p>“You do look slightly different than when you left,” Azac intervened, their voice as calm as ever. Despite the fear and distrust plain in the Scoobies’ gazes, the demon stayed serene.</p><p>Spike had to admit that the demon was right: Buffy was tanner, her natural hair colour showed at the roots, and her clothes screamed mountain wear. Not to mention she was now holding her shiny red scythe, still speckled with dark blood.</p><p>He supposed he had to look different too, with a tan and, oh bloody hell, <em> freckles</em>. And then there was his hair… he resisted threading a hand through it, resigned to showing the Scoobies his bloody curls. There were more important things to think of here.</p><p>“Look, things are complicated,” he said impatiently, wondering why Buffy wasn’t saying anything. “Just take down the barrier and let us through already.”</p><p>Willow sent him a weird glance. A weird, worried-yet-firm glance. “Buffy?” she asked tentatively, looking at her with tired, bloodshot eyes. “Are you…”</p><p>Spike bit his tongue to avoid yelling, tightening his hands into fists. <em> Don’t wanna pummel Buffy’s friends… </em> Don’t <em> wanna kick their faces in for doubting her… </em></p><p>“Yes,” his love finally said, her voice trembling. “Yes, it’s really me. And yes, I’m really sure that Spike and every single Il’kat behind me are good guys.”</p><p>Spike glared at the Scoobies. They all looked doubtful, and worried, and not a little bit scared, and he had to repeat to himself that he didn’t want to punch their faces in, again and again.</p><p>“Well, itʼs just that… uhm,” Harris hedged, stepping closer to Willow but still pointedly behind her. “You look… different. And…” </p><p>“Are accompanied by an alarming number of demons,” Giles intervened, stepping up to Willow’s side, both of them still keeping their distance from the Slayer.</p><p>Spike’s heart fell when he saw Buffy’s expression. Why did she have to be so hurt by the people she loved, over and over again?</p><p>“What, the Slayer’s friends don’t like the idea of a demon army?” a random Il’kat exclaimed.</p><p>“Unbelievable!” another called. Several snickered and snorted.</p><p>Azac merely smirked before schooling their expression back into placid serenity. “Slayer, do you want us to introduce ourselves?”</p><p>Buffy sent them an uncertain look. Then she obviously remembered who and where she was, and steel straightened her shoulders. She turned fierce eyes back to her friends and shook her head. “That’s all right, Azac. I’ll deal with this.”</p><p>The blue demon’s proud nod sent a flicker of affection for them through Spike.</p><p>“Guys,” Buffy started, her voice firm, “I was right. Caleb was hiding something from me. I thought it was a weapon of some sort, and… well, it was, in a way,” she said, holding the Scythe up. Her eyes flared in pride as she looked at the blade. “This is a weapon forged especially for the Slayer, and Caleb was doing his best to get his hands on it. But he didn’t know what he was dealing with.”</p><p>And then she told them of the portal, of Azac and the Il’kat, of their journey through Yltra to get to the weapon and back to Earth. Spike couldn’t help but notice that her tale was decidedly lacking on the romantic relationship front, but considering that her porch and the garden in front of it had filled with potentials, he couldn’t blame her.</p><p>When she got to the part about Caleb, though, she did go into details, and he grinned at the humans’ gasps.</p><p>“Damn, B,” Faith muttered hoarsely, limping up to her. She looked just as exhausted as Willow, and her bandaged leg was starting to bleed, going by the red spot on it. “You telling me that you get an army and a fancy Slayer weapon while I'm saddled with wounded pride and limbs?” She shook her head, looking bitter. “Fuck me. Gotta admit someone here made a big mistake.”</p><p>Spike exhaled slowly, his anger at the woman abating. The shame and unease in her eyes told volumes of her regret. </p><p>Buffy seemed to resist it for a moment, but then gratitude shone in her eyes. She gave her fellow slayer a half-grin. “I didn’t want to be the one to say it, but…”</p><p>Faith laughed, the sound bitter and croaky, making Spike think her injuries didn’t stop at her bandaged leg and arm. “Guess you’re still too fucking good for all of us,” she forced out. </p><p>Buffyʼs smile softened, obviously seeing how hard this was for the other slayer. She handed Faith the Scythe. “Go on.”</p><p>After a cautious look, Faithʼs eyes filled with wonder when she touched the weapon. “Woah,” she murmured, taking it and slowly running one hand over it. “This feels… woah.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, her grin luminous.</p><p>“Hard to give it up once you’ve put your hands on it, you know?” Faith said, still fondling the Scythe like it was her new lover. Then her face became more guarded; she visibly struggled to hand the weapon back. “Figures it would go to you,” she muttered, looking to the side. Then she straightened, turning to stare back at Willow. “Hey, Red, you thinking of lifting the barrier anytime soon? Considering what Buffy’s told us, we should give Not-So-Blondie and his demon pals the chance to take a look at what’s left of the house.”</p><p>The witch was still staring at the two slayers. “Buffy…” she murmured. </p><p>“Seriously, Willow?” Buffy asked, sounding tired all of a sudden. “I get a super tan and suddenly you don’t recognise me anymore?”</p><p>At that moment, Dawn stepped forward, going to stand right in front of Buffy. No matter what she had done to her older sister, Spike’s chest hurt at the tears in her eyes.</p><p>“Buffy…” She moved her hands for a second, as if she wanted to hug her sister, but then stopped, clasping them in front of her. “I-I’m sorry.”</p><p>Her voice was so thin and small. </p><p>It was silent for a long moment, nobody talking, Spike not even breathing. Then Buffy exhaled slowly and wrapped Dawn in her arms. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it was impossible not to hear Dawn’s soft ‘I thought I’d lost you’, Buffy’s sweet ‘I’ve missed you’, their sniffs as they couldn’t hold back tears.</p><p>He tore his eyes away just in time to see real regret flash across Willow’s drawn features. She closed her eyes and muttered something in a long-dead language; a whooshing sound filled the air, Willow swayed in place, and then he knew that it was done.</p><p>Giles’s eyes never left him as he went to take his spot on Buffy’s left. He stared right back.</p><p>“Let me guess,” Azac said conversationally, walking up. “You would be Rupert Giles, Buffy’s Watcher.”</p><p>When several snorts and displeased grunts sounded behind them, Giles sent the crowd of Il’kat a perplexed stare.</p><p>“Yes,” Giles said at last, voice clipped. “I do not have the—pleasure of knowing your name, however. Of ever having even heard about your whole species, in fact,” he added, his suspicion plain.</p><p>Azac nodded, still cool as a fucking cucumber. “I'm Azac. And you don’t know of us because time and time again, we tried to work with your people only to receive massacres and betrayals instead.” They shrugged, the motion studiously casual. “My people learnt not to trust biased humans.”</p><p>Giles’s eyes narrowed, but Harris snorted. </p><p>When Spike narrowed his eyes at him, the boy had the decency to look embarrassed about his reaction, scratching his head. “Uh—well, it’s hard to think of that—demons good, watchers bad, uuh—hey,” he exclaimed, trying for cheerful, “are the streetlamps making things look weird or do you seriously have <em> freckles </em> to go with that tan, vamp-man?”</p><p>Spike grimaced, muttering about strangling blubbering humans.</p><p>“And you would be Xander,” Azac said, a tentative smile on their lips.</p><p>Harris looked taken aback, eyes darting to Buffy. “Uuh—”</p><p>“Buffy is very fond of you,” Azac said, something genuinely pleased in their expression. “She has told me a lot about her family. No matter what has happened between you, I am glad to be able to meet you.”</p><p>Harris looked chagrined and delighted all at once, which Spike thought fitting. But he couldn’t miss an opportunity to tease his favourite Smurf, so he slanted a glance at Azac. “You’re just giddy ’cause you get to see <em> two </em> slayers at once. Figure the whole army’s close to having a collective orgasm right about now.”</p><p>Azac rolled their eyes, and Spike smirked as he recognised Zalik’s snicker behind them.</p><p>Then he moved his attention back to the humans. The bastards had collected a sizable amount of wounds and bruises, and while he didn’t exactly delight in people’s pain anymore, he couldn’t deny a certain amount of satisfaction at seeing them get their comeuppance for what they had done to Buffy. This bunch of tossers deserved one hell of a reality check, possibly in the form of a kick in the teeth. If that was what they’d gotten, he couldn’t say he minded.</p><p>Still, it did tug at something in his chest to see the crowd was smaller than he remembered. And to see that the little redhead, Vi, was all bandaged up; that the skinny girl from Dawn’s school sported a limp and ugly bruises on her face; that the sardonic black girl’s arms were all covered in white bandages… bugger. He couldn’t help but feel for them even as he enjoyed their obvious regret, could he? Fucking soul.</p><p>Buffy and Dawn finally disengaged, and Spike smiled when he saw Buffy’s eyes, shiny with tears and joy. His woman deserved all the happiness in the world.</p><p>When Dawn stepped towards him, though, he froze.</p><p>She looked as uncomfortable as he felt. “Spike, I…” She huffed, rolled her eyes then fixed him with a fierce stare. “Thank you for going after her. You were—you were right.”</p><p>He swallowed when he saw that her eyes were still shiny. Then she launched herself at him, hugging him tightly before he could fully register what was happening, then stepping back. She stared at him as if challenging him to blame her.</p><p>He had no idea what was going on.</p><p>“Uh—right,” he said, swallowing again and nodding. “Yeah. Uh—thanks, Little Bi—Dawn.”</p><p>He thought he saw regret in her eyes for a moment when he botched the nickname. But there was no time to catch her when she stepped away, as he was suddenly painfully conscious of a couple dozen human and more than a hundred demon stares.</p><p>He tensed his jaw and turned to Buffy, whose gaze was the only one that mattered. She was giving him a proud smile that made him feel every bit the Champion she’d declared him.</p><p>“So does this mean Buffy’s back in charge?” </p><p>Everybody turned to look at Anya, who was wearing an uncomfortable frown. </p><p>“It just felt like something worth pointing out, you know,” she went on. “The proverbial elephant in the room, or, well, in the garden. And street in front of the garden.” She fidgeted, looking anywhere but at Buffy. “I’m just saying. She has a plan, we kick her out of her own house for that plan—then we get kicked in the ass for <em> our </em> plan. Meanwhile, she not only was right all along, she also has a prophetic weapon <em> and </em> a literal army. I’d say this puts her back in charge.”</p><p>Spike could hear the Il’kat start to whisper in their strange language, probably shocked at the news Buffy had been kicked out. Shame and discomfort was plain on everyone’s faces, even Faith and Dawn’s. But while Willow and Xander looked as guilty as they could be, Rupert was polishing his glasses with a frown, clearly uncomfortable with the prospect of admitting his own faults. </p><p>Finally, the Watcher managed to stop fidgeting and put the damn glasses back on. “I think I talk for all of us when I say that you were right, Buffy.”</p><p>Spike snorted, but the other man kept his eyes on the Slayer.</p><p>“And might I also add…” Giles looked at the Il’kat for a second, frowning in what was clearly embarrassment now. Then he exhaled and set his gaze back on Buffy. “I am sorry.”</p><p>Buffy just stared at him, looking serious and calm.</p><p>“We all are, Buffy,” Xander said, taking one step towards her. “We… messed up. Bad.”</p><p>Willow took a shuffling step forward too, nodding and looking miserable. “We did. Really bad with a side of terrible choices.”</p><p>Buffy stayed silent, looking at her friends. Spike wondered what she thought about all of this—about Anya letting the whole army know of her humiliation, about having had a mini breakdown with Dawn in plain sight, about her stupid friends doing this in front of everyone instead of choosing a more private venue. She didn’t show anything; she just stared at them for a long while, her gaze moving from one friend to the next, and then sweeping over the sea of helpless, hurt girls.</p><p>Finally, she took a deep breath and straightened her spine. “Thank you. I really appreciate that.” She looked at each of her friends, her Scoobies, including Dawn. “But I want to make something clear. This never happens again.”</p><p>Silence filled the space around them. She was ferocious in her determination, and finally in control again, and God, what he wouldn’t give to stride to her and kneel at her feet, show her and everyone else that he was hers, hers, hers.</p><p>“I’m the Slayer. I have the power. Faith, you have it too,” she added, looking at her, “but you haven’t been here, fighting the fight. You haven’t done anything close to what I’ve done. I’m here, ready to give anything to fight this war. And I’m gonna win it,” she continued, intense eyes moving from one human to the next. “No matter what you think of me, <em> I </em> will lead us to victory. Not because I’m better than you, but because I’m the one who has been leading this fight ever since I was Called. I’m the one who has been ready to sacrifice everything, again and again, ever since then. I need your help, and your friendship, yes. But if you don’t want to give it? If you don’t want to follow me?” Her eyes hardened. “ <em> You </em> leave. <em> You </em> leave my house, not the other way around.”</p><p>Spike grinned in pride, and not a small bit of arousal.</p><p>“I would and will do anything to save this world, to save us all. But if you don’t want to follow my lead, don’t ever try to kick me out again. You are welcome to leave at any time.”</p><p>He managed to hold back and stay still, if barely, and was still seeing only her when her features softened.</p><p>“That said… I hope nobody does. I—I don’t want you to. I may be the Slayer, and I might have an army right now”—the Il’kat called out their approval, making her grin at them for a moment before she looked back at her humans—“but I do need your help. And most of all, I <em> want </em> your help. All of you.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry if I’ve made it look like I don’t care in the past, like I don’t care about you. The truth is… well, I’ve been so busy with this war that I was unable to stop and get close to the people I was fighting it for.” </p><p>She stopped talking for a moment then, eyes going down. Then she took another deep breath and looked up again, as powerful then as she ever was in any fight.</p><p>“I’m sorry for that. I can’t swear it won’t ever happen again, but I’ll do my best to be the leader we need. Because <em> we </em> are going to win this. Together. The First tried to divide us, and I’m sure it thought it had succeeded; but together we’re stronger than that, stronger than its stupid plans, stronger than any of its ugly über-vamps. We’re gonna kick its ass, and it’s gonna wish it never stepped foot on our town.”</p><p>When the Il’kat cheered again, more loudly than before, Spike couldn’t help but join them. Buffy gave a half-grin, while the humans in front of them fell somewhere between scared and uneasy to cautiously amused.</p><p>Xander finally took a step forward, and then another, until he was in front of Buffy. Spike could see his cheeks were flushed, and his good eye looked shiny in the streetlight. “You’re right, Buffy. This… this never happens again. And… we can win this, together.”</p><p>Buffy looked so relieved, Spike thought his heart would crack. And when Willow and Giles stepped up with their own tentative, apologetic smiles, her relief only magnified. Maybe none of them deserved Buffy’s respect and love, but considering that he knew all too well the same could be said about him, he couldn’t complain.</p><p>This didn’t mean he would ever stop nagging them about having been stupid enough to kick their literal saviour out on her ass.</p><p>For now, he just shut up and enjoyed the sight of a happy Buffy, back at home, back among the people she loved the most. And when she sent him a radiant smile, his heart melted at the knowledge that he was one of them.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>After what had felt like the most terrifying and yet most liberating speech of Buffy’s life, things had gotten more hectic. While all she wanted was more alone time with her friends, there was an entire army of demons to settle, plus a minor-sized army of potentials to assess for injuries. It turned out that a few Il’kat mages knew enough about human anatomy to help the wounded, and so Buffy supervised each healing spell, along with Willow, who kept questioning the blue demons even as she yawned and rubbed her eyes. Buffy could see the uncertainty about the demons in the girls’ eyes, and she didn’t want to look uninterested and aloof all over again.</p><p>When that was finally done, Buffy told Willow and the Il’kat leaders that tomorrow she wanted them to start working on a protective spell for the amulet. There was no way she was going to risk Spike, not without doing everything in her power to make sure he would get to the other side of this. </p><p>A kernel of fear had lit up in her chest the moment Azac had mentioned the possibility of the amulet harming its wearer, and now that her big speech was finally done, it only grew larger. What did they know about this thing, really? She didn’t care that Spike was willing to take the risk for the mission; she wasn’t sure <em> she </em> was. The mere possibility that Spike might be the one dying to save the world this time turned her guts to lead. Outside of ruining the mission, she would do anything to stop it from happening.</p><p>Still, she felt Giles’s stare on her neck as she made her order, but she ignored it; she wasn’t going to explain herself to him. Not about this, not anymore. He had made his stance clear, but Buffy knew he wouldn’t try what happened with Wood again; not after Spike had been the only one to stand by her, proving his loyalty in helping her retrieve the Scythe, not to mention her own army. </p><p>That was when she finally managed to herd the last lingering potentials back into the house. Azac and Zalik had managed to exchange a few words with the handful of girls who weren’t wounded, and Buffy couldn’t help but smile at the mix of unease and curiosity the girls displayed, whispering about the strange blue demons as they rushed to their sleeping bags. It wasn’t too far from her own first reaction to Azac and now it was endearing.</p><p>When she was sure every girl was safely inside, she took a deep breath as she stood in the foyer, wondering whether she felt more happy or terrified at the prospect of finding the Scoobies. She’d missed them so much, and she was glad to finally talk to them, especially after their public apology, but… well. Now came the time for a private chat. Now came the time to see whether their reaction had been genuine, or mostly a temporary consequence to being worried about never seeing her again.</p><p>She was sending a wistful look up the stairs when a hand touched her arm. She jumped and whirled around, only to smile sheepishly when she met Spike’s amused glance. “You could warn a girl.”</p><p>He smirked, keeping his hand on her arm for a moment more before taking a small step back. “Thought you had vamp-sensing abilities, pet, big strong Slayer as you are.”</p><p>She huffed, missing his contact already. “Shut up, Spike.” His soft laugh made her give up her fight against a smile. “So…”</p><p>“Scoobies are waiting for you on the back porch,” he said, nodding towards the kitchen. “Giles made tea for all. Very mother hen of him.”</p><p>She bit her lip, glancing towards the kitchen. Then she straightened her shoulders and started walking. She had waited for this for two full months; she was as ready as she could ever be.</p><p>Granted, that feeling faded as soon as she stepped on the porch and everyone turned to stare. But she stood her ground, shifting a bit so Spike could stand at her side.</p><p><em> Just where he belongs</em>, she thought briefly, warmly, before giving her friends her full attention. </p><p>Xander was leaning on the porch rail with Anya sitting on it next to him. Willow was sitting down on the first step, turned sideways, while Dawn shuffled next to Buffy, an uncertain smile on her face. </p><p>Giles was the first to talk, clearing his throat as he took a filled mug from the little table and offered it to her. “Tea?”</p><p>Buffy smiled. Leave it to her watcher to try and use tea as a peace offering. “Yeah,” she said, taking the hot mug.</p><p>“Any for me too?” Spike asked, tone studiously casual.</p><p>Giles’s expression froze for a moment, but then he exhaled softly and nodded once. “Of course.”</p><p>Then it was silent again, everyone exchanging glances before looking away.</p><p>“Well, this is useful and interesting,” Anya said, voice as matter-of-fact as ever. The others glared at her. “What? We said our apologies, did the whole ‘we believe in the fight’ thing… what’s the point of this late-hour meeting? Some of us would like to sleep.”</p><p>Buffy grinned. As annoying as Anya could be, it still felt normal, and Buffy was realising just how much she’d missed it. “You didn’t, actually,” she said casually, looking at Anya. “Apologise.”</p><p>“Well—I—” she stammered, looking like she half-expected Buffy to attack her. Then she huffed. “I… might have gone too far. And in that case… I’m sorry,” she forced out, “if I did.”</p><p>Buffy nodded, looking at her and then at Xander, who seemed torn between exasperation and pride at his ex’s efforts. “Azac thinks it could’ve been the First’s influence, you know.”</p><p>For a moment she half-expected them to tell her she was bonkers. But then she felt Spike’s supporting gaze, and she thought of what he’d said, about how much they all loved each other. So she took a deep breath and continued.</p><p>“As hard as this year has been, as much as I’ve forced myself to distance myself from… you… and my own emotions,” she managed to say, “I still think getting kicked out of my own home and betrayed by my friends and family might have needed actual demonic intervention.”</p><p>Everybody looked stricken at that, even Anya. Buffy felt the pressing need to take back every word, to rush inside and pretend she hadn’t said anything. It felt like baring a wound, like they’d pounce on it to hurt her more. She took a long sip of her tea instead, wishing Spike was touching her, and stood exactly were she was.</p><p>“It’s a possibility,” she said when the silence continued. “We don’t know how the Hellmouth’s energies messed with our brains.”</p><p>“Well,” Willow said, “it… it could be.” She frowned, looking down at her own mug. “I don’t… I don’t feel anything. But if it were something subtle, added very slowly, layer by layer, day after day… it could be.”</p><p>Buffy felt a heavy, heavy weight leave her shoulders at her best friend taking her theory seriously. And when Giles nodded slowly, looking pensively into the distance, more of that weight lifted. </p><p>“Yes,” he said slowly. “It is a possibility.”</p><p>She couldn’t help a small smile, even as she tried to hide it in her tea. When she saw Spike’s own satisfied grin, a little thrill of pleasure went through her.</p><p>“Wowza,” Xander said, looking a little dejected. “And here I was, thinking that at least our thoughts could be our own.”</p><p>“It wouldn’t have to be as crass as mind control or a mental invasion,” Giles said, waving his free hand. “It would just need to be a constant nudge in the wrong direction, aided by the visions and, well, everything else about this wretched year.”</p><p>“The home invasion doesn’t exactly help anyone either,” Dawn murmured. When everybody either chuckled or snorted, her sister smiled in obvious pride, warming Buffy’s heart.</p><p>“I’ve missed you guys,” she said suddenly. She looked down when they sent her surprised looks, and fidgeted with her cup. “I know it hasn’t been long for you, but…”</p><p>“It felt long,” admitted Willow, her voice small. “We—well, you were gone, and Caleb came here right after Faith and the potentials got back,” she said in a rush, “and it was terrifying, him and the über-vamps, and everyone was so hurt already, and a few hadn’t made it—” she stopped for a moment, taking a trembling breath as her eyes filled. “And I needed to do something, to protect us, but I was <em> terrified</em>—and all along, I just kept thinking, ‘What have we done? Where is she? Will I ever—’” She stopped all of a sudden, head bowed.</p><p>Buffy’s heart constricted as she realised all over again that sixteen hours really <em> was </em> a long time. </p><p>Willow took another shaky breath and raised her head, her cheeks wet. “We didn’t say it out loud, but we were all thinking it. All terrified…”</p><p>“That you were gone,” whispered Dawn. Buffy turned to see her crying, too, silent tears on her cheeks.</p><p>“And the last conversation we had had with you,” said Giles with a tight voice, “would have been…”</p><p>“A bunch of shit,” concluded Xander. His eye was shiny, and he was wringing his hands. “Yeah. Not a great day, all in all.”</p><p>Buffy had to blink back her own tears. She wanted to hug them all, each and every one, first one by one and then all together. The image of Giles and Anya and Spike joining in on one big Scooby hugfest made her smile, and she had to force back a giggle.</p><p>“I love you guys,” she said instead, her own voice tight and full. “Even though we screw up spectacularly when we put our minds to it.”</p><p>Snorts and snickers followed her words, together with a few sniffles, and she dabbed at her own eyes. When she glanced at Spike, his eyes were so soft that she wondered whether he might end up loving the Scoobies too, if only for how full they made her heart.</p><p>Then she looked at her friends again—her family—and once again noticed how tired and strained they all looked. While she’d had two full months to rest and recuperate, inside and out, they had only had stress and fear and battle. </p><p>“I think we should call it a night,” she said, smiling at them. “Tomorrow we need to be on top of our game. We need to think of a strategy for our attack, and to see what we can discover about the magic amulet Angel gave me.” She explained their encounter briefly, omitting the whole jealousy and her own mixed feelings, and by the end everyone was staring at the thing shining on Spike’s chest.</p><p>“And here I thought that was just another fashion choice, along with the tan, the freckles, and the curls,” Xander said.</p><p>Spike snorted. “As if I’d wear something this gaudy by choice.”</p><p>“Yeah, because your normal style of jewellery is <em> so </em> subdued,” Dawn said with a sly grin.</p><p>“Oi!” he protested, but he didn’t manage to look even remotely annoyed. He looked like he was wrapped around her little finger again.</p><p><em> My big softie</em>, she thought fondly.</p><p>“Do you really think it can be useful, Buffy?” Willow asked, looking at the amulet as if she wanted to get her hands on it immediately, bags under her eyes or not.</p><p>“The Il’kat think so,” she said, eyeing it distrustfully. “But I’m not risking Spike’s life over it.”</p><p>Spike’s voice softened. “Already told you I’m willing to take the risk, love,” he said. “You know I don’t wanna die, but it’s like you told me: sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, no matter how much it sucks. This is your fight, and I’m going to be right there beside you.”</p><p>As Buffy looked at him, at his face full of confidence and trust and love, she found herself opening her mouth to say <em> I love you</em>. Because damn, she did, didn’t she? It was like an utterly anticlimactic revelation. She had known for a while now, and the words almost tumbling out felt at once like a novelty and a well-known truth. And after being ruled by this irrational fear that the words would hurt her or what they had, it felt <em> incredible </em> to be past it, one second away from uttering them with nothing but peace.</p><p>What the hell had she been scared of, anyway? This vampire, this <em> man</em>, with his unwavering loyalty, his life-changing love, and now his fierce acceptance of his new role of hero… she was utterly in love with him. It didn’t make any sense to fear the words, not when he had shown again and again how he was ready to do anything in order to be better, in order to love her better. And now she could only feel that same urge, her lips tingling with the need to say the words that she knew meant so much to him.</p><p>But she closed her mouth again, biting them back. He had been waiting for them for so long, there was no way she would share that moment with anyone else. This was for just the two of them.</p><p>Of course, going by the look in his eyes, he could probably read it all over her face, and so could everyone else. But she didn’t care. It wasn’t about keeping her love a secret; it was about sharing the words with only him, this first time. </p><p>She smiled widely, eyes fixed on him. “I trust the Il’kat, and most importantly, I trust Willow. You’re not going anywhere, vamp, you’re stuck with me—with us.”</p><p>His eyes were radiant. And dammit, why were there still other people around? Why couldn’t they all just disappear?</p><p>Giles broke the moment, clearing his throat gently. “I assume you’ll want to sleep in your room, Buffy.”</p><p>With a struggle, she managed to take her eyes off Spike. “Yeah. Yes—and please tell me it’s empty.”</p><p>“I-I guess I can make the potentials move somewhere else,” Willow offered.</p><p>“Yes, thank you.” <em> No way am I sharing my room with someone other than Spike. </em></p><p>“The cot in the basement—” Giles started again.</p><p>“Won’t be necessary,” Buffy interrupted, inhaling deeply before she took Spike’s hand in hers. “Not for Spike, at least.”</p><p>Silence fell, except for Dawn’s soft inhale. She spared a glance at Spike, and what she saw in his eyes made all the discomfort of this stupid declaration worth it. It was the same gaze he had shown her time and time again, like he couldn’t believe that she was his, that he was hers; like she was more beautiful than Yltra’s sky and more powerful than all the Il’kat fighters put together. She smiled at him, her heart full.</p><p>The silence was finally broken by Anya’s not-so-quiet whisper. “Figures. We get the day from hell, she gets a two-month vacation with hot vampire sex.”</p><p>Something dark and dangerous curled into Buffy’s gut as her gaze snapped back to the other woman. Suddenly, she was reminded that Anya knew exactly what said hot vampire sex felt like. She tightened her jaw, her free hand clenching into a fist against her will—but then Spike was squeezing her other hand, tugging it gently towards him. Spike’s soft look of regretful caution managed to unravel the murderous knot building in her insides.</p><p>When she had recovered enough to look back, Xander was bending down to whisper something in Anya’s ear. </p><p>The blonde sighed and crossed her arms more tightly. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just the stress of constant near-death that makes me cranky and—I’m sorry.”</p><p>Buffy looked at her, wondering how honest she was being. She would never consider Anya her best friend, but she was sure the ex-demon didn’t hate her, nor had she known about Spike and Buffy last year. So she took a deep breath and tried for a calm voice. </p><p>“I’m sorry about everything you’ve gone through since we disappeared. It wasn’t easy for me to get used to the idea that we couldn’t come back any faster… but I had to, eventually. We went as quickly as we could.” <em> Except for that one time or two when we could’ve kept walking instead of, you know, having half a day of sex or a full-city party. </em> She ignored the guilty voice as best she could. “And now we’re here, and we’re more ready than ever to fight.”</p><p>When Anya looked properly chastised, Buffy let herself glance at the others. Xander was staring at her hand in Spike’s like it personally offended him; Willow’s wide eyes showed how she didn’t really understand but wanted to support her; Dawn’s expression was torn between pleased and worried. When she saw Giles’s cautious gaze, she pursed her lips.</p><p>“Buffy, are you sure—”</p><p>“Giles, sorry if I’m blunt, but you don’t get to ask me that.”</p><p>His mouth clamped shut and his lips thinned.</p><p>“You lost that right when you tried to get my ally and friend <em> killed </em> behind my back,” she said, feeling a fist clench around her heart again.</p><p>Giles’s cheeks reddened the slightest bit, but he didn’t apologise, staying still under her scrutiny. </p><p>She squeezed Spike’s hand, wondering how exactly he was managing to keep his mouth shut. Not that she was complaining, but she’d hate for him to explode at the worst possible moment. For now, she’d certainly seize the quiet.</p><p>“Guys,” she said, looking at each of them in the eyes, “I love you. You’re my best friends—my family,” she added, looking at Dawn and then at Giles. The pain and regret on his face made the hand around her heart unclench a little bit. “And that means that… I want to share things with you. I want to tell you all about what—who makes me happy.” She glanced at Spike for a moment, the hand letting go some more at the fire in his eyes. “And I will, as soon as we’re out of this. I—I’d love to,” she added, realising just how true the words were.</p><p>How lovely would it be to chat with Willow over ice cream about how Spike made her see stars? How great to hear Xander idly threatening Spike to ‘better make her happy or else’? How heartwarming to think of Dawn roping the both of them into a Harry Potter movie marathon, or Giles asking him for help with a translation?</p><p>She blinked rapidly, trying to keep the prickling in her eyes at bay. Those were all lovely fantasies, and maybe one day they would come true, but for now she was stuck with reality.</p><p>“But what it doesn’t mean is that I owe you an explanation, or that I need you to tell me what to do to be happy.”</p><p>She swept her eyes over them, trying to convey that she wasn’t trying to provoke anything. She was just sick and tired of feeling like her friends would judge her, sick and tired of worrying about their reactions instead of being excited about sharing something important to her.</p><p>Going by their expressions, the message was loud and clear. Dawn blushed and looked down, Willow had her understanding puppy eyes on, and even Xander was acting sheepish and awkward, next to a vaguely disinterested Anya. But it was Giles’s nod that let her finally breathe easily again.</p><p>And then Dawn reached out to touch her free hand gently. “Buffy, I…” she started, looking lost for a moment. Then she smiled. “I’m just happy if you’re happy.” </p><p>When she smiled at Spike too, Buffy’s chest warmed; she knew how much this meant to her vampire, and she couldn’t wait for the moment when Dawnie could get back to her usual semi-crush on him.</p><p>Not that she’d encourage any crushing on her boyfriend, but, well… a healthy dose of admiration and sisterly love was more than welcome.</p><p>“Yes, well,” said Giles, looking extremely bothered as he fiddled with his mug. “I believe that holds true for all of us, and… I’m sorry if I acted rashly.”</p><p>Buffy smiled, ignoring Spike’s snort. In fact, she had to hold back the urge to hug her watcher; that was as close to an apology as she figured she would get, considering the circumstances. But as much as she wanted to end this conversation with a group hug, something that felt like the old times, a picture-perfect moment… everything was still too raw. </p><p>So she just nodded and thanked Willow when she rose to start booting the potentials from Buffy’s room. Then, after a last smile to her friends, she tugged Spike inside the kitchen.</p><p>“Do you need blood?” she asked.</p><p>He shook his head, still silent. All of a sudden, it felt like too <em> much </em>silence. Yes, he was smiling, and he had that shiny look in his eyes, and he was threading his fingers with hers, but when had he ever shut up for so long—</p><p>“You, love, are the most magnificent creature on this planet.”</p><p>She huffed out a little chuckle at that. So she hadn’t accidentally broken her vampire; good.</p><p>“Not kidding,” he said, raising his free hand toward her face. “Definitely the best woman in all universes.”</p><p>His fingers stopped an inch from her face as he suddenly looked uncertain. She took his hand in hers and pressed it to her cheek before he could move it back.</p><p>Spike’s eyes grew wide as Buffy nuzzled his palm, basking in the simple contact. She knew what he was thinking; knew that he had probably expected her to make all displays of affection very much of the non-public. Hell, he probably wouldn’t have been surprised if she had joined him on the cot in the basement in secret. And it wasn’t like she was ready to kiss or hold him in front of everyone; just the thought of the potentials gossiping made her want to slap them into tomorrow. But she wasn’t going to deny him casual intimacies just because they didn’t have any privacy anymore. She wasn’t going to deny that to either of them.</p><p>So she closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying his cool skin, before pressing a kiss to his palm and lowering his hand.</p><p>“Come to bed?” she whispered.</p><p>His hand squeezed hers as if it was the only thing keeping him upright. “Yes,” he croaked out.</p><p>His hoarse voice reached something inside of her, making the barely inked skin of her chest fizzle with gentle pleasure. She squeezed his hand back and led him to the stairs, retrieving their bags and ignoring the soft whispers she already heard from the potentials scattered around the living room in their sleeping bags.</p><p>She could pretend not to hear them; she didn’t care. She had much, much better things to think about.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In case it wasn’t obvious, I was going for assertive Buffy without any Scooby bashing… hope it worked out for you. And hey, did anyone mention LOVE? Hope my beta and I can get you the next chapter soon. &gt;:)</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. XVII</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Buffy finally welcomes Spike in her own bed.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Did you know that Bookishy makes everything she touches better? It’s like Mida’s hand, except actually good. Thank you, my friend, also for being patient with my this-chapter-suuucks feels. I’m so damn lucky.</p><p>And I’m so lucky to have YOU, wonderful readers. I cherish your attention.</p><p>Now on to a chapter I hope y’all will like. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spike knew this wasn’t a dream, he did, but entering her bedroom still felt surreal. Standing there alone while she went to take a shower even more so.</p><p>He didn’t know what to do with himself. Should he strip and lie down? A part of him longed to have her do it for him, get him naked and welcome him into her bed and body, love him before letting him fall asleep in her arms.</p><p>But then, why should that feel any more significant than everything they’d shared on Yltra? He was being a ponce, seeing meaning where there was none. And yet, every time he looked at her bed it felt like an unexplored intimacy, something new and precious, just like her cuddle in the kitchen a few minutes ago.</p><p>“Still reeling, that’s all,” he muttered, looking around.</p><p>So many trinkets and possessions, his Slayer had, so many things that screamed ‘Valley girl’, but with the occasional stake or cross too. He smiled at a picture on her vanity: bitty Buffy and Dawn making faces at each other, hands and cheeks smeared with paint. He still couldn't believe Dawn had hugged him, or even gifted him with that blinding smile after her declaration that Buffy's happiness was all that mattered to her. After months of only showing him little more than indifference, or at times even contempt, these moments had been unexpected shafts of sunlight in the dark, burning bright and surprising him to the core.</p><p>Yeah, he was definitely still reeling.</p><p>He briefly wondered whether Buffy would want him to shower, too, before going to bed. He would have loved to join her, but he had been a good vampire and stayed behind, letting her have her moment. And now here he was, feeling like there was a ticking bomb inside him, just waiting for him to make the wrong move, assume the wrong thing, and blow this whole thing up in his own face.</p><p>He sighed, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. What an utter, inconceivable <em> prat </em> he was. What was wrong with him? What more did Buffy have to do to show him that she wouldn’t kick him out for a brief fuck-up? Let alone an <em> imagined </em> one.</p><p>He rubbed his face tiredly and eyed the unmade bed with its rumpled sheets. For a moment, he imagined one or two of the potentials lying there, before Willow had shooed them away… the thought lit a small fire of anger in his chest. Those ungrateful arseholes, taking for granted that Buffy would stay out, replacing her in her own damn bed already…</p><p>He strode to the bed and ripped the sheets off, crumpling them into one ball and tossing them away, until the bed was all bare and ready for new sheets and—</p><p>He rubbed his hand on his face again, exasperated. How the bleeding hell was he supposed to know where the Slayer kept clean sheets? He considered asking Willow, but the witch had looked exhausted enough to fall asleep the instant she got horizontal; after Buffy’s steps towards peace and unity with her friends, he didn’t wanna go and ruin it all just to fix his own mess. </p><p>He sighed as he sat on the mattress, leaning his arms on his thighs and staring absently at the ball of sheets. A few moments later the bathroom door opened, and then there she was: all shiny and clean, skin flushed from the hot shower, hair wet, clad only in a long white towel, and God, she was gorgeous.</p><p>Gorgeous, and staring at the bare mattress.</p><p>“I can explain,” he said.</p><p>She raised her eyebrows, leaning against the doorframe, the door still open behind her.</p><p>“See, bed wasn’t made, so I assumed the potentials had been there already, and like hell you’d sleep in used sheets, yeah? So I took them off, but then I, uhm…” He cleared his throat, her widening grin making him feel increasingly dumb. </p><p>“Didn’t know where clean sheets were?”</p><p>He nodded helplessly.</p><p>She chuckled. “The bed was unmade because I’m not always Ms. Clean Everything Up. The potentials were using sleeping bags on the ground.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Vampires did not blush, but his cheeks felt too warm for his tastes.</p><p>“Silly vamp,” she said, laughter still in her voice as she stood straight. “Let me take the sheets, but you make the bed, mister.”</p><p>“Yes, Mistress,” he said. It was his turn to smirk when she looked all coy at that.</p><p>A minute later they were making her bed together, and Spike hadn’t known he could ever be so happy about something so mundane. There his love was, dressed only in a towel, eyes tired but content as she fixed sheets on a bed they’d sleep in together. As if they always shared domestic intimacies, as if this were <em> their </em> bed, as if they lived together and were just taking care of an everyday chore. Together.</p><p>The domesticity he had shared with Dru—if you could call bringing each other victims, waking up to each other in beds that weren’t theirs, and going on moonlit dates that were as bloody as they were romantic <em> domesticity</em>—had never involved something this simple; he’d never shared anything like this with anyone, let alone <em> Buffy</em>. Something so common and insignificant, and yet it felt monumental, showing just how casually she accepted him in her life. </p><p>When they were done, he stared at her from the other side of the bed, at her soft smile, and for a moment, he thought he <em> was </em>dreaming.</p><p>Then she was moving to his side, raising on tiptoes to kiss his lips lightly before inhaling deeply. “You know, I think I can still smell Yltra on you.”</p><p>He chuckled, raising a hand to cup her face. “Want me to take a shower too, pet?”</p><p>She nodded, turning to kiss his fingertips. “But not because of that. It’s sweet. Mostly because of all the vamp dust,” she said with a little grimace.</p><p>God, he was so whipped even her grimaces were the cutest things in the world. “Plus, clean sheets?”</p><p>“Plus, clean sheets,” she confirmed. Then she kissed him again, and again. “Plus, I want to kiss you all over,” she whispered against his lips.</p><p>Her husky voice made him shiver, the memory of her tongue following the lines of ink on his chest sending a rush of pleasure to his lower belly.</p><p>“Yeah, all right,” he panted.</p><p>Her delighted grin was warmer than Yltra’s sunlight.</p><p>He took a shower as quickly as he could and then practically skipped back through the bathroom door—only to stop breathing as he saw her, lying naked on top of the clean sheets, arms raised above her head so her hands could gently fist the bed frame, thighs widening slightly under his gaze. He’d had so many fantasies about her in this room, this bed, but she managed to beat them all with one look of her shining, beckoning eyes.</p><p>“Fuck,” he breathed.</p><p>“Yes, please,” she whispered, shifting her legs wider still.</p><p>He gave a hoarse laugh and flicked the towel away, and then he was crawling on the bed, her bed, Buffy Summers’s bed, and God, his insides were such a jumble of nerves and lust and so much fucking happiness he was damn glad his soul hadn’t been cursed into him.</p><p>Buffy kept looking at him with fiery eyes, the fading lines of her tattoo starting to squirm on her chest in that familiar mesmerising pattern, her legs widening to welcome him between them. When he settled above her she arched up, body pressing against his, making his skin feel too tight with pleasure.</p><p>“Buffy,” he murmured, lips hovering over hers.</p><p>She beamed up at him, then surged to kiss him, all clinging legs and throaty moans. He groaned, slanting his mouth on hers so he could explore every inch of her all over again, one hand sliding up her arm to curl his fingers around hers, clinging to the bed frame. Their bodies moved in waves as they held each other tight, tighter, until his eyes rolled up under his lids when his cock ground against her hot, hot cunt.</p><p>“Buffy,” he whispered as she gasped, mapping her face with kisses. “Buffy, Buffy, Buffy—mmh,” he hummed as she kissed him again, so hungry for him he could feel her need in every brush of skin.</p><p>“Mrn,” she moaned against his lips, murmuring his name in between kisses. </p><p>He smiled, their mouths still fused together. And he felt her smile too when his hands slid down to her breasts, his fingers sweeping against one of her nipples while his nails scraped on her inked skin. He bit his lip as he pinched both buds, pink and stiff in his hands, their roughness against her soft breasts sending his belly muscles into a small spasm.</p><p>She gasped, her arms locking around his shoulders as she thrust up hard, eyes boring into him.</p><p>“My goddess,” he whispered, thrusting harder against her, her whimpers making his cock twitch as it dragged against her dampening folds. He couldn’t close his eyes, couldn’t stop looking at her, at her hair fanning over her pillows, at his hands on her tan skin. “My sunshine, my hero, my love…”</p><p>“Spike,” she panted, grasping his hair and one of his arse cheeks, pulling him down to devour his mouth again.</p><p>The sight of her on her bed, hungry for him, was like a rush of lightning, launching his body into overdrive. He thrust harder, faster, feeling every inch of his body tingling as he tumbled almost to the brink in just a handful of seconds. He stilled against her, cock and balls nestled tightly between them as they twitched and ached for release already, and she let him go with a small cry, panting up at him.</p><p>A moment later she was rolling them, grinding down hard. She hovered over him, legs cradling his torso tight, so tight, her belly rubbing against his, making his tattoo flare in subdued sizzles. He stared up at her, enraptured by the heat of her cheeks and the delicious slant of her open lips, her wet quim rubbing against his cock hard enough to hurt. </p><p>When she dragged his hands upwards to curl his fingers around her bed’s iron frame, he gasped, unable to stop a thrust up. “Please, Buffy,” he begged, panting helplessly as he tried to stave off his orgasm. “I need a moment—just a moment—”</p><p>Buffy leaned down, her hair draping unevenly on either side of their heads, and the flare in her eyes had him trembling all over. Fuck, her gaze was too intense, too close, too <em> loving</em>—fuckfuckfuck!</p><p>“Please,” he breathed.</p><p>She smiled, the joy in her face making him thrust up again in desperation. Then she shifted, one hand sliding down his arm, his chest, until she was squeezing his base, guiding him inside, and <em> fuck</em>.</p><p>“Buffy,” he moaned, the sound low and plaintive, his eyes rolling back at the tight, hot grip of her.</p><p>“Spike,” she whispered, clenching hard around him, making him squeeze his eyes shut. “Look at me.”</p><p>She started a shallow motion, more tight clutch and shimmying grind than real thrust, pushing him closer still to the edge. His eyes opened and he let go of the iron with one hand so he could squeeze one of her bouncing tits, then follow the writhing ink down to her hip. He stared at every bit of her sweaty skin, at his drenched cock disappearing between her plump lips again and again, his other hand still holding the bed frame. Fuck, they were making desperate love <em> in her bed</em>.</p><p>“Spike, look at me,” she said again. </p><p>It was her voice that made him look up, away from the vision of her cunt spreading around his thick shaft. Her voice was so full of awe, and so were her eyes. It didn’t make any sense, why would <em> she </em> look at <em> him </em> with awe, it was the other way around, it always was— </p><p>“Spike,” she repeated, warm, warm eyes on his. “I love you.”</p><p>That was it. Clutching at her and the iron, he moaned so loudly he didn’t know he wasn’t right-out yelling, and came as hard as he remembered ever coming. And all throughout, Buffy clenched and clenched around him, riding his orgasm with circling hips, her fingernails digging into his tingling chest, her eyes drinking up the sight of him losing control.</p><p>“I love you,” she murmured, bending until her lips were one breath away from his, and God, he was still coming. “I love you, Spike.”</p><p>It only pushed him harder, higher. He whimpered when she kissed him, his hand leaving the iron so he could wrap it in her hair. He didn’t even know if he was still coming or not, he just knew his body ached in blistering pleasure and he never wanted this to end. It didn’t feel like coming down when she was still tight around him, when her fingers were still scraping his nipple, when she was still moaning in his mouth. It didn’t feel like coming down when she was still panting against his lips, her legs holding him tight inside the cocoon of her body, her words ringing through his mind, his soul, his every limb.</p><p>But even that bliss ended, until he moaned in pain and she relaxed her muscles—but Buffy kept him inside her, warmed and wet and welcome. Then she leaned back a small fraction, looking at him with wide, happy eyes, her tattoo squirming on her chest.</p><p>“Fuck,” he rasped. His brain was dead and he couldn’t think, only thrum in giddy joy. Yeah, he’d known, had felt it for a while now; but to hear her say the words as she brought him to a spectacular orgasm… </p><p>Thankfully, she understood. She gave the cutest little giggle, with the cutest little coy look, and well, of course he leaned up to kiss her again, and again, and again.</p><p>A small voice in his head tried mentioning that this was just because of the impending apocalypse, that if it weren’t for tomorrow’s war on literal evil, Buffy would’ve kept the words to herself. But how could he listen to it, when she looked so radiant, like a heavy weight had finally left her shoulders? How could he think any of that, when she’d given him this exact look back on the porch, in front of her Scoobies?</p><p>So he ignored the stupid voice, basking in his lady’s love instead. She knew he didn’t mind waiting; if she felt ready for the words now, he wasn’t going to doubt her.</p><p>“I love you,” he whispered instead between kisses, smiling so much he had trouble keeping up the kiss. “I love you, I love you…”</p><p>She laughed again, shifting to hide her face in his neck. He just held her tighter.</p><p>“Tell me again?” he whispered in her hair, half-expecting her to say no, to tell him he shouldn’t be clingy, to—</p><p>“I love you,” she murmured against his skin, sending shivers dancing down his body to his spent cock, making it twitch weakly inside her. Her lips stretched into a smile against his neck.</p><p>“Again,” he said, thrilled.</p><p>“I love you, you sweet sap.” And then she was surging up again and looking down at him, all sweaty body, flushed skin, and happy, happy eyes.</p><p>“Again,” he said, his hands sliding to her hips as he felt his cock start filling again.</p><p>She laughed some more, bracing herself on his belly. Her hands slid down, until her thumbs were gently stroking the tips of his tattoo, and fuck if that gentle touch didn’t send more blood rushing into his cock. “I love you, Spike.”</p><p>He moaned, bending his legs so she could lean back against them, spread herself to his gaze. He wanted to spend his life doing nothing but worshiping every inch of her: the bruised, pulsing bite mark on her neck, the glazed look in her eyes, her parted mouth panting hot breaths, the wetness on her inner thighs and his cock buried inside her. He wanted to worship everything.</p><p>They both started thrusting again, shallowly enough that his thickening length wouldn’t slip away</p><p>“Never gonna stop wanting to hear that,” he panted, thumbs stroking her skin, his left spreading some of her wetness to the writhing ink on her mons.</p><p>She bit her lip, grinding more on every down-stroke, looking at him like she’d eat him alive.</p><p>Not that he would complain. His whole body warmed at the sight, his cock turning rock-hard. He thrust up hard enough to make her bounce, her breasts looking fucking delicious with the motion.</p><p>“Play with your tits, love,” he rasped, his hands gripping harder, moving her up and down and dragging just the way he knew she liked.</p><p>She gasped, then nodded helplessly, her hands stroking up her body to pinch and fondle and squeeze. He had to force his eyes not to cross at the desperate pleasure building in her eyes.</p><p>“My baby hasn’t come yet,” he purred, bracing his legs so he could push her down more ruthlessly, until she whimpered every time her clit rubbed his tense belly. “That was fucking amazing, pet. Your hunger, your kisses, your cunt, all tight and hot and clenching around me…” She squeezed her eyes shut, leaning her head back, her body tensing as she chased the pleasure, loving his every word. “But you shouldn’t’ve told me yet.”</p><p>She snapped her eyes wide open, but he surged up to kiss her before she could worry.</p><p>The change in position made her keen in pleasure, and he kissed her so hard she was panting heavily when she leaned back to breathe.</p><p>“Spike—”</p><p>“We’ve got a war to plan tomorrow,” he whispered hotly, never stopping his pummelling, eyes fixed on her open mouth, his own body rushing closer to another orgasm. “You should’ve waited—because now I’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t be walking straight for days.”</p><p>“Oh, fuck,” she moaned, head rolling back.</p><p>He chuckled as he clutched her closer, nuzzling her throat and neck, the still-bruised skin of his bite. “And then I’m gonna make love to you until you’re a boneless, mindless heap of pleased Slayer on your sweet bed,” he murmured, shivering when she trembled. He bit at the sensitive skin, his blunt teeth harsh. “And then I’m gonna turn you over and fuck you senseless into your mattress again.”</p><p>Desperation was making art of her features. It forced the demon out of him, making it impossible not to bite her—and when he did, she moaned so loudly he wondered how anyone could stay asleep through it. Just the thought of everyone in the house knowing he was making love to Buffy Summers had him coming too, pummelling her as she clung to him, her moan turning to whimpers and pants.</p><p>He hardly took any blood at all, content to simply sink his fangs into her just as his cock speared her again and again. When she did turn into a boneless heap of Buffy goo in his arms, he retracted his fangs and licked at the wound, lapping gently until all that remained were a bruise and tiny marks.</p><p>“Fuck,” he murmured, letting them fall to the mattress, his balls still aching as the after-shocks coursed through him.</p><p>Buffy just gave an elated, breathless giggle, snuggling up to him and hiding her face in his neck. “Dammit… we made so much <em> noise.</em>.”</p><p>“You bet your sweet arse we did,” he muttered, fondling said delectable bottom. “You just shagged me senseless <em> and </em> told me you love me, pet. What the bleeding hell were you expecting?”</p><p>She laughed weakly against his skin, holding him tightly to her. “Spike…”</p><p>“And the worst part for these wretched souls is that we’re gonna get even <em> noisier </em> now,” he sighed. When she bit his neck in warning, he gave a low chuckle—then suddenly rolled them over until he was hovering over her and thrusting down, his soft cock and balls rubbing against their combined wetness. “Don’t you dare tell me you want to go to sleep already, Slayer,” he mock-growled, his eyes roaming her beautiful, flushed face, revelling in the contrast between red cheeks and white sheets. “Gonna need to hear you say it at least another thousand times before the night is over.”</p><p>She giggled, shaking her head when he growled at her some more. “Spike, I love you.”</p><p>His lips stretched into a wide smile. “One down, 999 to go, love.”</p><p>She laughed again and then threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling him down to kiss her. It was sweet and long and passionate, and when she pulled away to gasp for air, he buried his face in her pulsing neck, overwhelmed all over again.</p><p>God, he was so fucking happy.</p><p>“Me too,” Buffy murmured, her hand brushing his still damp hair.</p><p>He breathed out a laugh, not surprised he’d said that out loud. He nuzzled her some more and then leaned back up to look at her. Fuck, were his eyes misting? And he’d thought he was being all cool about this.</p><p>“I love you, Buffy,” he whispered, his throat constricting.</p><p>“I love you, Spike,” she answered, voice just as low. When her eyes started to glisten too, he couldn’t help but laugh again, because weren’t they a dramatic pair of tools?</p><p>Except that he didn’t want to even think that. Her love meant the world to him, and he wasn’t afraid to show just how deeply it affected him, just how deeply <em> she </em> affected him.</p><p>So he took a deep, shaky breath, then he kissed her, again and again, and when she smiled against his mouth he kissed her through that. She kept moaning, and making these delightful little whimpery sounds right in his mouth, and stroking up and down his back and scraping his scalp and clinging to him…</p><p>“Love you,” she murmured as soon as he let her lips go again. “Love you, Spike, I love you.”</p><p>He didn’t sob into her skin, but only because he wanted to kiss her again. He never wanted to stop kissing her.</p><p><em> She loves me, she loves me, she loves me. She loves </em> me, his brain kept repeating as they kissed, as she rolled them to their sides, hiked a leg high up over his chest, and guided him inside her. <em> She </em> loves <em> me,</em> he kept thinking as he started thrusting into her, slowly and deeply and hard, their breathing hitching as she kept kissing him. <em> God, she loves me. </em></p><p>It didn't matter that this wasn’t a surprise: he could see elation glowing bright in Buffyʼs eyes with the words, her <em> happiness </em> about telling him she loved him, and it filled him with sheer, unadulterated bliss. Not even his fantasies could compare to this, to Buffy making sweet, passionate love to him in her bed, while whispering her love to him, joy shining through her every pore.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It might take a while until the next update since I’m having a very busy time, but I was too excited about this not to share. I hope it was worth the wait! Also, let me know if you think it turned out hot rather than just emotionally satisfying (which I do hope it was). I’m not so sure I managed sexiness here and I’m curious what you all think.</p>
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